If your adult children didn't want kids...

[TaraMaiden2]

"You know, Mom, why I don't want children?

There are many reasons for not having a child, but one of them is that I don't want to end up having a relationship like ours.

 

We don't get on, and we never will. There are no guarantees in life and I'm sure as you cradled me in your arms, as a new-born, you never imagined, thought or believed we would be at such loggerheads.

But here we are.

My husband has never forced me to comply with any wish of his I do not share. That we are not having children is a joint decision, but primarily mine. He is neither to blame, nor is he responsible for this decision.

I want you to stop lying to people, slandering my husband, and telling them that.

This is on me.

And ultimately - on you, too.

 

Without any guarantee of a harmonious and loving relationship, why would I risk duplicating a problem of such distressing and sad proportions?

No way will I have a kid who might grow up to have with me, the kind of relationship I have, with you."

 

If you write that to her in a hand-written letter, it may well shut her up.

And she won't show it to anyone, if the comment about your husband is part of the main body.

[Lois_Griffin]

My adult child DOESNT want kids.

 

 

And he took steps surgically to insure that doesn't happen, back when he was 24 years old.

 

 

I have no problem with it.

[BettyDraper]

"You know, Mom, why I don't want children?

There are many reasons for not having a child, but one of them is that I don't want to end up having a relationship like ours.

 

We don't get on, and we never will. There are no guarantees in life and I'm sure as you cradled me in your arms, as a new-born, you never imagined, thought or believed we would be at such loggerheads.

But here we are.

My husband has never forced me to comply with any wish of his I do not share. That we are not having children is a joint decision, but primarily mine. He is neither to blame, nor is he responsible for this decision.

I want you to stop lying to people, slandering my husband, and telling them that.

This is on me.

And ultimately - on you, too.

 

Without any guarantee of a harmonious and loving relationship, why would I risk duplicating a problem of such distressing and sad proportions?

No way will I have a kid who might grow up to have with me, the kind of relationship I have, with you."

 

If you write that to her in a hand-written letter, it may well shut her up.

And she won't show it to anyone, if the comment about your husband is part of the main body.

 

Wow. That letter gave me chills and I would love to send one like that.

 

I have sent my mother honest letters about her behavior before.

Unfortunately, it always backfired because my mother would share my letter with my immediate and extended family. I would then be lectured and shunned by everyone. In my family, parents are always right just because they are older. I will never understand the foolish arrogance of people who think like that. Believing that one can be disrespectful just because they are a parent is the best way to achieve distance in an adult relationship with grown children.

 

I recently had an injury due to exercise which resulted in an emergency room visit. I broke down in tears when the doctor told me that I needed to rest because I work very hard to lose weight and I was discouraged about yet another setback. When I was larger, I had many strangers make snide remarks about my weight. My mother was also someone who wouldn't stop telling me how fat I was, even though my mother has always been larger than I. The remarks from strangers and my mother haunted me.

 

My good husband called my father while I was sleeping off the painkillers given to me in the emergency room. He explained to my father that he was tired of my mother putting me down. My husband told my dad that I am a great woman who never gives up and my mother's comments were not helpful. My father was angry at my mother and said he would talk to her. After that, there were no more phone calls from my mom. She used to phone and complain about how offended she was that I don't call her. Until my husband called my father, my mom always pushed for a closer relationship. I'm glad she finally realizes that we are not close and we never will be.

 

My husband and I will be visiting my parents in October. Though we are expected to stay with them, we will be at a hotel instead because I don't want to stay under my mother's roof. She will use the fact that we are in her home as a reason to be unpleasant. We want to enjoy our vacation.

[BettyDraper]

My adult child DOESNT want kids.

 

 

And he took steps surgically to insure that doesn't happen, back when he was 24 years old.

 

 

I have no problem with it.

 

My husband has his vasectomy when he was 30.

 

I'm glad that you don't harangue your son about his choice. He's blessed to have a mom like you.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I sympathize with you wholeheartedly on this issue, BettyDraper. I am going thorugh this exact same thing with my mother. In fact, my sister and I are both in our mid 30s unmarried with no children. My parents have even mentioned how embarassed they are to catch up with with family and friends and report that we are still unmarried.

