Where to meet single self sufficient women? Do they exist?

[carhill]

I've met some at the beach. They're locals so, given the cost of living there, self-sufficiency is presumed. Most were around my age, so 50's-60's. I didn't get into work stuff much but one turned out to be an engineer for Cal-Trans, our state's transportation authority. Some of my friend's wives have similar female friends but most have 'been there, done that' and have opted out or retired from relationships and are off living life on their own, kind of like what I'm doing now. Still, they're around.

[SwordofFlame]

Hmm I'm a guy living in NYC in my late 20s and don't have this problem at all.

[WaitingForBardot]

Sorry to have to tell you this Oregon, but sometimes people need to hear the unvarnished truth: No they don't exist. I checked, and married the last one...

 

And I tell you this with no thought of personal gain whatsoever, you know like keeping the competition at bay in case my wife finally wises up and kicks my sorry @$$ to the curb... ..lol..

[losangelena]

I don't know where you're looking, but other than maybe some student loan or credit card debt (which I think is normal), I don't know any women who fit any of those descriptions.

[darkbloom]

We do exist-- a better question is where are YOU hanging out at?

 

I have a good job, I do have two loans (one for my car, one for my house) but I am able to afford both and live the life I want to live. I do not receive any help from my family or otherwise. I also don't expect any man to buy me anything (this includes dinner. If it's a first date I always offer to split.)

 

So where do you find me? I am usually at a bookstore. I get my coffee from the same local shop every morning. I go to dinner at nice restaurants and sit at the bar because I know the bartenders and they keep me company while I enjoy my dinner. The amount of successful (non-creepy) single men hanging out at these places is usually around 0.

[carhill]

Sorry to have to tell you this Oregon, but sometimes people need to hear the unvarnished truth: No they don't exist. I checked, and married the last one...

 

And I tell you this with no thought of personal gain whatsoever, you know like keeping the competition at bay in case my wife finally wises up and kicks my sorry @$$ to the curb... ..lol..

Ha, ha, IDK about for the urban areas but where my new place on the coast is I've already met a bunch of single women my age and, in general, the male/female ratio is reversed from where I am now, so 48/52 respectively. Once there full time, I have no doubt I'll run into plenty if that's my cuppa. The local volunteer fire station is a mile from my place so I'll probably hook up with them and that should kick things off. Oregon's economy isn't the best but I've noticed a lot of women my age working retail in jobs that, locally where I am now, young people usually work. However, they're working, which indicates self-sufficiency.

[67Chevelle]

We do exist-- a better question is where are YOU hanging out at?

 

I have a good job, I do have two loans (one for my car, one for my house) but I am able to afford both and live the life I want to live. I do not receive any help from my family or otherwise. I also don't expect any man to buy me anything (this includes dinner. If it's a first date I always offer to split.)

 

So where do you find me? I am usually at a bookstore. I get my coffee from the same local shop every morning. I go to dinner at nice restaurants and sit at the bar because I know the bartenders and they keep me company while I enjoy my dinner. The amount of successful (non-creepy) single men hanging out at these places is usually around 0.

 

A lopsided "come find me" mindset is part of the problem. It means only 1 person out of the two is putting effort into finding someone. And once again, majority of women that love books, and hangout at bookstores, sure as hell dont want to be approached by men while enjoying their time there.

 

I am none of those things. I think the normal men and women are not on OLD. Sadly, they hide in their houses and never meet each other unless they get lucky and someone introduces them.

 

That said, I would be put off by a guy who picked me based on my job and/or finances.

 

Now you know exactly what its like for most men in the dating world, being judged mostly on our job and finances. Women need to learn that just because a guy is successful doesn't mean he knows how to treat a woman or offer a great relationship. But sadly, that's one of the key traits most women look for. Just having a job, paying your bills, and living a modest life isn't attractive to many women any more. Somewhere along the line women started looking at men like the stock market. They want someone that keeps growing and rising up through the ranks, earning more money, and climbing the ladder. Its unbelievable how many women put it on their profile that they wont date a guy that is content with his job and position. Years ago, it was normal for most men to have the same job and position for 30 years. Now, all of a sudden, you have to be an overachiever just to get women to look at you.

Edited January 18, 2016 by 67Chevelle

[67Chevelle]

Oregon's economy isn't the best but I've noticed a lot of women my age working retail in jobs that, locally where I am now, young people usually work. However, they're working, which indicates self-sufficiency.

 

Same here, when I was in my teens, all the "service jobs" and fast food places had teens employed. Now, 30 yrs later, 75% of those jobs are held by people in their 30's and up.

