Do you approach your relationships in a pragmatic way or an idealistic way?

[pteromom]

It is this article that really upset me

Can we overcome memories of our first love?

 

Honestly, this article sounds like it was written by a teenager. Even down to the silly stuff about falling in love at first sight.

 

Just because someone knows how to upload an article doesn't make them an expert in love. Some of the other articles on that site are barely literate.

 

1 - DO NOT Google "first love". All that does is feed your neurosis about this subject. Recognize that your obsession about this topic is unhealthy and does not serve you.

 

2 - If you want to read real love stories, Google "advice from couples who have been married 50 years" or "how I knew my husband was the one for me". These will be stories of TRUE LOVE.

 

3 - Get some help! You very specifically need cognitive therapy:

 

Negative thought patterns can cause—or contribute—to depression and anxiety, and cognitive therapy aims to turn that thinking around.

 

During treatment, you'll learn how to recognize harmful or irrational thoughts and replace them with more constructive ones.

 

Unlike psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy is geared toward solving immediate problems. It is brief (typically 16 weeks or less) and highly structured, with a specific lesson plan for each session. It also involves “homework”: The therapist may ask you to track your moods or practice new ways of thinking, for example.

[loverage21]

Honestly, this article sounds like it was written by a teenager. Even down to the silly stuff about falling in love at first sight.

 

Just because someone knows how to upload an article doesn't make them an expert in love. Some of the other articles on that site are barely literate.

 

1 - DO NOT Google "first love". All that does is feed your neurosis about this subject. Recognize that your obsession about this topic is unhealthy and does not serve you.

 

2 - If you want to read real love stories, Google "advice from couples who have been married 50 years" or "how I knew my husband was the one for me". These will be stories of TRUE LOVE.

 

3 - Get some help! You very specifically need cognitive therapy:

 

But as adults, will most women romanticise their first love experiences? Will they be filled with emotion when they see or think of their young love?

 

And can a woman REALLY love another man more than she ever loved her first serious love? DO NOT SUGAR COAT IT!

[Gloria25]

But as adults, will most women romanticise their first love experiences? Will they be filled with emotion when they see or think of their young love?

 

And can a woman REALLY love another man more than she ever loved her first serious love? DO NOT SUGAR COAT IT!

 

WRONG!!!

 

My fav podcaster had a call I heard yesterday...it was an old show, around beginning April 2015.

 

The caller is currently engaged to be married. SHE, is still hooked on the guy that she lost her virginity to at 17.

 

After my fav podcaster talked to her a bit, come to find out that the guy who took her virginity left her without even breaking up with her, without telling her "why"?

 

So, my fav podcaster, like a lot of us are trying to tell you is that your first isn't special for everyone and that you and the girl that called my favorite podcaster are more worried about your egos than the whole "first" thing.

 

Any breakup is a blow to our egos...but worst if you add more circumstances to the break up, like if the person was your "first" (or vice versa), if they left/dumped/faded/ghossted.

 

So please, seriously look at this situation of yours...has nothing to do with your "first" being magical or special. You are holding onto it cuz your ego was crushed...like the girl who called my favorite podcaster.

 

BTW, this girl, upon being abandoned by the guy who took her virginity, didn't even take a break. At 17, she jumped onto the guy that she's engaged to now and again, another bad decision to jump into marriage at barely 24. My favorite podcaster labeled her as impulsive and immature and I agree....she needs to let go of the guy who took her virginity cuz he wasn't special and not drag this other guy into marriage when she's never been on her own and able to learn to have some self-esteem and not rely on other people and/or being in a RL to be happy with life and/or herself.

 

Please, please get some counseling and hopefully the counselor can get to the root of this being about your ego and how you can feel better about yourself.

[loverage21]

WRONG!!!

 

My fav podcaster had a call I heard yesterday...it was an old show, around beginning April 2015.

 

The caller is currently engaged to be married. SHE, is still hooked on the guy that she lost her virginity to at 17.

 

After my fav podcaster talked to her a bit, come to find out that the guy who took her virginity left her without even breaking up with her, without telling her "why"?

 

So, my fav podcaster, like a lot of us are trying to tell you is that your first isn't special for everyone and that you and the girl that called my favorite podcaster are more worried about your egos than the whole "first" thing.

 

Any breakup is a blow to our egos...but worst if you add more circumstances to the break up, like if the person was your "first" (or vice versa), if they left/dumped/faded/ghossted.

 

So please, seriously look at this situation of yours...has nothing to do with your "first" being magical or special. You are holding onto it cuz your ego was crushed...like the girl who called my favorite podcaster.