 

My sister has had a long-term bf and I just recently got out of a 4 year one. My mother has always taken EVERY choice that I made in life, personally. I grew up in a dsyfunctional household witnessing a horrible marriage, abused emotionally and physically by my mother and had a non-existent relationship with my father. I could chalk all of that up to clash in culture and a huge generation gap...but the truth is the truth...my past family life is a HUGE part of why I don't necessarily want one of my own.

 

I'm still very undecided with the idea of marriage and kids but I need for my family/friends to respect that I may never choose to go down that route.

 

It's wonderful that you and your husband are on the same page. Stay strong as a team and ignore those who cannot respect your choices...yes, even your mother.

 

I recently had a huge blow-out fight with my mother..and a lot had to do with her comparing me and my sister to the other women in our family. So, at this time, we're giving each other the silent treatment. My mother will never understand us and make everything about her. I've accepted that and have completley lowered my expectations of her.

 

My husband has his vasectomy when he was 30.

 

I'm glad that you don't harangue your son about his choice. He's blessed to have a mom like you.

Edited January 4, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove

[BettyDraper]

I sympathize with you wholeheartedly on this issue, BettyDraper. I am going thorugh this exact same thing with my mother. In fact, my sister and I are both in our mid 30s unmarried with no children. My parents have even mentioned how embarassed they are to catch up with with family and friends and report that we are still unmarried.

 

My sister has had a long-term bf and I just recently got out of a 4 year one. My mother has always taken EVERY choice that I made in life, personally. I grew up in a dsyfunctional household witnessing a horrible marriage, abused emotionally and physically by my mother and had a non-existent relationship with my father. I could chalk all of that up to clash in culture and a huge generation gap...but the truth is the truth...my past family life is a HUGE part of why I don't necessarily want one of my own.

 

I'm still very undecided with the idea of marriage and kids but I need for my family/friends to respect that I may never choose to go down that route.

 

It's wonderful that you and your husband are on the same page. Stay strong as a team and ignore those who cannot respect your choices...yes, even your mother.

 

I recently had a huge blow-out fight with my mother..and a lot had to do with her comparing me and my sister to the other women in our family. So, at this time, we're giving each other the silent treatment. My mother will never understand us and make everything about her. I've accepted that and have completley lowered my expectations of her.

 

If people are too ignorant and unreasonable to accept that not everyone will marry and have kids, it is highly unlikely that they will respect anyone's choice not follow the same path.

 

I don't understand parents who get embarrassed just because their children are unmarried and/or childless. It's like they think that children and marriage is the be all and end all for life. They also see their adult children as trophies to show off, which is very narcissistic of them as well.

 

While I am close to my father, I noticed how he barely did any childcare or housework even though my mother worked full time. Unfortunately, what I have noticed is that most fathers do very little compared to their wives when it comes to running their home. Women still do more housework and childrearing even when we work outside the home.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My mother is greatly bothered by the fact that I don't want children. She pretends that she accepted it but I know that she is still holding on to hope that I will change my mind in the next couple of years.

 

I have always had a close relationship with her so I am sad that she feels this way. In her irrational moments, she has even suggested that I give birth and she will do all the work of raising the child so that it won't impact my current lifestyle.

 

Her disappointment is a heavy burden I carry every day. My brother is approaching his mid 30s and in a long term relationship so I hope he will give her some grandchildren ASAP (he does want them). She still says it's not the same as having her daughter's grandchildren though

[BettyDraper]

My mother is greatly bothered by the fact that I don't want children. She pretends that she accepted it but I know that she is still holding on to hope that I will change my mind in the next couple of years.

 

I have always had a close relationship with her so I am sad that she feels this way. In her irrational moments, she has even suggested that I give birth and she will do all the work of raising the child so that it won't impact my current lifestyle.

 

Her disappointment is a heavy burden I carry every day. My brother is approaching his mid 30s and in a long term relationship so I hope he will give her some grandchildren ASAP (he does want them). She still says it's not the same as having her daughter's grandchildren though

 

You shouldn't carry that burden because you have your own life to live.

However, if you are close to your mom and her sadness is a burden to you, maybe having a child might alleviate some of your pain.

 

My mother says the same thing...she wanted to share the experience of bearing a child with her only daughter. She also wanted to help me with my new baby. Oh well...such is life. We all reap what we sow eventually.

[bathtub-row]

You shouldn't carry that burden because you have your own life to live.

However, if you are close to your mom and her sadness is a burden to you, maybe having a child might alleviate some of your pain.