[losangelena]

Now you know exactly what its like for most men in the dating world, being judged mostly on our job and finances. Women need to learn that just because a guy is successful doesn't mean he knows how to treat a woman or offer a great relationship. But sadly, that's one of the key traits most women look for. Just having a job, paying your bills, and living a modest life isn't attractive to many women any more. Somewhere along the line women started looking at men like the stock market. They want someone that keeps growing and rising up through the ranks, earning more money, and climbing the ladder. Its unbelievable how many women put it on their profile that they wont date a guy that is content with his job and position. Years ago, it was normal for most men to have the same job and position for 30 years. Now, all of a sudden, you have to be an overachiever just to get women to look at you.

 

Oh c'mon, this is not true across the board. You can't shake your finger at an entire gender as if we all have one hive mind, that's not fair.

[carhill]

TBH, where I'm living up there, I see very few young people. Even the guys working at the gas stations are older. My guess is the young folks head inland to go to college.

 

I was just reminded of where my father met my mother, when she was standing behind the counter at a clothing store selling men's clothes. Nope, she wasn't young, rather 30, and had been working since she was 18 off the farm and before that on the farm. Had her own place, own car, own job. That was 1951. It just occurred to me that, duh, it made sense she'd be self-sufficient because, well, most of the men were either living through or dying in the war a half a world away. There were no men around to support her even if she wanted that.

 

Nowadays, buying clothes and most other things is self-service so those places of meeting don't really exist for most people. However, since I'm near three small towns I've noticed a bit more of the 'personal' touch so maybe such still exists in parts of the country but has simply departed from much of California.

[GunslingerRoland]

Have you seen the stats on the average consumer debt these days?

 

 

You can pretty much assume that 95% of the people you meet woman, man, single married if they look like they have money to spend are probably up to their neck in debt. That is how society functions these days.

 

 

If you want someone who isn't in debt, date a senior who grew up back when people could live within their means. (A combination of better self control and better paying jobs.)

[67Chevelle]

Oh c'mon, this is not true across the board. You can't shake your finger at an entire gender as if we all have one hive mind, that's not fair.

 

I understand its not a blanket statement for every woman, but it fits for more than it doesnt. 99% of the time, one of the first questions a woman asks a guy is "what do you do"?

[tasev1]

Here's the thing....the kind of woman you like IS out there, but they are generally busy with career and life, that you don't typically see them out and about as much.

 

The best place to find them is with online dating. Just be sure to post in your profile EXACTLY what traits of a woman you want, so that when she looks at your profile, she realises she can give you what you are looking for (the reverse has to remain true as well).

 

I am currently in this boat, but I am so far behind in dating lifestyle, the woman I want feels excessively out of reach.

[BlueIris]

Here's the thing....the kind of woman you like IS out there, but they are generally busy with career and life, that you don't typically see them out and about as much.

 

The best place to find them is with online dating. Just be sure to post in your profile EXACTLY what traits of a woman you want, so that when she looks at your profile, she realises she can give you what you are looking for (the reverse has to remain true as well).

 

I am currently in this boat, but I am so far behind in dating lifestyle, the woman I want feels excessively out of reach.

 

I completely agree with this. And definitely post a profile that shows who you are inside and in daily life. Lots of online daters get fed up with going on coffee dates when candor would narrow the field considerably.

[Limitless159]

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

 

This couldn't be more true. Im 30 and I know exactly what your talking about. The better off and more successful you are the harder it is too meet someone who has their life together and is close too being in a similar situation. You would think it would be the other way around. Its like the CEO of a huge company scanning through endless resumes of idiots applying. Sounds bad saying like that but its true. I think some parts of the world are worse then others for this. Where I live the cost of housing its probably 20 times inflated for the average income. making it even harder too meet someone who has their life half ways together. Ive basically given up.

[oregon0011]

And I haven't even mentioned obese, eating disorders, drugs, bi polar, borderline, medicated,love addicts etc etc. the last girl I dated who seemed to not fit the negative criteria was obsessed with her heroine addicted ex boyfriend that she broke up with two years ago.

 

I ask because girls are always telling me "why do you date beneath you? You have a business, house, cars, financial security, no bad habits, tall, good looking, no debt" etc. I don't know if they realize the idea of "self sufficient" women almost seems to be a myth.

 

So it's easy to get a gf, but it just seems you either have to totally take care of them financially, or deal with a lot of other more serious issues.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Don't laugh at this suggestion:

 

Arts and Crafts Shows.

 

I am serious...

 

I am a woman who is now in my 50s and I have been making and selling jewelry on-and-off at these shows for two decades. Before I got married, I worked them alone and I used to tell all my single male friends to come and visit. They were SHOCKED at how many women flock to these events with their girlfriends, sisters, and mothers.

 

And those who were buying from me would lament the lack of single men or men who might spend a day with them at one of those shows instead of sitting home and watching sports.

 

Most men think these shows are limited to kitsch, but many show high-end artwork, serve good wine and food, and offer kick-ass live music. So many of you guys have no idea what you are missing in the volumes of available women at these shows...