 

BTW, this girl, upon being abandoned by the guy who took her virginity, didn't even take a break. At 17, she jumped onto the guy that she's engaged to now and again, another bad decision to jump into marriage at barely 24. My favorite podcaster labeled her as impulsive and immature and I agree....she needs to let go of the guy who took her virginity cuz he wasn't special and not drag this other guy into marriage when she's never been on her own and able to learn to have some self-esteem and not rely on other people and/or being in a RL to be happy with life and/or herself.

 

Please, please get some counseling and hopefully the counselor can get to the root of this being about your ego and how you can feel better about yourself.

 

But what about YOU? Do you love your current SO more than you ever loved anyone when you were younger?

[SoulCat]

You seriously need to stop this. Poster after poster gave you their opinion on the matter, but it's not the opinion you want to hear.

 

This preconceived idea of young or first love you have is way off base and it's not doing you any favours. In fact, they are making you ill.

 

For the love of all things holy, let go of this fantasy notion of love. Get some therapy. Stop reading random articles online. Stop obsessing.

 

Get healthy.

[clia]

But as adults, will most women romanticise their first love experiences? Will they be filled with emotion when they see or think of their young love?

 

No. Have you even read any of the responses? I can barely even remember my first love. Haven't thought about him in years until you brought it up.

 

And can a woman REALLY love another man more than she ever loved her first serious love? DO NOT SUGAR COAT IT!

 

Yes.

 

I agree with pteromom that you need therapy. Your obsession with this topic and refusal to listen to any points of view that don't support your position is quite frightening.

 

And dude, anyone can post anything on the Internet. Just because you find some article that a lovesick teenager wrote doesn't mean it's how everyone out there feels.

[loverage21]

You seriously need to stop this. Poster after poster gave you their opinion on the matter, but it's not the opinion you want to hear.

 

This preconceived idea of young or first love you have is way off base and it's not doing you any favours. In fact, they are making you ill.

 

For the love of all things holy, let go of this fantasy notion of love. Get some therapy. Stop reading random articles online. Stop obsessing.

 

Get healthy.

 

 

I honestly feel incredibly overwhelmed. I go to bed and immediately wake up and get "smacked" with this worry. It occupies all my thoughts throughout the day. I OD'd the other day on prescriptions to get it to stop. I just threw it all up.

 

It effects me at work. I am an EMT and during emergencies I am slow to react because I get stuck in deep thought. I can't even focus on my patients.

 

I feel women will always have a thing for their first even if they are not actively thinking about them. I read the forums, the articles, input by psychologists.

[loverage21]

You seriously need to stop this. Poster after poster gave you their opinion on the matter, but it's not the opinion you want to hear.

 

This preconceived idea of young or first love you have is way off base and it's not doing you any favours. In fact, they are making you ill.

 

For the love of all things holy, let go of this fantasy notion of love. Get some therapy. Stop reading random articles online. Stop obsessing.

 

Get healthy.

 

 

I honestly feel incredibly overwhelmed. I go to bed and immediately wake up and get "smacked" with this worry. It occupies all my thoughts throughout the day. I OD'd the other day on prescriptions to get it to stop. I just threw it all up.

 

It effects me at work. I am an EMT and during emergencies I am slow to react because I get stuck in deep thought. I can't even focus on my patients.

 

I feel women will always have a thing for their first even if they are not actively thinking about them. I read the forums, the articles, input by psychologists.

 

I am getting bombarded with different opinions. Most of them leaning towards romanticising their first.

[SoulCat]

I am getting bombarded with different opinions. Most of them leaning towards romanticising their first.

 

 

Here on LS they most certainly do not.

 

 

You need to talk to your family doctor, parents or therapist. Preferably all three of them. You are spiralling out fast, even putting other people - who you're meant to look after - in danger with this obsession.

[loverage21]

Here on LS they most certainly do not.

 

 

You need to talk to your family doctor, parents or therapist. Preferably all three of them. You are spiralling out fast, even putting other people - who you're meant to look after - in danger with this obsession.

 

Here is an article from an actual DOCTOR

 

 

First Love

 

 

This is another fine example

[loverage21]

Honestly, this article sounds like it was written by a teenager. Even down to the silly stuff about falling in love at first sight.

 

Just because someone knows how to upload an article doesn't make them an expert in love. Some of the other articles on that site are barely literate.

 

1 - DO NOT Google "first love". All that does is feed your neurosis about this subject. Recognize that your obsession about this topic is unhealthy and does not serve you.