 

My mother says the same thing...she wanted to share the experience of bearing a child with her only daughter. She also wanted to help me with my new baby. Oh well...such is life. We all reap what we sow eventually.

 

Ask her to show you the agreement you signed before you were born that said you would fulfill all of her hopes dreams for you and her.

 

I see this all the time -- parents who just can't see that their child is a fully separate entity from them. It's a recipe for disaster.

[BettyDraper]

Ask her to show you the agreement you signed before you were born that said you would fulfill all of her hopes dreams for you and her.

 

I see this all the time -- parents who just can't see that their child is a fully separate entity from them. It's a recipe for disaster.

 

It sure is. It's also a recipe for disaster when parents think that they have licence to force their adult children to do whatever they wish or demand answers to personal questions. Adult children are not obligated to explain why they choose certain paths. Part of being a responsible grown person is being able to make choices without needing the approval of others. Adults who constantly need to lean on their parents for support and approval have not fully matured. My mother's difficulty with stepping back is her problem and not mine. I would likely feel very different about her opinions if we were closer. Alas...I can't allow myself to be close to someone who was cruel to me for a long time. At least my mother no longer complains that I don't call her; she is accepting that I have no desire to be her friend. My words may sound cold but they are in the context of surviving constant abuse from my mother.

 

This is why my father and I get along so well. He understands that I am a capable and intelligent woman who can live her own life.

He only gives his opinion if I ask for it and I sometimes I ask for his advice because I know he doesn't have an arrogant and meddling mindset. We have discussed my decision not to have kids. My father says that while he would like me to have a child, he completely understands why I choose not to and my decision is okay with him. He understands that parental love should not be based on whether or not an adult child does her parents' bidding.

 

I notice that fathers generally find it easier to let their adult children go and get on with life.

Edited January 7, 2016 by BettyDraper

[Tayla]

 

I hope that you will come to realize that elders are not always right. Based on your responses, I doubt that you will ever understand that sometimes parents need to take several seats. A parent is supposed to raise their children to be independent and able to make their own choices, not run to Mommy every time they have a problem or seek Mommy's approval.

 

Thank you for that summation. We are of different generations . Lets both be thankful for our choices. yes as humans we do make bumblin mistakes , and for the most part, in my family anyway, we practice humility.

 

I'm genuinely sorry that you and your mom do not have that bond. She missed out on just what a divine lady you turned into. You seem quite giving. best to you.

[preraph]

Well, my mom wouldn't have approved of having them without being married, so since there was only one young and brief marriage between the two of us siblings, she wasn't getting ahead of herself nagging for grandchildren. You know, people who want more children can always adopt one themselves instead of pressuring their kids to have them. It's really dumb to try to get someone who is even lukewarm about kids to have them. Kids deserve someone who really wants them. And having them does not make you a good parent. There's plenty of evidence of that.

 

Your mom had her life to do as she chose, and now this one is yours. She doesn't get to force you to do what you did -- although there may not be a mother on earth who won't try!

[BettyDraper]

Well, my mom wouldn't have approved of having them without being married, so since there was only one young and brief marriage between the two of us siblings, she wasn't getting ahead of herself nagging for grandchildren. You know, people who want more children can always adopt one themselves instead of pressuring their kids to have them. It's really dumb to try to get someone who is even lukewarm about kids to have them. Kids deserve someone who really wants them. And having them does not make you a good parent. There's plenty of evidence of that.

 

Your mom had her life to do as she chose, and now this one is yours. She doesn't get to force you to do what you did -- although there may not be a mother on earth who won't try!

 

Some moms are able to see their adult children as separate human beings and respect their choices.

 

I think my mother resents the fact that I did everything that she was never brave enough to do. My mother did was was expected of her and it made her unhappy. I proactively chose the path that I wanted instead of allowing myself to be influenced by the wishes of those around me.

[preraph]

Some moms are able to see their adult children as separate human beings and respect their choices.

 

I think my mother resents the fact that I did everything that she was never brave enough to do. My mother did was was expected of her and it made her unhappy. I proactively chose the path that I wanted instead of allowing myself to be influenced by the wishes of those around me.

 

Yes, that's where you start getting into "duty," because that's how they rationalized their own situation: by becoming a martyr.