 

Funny you mentioned this. I recall a couple of single bachelors taking a shot at signing up at one of those New Age-y seminars where Yoga enthusiasts, instructors, hippy chicks, etc. flocked.

 

Also, if you go to paranormal "ghost hunts", you'll find those "In tuned" with the universe are female and attend these events.

 

Going back to the two gents that signed up for the seminar, they had no real interest in Yoga, essential oils, etc., but did it mainly to "meet chicks." lol Not sure if the ladies there got a whiff of their agenda though.

 

But, arts and craft shows would make a bachelor less suspicious. It is kind of weird seeing dude at a female dominated locale as men aren't really into arts and crafts. They would either think he's gay or only there to meet the ladies. lol I could be wrong on the latter as an arts and craft show would make it less obvious.

 

But going back to the OP, it seems that most women are "looking for a pair of pants" as my dad used to say, or in other words a meal ticket. I knew women who were mistresses to MARRIED men who had these men supporting them, buying them a car and and paying the rent for them on their apartments.

 

Some women shack up with guys rent free. Just give them sex and the rents on them! lol

Edited January 19, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[central]

OP, most women I met fell into the categories you listed. It also seems that most men fall into comparable categories, according to the women who are responsible, mature, and self-sufficient. So, the 5-10% or so of both genders have to weed through the 90% that have one or more limitations, and then has to determine further compatibility and attraction. Now you're down to less than 1%.

 

 

When I was looking (using OLD, as that was what actually worked for me) for another long-term relationship/marriage after divorcing my ex, I lived near a major metropolitan area. I still had to widen my search radius to 200 miles, because there were few good matches nearby - they probably were there somewhere, but either weren't on the sites I used or weren't available at the time I was looking.

 

 

My best prospects were 100 miles, 150 miles, and 8000 miles away - and yes, I dated the farthest for nearly a year before we determined we couldn't make it work. All were educated and self-sufficient, without any significant issues. The closest (100 miles) was actually the best match. She was self-employed, had no debt, was very responsible. While her income wasn't great, she managed to live within it, though it was a struggle.

 

 

So, the women you seek exist, but they can be hard to find - and many of them are also looking for a good match. Don't forget that success and circumstances only take you so far - beyond that it's personality, integrity, warmth, compassion, and genuinely looking for a balanced, equal relationship.

[oregon0011]

OP, most women I met fell into the categories you listed. It also seems that most men fall into comparable categories, according to the women who are responsible, mature, and self-sufficient. So, the 5-10% or so of both genders have to weed through the 90% that have one or more limitations, and then has to determine further compatibility and attraction. Now you're down to less than 1%.

 

 

When I was looking (using OLD, as that was what actually worked for me) for another long-term relationship/marriage after divorcing my ex, I lived near a major metropolitan area. I still had to widen my search radius to 200 miles, because there were few good matches nearby - they probably were there somewhere, but either weren't on the sites I used or weren't available at the time I was looking.

 

 

My best prospects were 100 miles, 150 miles, and 8000 miles away - and yes, I dated the farthest for nearly a year before we determined we couldn't make it work. All were educated and self-sufficient, without any significant issues. The closest (100 miles) was actually the best match. She was self-employed, had no debt, was very responsible. While her income wasn't great, she managed to live within it, though it was a struggle.

 

 

So, the women you seek exist, but they can be hard to find - and many of them are also looking for a good match. Don't forget that success and circumstances only take you so far - beyond that it's personality, integrity, warmth, compassion, and genuinely looking for a balanced, equal relationship.

 

 

Don't get me wrong. I have no problem taking care of a woman. However, I have even found the ones seeking a "meal ticket" are also opposed to cooking, cleaning, helping with my business, etc. It's basically just sex.

 

So now I am switching to the self sufficient independent strong types we hear so much about. Yet they seem to be elusive or few and far in between.

[oregon0011]

TBH, where I'm living up there, I see very few young people. Even the guys working at the gas stations are older. My guess is the young folks head inland to go to college.

 

I was just reminded of where my father met my mother, when she was standing behind the counter at a clothing store selling men's clothes. Nope, she wasn't young, rather 30, and had been working since she was 18 off the farm and before that on the farm. Had her own place, own car, own job. That was 1951. It just occurred to me that, duh, it made sense she'd be self-sufficient because, well, most of the men were either living through or dying in the war a half a world away. There were no men around to support her even if she wanted that.

 

Nowadays, buying clothes and most other things is self-service so those places of meeting don't really exist for most people. However, since I'm near three small towns I've noticed a bit more of the 'personal' touch so maybe such still exists in parts of the country but has simply departed from much of California.

