"The Rules"

[blackcat777]

I found The Rules useful in that it was centrally about boundaries--love yourself first.

 

There can be huge pains in chasing a man, otherwise known as, "He's just not that into you."

 

The essence of The Rules is to circumvent low-value behavior that results in unnecessarily hurting oneself and the dreaded "he's just not that into you."

 

Of course, The Rules says The Rules are worthless if you don't follow them to a T. I never followed them to a T, and got the most out of them that way.

 

A lot of dating advice is twofold: first, about a concept; secondly, about the author's ideas for how to achieve the concept.

 

The Rules is about boundaries and self worth. No, you don't need to keep an egg timer by your phone to live with a strong sense of self worth. Some people learn with literal guidance. Others may do better taking things more figuratively...

 

Once you realize that YOU determine how others treat you and have a full, happy life, the details of any rules, timetables, etc., fly out the window. Too many people are lost on the illustrations of the concept, rather than seeing the concept itself...

[Toodaloo]

Good luck tomorrow!

 

Regarding having the knickers in a twist, I'm very familiar with the feeling (as many of us are). The book will not help too much with that. T:D

 

Hi Blu

 

Received and read. Brilliant recommendation! Thank you.

 

Calmed me right down and reminded me to look at my behaviour and his!

 

He has rearranged, same time and still tonight but a better venue. More classy than that planned. I am guessing it bodes well!

 

Oh and I have taken D0nivains advice. I have left my legs hairy to discourage me from anything!!!

[BluEyeL]

Hi Blu

 

Received and read. Brilliant recommendation! Thank you.

 

Calmed me right down and reminded me to look at my behaviour and his!

 

He has rearranged, same time and still tonight but a better venue. More classy than that planned. I am guessing it bodes well!

 

Oh and I have taken D0nivains advice. I have left my legs hairy to discourage me from anything!!!

 

Great! Glad you liked the book and good luck on the date. Great idea with the hairy legs lol

[Toodaloo]

Great! Glad you liked the book and good luck on the date. Great idea with the hairy legs lol

 

I was getting into a real tizz wazz over all of this and it just reminded me that I am a human being and that my getting in a tizzy was completely irrational. Reading that, leaving legs hairy and practising (and failing) to twerk I think has put me in a better place. I am still over thinking it all but ho hum...

[jen1447]

I was getting into a real tizz wazz over all of this and it just reminded me that I am a human being and that my getting in a tizzy was completely irrational. Reading that, leaving legs hairy and practising (and failing) to twerk I think has put me in a better place. I am still over thinking it all but ho hum...

 

LOL - what was the point of the twerk fail?

[Toodaloo]

LOL - what was the point of the twerk fail?

 

Because I wanted to get thumbs happy and text him but had nothing worthwhile saying so put my phone in the fridge to stop myself making a pillock out of myself and decided if I was going to be an idiot may as well try and learn a new skill!

[jen1447]

Because I wanted to get thumbs happy and text him but had nothing worthwhile saying so put my phone in the fridge to stop myself making a pillock out of myself and decided if I was going to be an idiot may as well try and learn a new skill!

 

Don't feel bad - it's harder for top-heavy women.

[Toodaloo]

Don't feel bad - it's harder for top-heavy women.

 

*coughs* I am bottom heavy too!!!

 

The middle bit isn't too bad!

 

I am going to have another quick go tonight to get some practice in and make sure i am in a jolly and daft mood then oftski to try and not make a berk out of myself...

 

First dates I have had a plenty. I can do those now no problems. Its second and third dates with guys I really like that are the problem!!

[GemmaUK]

I've read most of this thread..most, not all.

 

The Rules is really for those who have no noddle at all IMO.

It sucked and gave me no advice and actually I only read it to see how bad it was..and it was..dreadful!

Why Men Love are both funny and much more down to earth.

I haven't read Matthew Hussey but his vids on youtube are great and he is er..very nice to look at.. *cough*

 

I don't really quite believe you are in a tizz though, you kid around so much (and yes it is funny to read ) but if I am thinking this then maybe the guys you meet think you are a joker(?). Maybe they feel unconnected and unable to have conversations that grow connections. A bit intimidated even?

You are very self depreciating on here and I totally get it but if you are the same on dates maybe you are over compensating in some way if maybe he isn't talking much or you both feel uncomfy in the venue you are at.

