I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[Shock148]

You will fall in love again with another girl soon. Worry about falling in love with yourself first though.

[smuggy95]

You're blaming yourself a lot.

It's easier to blame yourself than admit you were with a ****ty person and a victim.

You try to tell us what a strong person you are, but actions > words. You said you don't respect people who don't know themselves, but you contradicted yourself many times on this thread. You lie to yourself way more than you realize.

 

 

You are what you don't like. Admit it.

 

 

(and boxing class means nothing. 3 yr old girls are in karate class. That you had to list that as an example of strength made me so sad for you.)

[Protec]

I like myself but I have flaws, i admit my flaws and i know every flaw in me.

I've been able to become better and fix some of those flaws but there are still flaws.

 

-I have quick temper sometimes. And i say bad things when i am angry / mad. So in other words i have anger management problems. But i get mad very rarely.

 

-I whine a bit too much. I think out loud. If my back aches, i say it out loud instead of just keeping it to myself.

 

-I am too shy to start conversations in real life. There is no problem for me when i am at work (shop person)

 

-I'm bad at small talk. I talk if there is something to talk about (finnish people problem really)

 

-I am sensitive. More sensitive than average man is. And that is what makes me weak.

I think too much about consequences. What if this and what if that.

 

I know all those and i don't know how to fix em. I control my anger much better these days than let's say 10 years ago.

 

I blame myself because i acted stupid. I could have avoided things...but i acted stupid and things happened. Maybe i need to learn how to forgive myself better and learn more from my mistakes.

 

I have started to go gym again, and running. I will get rid of alcohol (again) and eat less sweets and snacks.

 

I am thinking about doing full 180 turn with my life.

 

Instead of sitting inside, trying to find love from the internet, i should go outside. Talk to people.

 

Instead of not going to movie alone because it sucks, just go alone. I need to try to enjoy things more alone.

I've always been bad enjoying things alone in life. I've always wanted to share experiences with someone.

 

I like myself. I am a kind, caring person. But i have flaws. I have never thought myself as weak. What is weak?

To have emotions? To miss someone? I can't push the button and be cold as a stone.

[loversquarrel]

Everybody has flaws and weaknesses, if not then people would be perfect, which certainly isn't the case. With that said, get a motorcycle and start riding.

[Protec]

Sorry for new thread but i don't think this belongs into the same thread anymore.

 

It's about 4 months now since breakup. One month NC.

 

I still think about her all the time. When i go to sleep, when i wake up etc.

And the more i talk about with women in the OLD sites, the more i miss her.

 

I try my best to keep my self occupied. I go to gym again, i go running, i play videogames, i make music, i just go out to shopping malls etc where i can see people.

 

Still. I just can't forget anything about her. I just think about her good sides all the time. Things that made me fall in for her. I try hard to hate her, get those angry feelings on surface, i mean she treated me like a bag of dirt in RS and even after BU.

 

What can i do?

 

All i think is writing letter to her (hand written, old school) where i tell about my feelings, what went wrong and how we could've fixed things that went wrong. That is all i think about.

 

I feel like i am doing this whole NC thing just to try her to contact me. I know she wont. She already dated new men few months after BU.

 

Still i miss her. She had much more positive qualities than bad ones.

This is the first time in my life i've had so much trouble getting over someone.

 

She really felt like my other half. I know she wasn't because we are not together. If she would've been we would still be together i guess...

 

Anyway, i miss her like crazy. And i wonder if she ever thinks about me at all.

[Simon Phoenix]

If you need to write a letter for yourself, do it. Letters can be therapeutic and it can be helpful to get your thoughts out on paper -- or a computer screen. But do not send it to her.

 

You've only been No Contact a month. Recovery is tough, but if you stay No Contact (that means no snooping on social media or anything) it will get better. Your recovery is delayed because you wasted three months staying in contact. Now you are finally going through the pain of the process. It's painful, but it will get better if you stick to it.

 

But no, no more contacting her.

[dumbass2]

It's still hard because of you. Like simon said, no contact and god no, do not send a letter. I did that and is the one thing I regret. Write it out. Get it all out, but don't send it. Stash it away on the computer and look at it again 30 days from now and you'll be glad you never sent anything like that to her. It is for you, not her. It will do nothing to make her come back. She does not care about your feelings. She will laugh at it and throw it away and think even less of you. You need to not worry about her and worry about you. What can you do to improve yourself?

[Protec]

Well, i am going to gym 2-3 times per week and i started running. I am really trying to lose the weight i've gained since summer and after breakup (i weight 91 kilos and i am just 175cm tall).