 

I find this to be true and ironic. My mom was working in the 60's before she met my dad and was far more "self sufficient" and financially ahead than women today after all of this "progress". And then once married she was an asset to the family. It wasn't all about "her".

[No_Go]

So if I substitute "girl" with "man" in your post, you describe my dating experience! My ex matched A-F included to the T.

 

It is not gender dependent. People are terrible managing money. The youth illusion (even you called grown ass ladies "girls" which makes me cringe..) is plaguing the society. 25+ year olds parasites asking mommy/daddy/bfs/gfs to "support" them is horrible, a disease of the modern society.

 

My genuine thought is if you're mature enough to think of dating/f*cking, you should make your own money...

 

To your question: look in professional societies. Paid dating sites maybe. This decreases the chance to "attract" unemployed sucker willing to drain your wallet.

 

Also discuss it VERY early on in the relationship, like date 1-2, where you stand and what you expect.

 

Good luck, I know is tough but good men/women do exist.

 

 

I am divorced and 38. I own a business and do well for myself. I have many single guy friends in my same position, who are also self sufficient, good looking, and we all have dating/relationship horror stories.

 

Now one would think that in this day and age there would also be tons of single self sufficient women looking to meet a similar guy. But where are they? These are some of the things I encounter.

 

A. Daddies girl. Dad still supports her into her 30's. I dated a girl who couldn't get more serious because dad would take away her things if she moved in with or married a guy.

 

B. The in debt girl. She has a career, job, nice clothes. But she is 200k in debt and under enormous stress. College loans, credit cards. Etc

 

C. Girl who lives off men. May have been married before, stayed home, and wants the same again. And quickly. Never earned a dime and doesn't appreciate being taken care of anyway. Just a guys duty. Or they just want to move in quickly and you take care of them.

 

D. The sugar baby. Younger girl who wants to date you and be "taken care of"

 

E. The girl who can't manage money. Makes decent money but throws it away on ridiculous things. Soon throws yours away. Always a financial crisis.

 

F. The girl who can't hold a job. Every two weeks she starts a new job, loves it, then quits and asks to borrow money.

 

So when I tell friends about the girls I date, if they are girls, they laugh and tell me I meet the wrong ones. But if I look at their lives, they fit into one of the above classifications as well. Hahaha

 

So do they exist? That self sufficient well balanced egalitarian female who just wants to be loved?

[No_Go]

Oh come on! I'm 31, have a PhD in exact sciences and debt free. Mummy/daddy are in a poor Eastern European country and haven't chipped in anything for education, let alone housing I'd laugh if someone suggested to pay for my housing after being gainfully employed...oh and I am a female living in one of the most expensive cities on the east coast...

 

People just like making excuses, it is so sad:(

 

Where I live, housing prices are 10x the annual salary and rents are just as high. University fees are high too. Short of an inheritance, there is no way a 38yo person can have an education and live independently and not be struggling with debt.

 

Unless of course mummy and daddy paid for their education and housing - which then puts them into another of your categories.

[carhill]

Different times. I had Depression era parents who both survived WW2. What we deal with these days is airbags and government safety nets and student loans. Back then there were no seat belts and stupid people died and others got shot up and there were no credit cards and debt-based society. One had cash and a passbook and a checkbook. Wanna have a kid? Have it at home or pay the hospital cash. My birth cost 62 bucks, paid in cash. IMO, people back then were more self-sufficient in general, both men and women. They had to be. Otherwise, it was the abyss. Nowadays we save people from their own destiny. Everyone's a winner. Play Powerball

[No_Go]

Oh yes again don't put gender bias here.

 

I hate to say it but I was also fitting the description of a nurse of my mentally sick drug addict conartist ex boyfriend. Was I supposed to stop dating and say all men are xxx?

 

I'm sick and tired of dudes draining my money, time and energy, my current BF hopefully passed that bar (which one would think is given for granted before encountering a dozen of alcoholic "depressed" broke dudes with big puppy eyes fixed on my wallet )

 

And I haven't even mentioned obese, eating disorders, drugs, bi polar, borderline, medicated,love addicts etc etc. the last girl I dated who seemed to not fit the negative criteria was obsessed with her heroine addicted ex boyfriend that she broke up with two years ago.

 

I ask because girls are always telling me "why do you date beneath you? You have a business, house, cars, financial security, no bad habits, tall, good looking, no debt" etc. I don't know if they realize the idea of "self sufficient" women almost seems to be a myth.

 

So it's easy to get a gf, but it just seems you either have to totally take care of them financially, or deal with a lot of other more serious issues.

[WaitingForBardot]

When I read threads like this I feel like I must be living in an alternate dimension. Perhaps my personality serves to weed out people like this before their nature becomes known, or a problem, but I can't remember a single woman I've been with that fits any of these descriptions. I'm sure they exist, but the majority of women you meet? If this is true, the actual problem is not the women.