Children talk

[edgygirl]

It's okay to care. I don't blame you or anyone who does.

 

I care about a few things. Does it mean I keep talking about them over and over indiscriminately to anyone I encounter a 100% of the time? No! I try very hard not to be a bore and to talk about varied topics according to the person I'm talking with. My preppy friend likes talking about hair, dating and our religion. I talk with her about those things.

 

What I'm saying is that people who have kids don't seem able to talk about anything else for 18 years.

 

Before I had my daughter I felt the same way.

 

I really couldn't understand the fixation.

 

It was more like, "oh yeah, kids are nice and all but.....whatever. Why the overfocus?"

 

I felt the same way about dogs before I had dogs (had dogs before kids).

 

Who cares about your dog?

 

Now I care. I just do. My friend recently had a baby and she's a cutie. I even watched a 26 second video of her in a swing.

 

My Uncle is fixated on the stock market. He can drone on for (literal) HOURS about it. He's also totally nuts. And it is beyond boring.

 

People just have their goals and focuses.

[bluefeather]

What I'm saying is that people who have kids don't seem able to talk about anything else for 18 years.

 

Watch those generalizations.

 

Some people are annoying. Some people are not. It doesn't matter whether or not they have kids. Haven't you been around people who just talk about sports? Video games? Music? You can pick any topic that some people are obsessed with.

 

Also, have kids, or start to want kids, and maybe one day you'll look back on this...

[jen1447]

I think it's important to note that kids aren't the equivalent of a hobby or an interest for parents. (Well for some they are sadly, but that's a different discussion.) They're probably more like an obsession bc they're a part of literally every facet of life - bscly everything you do is for them.

 

Imagine the world was looking to you to write the next Great Novel and that was your sole purpose in life. Would you likely discuss it once a month and sports scores or weather or whatever else the rest of the time? I doubt it. To a lot of parents, what they're doing carries that kind of weight.

[GunslingerRoland]

I know for me, I try not to go on and on about my kids to others at work except close friends who also have kids. But if people ask me what I did on the weekend, I'm going to talk about stuff I did with my kids, because really I honestly don't have much free time without my kids involved these days.

 

 

I get wanting to talk about grand ideas rather than just "small talk". But you can't expect every conversation you have in the work place, or anywhere really to be like that. You have to get to know people as people, not just their ideas about the world and politics and other big things like that.

[xxoo]

 

What I'm saying is that people who have kids don't seem able to talk about anything else for 18 years.

 

Do you bring up topics?

 

Maybe they're just trying to fill the awkward silence and it's an easy topic. It's small talk.

 

FWIW, I do want to hear about my coworker's kids (and grandkids) and ask about them at least weekly. Kid stories bring me great joy

[VeveCakes]

I agree...everyone in my office has kids except myself and one other woman. It gets old. I find it hard to be around my family actually because I have young nieces and it's ALL they want to focus on or discuss. It's like adult talk is no longer available. Annoying and boring.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree...everyone in my office has kids except myself and one other woman. It gets old. I find it hard to be around my family actually because I have young nieces and it's ALL they want to focus on or discuss. It's like adult talk is no longer available. Annoying and boring.

 

If you get Mommy Brain, then I guess it's hard to think of kids as boring to anyone. Seems to be pretty Universal I guess.

 

I remember my pre-baby years and I found it boring as Hell.

 

But then again I found a lot of the "what you did on the weekend" talks to be boring as Hell. Although I worked in a blue collar trade at the time and listening to geniuses talk about "getting a 2-4 and smoking a bowl" like they were the first guy to ever come up with such a boring way to spend a weekend......was really blah to me.

[acrosstheuniverse]

When someone drones on about something you find dull, simply nod and smile politely instead of engaging too much, and people will soon get the clues that you're not interested in hearing about their kids.

 

But really, is it that bad just to smile and act interested for a few minutes a day in order to foster positive working relationships? I'm sure my colleagues aren't interested usually in which band I just went to see at the weekend and which song was the standout of the gig or what the crowd was like but if someone asks about my weekend and I tell them, they feign interest. Then I ask back, and can feign interest in how utterly drunk they got and who they pulled that night (or any other topic I don't find terribly interest).

 

Life is about rubbing along with people, if you can't tolerate people talking about their kids you're gonna struggle in the world of work.

 

I love hearing about and seeing photos of people's kids and hearing about the funniest things they've done recently or seeing the joy in their parent's face over the smallest achievement. I was the only worker without a kid in my last team so most days were full of talk about their kids from 2 to 35 year olds! I found it interesting to get their perspective as a parent and the stories they shared are one of my fondest memories of that job.