 

My mother was very traditional, and my freedoms scared her to death at times, but she made a comment once "I didn't have that choice," and, of course, I already knew that, which is why I was so grateful, being in the first generation of women with access to birth control, to have the choice and use it. I know at a certain point she accepted I might not ever marry because she did the nicest thing and went ahead and gave me the "hope chest" items she'd been saving for me. I was really touched by that. She could see I was making my own way and it wasn't just a "waiting period" until a man could "sponsor" me, and she did the nice thing there and I will always love her for that. I think she was more glad than not I had the choice. I believe any thinking woman would want that for their daughters. But there are many who think their way is the only way -- and honestly, I think it's because they know nothing else since they got themselves entrapped early on with not many options and don't like to be faced with the "what ifs."

 

Having children is the greatest thing for a lot of people, but it is certainly not the greatest thing for everyone, and we need to stop acting like it is, for the kids' sake and to keep young women from getting pregnant before they're old enough to even understand what that will mean to them.

[BettyDraper]

Yes, that's where you start getting into "duty," because that's how they rationalized their own situation: by becoming a martyr.

 

My mother was very traditional, and my freedoms scared her to death at times, but she made a comment once "I didn't have that choice," and, of course, I already knew that, which is why I was so grateful, being in the first generation of women with access to birth control, to have the choice and use it. I know at a certain point she accepted I might not ever marry because she did the nicest thing and went ahead and gave me the "hope chest" items she'd been saving for me. I was really touched by that. She could see I was making my own way and it wasn't just a "waiting period" until a man could "sponsor" me, and she did the nice thing there and I will always love her for that. I think she was more glad than not I had the choice. I believe any thinking woman would want that for their daughters. But there are many who think their way is the only way -- and honestly, I think it's because they know nothing else since they got themselves entrapped early on with not many options and don't like to be faced with the "what ifs."

 

Having children is the greatest thing for a lot of people, but it is certainly not the greatest thing for everyone, and we need to stop acting like it is, for the kids' sake and to keep young women from getting pregnant before they're old enough to even understand what that will mean to them.

 

My mother came of age during the rise of second wave feminism.

 

She could have made different choices but she was too scared to strike out on her own, so she spent the rest of her life resenting her kids and her husband as if we ruined everything for her. I grew up hearing "If I didn't have kids, I would have done..." or "If I didn't have kids, I would have more...."

 

I have a hard time respecting those who make choices and then blame others when things don't go their way.

If I end up regretting having kids down the road, I certainly wouldn't point the finger at my husband for having a vasectomy.

 

Nobody forced my mother to marry young and have kids.

[BettyDraper]

Thank you for that summation. We are of different generations . Lets both be thankful for our choices. yes as humans we do make bumblin mistakes , and for the most part, in my family anyway, we practice humility.

 

I'm genuinely sorry that you and your mom do not have that bond. She missed out on just what a divine lady you turned into. You seem quite giving. best to you.

 

I'm glad that you practice humility in your family.

 

I believe that elders should be respected as that is how I was raised. However, elders who refuse to be polite and respectful cannot expect deference from younger people. I am respectful to my father because he has always been very kind to me. I am also respectful to my MIL because even though she is cantankerous, she does have a kind side to her and she is the woman who raised my wonderful husband.

 

Since your children feel that they can come to you and have honest discussions, it is likely that you were able to treat them with diplomacy and love rather than bulldozing your way into their personal decisions.

 

No need to be sorry. The gift in my struggles is that I am a strong woman who does not need approval from others. I am not the type to meekly tolerate BS from people. I am also resourceful and independent due to my upbringing. I used to crave a mother figure when I was in my late teens and early 20s. Now I realize that I need to be my own mother.

[preraph]

My mother came of age during the rise of second wave feminism.

 

She could have made different choices but she was too scared to strike out on her own, so she spent the rest of her life resenting her kids and her husband as if we ruined everything for her. I grew up hearing "If I didn't have kids, I would have done..." or "If I didn't have kids, I would have more...."

 

I have a hard time respecting those who make choices and then blame others when things don't go their way.

If I end up regretting having kids down the road, I certainly wouldn't point the finger at my husband for having a vasectomy.

 

Nobody forced my mother to marry young and have kids.

 

No, but she was probably under a lot of pressure to follow the conventional road, which she now has some regrets about. It's not easy for people to say no to all their relatives and boyfriends about having kids. It isn't for the feint of heart or the codependent or those who easily get lonely.