 

I don't mean to be mean whatsoever btw..that is totally not my intention at all.

 

Example: I also do D0nn's hairy legs plan..always!!

But, he won't ever get to know that I did that, not on the date, not ever.

I have a personal reminder before I meet someone of 'don't say this/that' usually and to be really honest my list is self depreciating remarks. They are funny, to me and many others but probably not to a date..

 

Enough waffle from me..have fun and don't overthink. Figure out if you like him and how he behaves more than anything else.

[Shining One]

The hairy legs plan doesn't always work. I remember a couple dates that involved stopping by a 24-hour store so she could pick up a disposable razor. If you really want to make sure you don't get laid, get a chastity belt and leave the key at home.

[autumnnight]

There have been so many of these types of books that have come out since I reached dating age back in...well, never mind the year....

 

I confess to trying some of these things. I have discovered that the best thing I can do is be the best version of myself and make sure I am self-aware, healthy, and teachable. If I have to "become" someone else to get someone, then I will have to keep being that someone else to keep them. No fun. Conversely, someone who has issues with the way I view dating is just...not compatible with me. I don't have to change, and they don't necessarily have to change. But we aren't going to date.

 

Finally, I don't know of a single person with a negative, whiny, victim, anti-opposite-gender attitude who is actually successful in dating. That should tell us something.

[katiegrl]

There have been so many of these types of books that have come out since I reached dating age back in...well, never mind the year....

 

I confess to trying some of these things. I have discovered that the best thing I can do is be the best version of myself and make sure I am self-aware, healthy, and teachable. If I have to "become" someone else to get someone, then I will have to keep being that someone else to keep them. No fun. Conversely, someone who has issues with the way I view dating is just...not compatible with me. I don't have to change, and they don't necessarily have to change. But we aren't going to date.

 

Finally, I don't know of a single person with a negative, whiny, victim, anti-opposite-gender attitude who is actually successful in dating. That should tell us something.

 

For ME personally, I think I learned the MOST just from experience... letting my actions and how men responded be my guide.

 

For example, starting out, I was insecure and would call and text often, in an attempt to seek reassurance (I did not tell THEM that). I soon found out that caused them to PULL BACK.

 

So I stopped doing that, and discovered they came forward and would pursue MORE.

 

Same with initiating dates. I would start out doing a lot of the initiating and found their interest waning.

 

So I stopped initiating, allowing THEM to lead and found it INCREASED their interest level.

 

My point is that these books are a good guide, but you mostly just gotta learn through trial and error.

 

Because remember, EVERY guy you date is different. So while one guy may WANT to do most of the initiating and pursuing, ANOTHER guy might not!

 

You gotta learn what's right in each individual situation.

 

Maybe what was said in the beginning of this thread was right, be yourself .... but WITHIN REASON.

 

If your nature is to go overboard with the texting and initiating, it's probably a good idea to stop that.

 

Still initiate but only once in a while..

 

 

If he gets turned off because you're not enough of a challenge or whatevs....so be it. ANOTHER guy may love it!!

 

Don't know if this made any sense, I think I was rambling a little bit cuz I am in a hurry.... but hopefully you get the gist of it anyway.

Edited October 14, 2015 by katiegrl

[Strahatmak]

Those are more like "advices", not a procedure.

 

It's always good to have a reference, but they cannot be a set rules. Everyone is different. If your date likes spontaneous person or is a very passive person, initiating a date would probably surprises him. Just take action if you think initiating will make you feel comfortable.

 

Be yourself is not always a good option though if your true character is not an adorable. If you chase after the date around the clock, ya sure the "seeking your own life and happiness" rule in between texts is very suitable to you. If you are really stabborn on certain things like I want to pay my dinner every time, "let the men pay for the first few dates" may sound less blunt and feeling rejected on your date.

 

I usually let the men pay and help if they offer to do so. Almost never reject them. I will pay for coffee, drinks, tickets, or once for a few dinners in return. I'm really bad in texting. I run out of topics fast. I'm most attractive in face to face interaction, sports, or any activities according to my record, so I will get the person on the other side out asap even if I need to initiate. Only by talking in real meet up we will only know if it will work.

 

Just my two cents. In the end, I hate dating games.