Can bleaching my skin improve my dating life

[d0nnivain]

You don't need plastic surgery. You need improved social skills.

 

 

Instead of spending your money changing thinks that won't help, take a Dale Carnegie class about Winning Friends & Influencing People. They have a bay area center.

[Odinani]

Maybe I need plastic surgery then.

 

What do you look like? There are ways a man can enhance his appearance without resorting to surgery or bleaching his skin. First of all, dark skin is an asset. You can get a flattering haircut. Make sure your body is in nice shape. Take care of your skin. Get your teeth fixed if they need it. Wear clothes that look great on you. And that's just the physical stuff. You can also work on the inner you and even see a therapist perhaps to help build up your self-esteem.

 

Focus on the stuff that's already great in your life. Are you intelligent? Have lots of friends? Good educational background? Good sense of humour? Loving family?

[casey.lives]

I personally think there is someone for everyone. You don't need to "improve" or become more personable.. you need to find someone similar enough to you.. Just be yourself.. bleaching your skin is very off putting. I couldn't be with a person who went to those extremes in order to be liked.. There is someone for everyone

[logan415]

What do you look like? There are ways a man can enhance his appearance without resorting to surgery or bleaching his skin. First of all, dark skin is an asset. You can get a flattering haircut. Make sure your body is in nice shape. Take care of your skin. Get your teeth fixed if they need it. Wear clothes that look great on you. And that's just the physical stuff. You can also work on the inner you and even see a therapist perhaps to help build up your self-esteem.

 

Focus on the stuff that's already great in your life. Are you intelligent? Have lots of friends? Good educational background? Good sense of humour? Loving family?

 

Good news is I'm not fat. I hard drink alcohol in my life so I didn't age as fast. I don't have six pack of course but its very hard to obtain such fitness especially when I'm at age 29. Then I see men who are about 250 pounds still have girlfriends so I don't know.

 

Background education. I have a bachelor of science. I don't have huge amount of friends but I have friends though.

[StBreton]

Good news is I'm not fat. I hard drink alcohol in my life so I didn't age as fast. I don't have six pack of course but its very hard to obtain such fitness especially when I'm at age 29. Then I see men who are about 250 pounds still have girlfriends so I don't know.

 

Background education. I have a bachelor of science. I don't have huge amount of friends but I have friends though.

 

 

Logan... I posted a response a few days ago and you didn't respond. I mentioned your lack of proper English and wondered if someone had reviewed you profile. This is important as you come across uneducated in your postings here. It's ok if your first language isn't English, but in your profile it is important to convey good English.

 

Also...someone on this thread mentioned your height ... you have yet to mention your stats like height, etc. These are important with OLD. You give very little detail and I wonder if in real life you converse easily or just clam up ... you dole out information like crumbs. That would be a turn off to me ... maybe something to look into.

Edited November 22, 2015 by StBreton

[logan415]

Logan... I posted a response a few days ago and you didn't respond. I mentioned your lack of proper English and wondered if someone had reviewed you profile. This is important as you come across uneducated in your postings here. It's ok if your first language isn't English, but in your profile it is important to convey good English.

 

Also...someone on this thread mentioned your height ... you have yet to mention your stats like height, etc. These are important with OLD. You give very little detail and I wonder if in real life you converse easily or just clam up ... you dole out information like crumbs. That would be a turn off to me ... maybe something to look into.

 

 

Actually English is my first language and it is the only language I know. I just never was good at English but I was super at math and science. I can prove the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus or derive the kinematic equations used in physics. However, English always been my weakest point. Cannot be good at everything.

 

My height is 5 feet and 10 inches so I guess I'm somewhat short.

[Maggie4]

Charm, goes a long way. But it doesn't come through online. Try meeting people in real life. From what I've heard, online dating is rough for a lot of guys of all races. It is no reason to bleach your skin. So what happens if you photoshop your picture and e-bleach your skin? Do you like what you see? I really doubt skin color makes much difference to anybody.

[Wewon]

Maybe I need plastic surgery then.

 

I did mention this before but i guess its worth repeating since you're still convinced that the reason is your appearance.

 

You do remember that the white version of you, with the same profile, didn't get much better responses? Unless you think that 3 views is a major accomplishment.

 

If your profile is poorly written, is distasteful or conveys a view of you that isn't very interesting you will be wasting time, money and stressing your health for what? 5 views?

[logan415]

I did mention this before but i guess its worth repeating since you're still convinced that the reason is your appearance.

 

You do remember that the white version of you, with the same profile, didn't get much better responses? Unless you think that 3 views is a major accomplishment.

 

If your profile is poorly written, is distasteful or conveys a view of you that isn't very interesting you will be wasting time, money and stressing your health for what? 5 views?

 

5 views are better than 0. Also when I used that photo I got one message while my profile picture got 0 as well. As I mention I still believe what I seen suggest white men have it better than anyone else.