 

I have also concentrated making music more often too. All i would need is a job. Now i don't have a job so the days get pretty boring easily. I am doing my best getting one, even part time. Daytime is easy, but the evenings and weekends are the hardest.

 

And because of no job, i really don't have much money to do anything social that much.

 

Yeah. I think she knows how i feel, and it may be impossible trying to change how someone feels towards you. So she may read the letter and throw it away.

 

She is not in my whatsapp anymore. I still have her phone number. But i haven't sent her anything in a month since she did not reply to me anymore.

 

It's hard. I feel the bar is raised so high, if i am going to find better GF than my EX, i need a miracle. Seriously. She was everything i've ever wanted from a woman, minus the little problem she dumped me eventually and blamed me for everything.

 

I still feel i should've tried harder to save the RS yet i know it always takes 2 people to make things work. She gave up. I never did. Because i loved her. I'm such a stubborn bastard. Maybe i took her for granted? I thought she'd never leave me...because i was so blindly in love with her i never thought how she might feel.

[Robot_heart]

You will find somebody again. From my experience though don't go looking until you are completely over this girl and don't put her on a pedestal anymore... Because that's what your doing, putting her on a pedestal. You will compare other woman to her until that is over with. And it doesn't matter what you say or how many letters your write, she doesn't care. If she did she would be contacting you... And she's not.

I feel for you man but just keep up what you are doing. Hit the gym hard and get that job. Make yourself feel good first then you will be a great companion for someone new and special one day.

[dumbass2]

But there is nothing you can do now. That relationship is over and gone. You need to not worry about having a GF and worry about your future. Continue to work on finding a job and then look to start dating again. Very few, if any, women are going to find a man without a job to be attractive. You need to do this first for yourself and then the rest will come.

[loyajoy]

I still feel i should've tried harder to save the RS yet i know it always takes 2 people to make things work. She gave up. I never did. Because i loved her. I'm such a stubborn bastard. Maybe i took her for granted? I thought she'd never leave me...because i was so blindly in love with her i never thought how she might feel.

 

In one point I thought you were my ex You do sound like my stubborn ex and if I knew how he felt about me after our break up, I would not hesitate to contact him even though I dumped him and doing my NC. I wish men could be more open about their feelings instead of leaving us hanging around there.

[Protec]

In one point I thought you were my ex You do sound like my stubborn ex and if I knew how he felt about me after our break up, I would not hesitate to contact him even though I dumped him and doing my NC. I wish men could be more open about their feelings instead of leaving us hanging around there.

 

You know, one of the bad qualities my ex listed was because i was too open with my feelings. I am more sensitive than your average man is.

She said "Oh MAN UP!!! BE A MAN!!"

[Itspointless]

You know, one of the bad qualities my ex listed was because i was too open with my feelings. I am more sensitive than your average man is.

She said "Oh MAN UP!!! BE A MAN!!"

Do not listen to that, but try to draw your own boundaries with respect to who you are, not who society wants you to be. I can relate to what you write here.

[Protec]

I am seriously thinking that i want her back. :/

 

I just don't know how. When she visited me and got rest of her stuff back she said "i am not like this with anyone else."

 

I still need to let more time flow. I need to get myself back on feet until i can even think about talking with her...

[Itspointless]

I am seriously thinking that i want her back. :/

 

I just don't know how. When she visited me and got rest of her stuff back she said "i am not like this with anyone else."

 

I still need to let more time flow. I need to get myself back on feet until i can even think about talking with her...

You know better than wanting her back. Not everything we are attracted to is good for us.

[Chi townD]

You know, one of the bad qualities my ex listed was because i was too open with my feelings. I am more sensitive than your average man is.

She said "Oh MAN UP!!! BE A MAN!!"

 

 

She said this, AND YOU STILL WANT HER BACK?!?!? Dude, she walked all over you and had fun doing it. Why? Because, she knew you wouldn't do anything about it! Therefore, she could say anything she wanted and do whatever she wanted because she knew you wouldn't "man up". I'm surprised that she didn't send you a video of her screwing some other guy and ask you to critique her performance!

 

 

Here's your biggest problem. You put her up on a pedestal. And that is the worst place to put a woman. Because, sooner or later, they're going to realize that they are looking down on you from the height you placed them on. And that makes it all the easier to walk all over you. Most women don't want to be placed on a pedestal. They want to be by your side. Walking hand and hand through life as partners; equals in this partnership.

