I really, really miss her. [UPDATED]

[Protec]

ÏS there any way to reconnect with her?

[Blanco]

You need to get it through your head that even if this had been a healthy relationship, which it absolutely wasn't, the age difference would've been a major hurdle to clear. Age gaps matter a bit less as the people get older (or find themselves in similar life stages), but at her age? Dude. Highly unlikely a girl who was 20 was gonna be in it for the long haul. She's got so much yet to learn and experience in life, and that is a lot harder to do when you're chained down to someone so young.

 

This doesn't even get into the real meat of the situation, which was how toxic your relationship with this girl sounded. Too much working against it for it to have ended any other way than it has.

 

Honestly, you need to just suck it up and accept that you're going to feel lousy for a while. Stop yearning for a band-aid to cover your gaping wound.

[Protec]

I read this (https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/10-signs-your-girlfriend-or-wife-is-an-emotional-bully/) article today, about abusive relationships,

 

I think all of those signs suited well my ex-gf...and i found this very interesting "Result: You lose your self-respect and feel outnumbered, sad, and alone. You develop a case of Stockholm Syndrome,"

 

I want to understand myself as well. I know the RS was not healthy at all times, and even toxic, i still try to understand why i miss such girl. She shred me into pieces. Mentally and my self esteem really took a huge blow.

 

Time will heal this. I am feeling better than let's say, a month ago. I have energy again. I go running/walking almost every day when the weather allows. I go to gym again and start to feel more like human being. Also i eat again, and i eat better than before

 

I just write here because if i don't write here, i am afraid i pick up the phone and send something to my ex.

[Protec]

I hate my brains. Lately i've had trouble sleeping...

 

And finally when i sleep couple nights very well, then my brain decides "Hey, let's see dreams about your ex, and let's make it feel as realistic as we can, so when you wake up you are going to be extra miserable :)"

 

[Itspointless]

I hate my brains. Lately i've had trouble sleeping...

 

And finally when i sleep couple nights very well, then my brain decides "Hey, let's see dreams about your ex, and let's make it feel as realistic as we can, so when you wake up you are going to be extra miserable :)"

 

Those dreams are part of grieving, they help you move forward.

[Protec]

Those dreams are part of grieving, they help you move forward.

 

I guess. I still miss her like crazy. Just few minutes ago i had something in my mind then i remembered "oh yeah...i can't talk with her."

 

I still feel like i am not doing NC for me, i feel i am doing it for trying to make her communicate with me.

 

I wish i could talk with her.

 

Is sending Xmas card a bad thing?

[Itspointless]

Is sending Xmas card a bad thing?

You know the answer. Sending anything makes you wait = giving power away that you need to heal.

[Protec]

You know the answer. Sending anything makes you wait = giving power away that you need to heal.

 

But i feel like writing her. I want to wish her a merry xmas. :/

[foam12]

But i feel like writing her. I want to wish her a merry xmas. :/

 

If you write it, then don't expect a response. I wished my ex a happy thanksgiving, but didn't expect anything in return. If you expect a response, then you will only be disappointed.

[Itspointless]

Getting a response will also be disappointing, as it is never is what we hope secretly hope for.

[Blanco]

I'm going to buck popular opinion here and say he should send a Christmas card.

 

It's clear he's going to find some way to attempt reconnecting with her regardless of what anyone says. Better to just get it over with. He'll either be ignored, which will feel lousy, or they'll start talking again, and he can hear more stuff about how lousy he was in bed, which will also hurt. But maybe the latter will help shatter the idealized version of this girl he's created.

[Itspointless]

I'm going to buck popular opinion here and say he should send a Christmas card.

 

It's clear he's going to find some way to attempt reconnecting with her regardless of what anyone says. Better to just get it over with. He'll either be ignored, which will feel lousy, or they'll start talking again, and he can hear more stuff about how lousy he was in bed, which will also hurt. But maybe the latter will help shatter the idealized version of this girl he's created.

Sometimes it is the only way the crash the latest dash of hope. I know I had to reach my own conclusions as not every case is the same, and my situation surely wasn't.

[Protec]

I am not expecting an answer. I don't know. I sent my 1st GF's family Xmas cards for 2 years after breakup. Even her father called me one year after we had broke up and wished me merry xmas. That was kinda weird. But also very nice.

 

I just want to her to know i am not mad at her...I dunno. I just can't get over her. Is it the apartment? What is it? I've neved had this much trouble getting over someone.

I went to gym today again. It made me feel good. I just miss her. Every god damn thing. She was also my best friend.

 

Even now when i am sitting here at computer, remember the times when i was sitting here, she would suddenly knock my shoulder, kiss me and hug me.

 

I am hitting the sack. Good night.

[Blanco]

You miss:

 

I was not allowed to play with my friends when she was gone, i hadn't

played with my friends in 2 months, i really wanted to play with the guys, since i've known them longer than my ex. They were my friends. But she just wanted me to sit with her on skype, even if she did not say anything and i didn't have anything to say either. It was frustrating. She always got very mad if i did not have time for her. Even when she was gone, she still forced herself to be with me all the time. If i did not have time, she got very angry.

 

She was a cold bitch sometimes, said bad things to me

 

She had no friends here, no job, no school...

 

Now that i'm thinking...maybe i even got mentally abused in our relation ship. She used to make me feel very bad about myself.

 

For example:

"Stop it with your music making. You are never going to succeed no matter how much you try"

"I don't even like the way you touch me. You make me feel nothing."

"You are terrible in bed."

 

Well i called. We talked for 40 minutes.