[Wewon]

5 views are better than 0. Also when I used that photo I got one message while my profile picture got 0 as well. As I mention I still believe what I seen suggest white men have it better than anyone else.

 

I guess there is no arguing the point.

 

If your well being is sold that cheaply, then have at.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think your main problem is that you're not being assertive and messaging women. As this graphic shows, only the best-looking men get a significant number of messages. Average-looking and below men get close to zero. Women across the spectrum get messages. Of course, the best-looking women get the most by far, but even average and below women get messages.

 

I think you'll have the best results messaging women around your league looks-wise.

 

I'm average to cute, and the two times I did OLD, I never once messaged a guy. I got enough messages from decent guys that I didn't need to. And like most women, I strongly prefer to date men who like me enough to take the risk of approaching. Like it or not, most women believe that the man's job to do.

 

Also, I'm a white girl, and have had relationships with two non-white guys I met online (both Arab).

[logan415]

Even though if I was assertive I will not get replies anyway. Do you know it takes time to write a nice response to a lady online? I probably do better hiring a GFE escort than wasting ao much time where I will get nowhere. Today I closed OkCupid and never will try online dating. Its true I'm ugly so I know no woman will be interested. I would need a face lift to improve my looks.

 

I'm thinking of just hiring a escort so I don't have to worry about my physical looks to attract someone. I just have to save up to dish out $ 350.00 for hour with this escort I saw online. Dating just will not work for me because I'm physically ugly at all directions.

 

When I get even a better job with higher pay I can hire escorts more frequently for intmacy and companionship.

[zebracolors]

Hi Logan. What happens after you've spent $350 on the escort? You posted here asking for advice and numerous people have given you great advice and I agree when they say its not your appearance, its your fears. And you've done nothing but either ignore the advice or shoot it down. Self defeat, and social anxiety is very unattractive and people can usually read that in someone's body language. If you're not willing to step out of your comfort zone, you will be just be victim to your own self-fulfilling prophecy. How about if you stop worrying about dating for a little while and just try to get more comfortable in social situations, and talking to people. Try doing stuff related to your favorite hobbies. The when you get comfortable talking to new people it should make it easier to approach women later without having to resort to online dating.

[Ruby Slippers]

Its true I'm ugly so I know no woman will be interested. I would need a face lift to improve my looks.

Men are lucky in that even less attractive men can get women, even very good-looking women, provided they have confidence and the qualities of personality that women are drawn to. Not all less attractive men who get women are rich, either. Some of them just have great confidence and swagger.

 

For women, our primary currency in the romantic realm is our looks. Not so for men. Looks always help, sure, but they're less essential for men than for women.

[d0nnivain]

Even though if I was assertive I will not get replies anyway. Do you know it takes time to write a nice response to a lady online? I probably do better hiring a GFE escort than wasting ao much time where I will get nowhere. Today I closed OkCupid and never will try online dating. Its true I'm ugly so I know no woman will be interested. I would need a face lift to improve my looks. .

 

What you have is a defeatist attitude which is more unattractive then any superficial flaw. Until you learn to love yourself, you are doomed to not have a relationship.

 

Have you tried therapy to improve your outlook? Really it does wonders. It will help you radiate confidence which is highly desirable.

 

You are seeking to fix the wrong things with bleach & hookers. Focus on self esteem & confidence. Both will get you better long term results then the solutions you want to employ which will inevitably make things worse & you poorer for your trouble.

[joseb]

but its very hard to obtain such fitness especially when I'm at age 29.

 

WTF? Are you kidding me?

29 is the prime of your life, fitness wise. Most athletes are at the top of their game around them.

 

I have only read bits, but I agree with the post above - you have a defeatist attitude.

 

I know an Indian guy who for a while was like you - bemoaning how no white women were interested in him.

Well he took some courses, read a lot of good books, and now if a super confident guy who has no problem attracting women.

Edited November 23, 2015 by joseb

[lino]

Men are lucky in that even less attractive men can get women, even very good-looking women, provided they have confidence and the qualities of personality that women are drawn to. Not all less attractive men who get women are rich, either. Some of them just have great confidence and swagger.

 

For women, our primary currency in the romantic realm is our looks. Not so for men. Looks always help, sure, but they're less essential for men than for women.

 

There have been more than enough topics on here that disproved the men are into looks more than women myth. What you've written here is simply not true.

 

The difference is that women love money as well as looks whereas men don't care about money from a partner.

That's why you'll see some hideous guys with decent looking women. Been as obvious as the sun rising for centuries.

[Ruby Slippers]

There have been more than enough topics on here that disproved the men are into looks more than women myth. What you've written here is simply not true.

 

The difference is that women love money as well as looks whereas men don't care about money from a partner.