 

But then again, I have a new niece, and I'm so besotted about her you'd be lucky not to have seen her photo if you worked at my place. Everyone's different, it's nice to show interest in others.

[preraph]

I don't have kids and am not usually interested in other people's kids, and I try not to take exception to it at work except when someone is wasting my time and is a broken record and can't talk about anything else. (To be fair, I'm also like that about people who are a broken record about sports). But if they do open the conversation and I decide to make a remark about how kids shouldn't all be given trophies or something like that and they get mad about it, I'm done with them. And if they pop off and say something asinine like you don't know anything about kids because you don't have them so your opinion doesn't count, then I take that as a convenient excuse to tell them there's ample evidence to the contrary that the act of giving birth doesn't mean the person is qualified to be a decent parent.

 

I've actually been harassed at work because I didn't have kids, and I know how to shut that down too if it gets started: Be very nice and polite and friendly and when you come into and leave work, tell them the wonderful leisurely things you did over the weekend or that you think you'll go home and take a nap, and since they never get that kind of time for themselves, they'll start avoiding the subject.

 

My boss is real good about keeping a lid on all this at the office. He has a daughter and she is occasionally up there, and she was disruptive when younger because she was a happy shrieker, but now she's not and he takes her to his office and closes the door and she behaves. And he doesn't let anyone else bring their kids up there, though many have tried. One had her baby brought up to work her 2nd day there and was testing the waters to see if by any chance he'd let her remain. Another brought her boy who got sick right on up to infect everyone at work, and he told her to go home. The same one who tried to get the baby accepted at work her second day there then brought her as a young toddler to the Christmas office get together, and i found it very annoying because she didn't even try to contain her and just expected everyone to focus on her and nothing else the whole time. The kid was loose under the conference room table and bumped up against me before I knew she was there and startled the crap out of me. What if I'd kicked the poor little thing?? I'd have been the bad guy, not the mom bringing her where it wasn't appropriate and letting her run loose just because she wanted some attention for herself.

Edited December 14, 2015 by preraph

[preraph]

One thing I noticed a couple of years ago at work between 2 mothers who visited by my desk just about every morning telling their kid tale is that neither mother was really listening to the other or validating, commenting or asking questions back; they were just waiting for the other to stop talking so they could take their turn to talk about THEIR kid. Pretty narcissistic. But they are both very absorbed, so better they talk to each other and have their silent agreement to pretend to be really caring about the other's kid than to expect anyone not absorbed to do it.

 

As for the pet angle, my pets are my babies, and if something unusual goes on that I feel is conversation-worthy, I may say something, but that only happens once every few months. The work mothers pretty much have a daily ritual. And then too, where I live most people have pets, especially the ones who have kids, so it's not really out of their realm. I wouldn't talk to someone who didn't have or care about pets about my pets.

 

Also, I try not to be rude about my disinterest. On occasions such as holidays or summer break, I will politely ask if their family had a good time or if they went to the fair or whatever. But I'm a lot more likely to do it to the ones who don't bend my ear daily about it, even if it's only talking to someone right by my desk.

Edited December 14, 2015 by preraph

[mrs rubble]

No kids here.

 

I think Jen pointed out your problem:

 

 

 

If you don't like it, don't take it. People don't bother me with endless talk about their kids, but that's because I have enough conversation skills to either turn it to something I like (oh you wanna talk about your kids? do they play video games, because I can talk all day about that.) or politely change the subject.

 

Or if it really bothers me, I can just... stop talking to them. And no one's forcing you to follow those facebook users. The first thing I usually do when I add a person who friend-requested me on facebook is unfollow them.

 

Totally agree, I used this technique on my mother the other night when she was moaning to me about their guest.....I just changed the subject. Worked a treat.

[introverted1]

All my friends dislike people who keep posting children's pics on facebook ie. I can't be the only human being who is okay with seeing one picture but not 20 per week.

 

Are you talking about Facebook or the office? Because it is simple to either scroll past or unfollow someone who is posting too many kid pics for your taste. That said, I'd rather see pictures of someone's kids than endless political memes.

 

As for the office, what do you talk about when someone asks how your weekend was? Do you bring up topics that will interest your audience?

 

As Jen said, kids are not the equivalent to a hobby -- even avid skiers don't ski every moment they are not at work. Most parents, on the other hand, are with their kids nearly every non-working moment. So yes, this will tend to influence their response to what did they do over the weekend.

[preraph]

When people ask me my weekend, I usually just say it was good, unless I have some reason to tell them a specific.

[newt]

I been at my job 2 years and no one really talks about their kids. I hear more about their significant other than their kids.

