alphamale Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 I liked alpha's answer: I'm flattered SARAH12. In addition I think you have to assume that vast majority of guys who approach u are interested in some way. Personally I don't go up and try to chat up women I have no interest in whatsoever. That is basically why when u go to a party all the fat and ugly women* are talking in a big group with themselves cause few dudes are interested in them. *No offense intended to fat and ugly women on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Yep, that is how I feel too. I like Alpha's advice too on the made up boyfriend. I use that too. When a guy I am not interested in tries to talk to me and (you get that vibe when you know they are hitting on you) I will say something like "well hey it was nice chatting with you but I have to go meet my boyfriend at <such and such place> talk to you later!" That usually works. Or you can act just generally bored with them. Or like you are in a big hurry (if possible). With some thick skulled socially inept guys, you HAVE to act this way or else they will just not get it. I'm sure women know the kind I'm talking about. It seems to me that's avoiding dealing with the problem. If you can't be honest and truthful with someone that is an indication of a personality problem more than anything else. One little white lie leads to others and who the heck wants to leads their life always having to lie to men they aren't interested in? Be honest with people. You might hurt their feelings a bit but they WILL respect you and you'll feel better about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC It seems to me that's avoiding dealing with the problem. If you can't be honest and truthful with someone that is an indication of a personality problem more than anything else. One little white lie leads to others and who the heck wants to leads their life always having to lie to men they aren't interested in? Be honest with people. You might hurt their feelings a bit but they WILL respect you and you'll feel better about yourself. How many people do you know would just <out of nowhere> tell some complete stranger that is hitting on them "DAMMIT I DON'T LIKE YOUR ASS! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, YOU UGLY CROSSEYED BUTT! GOODBYE!" Gimme a break Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale In addition I think you have to assume that vast majority of guys who approach u are interested in some way. OK good, so I'm not delusional or being a cocky-ass stuck-up beyottch to assume that if a guy is talking to me, he is most likely interested. Any other guys agree with this? With some thick skulled socially inept guys, you HAVE to act this way or else they will just not get it. I'm sure women know the kind I'm talking about. Oh I do know. This would describe about 80% of the guys I am talking about. And then about 15% of them are decent ones that I am just not attracted to, and another 5% are ones I'd like to get to know, but I have been told that they are too intimidated to ask for my number. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Be honest with people. You might hurt their feelings a bit but they WILL respect you and you'll feel better about yourself. there is no easy or painless way to reject someone. it is best to be direct and honest but also spare someone's feelings. if a woman rejects the wrong dude in the the wrong way she may find herself in an alley dumpster hacked up into 17 pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I think your stats are right on! Sucks doesn't it? I'm finding that about 99% of guys that talk to me fall into the former categories, while the ones I would like to date would be about 1% (at least in this point in time, I'm actually not interested in anybody. period.) Oh yeah, and isn't it strange how the ugly, uneducated, moronic guys (aka the ones we do not like) seem to not have the common sense to know when a girl is out of their league and when they are not? It's almost like the ugliest ones with the least amount going for them think in their minds that they can get someone who is far out of their league. According to psychology, we tend to be interested in people on our same level of attractiveness why does this not apply to the "thick skulled, socially inept" species of men? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX How many people do you know would just <out of nowhere> tell some complete stranger that is hitting on them "DAMMIT I DON'T LIKE YOUR ASS! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, YOU UGLY CROSSEYED BUTT! GOODBYE!" Gimme a break Simple. You do it with tact. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 And how exactly would you go about it then CIOC? What would you say to a woman who was chatting you up (someone you do not know) and you could tell was going to hit on you (that you were not interested in)? Do you mean to tell me you would just tell her outright you are not interested in her? These are lines you use with someone you have actually went on dates with or know personally, not guys that hit on you at bars and parties that you barely know if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I thought you were agreeing with me earlier? I agree with you in the extent that if you are not interested in you then you need to tell them in a nice way and not that they are a butt ugly cave dweller. It is a problem but if you are a beautiful women then you need to develop the tact to deal with men that you don't find dateable. Isn't that what I am saying??? Yes, that is what you are saying but be kind. Don't give them hope but don't make them feel like a slime ball either. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I'm not mean about it, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I think what CIOC is advising to do is what would make a guy feel like a slimeball though... Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 OK good, so I'm not delusional or being a cocky-ass stuck-up beyottch to assume that if a guy is talking to me, he is most likely interested. Any other guys agree with this? Oh I do know. This would describe about 80% of the guys I am talking about. And then about 15% of them are decent ones that I am just not attracted to, and another 5% are ones I'd like to get to know, but I have been told that they are too intimidated to ask for my number. I agree that most guys who talk to you are probably interested. If they are to intimidated to ask then they are spineless jerks who don't know what they want and you probably wouldn't want them anyway. Women do not want a weak man. Be bold guys. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I'm not mean about it, I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I think what CIOC is advising to do is what would make a guy feel like a slimeball though... Why would it? If you are kind and tactful in your delivery you can turn someone down and STILL make them feel good about themselves...and do it without telling a single lie. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 All you have to say is you are flattered but not really interested. Its not that hard to let people down gently. Most guys do get the point without much arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear If they are to intimidated to ask then they are spineless jerks who don't know what they want and you probably wouldn't want them anyway. Women do not want a weak man. Be bold guys. Self-esteem should be a big topic on LS, deserving of it's own forum on learning to build it up. It seems to me, just from listening to all these stories, that it's the lack of self-esteem that keeps people from acting correctly when they need to. It keeps them from enforcing boundaries, approaching their S/O to deal with problems or, in this case, approaching the opposite sex. If you don't feel you're a worthy person, nobody else will. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by blackendangel13 All you have to say is you are flattered but not really interested. Its not that hard to let people down gently. Most guys do get the point without much arguing. Yes, but what if they are just chatting you up? Who could be so arrogant to tell them you are not interested in them? More than likely that woudl just be a recipe for a confrontation. *After a few minutes of conversation after guy approaches girl* Girl: Hey I'm sorry to say it, but I am not interested in you in that way. Guy: Um, excuse me? Who said I was interested in YOU? I was just talking to you! I just think that would not only kill the guy's ego, but it could make someone get really defensive. I woudl much rather a guy that was not interested in me keep things brief with me, act busy, and/or tell me he is dating someone then tell me flat out he's not interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Yes, but what if they are just chatting you up? ...what if that's all they want? Who could be so arrogant to tell them you are not interested in them? Wait until they directly ask you. Don't make any assumptions. More than likely that woudl just be a recipe for a confrontation. Not if you are tactful. *After a few minutes of conversation after guy approaches girl* Girl: Hey I'm sorry to say it, but I am not interested in you in that way. Guy: Um, excuse me? Who said I was interested in YOU? I was just talking to you! Bingo. That's why you WAIT for direct confirmation from the guy. Don't assume he's interested until he SAYS he is. I just think that would not only kill the guy's ego, but it could make someone get really defensive. I woudl much rather a guy that was not interested in me keep things brief with me, act busy, and/or tell me he is dating someone then tell me flat out he's not interested in me. Life's not fair. I was approached several times while dating my ex and each and every time I told them I was flattered but dating someone right now. If you're not dating, what's so hard about saying "You're very nice and you flatter me. But, I just got over a bad breakup and I'm not really ready to start dating just yet, but I appreciate it." Is is THAT hard?! Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Like I said this is easy. You don't just come out and say you aren't interested while they are talking to you. Listen to them a little while and see. Maybe you will enjoy the conversation. Why does it always have to be about hooking up? I have talked to many a guy at bars and never saw them again. Only if he tries to get your number do you need to say "I am flattered but sorry I am just not that interested". If at all during the talking you feel the need to get away, go to the bathroom or excuse yourself to the bar. Most guys will get the hint and not follow you. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Well DUH CIOC! She is asking about guys that start talking to her at bars and parties. Everyone and their mother knows that if someone flat out tells you they are interested in you then you can tell them flat out you are not interested in them. She is asking about these guys that approach her at clubs, parties, bars etc. She's wanting to know if she should assume (see topic of thread) they are interested and how she should act toward them. That is why I am saying that it is best to be brief, busy, or throw in a comment about having a boyfriend to nip it in the bud before it gets to the point that they ask her out. What is so HARD to understand about that?! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC If you're not dating, what's so hard about saying "You're very nice and you flatter me. But, I just got over a bad breakup and I'm not really ready to start dating just yet, but I appreciate it." But this sorta implies to the dude that she MAY be interested down the road after she "gets over" the bad breakup. And what if the bad breakup happened two yrs ago? Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 But this sorta implies to the dude that she MAY be interested down the road after she "gets over" the bad breakup. And what if the bad breakup happened two yrs ago? TRUE And why should the OP sit and have to talk to someone she is not interested in anyway? If she doesn't want to get to know the person then why should she waste her time? Maybe there are other people in the room, or wherever she happens to be, that she would actually WANT to get to know. SHe shouldn't sit there and waste her time just to be "polite." blackenedangel already said what she would do: excuse herself to the bathroom or from the bar. That is an example of what I mean by keeping it brief and not egging them on by sitting there miserable and talking to them just to be nice to this person. In case you forgot this is the original question: Should we always assume...? (need guys' opinion) Post: 1 | Quote: ...that when we meet a guy or talk to one, that he wants more than friendship? and if so, should we state up front (without him having asked) that we aren't interested in dating if we really aren't? OR should we be polite, keep talking to him and wait until he actually asks us out or for our phone number to tell him we aren't interested? I'm a very honest and straight-up person, and I don't want to waste time with the small talk if I'm not interested in the guy (which is about 95% of the time). Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale But this sorta implies to the dude that she MAY be interested down the road after she "gets over" the bad breakup. And what if the bad breakup happened two yrs ago? Alpha, you can't control what the other person is going to think. That's not HER problem, that is his. As long as she doesn't imply she is interested in him now, that's all she can do. Everyone reacts differently but you can minimize the number of unpleasant occurances by simply being tactful and waiting for them to make it clear they are interested. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 This was the original post. She asked Should we always assume...? (need guys' opinion) ...that when we meet a guy or talk to one, that he wants more than friendship? I think the answer is no and you know what people say happens when you assume things. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by blackendangel13 This was the original post. I think the answer is no and you know what people say happens when you assume things. Ding Ding! DA WINNAH! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 That wasn't all of the question. Ok, so she shouldn't assume? So answer the second part. Should she sit there and talk to the person until they ask her out and she knows he's interested in her for sure before rejecting him? Let's hear it CIOC because I bet you will end up answering this the same way I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I think in a club or bar situation the women can assume that the guy wants to talk to them to see if she is interested ( more than friendship ). You usually don't go to bars to find friends. I think the women, if they are not interested, should convey to the guy that they are not interested by not asking questions and pretty much watching other people or moving to another place in the bar (going to the bathroom might not work. When you come back he might pick up where he left off ). He should get the hint that you are not interested. If he is thick then you may have to just flat out tell him to leave you alone. I would not be mean unless they give you no option. Just act uninterested and they should get the message. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
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