 

2 - If you want to read real love stories, Google "advice from couples who have been married 50 years" or "how I knew my husband was the one for me". These will be stories of TRUE LOVE.

 

3 - Get some help! You very specifically need cognitive therapy:

 

 

Here is an article from an actual DOCTOR

 

First Love

 

This is another fine example, but written by an actual professional

[clia]

Here is an article from an actual DOCTOR

 

First Love

 

This is another fine example, but written by an actual professional

 

She's not even answering the same question you are asking.

 

She was asked, bolded by me:

 

Statement: A female’s first love experience in her teenage years impacts her long term.

 

Question: Do you agree or disagree?

 

You aren't asking this question.

 

I don't disagree that the first love experience may have some impact on your life. So does the second, third, eighth, and tenth loves. So does your third grade teacher. So does where you grew up. So does your group of friends in high school. So does many, many other things in life. It's part of your life experience, so of course there is going to be some impact.

 

It effects me at work. I am an EMT and during emergencies I am slow to react because I get stuck in deep thought. I can't even focus on my patients.

 

This is really alarming. You need to check into a mental hospital immediately. Or at minimum take a leave of absence from work.

 

I feel women will always have a thing for their first even if they are not actively thinking about them. I read the forums, the articles, input by psychologists.

 

You feel, you feel. Why don't you listen to what women here are telling you? Stop reading this stuff.

 

I am getting bombarded with different opinions. Most of them leaning towards romanticising their first.

 

Stop seeking out this information. You are getting bombarded because you are trying to be bombarded. Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

I honestly never even thought in my life about whether I was someone's first love. Who cares? You will go on and have many great loves.

[candie13]

you've already made up your mind about the answer.

 

I remember the first time I fell inlove as smth... foggy and not necessarily very pleasant, I was making my way through my own feelings and the interaction with another person. And the other dude was a bit... young, hehe

 

I can tell you that I don't even really remember it all that well. What I do remember is the times when I really fall inlove - years later. That's the thing that stays with you, when you meet someone of significance and share something special. And you do need experience to tell the good from the average.

[loverage21]

you've already made up your mind about the answer.

 

I remember the first time I fell inlove as smth... foggy and not necessarily very pleasant, I was making my way through my own feelings and the interaction with another person. And the other dude was a bit... young, hehe

 

I can tell you that I don't even really remember it all that well. What I do remember is the times when I really fall inlove - years later. That's the thing that stays with you, when you meet someone of significance and share something special. And you do need experience to tell the good from the average.

 

 

When did you "really" fall in love?

[loverage21]

She's not even answering the same question you are asking.

 

She was asked, bolded by me:

 

 

 

You aren't asking this question.

 

I don't disagree that the first love experience may have some impact on your life. So does the second, third, eighth, and tenth loves. So does your third grade teacher. So does where you grew up. So does your group of friends in high school. So does many, many other things in life. It's part of your life experience, so of course there is going to be some impact.

 

 

 

This is really alarming. You need to check into a mental hospital immediately. Or at minimum take a leave of absence from work.

 

 

 

You feel, you feel. Why don't you listen to what women here are telling you? Stop reading this stuff.

 

 

 

Stop seeking out this information. You are getting bombarded because you are trying to be bombarded. Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

I honestly never even thought in my life about whether I was someone's first love. Who cares? You will go on and have many great loves.

 

Did you read the psychologist's article and do you agree?

[loverage21]

She's not even answering the same question you are asking.

 

She was asked, bolded by me:

 

 

 

You aren't asking this question.

 

I don't disagree that the first love experience may have some impact on your life. So does the second, third, eighth, and tenth loves. So does your third grade teacher. So does where you grew up. So does your group of friends in high school. So does many, many other things in life. It's part of your life experience, so of course there is going to be some impact.

 

 

 

This is really alarming. You need to check into a mental hospital immediately. Or at minimum take a leave of absence from work.

 

 

 

You feel, you feel. Why don't you listen to what women here are telling you? Stop reading this stuff.

 

 

 

Stop seeking out this information. You are getting bombarded because you are trying to be bombarded. Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

I honestly never even thought in my life about whether I was someone's first love. Who cares? You will go on and have many great loves.