 

About our relationship

About how bad i was in bed ( i am not bad in bed!)

About how i suck as human being

About how she saw these fantastic looking guys everywhere.

How we our chemisty did not work anymore.

We talked about sex between us.

She talks how she is horny and hasn't had sex since she had that awful sex with me 2 months ago. Yes. Sex is AWFUL with me. "you don't know how to touch. You don't know anything!"

 

But she still does it...bragging about handsome men, bragging about going into a bar etc.

She gave me a complliment "you have lost some weight, could lose some more though".

 

Meanwhile i learned,

 

-She thinks young Pierce Brosnan is hot. Well, i agree. He is handsome.

-She hates me

-i disgust her (She said : you disgust me)

-i am too calm person to be with her (she is a party monster and social...now)

-She never knew how to be herself around me (blaming me again)

-I asked her to come over (She:"why should i?"). I said that "you could look your things over and take back what you need." "i just really don't want to see you...you disgust me." Then after a while "If i come, will you buy me a dinner? Let's go to the chinese place where we ate." I said yeah. I just want her to get her stuff out of here.

-Her life is PERFECT now.

 

This is just from the first couple pages of this thread. Anyone with a shred of self-respect would've cut off a person like this for saying half of these things.

 

But by all means, reach out and let her know that you aren't mad. Not like she can respect you any less.

[Itspointless]

As Blanco his post is showing she needs you but not in the way you want to have it. She needs you to feel great about herself. Detox from her like heroin and show her what you really are worth for, by finding someone who actually likes you for what you bring with you.

[Protec]

Thanks Blanco, i needed that!

 

I should've cutted her off faster.

 

Still, i wonder why she acted like i had dumped her.

[organizedchaos]

Thanks Blanco, i needed that!

 

I should've cutted her off faster.

 

Still, i wonder why she acted like i had dumped her.

 

Dude, we've been repeating your own words about how mean she was to you through this entire thread! And you still want to reach out to her.

 

Stop wondering about anything to do with her. Man.

[antimanchild]

Sorry to hear you are struggling with dating. This book has helped me so much. Also, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken - same author.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00E3C78CO?ie=UTF8&redirectFromSS=1&pc_redir=T1&noEncodingTag=1&fp=1

[Protec]

Dude, we've been repeating your own words about how mean she was to you through this entire thread! And you still want to reach out to her.

 

Stop wondering about anything to do with her. Man.

 

She was mean to me yes, but still had helluva lot of fun with her.

 

I was at this pre-xmas party at my gym yesterday and had a blast. I even met my old co-worker (man unfortunately) and we went to a stand-up comedy gig.

 

I took some pictures from there and i would like to send that picture to my ex like "Hey, i can have fun without you too". I dunno...maybe i just want to show her i can do fun things too. She always said "we never go anywhere..."

 

Well we would've gone to many places but 1 man cannot always pay for 2 people...

 

*Sigh*

[WomenWubber]

Are you in therapy? (yes, you need professional help)

 

Where are your parents? Do you have any close friends? (yes, you need their support now)

 

You have been told what you need to do repeatedly, for months. But it seems to me you're too far down in the mud. You can either get a helping hand or wait 'till you hit rock bottom, dude.

[jack237]

Well personally Im 34. When I was 30'I dated a few 20-21 year olds. Not to sound crass, but the girls I dated were crazy hot. But honestly, after a month, it was boring.

 

There is a WORLD of difference between a 30 and 20 year old... Ultimatley the awesome tight body will not be enough to sustain a real, wholesome relationship.

[mightycpa]

"Hey, i can have fun without you too". I dunno

I do. You might as well send her a picture of yourself with the meme

 

"I'm pathetic, don't you think?"

 

You keep posting those thoughts here where you can get some proper guidance. Don't send anything to her unless a bunch of us think it's a good idea. Think of this crowd as your better judgment.

[foam12]

I still think you should go against what you should do and what everyone on this site would say, and pour your heart out in a phone call. I think you know what the response or lack thereof would be, but maybe that's what you need, which is a final rejection to move on. I needed that in a previous relationship when I was in college and it did help me figure out there was no hope even though I knew it was over before that call.

[Protec]

Are you in therapy? (yes, you need professional help)

 

Where are your parents? Do you have any close friends? (yes, you need their support now)

 

You have been told what you need to do repeatedly, for months. But it seems to me you're too far down in the mud. You can either get a helping hand or wait 'till you hit rock bottom, dude.

 

 

No i don't need professional help. I am just writing my thoughts here. I haven't contacted my in 2 months now. FULL NC. And it's not helping.

I just feel i have something more to say to my ex. I still feel it's unfinised from my part. I know she is not coming back. And i know deep inside it's not going to work out. She will not move back here, since this is not her home city. She has nothing here, that's one of the reasons she moved out.

 

Last night i had a blast. I was at my gym, they had a pre-xmas party there. I met my old working buddy i used to work with about 10 years ago. I've seen him in the gym now and then. We drank beer, had fun and we even went to Stand Up Comedy show. I had great time!

[Itspointless]

No i don't need professional help. I am just writing my thoughts here. I haven't contacted my in 2 months now. FULL NC. And it's not helping.

Some things in our lives remain unfinished. We need to learn to live with it and adjust our life's and identities in such a way that we can stand those open ends. It is there that we sometimes can learn from therapists. There is nothing wrong with that, as we also need to go to school to learn to operate in society. Emotions are even much more difficult. I often find it more assuring when I hear someone has been in therapy and worked on things, than that they have not.