organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah i guess. It's been rough week for me. I was out for a walk today with this other woman (just as friends) but still i was thinking about my ex all the time. Not good. Because i would like to meet new people, just as friends, but my mind is somewhere else. And i have other meeting (with a woman) planned as well for the weekend. But all i do is compare these women to my ex. My Ex will be hard to beat. She really was something else. She made me feel these emotions i have last felt 6 years ago. And now i am afraid it will take 6 years to feel them again. once again, you are dead wrong. The only way it will take that long is if you let it be not cutting ALL ties to her. You are doing this to yourself. There are better women out there. There are countless stories of this out there and mine is one of them.
dumbass2 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah i guess. It's been rough week for me. I was out for a walk today with this other woman (just as friends) but still i was thinking about my ex all the time. Not good. Because i would like to meet new people, just as friends, but my mind is somewhere else. And i have other meeting (with a woman) planned as well for the weekend. But all i do is compare these women to my ex. My Ex will be hard to beat. She really was something else. She made me feel these emotions i have last felt 6 years ago. And now i am afraid it will take 6 years to feel them again. You are stuck on the physical attraction and her youth. She probably made you feel 20 again. That is a big age difference experience wise. She may be more mature for her age, but she is still very young. Attractive women, just like attractive men, will almost always use that to their advantage.
Author Protec Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 You are stuck on the physical attraction and her youth. She probably made you feel 20 again. That is a big age difference experience wise. She may be more mature for her age, but she is still very young. Attractive women, just like attractive men, will almost always use that to their advantage. To me it was more than physical. But i know what you mean. She made awesome food. She was funny and cute but still knew how to act like a woman when needed (believe it or not), she played videogames with me, we had same kind of humor (very important to me), we shared same kind of political view...etc. She was much more to me than just a pretty face. That's why i am so frustrated about the whole breakup. I could be myself around her. I didn't have wear a "mask". I could always be me. Tell my stupid jokes and make her laugh, she could tell hers and make me laugh. She was more than my GF, she also felt like my best friend. Now i have no one to understand my humor, tell about things etc. Yeah, i have friends, but i have never felt too confy around my friends. I feel "alone" with them. With my GF i never felt alone. I can feel alone even in large crowds. I need a person who is in same "wavelenght" with me. Ah, sorry about this I should not think about her good sides. Or her at all. I haven't contacted her!!! Just thinking about her a lot...
Author Protec Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 I'm really messed up. I saw dreams about her all night. I would love to write her a letter about our RS and everything we did wrong in it. Maybe i should wait for few days to let my emotions "stabilize". And before i send anything, i should post it here first. I need you guys to know something about me. I have quick temper. Ok. And i did something bad to my 1st girlfriend. There is no excuse to what i did and it even today i regret it. But i phycially hurt her. I didn't punch her or anything but i did hurt her. After that i bursted in tears, scared of my own actions. And i told about that to my EX-GF. Because i am honest guy. I don't want to keep any secrets. And often times when i fought with my ex, she yelled at me "Come on! HIT ME! I know you want to! I know you want to!!! HIT ME!!" It made me feel so bad. I don't want to hit anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't undo what i've done in the past. I would if i could. I am a guy who is nice and calm for 99,99% of the time. But if i get mad, i have really really really hard time controlling myself. It's better for me now. I know better how to handle it than i did when i was younger. I just try to walk out of the situation or pinch myself so hard it hurts a lot. But she used it as a weapon against me. I felt horrible when she said that to me. I trusted her when i told about it to her. It was not easy thing to bring up. "oh, btw, i have hurt my other GF physically". It's not easy. But i felt she deserved to know. Maybe i should just bury it and never tell about it to anyone anymore.
Blanco Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Your ex sounds worse each time you describe more about her.
organizedchaos Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I would tell you not to send a letter. We all will tell you not to send a letter. You could search the thousands of threads asking if the OP should send a letter and everyone saying not to, you could read about the regrets others had with sending letters. But we all know you'll still send a letter regardless.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Why the f--k would you write a letter? That's literally the worst thing you can do in this situation short of harassing and stalking. And I agree with Blanco, your ex sucks dude. She decides to use an issue you're self-conscious about against you whenever she feels like it. Yikes.