[BettyDraper]

No, but she was probably under a lot of pressure to follow the conventional road, which she now has some regrets about. It's not easy for people to say no to all their relatives and boyfriends about having kids. It isn't for the feint of heart or the codependent or those who easily get lonely.

 

 

I have been under intense pressure to have children for years.

Many people have questioned my femininity, my sexuality and my maturity level just because I choose not to have kids. None of that has changed my mind.

 

I mention this to show that being pressured and insulted for one's choices is no excuse to sacrifice unique plans for one's life.

Edited January 11, 2016 by BettyDraper

[Pastypop]

Well just know that if you do have kids she will become even worse. She will constantly criticize everything you do as a parent, tell you don't have your priorities in order and demand to see them whenever she likes regardless of your schedule or financial situation at the time. She will also criticize you in front of your children and do everything to undermine you and and embarrass you. Women like this make horrible grandmothers and don't deserve to be one. My husband and I have experienced it first hand and are now no longer speaking to either set.

[littleplanet]

Aye, to kid or not to kid, that is the question....whether 'tis nobler to kiddify, or abstain from such, methinks it is as noble to know one's own mind on the matter.

 

I find it interesting that so many do have kids without ever really considering anything profound, either psychologically, or philisophically, about the matter.

It's just sort of a done thing.

But the opposite of that - always seems to be a deeply thought through thing.

(And for that, I can have infinite respect - because it always appears to me an intelligent response to the matter - one of accountability and responsibility.)

 

Although there will always be those who paint the thing in one color, only.

Selfishness. Such a nasty self-aggrandizement.

But then, in societies wherein certain levels of social opportunism has created freedom of choice in the matter, and certain socio-economic progression.....this has become completely separated from the traditionalistas.....carrying on a bloodline, or popping out future old-age caretakers.

 

Sometimes, I think there is nothing sadder in the world than an unloved and unwanted child.

Yet even that is often too simplistic.

Some folks make wonderful parents. Some don't.

Too many don't know which one they'll be, before they take the plunge.

Some do.....implicitly.

 

I've often wondered why societies persist in leaving childless men alone....yet judge women the way they do, for the same.

(as if, of course - this is the one supreme purpose in any female's life.)

Speaking for my own society - I'd like to think that we've moved beyond that.

 

But beyond all this, I can't help but feel that the big issue now in the western world, is truly an economic one.

People are sort of like wolves.

When the terrain does not support a healthy population, due to lack of resources - wolves stop having pups.

 

This is what happened to people during the Great Depression.

I suspect this is also what is happening during our Great Recession.

It's awful hard to relax, and raise a brood, when you're worrying too much about repaying a student loan, trying to find sustainable employment, considering the cost of any upward mobility out of dad's rec room...etc.

 

And then beyond all that - there's this weird upward costliness related to social expectations regarding child-raising.

I grew up in a town in the middle of French Canadian Catholic giant families. Kids like stepping-stones......a dozen arrived in a 15-year time span.

None of those families were rich. But then....they didn't have to be.

It was rare....for them to even send one kid off to college. Solid blue-collar to the core. And they did fine.

But that was then. This is now.

And the rules of the game have radically changed.

 

So...weigh it all out....and it can be a rough tough ugly struggle.

One to consider carefully. (And many now do.)

 

Yeah.....fatherhood was the making of me. But that's just me.

I'm still collecting books for future grandchildren.....

but if they never show up?

Hey - there's still a lot of kids to love in the world - even if they don't share my bloodline.

[Whoknew30]

Yes, I'd be upset. The reasoning, not adding to the family. Would I get over it, of course but in our culture we get married to start a family. Wether straight or gay, after the wedding I'm asking about when the grandkids are coming!

 

If one doesn't really want kids, I don't think they should have them but I know several people that swore they never wanted kids & now in their 40's & up really regret it. Those that regret having kids still get the chance of having their own life back when their kids are grown but to wait to long & then want them, most likely it won't happen. They have ages limits on adoption & obviously at a older age it's harder to conceive.

 

I agree with someone having kids & then blaming the kids for their own choice but in the same sentence, someone loved you enough to give up their dreams to give birth to you. Should at least be respected.

[still_an_Angel]

I have been under intense pressure to have children for years.

Many people have questioned my femininity, my sexuality and my maturity level just because I choose not to have kids. None of that has changed my mind.

 

I mention this to show that being pressured and insulted for one's choices is no excuse to sacrifice unique plans for one's life.