 

 

Dude, let this bitch go! Work on you and your healing. And I PROMISE you that there are girls out there that know how to treat their man. That know how to be loyal and that can appreciate a guy that is in touch with his feelings, that knows how to wear his heart on his sleeve. Hell, most women crave a man with those qualities. It's time to heal and time to find a girl that is mature enough to have a loving relationship.

 

 

Sooner or later, this bitch is going to realize that chasing after bad boys results with them treating her BADLY! Then, she's going to realize what she lost. I'm praying that you've healed enough and moved on to realize that you deserve better!

[organizedchaos]

She said this, AND YOU STILL WANT HER BACK?!?!? Dude, she walked all over you and had fun doing it. Why? Because, she knew you wouldn't do anything about it! Therefore, she could say anything she wanted and do whatever she wanted because she knew you wouldn't "man up". I'm surprised that she didn't send you a video of her screwing some other guy and ask you to critique her performance!

 

 

Here's your biggest problem. You put her up on a pedestal. And that is the worst place to put a woman. Because, sooner or later, they're going to realize that they are looking down on you from the height you placed them on. And that makes it all the easier to walk all over you. Most women don't want to be placed on a pedestal. They want to be by your side. Walking hand and hand through life as partners; equals in this partnership.

 

 

Dude, let this bitch go! Work on you and your healing. And I PROMISE you that there are girls out there that know how to treat their man. That know how to be loyal and that can appreciate a guy that is in touch with his feelings, that knows how to wear his heart on his sleeve. Hell, most women crave a man with those qualities. It's time to heal and time to find a girl that is mature enough to have a loving relationship.

 

 

Sooner or later, this bitch is going to realize that chasing after bad boys results with them treating her BADLY! Then, she's going to realize what she lost. I'm praying that you've healed enough and moved on to realize that you deserve better!

 

Not only that, but she also said this to him:

 

"Oh i am so horny, i haven't had sex in two months. Well, last time was with you, and i NEVER enjoyed sex with you"

 

And he STILL WANTS HER BACK!

 

She's right about one thing. You do need to man up. Get some self respect.

[Itspointless]

Protec, you really should investigate why you are attracted to her. I admit that I mostly have forgotten your story and what organizedchaos just wrote. It doesn't sound like a healthy bond you had.

[Protec]

Protec, you really should investigate why you are attracted to her. I admit that I mostly have forgotten your story and what organizedchaos just wrote. It doesn't sound like a healthy bond you had.

 

She was mean to me i know. She said some bad things. Most of them was mostly because she was mad. And i know she said them just to hurt me.

 

But she had some good qualities in her. For example:

 

We shared same kind of humour

She made awesome food

She wanted to play video games with me (that alone is a HUGE PLUS)

She was beautiful

She was intelligent

I could be myself around her

She made me laugh, i made her laugh

We could talk about everything!

 

And some more...

 

But. I am still healing. This week has been very bad for me. Last night i saw dream about her again.

 

But yes, she was demanding. I was not allowed to do most of my own stuff at all. Even when she was gone, she forced me to sit in front of computer and talk her via Skype. If i didn't she would get mad. I need my own time too!

 

One GF-free "week" in 3 months and i had to spend that in front of skype, talking with her? I wanted to see my friends, play games, watch so many movies my eyes would've burned into crisp.

 

Maybe that's why she thought i did not care about her. I did care about her! But i need my own time as well! You cannot be forced to spend 24/7 with someone...it will drive you crazy! I tried to explain it to her that i cared for her even if i did not want to spend every minute in Skype with her.

 

She was bored, so she wanted to skype with me.Maybe i was bit selfish...when i said that "i just came from work started to watch a movie...can we talk later?" then again i feel that i did the right thing. You need to be able to do your own stuff in relationships.

 

She never understood that i was tired after a rough day at work.

I simply did not want to go out if i was dead beat after a rough day at work. Feet hurts, arms hurts, you are sweaty, hungry etc... "hey hun, let's go shoppin!" "Can't we go when i have a day off? I am really tired today..."

But that lead only to a fight.

 

She was home all days. Doing nothing. I was at work. Working. Getting tired. So...i was the bad guy for earning money and being too tired to go out.

 

Yeah...she managed to blame for everything.

 

Now i think again...i really don't want her back. I would just like to get back the girl i fell in love to. But i think she's been long gone.

[Chi townD]

Okay, so you're missing the girl that she was. The girl with the good qualities. Well, that girl is gone and has been replaced with a Mega Bitch!

 

 

So, mourn the loss of the girl she used to be. But, please don't say you want her back. Because, she's been showing her true colors lately, and those colors are a very ugly combination.