Author Protec Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) I would tell you not to send a letter. We all will tell you not to send a letter. You could search the thousands of threads asking if the OP should send a letter and everyone saying not to, you could read about the regrets others had with sending letters. But we all know you'll still send a letter regardless. I won't send her a letter. It doesn't change anything. Maybe i can write something after few months, but if i write anything now i will just show myself as "needy" and clingy. This is day 4 of "NC". I have not talked with her and she hasn't said anything to me either. But i am messed up. I think about her all the time. Edited October 10, 2015 by Protec
dumbass2 Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 When you think about her, just think about how she views you right now. She thinks you are a toy to her. She doesn't love you. She doesn't care about you. She knows you love her her. She knows you would do what ever she wants and that's why she contacts you, but doesn't want you. She doesn't respect you. She probably laughs at you because you keep responding to her B.S.. Maybe your thinking this way might help move on. It should. I believe, after everything you have written, this is how she views you. Why on earth would you consider continuing to stay in contact? Why on earth would you respond to someone that thinks of you this way? You have got to work on your self respect. NO woman will want a man with no self respect and no boundaries. No one. Keep telling yourself this. You need to move on from her and work on these things for yourself. This one is not the one for you. You obviously are not the one for her. Oh, and if you send that letter, even down the road a bit, it will just show that you still have no self respect and that you are not working to improve yourself. She will laugh at that letter if you ever send it. She doesn't care. She has shown you that, but you are in denial. You will regret sending it. This comes from experience.
Author Protec Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 When you think about her, just think about how she views you right now. She thinks you are a toy to her. She doesn't love you. She doesn't care about you. She knows you love her her. She knows you would do what ever she wants and that's why she contacts you, but doesn't want you. She doesn't respect you. She probably laughs at you because you keep responding to her B.S.. Maybe your thinking this way might help move on. It should. I believe, after everything you have written, this is how she views you. Why on earth would you consider continuing to stay in contact? Why on earth would you respond to someone that thinks of you this way? You have got to work on your self respect. NO woman will want a man with no self respect and no boundaries. No one. Keep telling yourself this. You need to move on from her and work on these things for yourself. This one is not the one for you. You obviously are not the one for her. Oh, and if you send that letter, even down the road a bit, it will just show that you still have no self respect and that you are not working to improve yourself. She will laugh at that letter if you ever send it. She doesn't care. She has shown you that, but you are in denial. You will regret sending it. This comes from experience. You wouldn't believe that i had good self esteem before i met her. And i even had good self esteem during RS, but more and more the RS went on the more she destroyed me from inside. I felt worthless, useless, stupid. I felt miserable. Last time i was dumped, i just got more power. I was even relieved. I was of course upset...but i was angry, furious. I had power. Back then was "f*uck that bitch. I don't need her". I got over her. I went to gym 2-3 times a week, saw my friends etc. But now, i cannot enter that mindset. I don't know what has happened to me. I guess i became weak. Or maybe i just really cared about this one more than the others. 1
Author Protec Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 Havent talked with her in almost a week now. I feel terrible. I felt better when i talked with her even if we were BU. I really miss the discussions we had. I am still thinking about her good sides. She is the only woman i've ever known to play trough Curse Of Monkey Island 2 from start to finish. She did it almost herself (with little bit of my help). And it was her own idea. She loved the humor in that game. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" I introduced her to Seinfeld. She loved it. I introduced her to Home Improvement (the one with Tim Allen from 90's), she loved it too. She introduced me to Modern Family, i loved it! Almost every thing we introduced to each other, we liked. God damnit. 1
organizedchaos Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Havent talked with her in almost a week now. I feel terrible. I felt better when i talked with her even if we were BU. I really miss the discussions we had. I am still thinking about her good sides. She is the only woman i've ever known to play trough Curse Of Monkey Island 2 from start to finish. She did it almost herself (with little bit of my help). And it was her own idea. She loved the humor in that game. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" I introduced her to Seinfeld. She loved it. I introduced her to Home Improvement (the one with Tim Allen from 90's), she loved it too. She introduced me to Modern Family, i loved it! Almost every thing we introduced to each other, we liked. God damnit. And it will all happen again. I could say the same thing about my last ex. Many things we introduced to each other and were so compatible. I had the same thoughts of never finding that again. You know what? I was wrong. Having all those same things with the New gf of the past year+. And it's even better, more caring, more loving, more sexual, more compatible than the ex. Your ex is not a unicorn. Everyone is replaceable and it is entirely possible even better for you than the last.
Blanco Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Yup, nothing like enjoying a nice episode of Home Improvement followed by a lively argument where your ex goads you with: And often times when i fought with my ex, she yelled at me "Come on! HIT ME! I know you want to! I know you want to!!! HIT ME!!"