 

This is your personal choice, everybody should respect that and leave you alone. Someday, you may or may not regret your choice but that is for you to live with, not them.

 

 

On the other end of the scale I also get insulted at times for having many kids. People assume and presume to know my struggles keeping my kids alive. People will always have something to say, the good, the bad and the downright nasty.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have been under intense pressure to have children for years.

Many people have questioned my femininity, my sexuality and my maturity level just because I choose not to have kids. None of that has changed my mind.

 

I mention this to show that being pressured and insulted for one's choices is no excuse to sacrifice unique plans for one's life.

 

BD, I'm curious why you don't frame your decision as "I don't want children - now".

 

At 30, I'd guess you're a different person in many ways than you were at 20. Similarly, 40 may hold some changes and a perspective that's hard to anticipate at 30.

 

Let Mom fight her own battles and pursue her own dreams. But don't you owe the future BettyDraper the option of leaving the door open just a crack? Life can surprise even the most certain among us...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BettyDraper]

BD, I'm curious why you don't frame your decision as "I don't want children - now".

 

At 30, I'd guess you're a different person in many ways than you were at 20. Similarly, 40 may hold some changes and a perspective that's hard to anticipate at 30.

 

Let Mom fight her own battles and pursue her own dreams. But don't you owe the future BettyDraper the option of leaving the door open just a crack? Life can surprise even the most certain among us...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I don't phrase it that way because I have been certain about not wanting children for over a decade. I also purposely married a man who didn't want kids and he had a vasectomy. If I was uncertain about my choice, I would not have taken such permanent steps.

 

I agree that life can surprise us. However, there are other health challenges which come with having kids that would be very difficult for me to overcome. I choose not to walk down that path because my life has been hard enough. I want to enjoy my life now and my age has nothing to do with my choice. Like I said, if I wanted kids I would have had them already as I wouldn't want to have young children into my 50s. I have seen many couples with kids under 10 at age 50 and they are worn out to no end. I have also heard many older parents complain about wishing they didn't wait so long to have children.

 

Nature has designed our bodies to reproduce at optimum points in the lifecycle. That is why conception, carrying a baby to term become more risky after age 35 and age 40. A woman can become pregnant and have a healthy child at any age but there are certain issues to consider. If I was going to have kids, I would have started trying about three years ago.

 

What I do owe myself is complete acceptance for my decision and enjoyment of life which comes from the freedom of not having kids. If it ain't broke, why fix it? I saw how having kids turned my mother into a cruel and bitter woman. I don't want to make the same mistake as she did. I also hear stories from mothers who refuse to sugarcoat motherhood with tiresome platitudes.

[BettyDraper]

Yes, I'd be upset. The reasoning, not adding to the family. Would I get over it, of course but in our culture we get married to start a family. Wether straight or gay, after the wedding I'm asking about when the grandkids are coming!

 

If one doesn't really want kids, I don't think they should have them but I know several people that swore they never wanted kids & now in their 40's & up really regret it. Those that regret having kids still get the chance of having their own life back when their kids are grown but to wait to long & then want them, most likely it won't happen. They have ages limits on adoption & obviously at a older age it's harder to conceive.

 

I agree with someone having kids & then blaming the kids for their own choice but in the same sentence, someone loved you enough to give up their dreams to give birth to you. Should at least be respected.

 

You hit the nail right on the head when you said "gave up their dreams to give birth to you." I have no desire to give up my dreams because I saw how giving up her dreams turned my mother into a monster. It's much better to learn from the errors of others than to learn from your own mistakes. My mother was very vocal about her resentment and she also physically took out her anger on her children. Now my mother is so sweet and ends every call with "I love you." I hear regret and sadness for her behavior when my mom says that she loves me.

 

I believe that elders should be respected. However, elders should also be mature enough to understand that respect goes both ways and their wishes are not the centre of the universe. It took my mother a long time to learn that I wasn't going to tolerate her behavior just because she gave birth to me. There are some things that she says to my brother that my mother would never say to me because she knows that she will not like my reaction.

 

It is a possibility that my husband and I may regret having kids but we don't believe that we will. We will not regret our freedom, clean home, disposable income and ability to see the world unencumbered by children. I will not regret a body which has not been ravaged by pregnancy and childbirth as well as a home free of screeches from children. My husband is already in his 40s and he is still fine with his decision to have a vasectomy.

 

I know it's hard for parents to believe but some people are truly happy without children.