[newmoon]

i feel sorry for them, really. that they have lost themselves in favor of their children. it's like they eat, sleep, and breathe their kids and do not exist for themselves any longer. it's never a good thing when your life and self-worth revolves around anything to that degree, even a child. don't they say that the best parents are the ones who are personally fulfilled and don't subjugate themselves to others' needs? anyhoo, just chime in with tales about your wild weekends and late night drinking. make them feel sorry they ever became parents and gave up a life of carefree fun. but, don't you find it even more weird when someone who has kids never mentions them at all??? i start wondering what kind of mother she is that she never mentions her kids. i've encountered those too...

[bluefeather]

don't they say that the best parents are the ones who are personally fulfilled and don't subjugate themselves to others' needs?

 

I don't think I've heard any person say this specifically about parents.

[acrosstheuniverse]

i feel sorry for them, really. that they have lost themselves in favor of their children. it's like they eat, sleep, and breathe their kids and do not exist for themselves any longer. it's never a good thing when your life and self-worth revolves around anything to that degree, even a child. don't they say that the best parents are the ones who are personally fulfilled and don't subjugate themselves to others' needs? anyhoo, just chime in with tales about your wild weekends and late night drinking. make them feel sorry they ever became parents and gave up a life of carefree fun. but, don't you find it even more weird when someone who has kids never mentions them at all??? i start wondering what kind of mother she is that she never mentions her kids. i've encountered those too...

 

Parents have a very very fine line to tread around you, don't they? Either they speak about their kids too much so they're subjugating themselves to parenthood and therefore worse parents for it, or they never talk about their children, in which case you cast doubt on what kind of parent they are!

 

How about some people love to talk about their kids because let's face it, to the parent there's nothing more wonderful, amazing, engaging and exciting and no greater achievement than their kid, not all people but very many. And if they work in an environment with colleagues who are also personal friends it's much more likely they'll sit in the office and mention something about the child because that friend will be interested, probably knows the child etc. And some people like to leave family and their personal life at the door and act totally professional, they're not interested in people knowing anything about them other than how good they are at the role, they don't wish to be dismissed as a 'Mom' rather than a professional (and yes, plenty of discrimination like that happens in the workplace still to this day). Perhaps they don't want to get a reputation for being so absorbed in their family that they won't achieve at work, can't put the hours in, don't want bosses to pass them over for promotion if they're giving off the impression that 'being a Mom is the MOST important thing in my life!'.

 

I wouldn't concern myself so much with what people choose to share or otherwise. It likely has zilch to do with their parenting abilities.

[newmoon]

Parents have a very very fine line to tread around you, don't they? Either they speak about their kids too much so they're subjugating themselves to parenthood and therefore worse parents for it, or they never talk about their children, in which case you cast doubt on what kind of parent they are!

 

How about some people love to talk about their kids because let's face it, to the parent there's nothing more wonderful, amazing, engaging and exciting and no greater achievement than their kid, not all people but very many. And if they work in an environment with colleagues who are also personal friends it's much more likely they'll sit in the office and mention something about the child because that friend will be interested, probably knows the child etc. And some people like to leave family and their personal life at the door and act totally professional, they're not interested in people knowing anything about them other than how good they are at the role, they don't wish to be dismissed as a 'Mom' rather than a professional (and yes, plenty of discrimination like that happens in the workplace still to this day). Perhaps they don't want to get a reputation for being so absorbed in their family that they won't achieve at work, can't put the hours in, don't want bosses to pass them over for promotion if they're giving off the impression that 'being a Mom is the MOST important thing in my life!'.

 

I wouldn't concern myself so much with what people choose to share or otherwise. It likely has zilch to do with their parenting abilities.

 

i don't really care one way or the other about any of my coworkers, that's really the bottom line

[newmoon]

I don't think I've heard any person say this specifically about parents.

 

of course they do, and have, countless times. they tell mothers at least to take time for themselves, to cultivate their own hobbies and interests after the kids are born, to still make time for their husbands - which many women 100% neglect after kids - to go out with friends and socialize with adults, etc., it's advice given all the time. you might be a male and not hearing it?

[bluefeather]

you might be a male and not hearing it?

 

that's exactly it. I am a male, and no, I'm not hearing it.

[ufo8mycat]

Alright - going back to my Myers Briggs type, I couldn't care less about activities, they bore me to death as much as children's talk do. I see work as an environment to share interesting ideas, how to change the company, the world, how to make things better, to discuss an interesting exhibition or current news and whatnot. I mean, while of course I care about people's background to a degree as I am a people's person, there's a limit on how much I can hear about someone's children.