That's why you'll see some hideous guys with decent looking women. Been as obvious as the sun rising for centuries.

Assuming you're correct, then what logan415 said isn't quite complete:

 

When I get even a better job with higher pay I can hire escorts more frequently for intmacy and companionship.

If it's true that women in general prioritize money in a partner, then a better job with higher pay can help him hire escorts or attract more women for dating.

 

But I think money is only part of it. Many women will go for a less physically attractive guy with big balls and little money, than better looking guys with no backbone and more money.

[logan415]

Assuming you're correct, then what logan415 said isn't quite complete:

 

 

If it's true that women in general prioritize money in a partner, then a better job with higher pay can help him hire escorts or attract more women for dating.

 

But I think money is only part of it. Many women will go for a less physically attractive guy with big balls and little money, than better looking guys with no backbone and more money.

 

Money is the most important thing for a guy. I see men about twice my weight and slim nice looking women and I can sure bet they only with him because he has $$$$$. Some dating sites even ask for income.

[SwordofFlame]

Money is the most important thing for a guy. I see men about twice my weight and slim nice looking women and I can sure bet they only with him because he has $$$$$. Some dating sites even ask for income.

Money helps for sure. If you have a lot of money and get married some day, you might want to consider a prenup.

[SwordofFlame]

Men are lucky in that even less attractive men can get women, even very good-looking women, provided they have confidence and the qualities of personality that women are drawn to. Not all less attractive men who get women are rich, either. Some of them just have great confidence and swagger.

 

For women, our primary currency in the romantic realm is our looks. Not so for men. Looks always help, sure, but they're less essential for men than for women.

 

I would think most women care just as much about the men's looks as men care about the women's. It's just that women ALSO care a lot about other aspects of the man. Men don't care nearly as much. You don't see anywhere near as much socially awkward average looking women on here complaining about not being able to get dates vs average looking socially awkward men. In fact, I don't think I've even seen a single post from a socially awkward women not being able to get a date.

[losangelena]

As a white woman, I find brown guys to be very attractive. My ex was from India, and during the summers he gets really dark. And really, San Francisco? If you said "I'm living in Wichita and have a problem," then OK I'd be more inclined to agree with you.

 

I agree with what a lot of other people have said—you're gonna have to get the momentum started by approaching some women and getting some replies. Re-open that OKC account—you really think you're going to say hi to women IRL? No, online is easier for this, you can't see their faces.

 

First, are your pictures good? Are they sharp and unblurried and show you at your best? What about your descriptions? You've gotta get the basics down first. When you see a woman you like, pick something out of her profile and comment on it—Oh, you like Kung Fu movies, too? What's your favorite? I've been to Thailand, too, when were you there? This is not a 50-page manual; this is small talk, but it gets the ball rolling and builds connection.

 

When I did OLD, I would look at the profiles of the guys who'd checked me out, and if they seemed interesting and hadn't messaged me, I'd go ahead and strike things up with them. But women need to see that you've looked at their profiles. OLD is like everything else, you get out what you put in. That takes some time and some effort. Just creating a profile and not using it to interact is not going to get you anywhere. You've got to make yourself visible.

 

Skin bleaching, plastic surgery nor escorts are your solutions. You know what is? Practice. Go ahead and suck at it for a while. I didn't date until I was in my 30s either, but once I got into the swing of things it was fun. Start to get a couple of wins under your belt, your confidence will rise, and you'll begin to feel better about things.

[losangelena]

I would think most women care just as much about the men's looks as men care about the women's. It's just that women ALSO care a lot about other aspects of the man. Men don't care nearly as much. You don't see anywhere near as much socially awkward average looking women on here complaining about not being able to get dates vs average looking socially awkward men. In fact, I don't think I've even seen a single post from a socially awkward women not being able to get a date.

 

Can we please not turn every single thread into a men vs women thing? This is getting off topic.

 

Both men and women come up against challenges in dating (maybe the women's equivalent to awkwardness in men is obesity); yes, better-looking, more outgoing people with access to greater resources tend to do better across the board in life. But that doesn't mean that average people of moderate means can't find love. Let's not pretend that doesn't happen.

[Toodaloo]

Even the most attractive of guys can become very unattractive in an instant when they open their mouths.

 

Your attitude to your skin colour is your problem not your skin.

 

I have ginger hair. Been bullied about it all my life even from adults that should know better.

 

Instead of thinking I am ginger I must change my hair I embrace it.

 

Embrace who you are and what you are. Look after yourself emotionally and physically and your laughing. It really is that simple.

[Ruby Slippers]

Instead of thinking I am ginger I must change my hair I embrace it.

Amen. Somebody out there is hot for gingers like you.

 

Every old sock meets an old shoe.

 

I'm definitely not every guy's cup of tea, but the ones who like my particular blend of assets cannot get enough. The same will be true for you