mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yeah...damned traffic...your possession of a womb should have been able to do something about that...yanno, so you wouldn't be "a liar"...who arrives 10 minutes late, disrupting his whole afternoon after he gets off work and just wants to relax. Wait. You asked him for money and he said no? Why do you have to ask him for money? Didn't you earlier write that you should have gotten a check from your client but you were rushed and couldn't get it...and that he was upset when demanding the check and you didn't hav...*GASP* OMG...he takes all the money, too, huh?!? You ARE a liar because you told him the old credit card was closed when you knew it wasn't. No doubt you lied because you wanted to keep access to emergency funds, if need be, because he takes all the money. BUT, you did lie about that. He's taking - and withholding - all the money from you. He tells you no (like you're a child being punished by withholding their allowance) when you ask for money. He bullies you; he yells at you; he holds you responsible for things that are not even under your control. Ironically, while giving you the power TO be able to control traffic, I'll bet he typically tells you how stupid you are...too stupid to do anything right. What should you have done differently? Let him be right, since it's sooooo important to him. Since he's stated he thinks you want to leave him, let him know the thought hadn't even occurred to you to leave him...but since HE'S always right and so sure HE knows everything, he must be...so you are and then leave. When - and if - he gets his head out of his a** and figures out how to live up to his wedding vows (and how not to be "a liar"), then you'll consider returning. Oh, and there's also going to be some changes on how money's handled within the house, too. Best of luck to you, OP... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Why was your H concerned that you were travelling too much into that other town? Why didn't you get your cheque? ya I read the reason you gave. But it doesn't stand. I mean you went to another town and bore all the hassles associated with it but didn't collect your money? Sorry can't believe it. My suspicion goes only higher because you told your husband that you will be getting the cheque that day. Your husband is already concerned that you are visiting that town too frequently. That cheque was your only proof and you return empty handed. And then you gaslight him by saying that you would have collected it if he wasn't hurrying you to get home. Sorry, I can see where your husband is coming from Big surprise OP, your husband is part of the ever growing population of ridiculous men 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) I even shared my location on my phone. There was absolutely nothing to doubt me on. You shouldn't have to share your location. Is there something in your husband's history that makes him so suspicious? I agree, he sounds like a control freak. Here's a healthy exchange: Me: 'Honey, I've got to get to this client today. You know, the 2.5 hour drive'. H: 'I wish you didn't have to, I miss you, but drive safely'. Me: 'Hon, I have to forgo the check to get home on time'. H: 'Ah, well they can drop it in the mail right?' Me: 'Oh, I'm sure. Damn, now I've hit traffic'. H: 'Don't worry, I've got the dog covered. I can get my hair cut another time. Just get home safely. I love you'. That's what I live with. When I read here, I realize how very lucky I am. Looks like you have some decisions in front of you, and you definitely need to have access to your own money without being grilled. I wish you the best. Edited October 2, 2015 by MidwestUSA 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He was probably upset about your being 10 minutes late because it was time for you to change his diaper. What a baby!!!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Big surprise OP, your husband is part of the ever growing population of ridiculous men Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He was probably upset about your being 10 minutes late because it was time for you to change his diaper. What a baby!!!! Even men buy into such BS No wonder they cry and say they didn't see it coming when they get cheated Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat Where is her history of lying? Is there another thread I haven't read? I can completely see the credit card. She's trying to maintain control of a small portion of money that SHE earns. And she was going to buy HIM a birthday gift. As for the check, so what? Not only does USPS still exist, there's this thing called auto deposit. Wow, there are some jaded people here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 ...No wonder they cry and say they didn't see it coming when they get cheated OP's husband didn't get cheated before started to cry...it was her paycheck she neglected to pick up before rushing to get home to him... ...empty handed (i.e., without her money to hand over to him). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Where is her history of lying? Is there another thread I haven't read?... Ummmm. She said she'd be home by 3:15PM; she wasn't. That is Lie #1. (Having no control over traffic is no excuse.) She said A reason for going to the out-of-town meeting with the client was to pick up her paycheck. She returned home without it, meaning Dear Hubby has been shorted money for the weekend. Lie #2. (Being rushed by bullying hubby who doesn't want to miss his haircut appointment to take the dog to the vet is no excuse.) She told him she'd gotten rid of a debit card [NOT a credit card...huge difference] which she had not; instead, she returned clothes and received a credit on it, which she was going to use to buy him a ~ *surprise* ~ birthday present. Lie #3. (The fact that he takes all her money and only doles it out when and IF he wants to is no excuse.) Of course, he also said that he would love, honor, and protect her (or words that effect) and he's been lying every single minute of every single day for the past how long have you two been married, OP? Signed, Another *Emboldener* of Pretty Little "Liars" Who Don't Know Their Place 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 OP's husband didn't get cheated before started to cry...it was her paycheck she neglected to pick up before rushing to get home to him... ...empty handed (i.e., without her money to hand over to him). And she did say she was 'hoping' to get the check. Not 'I will absolutely have this money and hand it right over to you so you can go buy some liquor'. And texting her during her meeting complaining that he might not make his haircut appointment? ROFLMAO! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 As for the check, so what? Not only does USPS still exist, there's this thing called auto deposit Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And as for the credit card, if it was a H people would be calling it money laundering and scolding him to give full control of money to the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks for clarifying, mrdlii. I think I married the wrong guy. We seem to be lacking in the drama department. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And I'll repeat. She said she 'hoped' to get paid on the spot. If she hadn't been badgered by him to conform to his timeline, she may have walked out of there with it. The 'hassle' of a 2.5 hour drive was to conduct business. If the business portion ran over, again, auto deposit. Hopefully to an account that she'll set up in her name only. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 She told him she'd gotten rid of a debit card [NOT a credit card...huge difference] which she had not; instead, she returned clothes and received a credit on it, which she was going to use to buy him a ~ *surprise* ~ birthday present. Lie #3. (The fact that he takes all her money and only doles it out when and IF he wants to is no excuse.) Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. Well, it seems we're going off topic by getting into your personal demons and insecurities, so I'll let you go. Nice chatting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. She stated he makes her hand over all the money; he proved it by demanding the check when she returned home. Remember? That's what got him uber-pissed...and one of the reasons you agreed he should be uber-pissed. Wait. You KNOW she's lying? How do you know this? Are you her Dear Hubby? Or, are you also a Dear Hubby who's always right and knows everything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Why are you allowing this? You shouldn't. He's controlling and makes you feel terrible - marriage is supposed to make each person feel amazing. He looks abusive. Please get help in getting out of this terrible Union. His behavior is not kind or loving! He should have OFFERED to take the dog! He should be grateful you are willing to work hard! Why are you allowing him to treat you so poorly? We train others how to treat us - and you need help by not allowing him to treat you this way any longer - or get out and away from him. Make a decision - but please get help otherwise you're likely to choose the next man the same type. I'm impressed at the finesse with which you have managed to make his bad behavior her fault. You don't advise men this way. Do you consider any of her husband's behavior something HE should be accountable for? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat No it doesn't. It proves you have a chip on your shoulder. I wonder if she's ever been to a brothel..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shootingfromhip Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 I absolutely never promised to have a check. I said I wanted to make a good impression and hoped to get the money. And my goodness, I feel like my husband is posting here. I went to try to keep my client. The part I left off is that I am losing this client because a friend of my husbands (who I recommended for another part of business) is completely bailing. So I have tried to ease the client. My husband admitted he recommended a bad person (not on purpose). But his response to me was "f 'em" Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And as for the credit card, if it was a H people would be calling it money laundering and scolding him to give full control of money to the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm impressed at the finesse with which you have managed to make his bad behavior her fault. You don't advise men this way. Do you consider any of her husband's behavior something HE should be accountable for? Of course he's accountable. But no one is forcing her to stay with him. That decision is on her. She can't change him - she can only change what she does. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Of course he's accountable. But no one is forcing her to stay with him. That decision is on her. She can't change him - she can only change what she does. Maybe he should have some consequences..... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Maybe he should have some consequences..... Of course he should. Maybe one consequence is that she leaves that a us ice and controlling man... Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I think you are in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship with a controlling man. The healthy thing to do is get out as soon as possible for your health and well-being. That is, get out NOW!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 WTH!!!!! Move out until he can fix himself. If not move on. No one needs a life like this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Should I have done something differently? Shootingfromhip: What do you feel you could have done differently? Do you think that if you love him more than you love yourself that he will change, soften over the years? Become the man that you "thought" you were getting instead of the "controlling tyrant" you have now? It doesn't change, it only gets worse. I can tell you that after 15 years of that type of behavior from a man, what you lose is your own self-worth. Believe me when I say, if a village in a remote country somewhere were destroyed, my husband would lividly look at me and tell me I probably had something to do with it. You can't stop asinine behavior like this, you can't point it out to them, you will always be wrong. And you will destroy yourself trying to please someone who can't be pleased. Myself, I wouldn't even bother with marriage or couple counseling with someone like this. Something in HIS past makes him this man today and he will be like that with anyone he is with. It's not YOU, it's HIM and until he is willing to see the damage this does to even try to have a healthy relationship and get the help he needs, this behavior won't change even if you do everything in your power to change FOR him (to your own detriment). What would a healthy relationship look like to you? Is this something you can see yourself in with this man? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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