RedRobin Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Just think tho. For many people, there is only one person in their lifetime that can give them such intense feelings and emotions. After that, they keep looking and looking and they don't find anyone who can give them emotions and feelings to that same intensity. So are they going to keep looking into their 40s, 50s, and 60s for this so called "perfect" guy? NO!!!! They find someone who they can settle with and is decent enough because love is better than no love at all. But they will always have that one other person in the back of their heart forever. The above is your fear script. Something you fear is true. It's not reality at all. There are some people, I suppose, who fixate on one person and never let it go. I can't speak for anyone else, but when a relationship is over for me, I forget the details almost completely. I don't compare. Each person is unique for me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 The above is your fear script. Something you fear is true. It's not reality at all. There are some people, I suppose, who fixate on one person and never let it go. I can't speak for anyone else, but when a relationship is over for me, I forget the details almost completely. I don't compare. Each person is unique for me. Have you really loved someone to the same intensity and emotion as your first/teen love? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Just think tho. For many people, there is only one person in their lifetime that can give them such intense feelings and emotions. After that, they keep looking and looking and they don't find anyone who can give them emotions and feelings to that same intensity. So are they going to keep looking into their 40s, 50s, and 60s for this so called "perfect" guy? NO!!!! They find someone who they can settle with and is decent enough because love is better than no love at all. But they will always have that one other person in the back of their heart forever. We got it, whomever you are "settled" with now is boring the world out of you....well it's ok to settle with a boring person. You have my permission to do so. So, no more need for threads to prove your mistaken theory that passion and excitement stops they day you leave your teens...cuz the reality of your poor decision in a SO is coming to reality and you don't wanna realize that you picked a dud, so you gotta poop on passion, love ("true love", right?) past your teens on some silly belief that it no longer can be achieved past your teens. If your SO is boring as stale cheese then go do something exciting and risky like skydiving Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Have you really loved someone to the same intensity and emotion as your first/teen love? Yup. Even better. And, even longer. And, even harder. Sometimes, it would take him days to remember his name. Gonna do it again, in a few weeks. Oh, and I'm 55. And, he's the fourth Grand Love of my life. So far. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Yup. Even better. And, even longer. And, even harder. Sometimes, it would take him days to remember his name. Gonna do it again, in a few weeks. Oh, and I'm 55. And, he's the fourth Grand Love of my life. So far. But you don't have a sweet spot for your teen love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 We got it, whomever you are "settled" with now is boring the world out of you....well it's ok to settle with a boring person. You have my permission to do so. So, no more need for threads to prove your mistaken theory that passion and excitement stops they day you leave your teens...cuz the reality of your poor decision in a SO is coming to reality and you don't wanna realize that you picked a dud, so you gotta poop on passion, love ("true love", right?) past your teens on some silly belief that it no longer can be achieved past your teens. If your SO is boring as stale cheese then go do something exciting and risky like skydiving But you don't think women will always have a sweet spot for their first teen love? Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 But you don't think women will always have a sweet spot for their first teen love? Don't take this as an insult or me trying to be mean or rude to you... The fact that you are unable to stop fixating on this one very specific mindset and interpretation of what "first love" means compared to future connections is not healthy and quite frankly it's obsessive and alarming. You have previous posts where you outline meeting a girl who was not 18 yet and after she ended things, you wrote love letters to her parents, drove by her house, and basically stalked this person. You also have not recognized any of the replies that don't agree with you or point out why you need to stop harping on this . That being said, I strongly suggest you speak with your family or whoever is close with you and look into seeing a counselor or therapist to help you with your issues. This is something you have asked and argued over and over and over again in an alarming manner. If you ever started seeing someone and she broke up with you, I would have serious concerns about your health, coping skills and safety. Best of luck.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 But you don't think women will always have a sweet spot for their first teen love? I'm 39. I am deeply in love with the man I am with now. His touch makes my skin tingle, his kisses are magical. My time with him is precious and special. Before him I had a husband whom I loved for over a decade. I remember the silly things we did early in our dating, the excitement when we moved in together, the places we went, the life we made. Even though we divorced, I have fond memories. My first teen love? I can barely remember his name, never mind 'magical moments'. They must have been superseded by the magical moments I had with his successors. No sweet spot. In fact, no spot of any significance. Just a guy who happened to be 'first'. Forgotten in the mists of time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Yup. Even better. And, even longer. And, even harder. Sometimes, it would take him days to remember his name. Gonna do it again, in a few weeks. Oh, and I'm 55. And, he's the fourth Grand Love of my life. So far. Oh wow, I didn't know you were 55? Thanks so much for sharing...I'm really feeling inspired by stories from others that give hope upon 40 I can still be hopeful to meet a cool guy To the OP: see, all is not lost after your teenage years and can be found even into your 50s Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 But you don't have a sweet spot for your teen love? Of course I do. I have a "sweet spot" for every single one of my Grand Loves. It's just that they're no longer allowed to touch my "sweet spot", any longer. That's reserved for my current Grand Love, whomever he may be. I subscribe to the "One at a Time, Boys" theory...yanno? P.S. I also remember the first dentist who filled a cavity, my first gyno who performed an exam, and the first car I drove, all on my own. Just because I can remember these (and many other) firsts, in vivid detail, does NOT mean I refuse to see another dentist, doctor, or drive another car. You're placing waaaaay to much emphasis on a "first love" which - incidentally - may or may not include one's first encounter with sexual intercourse. Often, one's "first love" has NO sexual contact; often one's "first sexual encounter" has NOthing to do with "love". Best of luck, OP...I sincerely hope you sort this all out, though it appears you are more comfortable driving yourself completely crazy with all of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Have you really loved someone to the same intensity and emotion as your first/teen love? Have you read any of my posts? I told