[Protec]

Okay, so you're missing the girl that she was. The girl with the good qualities. Well, that girl is gone and has been replaced with a Mega Bitch!

 

 

So, mourn the loss of the girl she used to be. But, please don't say you want her back. Because, she's been showing her true colors lately, and those colors are a very ugly combination.

 

Still in her defense...i was not perfect either. Maybe i spent too much time playing videogames...maybe i should've been there more for her. i still wish i could fix things. As she had many things right in her. Maybe i took her for granted...

 

I was just trying to give her space she needed. But she misunderstood it as i don't care about her.

 

See, i still blame myself. This will take some major time to heal. As you can see i am still almost at square 1 and time has passed.

 

I still see dreams about her, remember her laugh, her jokes, the scent of her food...everything like it just happened yesterday.

[Chi townD]

Still in her defense...i was not perfect either. Maybe i spent too much time playing videogames...maybe i should've been there more for her. i still wish i could fix things. As she had many things right in her. Maybe i took her for granted...

 

I was just trying to give her space she needed. But she misunderstood it as i don't care about her.

 

See, i still blame myself. This will take some major time to heal. As you can see i am still almost at square 1 and time has passed.

 

I still see dreams about her, remember her laugh, her jokes, the scent of her food...everything like it just happened yesterday.

 

 

Okay, so you weren't boyfriend of the year. Point out one guy that is! However, you don't deserve the treatment she has been giving out to you since the break up. Rubbing your nose in the fact that she's been sleeping with other guys. Implying that you're terrible in bed....blah....blah...

[Blanco]

You're still at square one because you won't stop idealizing her. Obviously there were things about her you liked. Only a lunatic would date someone they saw no redeeming qualities in.

 

Your problem is that you remain hung up on her positives, but refuse to focus on her negative qualities. You acknowledge these negative traits, but you find ways to justify them or minimize how bad they were. This girl sounds emotionally abusive, but you basically excuse it because she was hot and was cool with sitting on the couch with you.

 

I keep coming back to her age, too. 20-21-year-olds are, by and large, morons. I retrospectively include myself in that. They are not fully matured, rational people. I'm not sure why your other relationship ended, but I recall you saying that she was only 16 while you were 22. I think, tough as it may be, you need to try to date someone closer in age to you. You're getting involved with very young people (relative to your age) and then being surprised when they act immaturely.

[Itspointless]

She was mean to me i know. [...] I did care about her! But i need my own time as well! You cannot be forced to spend 24/7 with someone...it will drive you crazy! I tried to explain it to her that i cared for her even if i did not want to spend every minute in Skype with her. [...] She never understood that i was tired after a rough day at work. [...] Yeah...she managed to blame for everything. [...] Now i think again...i really don't want her back. I would just like to get back the girl i fell in love to. But i think she's been long gone.

Well that is a good realization! Of-course it is hard to be alone now, it does sound though that you could do much better. You need to learn what made you choose her and work on that. It may sound harsh, but I am sure it has to do with your pleasing character and that stems from insecurity. I am not saying this to drag you down, I am sure you are worth more than that. It takes some work though. See what you bring to the party, seriously you can do much better than that girl.

[Protec]

I fell for her in just few days. I've never felt like that since my 1st girlfriend.

 

I knew i liked her when we met in OLD site and talked for hours in skype (i even bought webcam because of that). When i met her in person, i knew: This is it. She is it.

After first meeting we decided that we are a together.

After a month we moved in together.

 

I've never advanced so fast with anyone. I have never even lived together with anyone before her.

 

I don't know what i should do? There is nothing here anymore reminding me of her expect some few hairs here and there, and the empty side of the bed where she used to sleep. I've been thinking about getting rid of the bed but, really? Isn't that quite extreme...plus, i really don't have money to change my bed now.

 

I think about her when i go to sleep. I think about her when i wake up. I try to talk these other women, i try to play games, go gym, go running, see friends but nothing helps. I felt like home when i was with her. Yes, we fought, yes, she said bad things to me, and i said nasty things to her. I still loved her.

 

We advanced too fast i think...I had never lived with anyone before so it was quite new situation to me. I needed my space and she needed hers, and we collided a lot. This is a small apartment.

 

This is not good. It's been over a month NC now...all i think of "i wonder what she's doing now... i wish i could talk with her".

 

That's what i miss the most. Talking. I could talk about anything with her. Was she really so lucky that she already found a guy she can talk like she could talk with me?

 

Time to hit the gym!!!!