Blanco Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Also, you're an example of why it's so important to start NC as soon as possible after a breakup. It's been a month since your original thread, but you're only now really starting to process the breakup because you've been NC for the last week. I highly advise you to read through your older posts. You're idealizing this girl, which is common to do in the wake of an unwanted breakup. But this girl sounds toxic. No job. Not in school. Verbally abusive. Hot and cold with her emotions and affection toward you. Sponging money from you when you didn't have a ton yourself. And this was all stuff while you two were together! Let's not even delve into her behavior post-breakup. Point is, you're selling yourself short if you think this girl was going to genuinely add happiness to your life over the long term. She's barely an adult; her actions are more in line with an immature teenager than young woman. She sounds crass, cold, unmotivated, and vengeful. I again reiterate my suggestion from the other thread for you to examine why your self-worth is so low that you feel anguish that this person is no longer in your life. I can promise you that had she remained, you'd end up being the browbeaten husband later on who no one can figure out why he's married to such an awful woman. 1
Author Protec Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 I really think she wanted to be friends with me. When she came to get her stuff, all the phonecalls etc. But maybe she got scared because i still had so much feelings left. Or maybe she just wanted to use me as "security blanket" as long she could find a new man. I broke "NC" just to ask if the stuff i sent got to her ok. She replied "yes, thanks". That's all. I am starting to feel little better but sometimes I am still a mess. It doesn't help that my personal life is a mess as well. I can't find a job and now i have to sell my car because i don't have money to repair it and bank is breathing on my neck (car loan) Well, i can only go up from here!
Chi townD Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I really think she wanted to be friends with me. When she came to get her stuff, all the phonecalls etc. But maybe she got scared because i still had so much feelings left. Or maybe she just wanted to use me as "security blanket" as long she could find a new man. I broke "NC" just to ask if the stuff i sent got to her ok. She replied "yes, thanks". That's all. I am starting to feel little better but sometimes I am still a mess. It doesn't help that my personal life is a mess as well. I can't find a job and now i have to sell my car because i don't have money to repair it and bank is breathing on my neck (car loan) Well, i can only go up from here! And that's the attitude you should be having. Right now, don't worry about her. Worry about you. Your full time job right now should be you finding a job. Dedicating 8 hours a day to finding a job. ANY job. Sometimes you have to get A job before you find THE job. Meaning, take what you can get. Get money coming back in. Get yourself set financially. Banks will work with you for the most part. They'd rather get money coming in from you rather than you claiming bankruptcy. So, there's a good chance they'll work with you and what you can pay. Get your life straightened out and you'll start feeling better about everything. Trust me on that. Right now, you lost everything. Once things start happening for you, your confidence is going to go up and your stress levels are going to start to go down. It's time to start re-inventing yourself.
Blanco Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It doesn't help that my personal life is a mess as well. I can't find a job and now i have to sell my car because i don't have money to repair it and bank is breathing on my neck (car loan) Well, i can only go up from here! The upside is that you now have tangible things to focus on rather than your ex or finding someone new. I have my own financial issues, so believe me when I say that you shouldn't even think about relationships until you get yourself fixed up. You should really just giving yourself a hard deadline, maybe a year, to find a job, save a bit of money, have a working car, etc. Right now, relationships and dating will only serve as a distraction from taking care of these more important issues. You need to get in a good place or be working toward something bigger before you even put too much worry into finding another girlfriend.
Author Protec Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) Well...she is still in my whatsapp, she has not blocked me, and i have not deleted her. Maybe she wants to "spy" on me? I dunno. I miss everything in her. Yes. Even the fights. I actually miss her being mad at me even after BU. At least she had feelings towards me. Now...nothing. I still wonder did she try to get me back but was too scared to ask / say anything. No, if she would've wanted me back, she would have said so. Maybe one of these days i will write her a "farewell" letter and then cut all ties with her. Or maybe not. I still miss talking with her. Few weeks ago we still talked for hours in phone... Edited October 17, 2015 by Protec
Author Protec Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 This is strange. She is there, but at the same time she is not. She hasn't sent me anything anymore, not since the day she got her stuff out from my place. She is still there in whatsapp, but she is not talking. I would like to call her.
Author Protec Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) I think i lost her completely. I was very happy today, for some odd reason so i decided to ask her how she's doing. She did not answer me at all. Weird. She has not blocked me, but does not answer either. Edited October 19, 2015 by Protec
Chi townD Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Good. She's doing what YOU should be doing! NC dude. It stands for NO CONTACT!!!
Blanco Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Have you found a job or at least applied for any jobs in the last week? Did you get your car fixed? Are you able to pay for your car now? These are all things that are WAY more important for YOUR life than sitting around looking at this stupid whatsapp thing and wondering what it means that she didn't delete you from it. 2
Author Protec Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Have you found a job or at least applied for any jobs in the last week? Did you get your car fixed? Are you able to pay for your car now? These are all things that are WAY more important for YOUR life than sitting around looking at this stupid whatsapp thing and wondering what it means that she didn't delete you from it. Yes, i've sent job applications. My car i can't fix. It just costs too much money. I hit the gym today, saw some nice looking women there (as usual). REally made me feel better to see some people and lift some weights.
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 After reading 11 pages of drivel please do me a favour and block her, delete her number... Just do not ever contact her again. Also read up about relationship addiction... This isn't love at all this is Stockholm Syndrome...
Author Protec Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I really do miss her. I f'd up the relationship. Once again i am alone. Only few people have made me feel like i'm "at home" with somebody. I can really be myself. She was like that. I am afraid i will never feel like that again. It took me 5 years to find her.
Recommended Posts