 

Basically I am bored to death when I hear from mundane activities (being that children or skying in Switzerland - I personally put them in the same yawning inducing category). I guess I need to be around people who provide me intellectual stimulation. Maybe this company (Fortune 500) has more of the traditional boring type of people who are content with their jobs and can stay on it for 5 full years without getting promoted day in and day out and just do their job and talk about their children

 

 

I don't have any kids and I am INTJ. I work a lot in innovative areas as my number 1 strength (if strength finders is your thing) is ideation. I have built a career on being able to apply seemingly disparate ideas and methods to new sectors.

 

I am not sure how old you are, but you remind me a fair bit of me aged 25.

 

And I acknowledge now that I was an obnoxious twat. Impatient with the mundane but in retrospect rather smug in my superiority that what I was doing/thinking/talking about was important and NEVER banal.

 

I rather like hearing about other peoples "thing". To be honest, one trick ponies are super easy to engage in conversation.

 

I still love ideas and always will. But I now prefer to keep it to when people are clearly interested and/or paying me. I own a company and rely on my colleagues to keep me up to date on what is happening in nashville.

 

Don't take yourself so seriously. One of the most valuable skills you can develop is being a good listener and taking something away from the conversation. Parents are the best time managers and negotiators and no doubt you might learn something.

[Bobbi7]

The most annoying thing at my work is when co workers bring their kids for show and tell! Not once, but like 100 times. Geez. And they never just hang in the break room, they actually walk aisle to aisle in each damn cubicle, for everyone to see! I don't mind if they bring their kid once, but every damn time???

[preraph]

They're just looking for attention when they do that. You know, people, out of kindness to the kids, will usually say something so as not to hurt a kid's feelings, and there's mothers who use that to grab attention for themselves. I mean, the kids certainly don't care to have a bunch of old adults cooing over them. It's the mother who wants that.

 

I've seen a dad to it too. It was in a restaurant lobby and my friend was with me. His wife went to the ladies' room and left the man with the baby. The man promptly put the baby on his shoulders and came and totally invaded my friend's space standing not a foot in front of her facing her waiting for attention. He was flirting with my friend by using his baby.

 

I just hope they know everyone can see through this. And I'd hope they'd simply develop themselves to be more interesting instead of stooping to parading their kids in an inappropriate environment just to get attention. I'd hate to be their kids. No accomplishment will ever be theirs and theirs alone.

[edgygirl]

I bring up topics. But some people always turn the topic, even if unrelated, to their kids.

 

I.e. I asked this specific new co-worker (which only topic is his kids) whether he went to xxxxxx (insert specific retail industry we're in now) on his free time, or if he avoided it as it's our line of work. I was genuinely interested in knowing if eventually working in this industry makes you sick of frequenting such places. Of course he turned it to a conversation about his kids.

 

It's as if they lose their personality and everything becomes centered on kids kids kids.

 

I mean, there's a reason all my friends with kids only hang out with people who have kids. This is not a subject that interests people who don't have kids 24/7. I mean, that's the reality for most single people I know. I don't mind hearing about their kids once in a while and even ask about it... but to have every single conversation turned to it... yawn.

 

Do you bring up topics?

 

Maybe they're just trying to fill the awkward silence and it's an easy topic. It's small talk.

 

FWIW, I do want to hear about my coworker's kids (and grandkids) and ask about them at least weekly. Kid stories bring me great joy

 

[edgygirl]

Can't I also talk about facebook? Am I tied to the original post?

 

I have no issue whatsoever to bring up topics... I am a natural PR/diplomat person as I've been told more than once. I am not the problem here. The people who don't have a clue that other people's life might not center around kids are the problem.

 

My sister has had kids and she is intellectually interesting. She had other topics to talk about beyond kids. I am talking about people who get brain frozen because they're parents.

 

I don't care what people did on the weekend. Why should I? I care about ideas, the world, thoughts. Activities... meh.

 

Again, that's why I can't relate to people who are S on Myers Briggs. All they talk about are activities, sports... boring. I am in the world of discussing ideas. But people who are not like this discuss activities.

 

I am more interested in politics than kids pictures.

 

I guess we are all different.

 

Are you talking about Facebook or the office? Because it is simple to either scroll past or unfollow someone who is posting too many kid pics for your taste. That said, I'd rather see pictures of someone's kids than endless political memes.

 

As for the office, what do you talk about when someone asks how your weekend was? Do you bring up topics that will interest your audience?

 

As Jen said, kids are not the equivalent to a hobby -- even avid skiers don't ski every moment they are not at work. Most parents, on the other hand, are with their kids nearly every non-working moment. So yes, this will tend to influence their response to what did they do over the weekend.