 

This is what the psychologist said:

 

 

I do believe that both theories hold significance (i.e., biology and shared upbringing). I also believe that it is the first love relationship that plays a significant role in a woman’s expectations in terms of what she wants and does not want, this is not an ‘either/or’ scenario, rather this is a case of ‘both/and’, meaning, both positions can be right. In working with couples, individuals (i.e., adults, teens/youth), and families for 17 years, it is my contention that one’s first love cannot not affect; a) one’s sense of self, b) one’s expectations of future relationships, c) one’s wants, and d) one’s opinions of what one does not want. How much of this affect of one’s first love on one’s self is in one’s conscious awareness is hard to be quantified. Perhaps it is the women that consider this theory and think about their first love experience, take the time to be aware of their thoughts, have insight into that experience and how it informed their sense of self and relationship choices to date, and can be honest with themselves, can help develop the muscle of true conscious awareness. To understand this impact means awareness of self, to be aware can lead one to feel empowered and make healthy choices based on knowledge and insight. Also, understanding one’s self better is fun, is it not?

 

The feelings that a woman has for her first love is undeniable. Go ahead and test it out, ask any woman you know who their first love was, and what she remembers. You will observe very special memories and feelings that run deep and are typically quite intense

[/Quote]

[clia]

Yes, I can read. You also cherry picked from the article.

 

She's not addressing the same issue you are.

 

Having an impact is not the same as never loving that way again and thinking about your first love constantly during each subsequent relationship you have -- which is how you seem to think it works.

[clia]

Did you read the psychologist's article and do you agree?

 

Read my post. I agree there is an impact, like any other life experience. I don't personally view it any different from many other impacts on my life during my teen years. Later loves in my life had a much greater impact than my first. To be honest, I'm not really sure which guy I would even call my first love, in retrospect.

Edited December 1, 2015 by clia

[pteromom]

But as adults, will most women romanticise their first love experiences? Will they be filled with emotion when they see or think of their young love?

 

And can a woman REALLY love another man more than she ever loved her first serious love? DO NOT SUGAR COAT IT!

 

No, most women do not romanticize their first love experiences. No, I am NOT filled with emotion when I think of young love.

 

And I've loved EVERY serious love I've had more than the first. Actually, love has grown in each serious relationship.

 

I think you've had enough women respond in this post to know that your thought patterns are not based on reality.

[pteromom]

Here is an article from an actual DOCTOR

 

First Love

 

This is another fine example, but written by an actual professional

 

So what? Just because she is a doctor doesn't mean she speaks for everyone. You can see by the personal responses on this thread that your theory is SIMPLY NOT TRUE. She made it through college - that doesn't mean she is an expert in people.

 

The feelings that a woman has for her first love is undeniable. Go ahead and test it out, ask any woman you know who their first love was, and what she remembers. You will observe very special memories and feelings that run deep and are typically quite intense.

 

You just "tested it out" here and got the opposite response that this doctor anticipated.

 

Beyond that, you need to ask yourself whether this obsession is HELPING you in your life or HINDERING you?

 

If it isn't HELPING you, you need to learn to let go of it.

 

Again - COGNITIVE therapy. Have you even read any of the responses? Why post on a discussion group if you don't want to discuss?

 

I have been in many relationships. Some good; some bad. My "first love" wasn't one of the big ones. Many other posters have said the same thing. Are you willing to listen?

 

If not - WHAT ARE YOU GAINING by holding onto this mindset? Is it preventing you from actually having to put yourself out there and try to date? Is it a convenient excuse to justify checking out of life?

 

You are basing your entire theory on NOTHING. Go out and get some experience and see if you hold onto your first love forever. (Or is it only women who do that in your mind?)

[loverage21]

So what? Just because she is a doctor doesn't mean she speaks for everyone. You can see by the personal responses on this thread that your theory is SIMPLY NOT TRUE. She made it through college - that doesn't mean she is an expert in people.

 

 

 

You just "tested it out" here and got the opposite response that this doctor anticipated.

 

Beyond that, you need to ask yourself whether this obsession is HELPING you in your life or HINDERING you?

 

If it isn't HELPING you, you need to learn to let go of it.

 

Again - COGNITIVE therapy. Have you even read any of the responses? Why post on a discussion group if you don't want to discuss?

 

I have been in many relationships. Some good; some bad. My "first love" wasn't one of the big ones. Many other posters have said the same thing. Are you willing to listen?

 

If not - WHAT ARE YOU GAINING by holding onto this mindset? Is it preventing you from actually having to put yourself out there and try to date? Is it a convenient excuse to justify checking out of life?

 

You are basing your entire theory on NOTHING. Go out and get some experience and see if you hold onto your first love forever. (Or is it only women who do that in your mind?)

 

Are adult relationships more like committed friends with benefits? Like a best friendship?