you that the intensity and depth of my love has INCREASED, not decreased. When me and my first love broke up, I cried for a solid week... Then I was done. When I got divorced, I don't even remember how long I grieved. It sure as hell was longer than a week. I didn't date at all for almost two years. The first man I dated after my divorce, was the man who would become my fiancée, but who tragically died due to a genetic heart defect. I curled up in a ball and stayed that way for about two weeks... Was on antidepressants and did grief counseling for about six months after that. Does this sound like my first love was the deepest and most intense of my life? Absolutely not. For me, it has been just the opposite. My ability to love has deepened. I learned from my past losses that life would go on and I would love again. I haven't found him yet, but I know for sure it is possible and I refuse to give up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Yes, now I do, but I continue to 'go through the motions' because I 'sense' first and foremost. This topic branched into another area and same thing. Yes. I always will, but is some thing that developed through 20+ years of time - whereas as of now, has blossomed into a 'platonic alliance'. Which is, IMO, the best thing for me right now (and him). We do not speak on a regular basis, rather it is something that has occurred throughout the years over time (lots of time), touching base every now and then (but more so on his end). And, it's comfortable for me, which I enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Yes, now I do, but I continue to 'go through the motions' because I 'sense' first and foremost. This topic branched into another area and same thing. Yes. I always will, but is some thing that developed through 20+ years of time - whereas as of now, has blossomed into a 'platonic alliance'. Which is, IMO, the best thing for me right now (and him). We do not speak on a regular basis, rather it is something that has occurred throughout the years over time (lots of time), touching base every now and then (but more so on his end). And, it's comfortable for me, which I enjoy. What do you mean by "platonic". Do you mean your relationships are less romantic and more like friendships? Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I have heard a difference between youthful relationships and adult relationships is that you view adult relationships in a more practical, realistic sense instead of an idealistic and "magical" sense. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Also, I think that the "practical, realistic sense" has less to do with the ages of the couple, and more to do with their lessons learned from prior life experiences (including but not limited to past relationships) as well as the maturity levels of the man and woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Also, I think that the "practical, realistic sense" has less to do with the ages of the couple, and more to do with their lessons learned from prior life experiences (including but not limited to past relationships) as well as the maturity levels of the man and woman. But can a girl love as fiery and passionately after she has been heartbroken? Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 What do you mean by "platonic". Do you mean your relationships are less romantic and more like friendships? They used to be based more so on a combination of sensing, romance, and friendship but with intuition leading the way, logic being the end result. Unfortunately, it's gotten me in hairy situations (the intuition part). But that's changing day by day. I still have triggers, I'm aware of them, just try to navigate through the best I can. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just overdosed really bad right now Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just overdosed really bad right now Methinks not if you're writing coherently. If I am mistaken, please call 911. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 This video might help OP: The dance choreography: i.e. martial arts/hip hop; contemporary; jazz; breakdance; pop - dance/backed by athleticism; and, crowd participation make it a delight to watch and very uplifting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIxNN8ptE90a Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 But you don't think women will always have a sweet spot for their first teen love? No! Not all women. Some may. Just like some men will. And I married my first teen love. I don't regret it, I loved him for years, but my heart and soul is with my husband now. It is about living in the present and being thankful for the gifts we have today. I learned a lot from my first love/marriage but there is no residue love there outside of maybe a familial way. I see him like a brother, nothing more nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just overdosed really bad right now Love, get help now! You are stuck on this and you are depressed and hurting yourself. You have ignored all previous messages pushing you to get help. You are not healthy and you are inflicting extreme pain on yourself. We can't help you, you need professional help. My thoughts are with you and your family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverage21 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 Love, get help now! You are stuck on this and you are depressed and hurting yourself. You have ignored all previous messages pushing you to get help. You are not healthy and you are inflicting extreme pain on yourself. We can't help you, you need professional help. My thoughts are with you and your family. Made a really really really bad decision. It did not kill me but I threw up for hours and hours and almost lost consciousness. It is this article that really upset me Can we overcome memories of our first love? I'm still feeling somewhat nauseous this morning but I am trying 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Psychologists believe first love is the most intense connection someone will ever have towards another in their life (outside family). Yes, love can fade over time. But what that means is in that moment in time, the intensity was stronger than any feeling you can have towards someone else later. Not true at all. The most intense connection I have ever had toward another - BY FAR - is with my child. But my feelings for my first boyfriend weren't even close to what I have felt for subsequent loves and my husband. Your preoccupation with first love is ridiculous. Rather than philosophizing about something you know nothing about, go out and get some first-hand knowledge. Oh and - I have never thought about kissing someone else when I was kissing anyone. Every person kisses differently, and every relationship is different. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 You're placing waaaaay to much emphasis on a "first love" which - incidentally - may or may not include one's first encounter with sexual intercourse. Often, one's "first love" has NO sexual contact; often one's "first sexual encounter" has NOthing to do with "love". Quite true. My "first love" was a guy who lived in my neighborhood. I swooned over him for 4 years. We would flirt. Once he touched my hand. We never kissed. We certainly never had sex. Do I have a sweet spot for him? Yes, I do. Do I consider him a "true love"? No. Do I think of him often? No. Do I compare other men to him? No. Is he one of the men who changed me? No. Do I consider him more important than subsequent loves? Not even close. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I just overdosed really bad right now I hope you are ok. You need some help. I hope someone in your life is getting it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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