Author goodguy1 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 I don't get what you mean that you won't put it on her? I'm not saying whatever baggage she has is her fault, but it is her responsibility that she let said baggage lead her to do this. Think of it another way: if you do something to really piss me off then obviously it is not my fault I am pissed off. However, I can't exactly blame you for anything I might do in a fit of anger because it's up to me to handle it like an adult. But meh it is good you are moving on. Remember relationships that begin via adultery tend not to make it for the long haul. So be strong if she ever tries to come crawling back. Meant to put "won't put her baggage on here." Link to post Share on other sites
cgiles Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I advice you to wait at least one month for one year of relationship before dating again, so 5 months. Get rid of anything you have which can remind her to you, boxe or throw, your choice. Three books I highly advice you to read : "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover, don't limit yourselt to the title ( if you was reading the title in my language you would be wtf...) it's about selfrespect, stand for yourself, ect... And don't deny it, your self respect took a huge blow. "Married man sex life primer 2011" by athol key, not about sex, but relationship and "When I say no, I feel guilty", by manuel J smith, a classic of self improvement, and a great add on to nmmng. Good reading? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 So here's my story. So my girlfriend and i got together when we were 16 years old over the course of 5 years we grew together so much. I followed her to college, helped her with classes, her job, taught her how to drive, tried to make everyday special and memorable for her. We had out fights but what couple doesn't? We would work out all of our problems and whenever we were mad at each other we'd do our own thing for a hour or two and end up back in each others arms and talk it out. I had to put up with all of stuff with her family as they were very strict when we first started dating and she had a lot of baggage but i was in love and worked through it eventually becoming a big part of her family and being the one person she could talk to about anything. We started to talked about marriage but only being 20 when we initially started talking about it i shared that i was hesitant because we were both young, going to school and didn't have a place of our own as we were living in the dorms. I wanted us to be settled and ready for marriage and i felt we weren't just yet, even though i loved her more than life itself. We continued to grow as a couple, i gave her everything she could have ever asked for. Then it started getting weird and she felt like i was going to cheat on her with every girl at school and work but she was the only one i was ever interested in. I woke up everyday telling her how beautiful she was and how much i loved her and how she was the only one for me but i could tell she was still worried about me and i tried everyday to prove to her she was the only one i have ever wanted to be with. We moved into our first apartment together and she felt bad that her friend didn't have a place to live and moved her in which sucked because we always had problems with her friend. The next thing i know her brother moves in and she quits her job and I'm left working two jobs to support us all while going to school and making time for her. I became super stressed which led to some arguments but nothing too big and i was always loving towards her but let her know how i truly felt about her brother mooching off of us for months and her friend leaving our place a mess. She agreed and we talked to both of them. After that everything seemed back to normal we were in love and happy, celebrated our 5 year anniversary in spectacular fashion and the summer came and it was time for her to go abroad for the summer as required by her major. I helped pay for the $6000 trip and we said our goodbyes at the airport. We held each other crying. She told me she loved me and that i was the one and to wait for her and i said the same. Throughout the rest of the summer i visited her family constantly never letting her know what for as i was asking them for permission to propose to her when she returned to the country. They were ecstatic an even went as far as to help me plan how i would do it. One week after her birthday she broke up with me and never gave me a reason. She said she felt that we were moving too fast after 5 years which was odd to me. I assured her that when she sees me in person she'd feel differently. So when she came back to the country i went to her house so we could talk and i poured my heart and soul out to her. She was crying and said she loved me and that a guy i told her i didn't feel comfortable with her being around kissed her. She assured me it was an isolated incident but i knew she was hiding something and went through her iPad to discover that she had been cheating on me with said guy for a little over a month and that they were exchanging messages talking **** about me. I don't even know the guy so i don't know anything bad he could say about me. I flipped out and she assured me that she regretted everything and that she loved me and wanted to be with me. I told her to give me a day to collect my thoughts. In that time she found out i was going to propose which crushed her. The next time i saw her i told her that i forgive her because i truly loved her and believed we could work it out. She agreed and asked me for a second chance to which i was too happy to oblige. The week seemed to go by like nothing happened we went on dates, she told me she loved me, wanted to marry me, and talked about our future children. I spent every night with her because she begged me too because she missed sleeping with me at night. Everything was going perfect, i took her and her brothers out, fixed her car, and bought her stuff for her trip back to school and then she left back for school without me as i had just graduated before she left abroad so i was focusing on getting a job in my field and working on getting us a house so that way she had a place besides for her parents to live when she graduates this year. As soon as she gets to school she became distant hardly texting or calling me until one night i get a call saying that she's been depressed with me for the last 3 years of our relationship and that the entire last week together was fake and that she didn't love me. I then find out the next day that as soon as she got to school she got with the guy she cheated with and started a relationship yet again and has been introducing him to our mutual friends like i never existed... It sickens me because this guy is a drug dealer and everything she always said she despised in people. How can someone be this cold hearted? Is this a phase she feel like she has too? Why did she leave a good thing for something she always hated? What do i do? If her standards are that low...do you want her back. Shes sleeping with this guy so she may now have stds maybe shes alzo using drugs. I say you greive it and let go...she isn't the girl you thought she was and you've been through alot of trouble with her already. Maybe its time for a new chapter. You can make it without her. Sometimes life doesn't work as we hoped and it might be best it ends. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't remember me saying anything about girls preferring bad boys and for me maybe not for her i had a connection with her. it wasn't through buying stuff it was through moments alone together and the talks we had. i knew everything about this, what made her laugh, smile, sad, happy, excited, etc. I never intended to become a slave and at the moment i was completely blind to it. I knew the family she came from treated her like a slave so i did my best to ensure she did not feel the same way with me, so i supported her and helped around the house etc. I was by far the perfect boyfriend but i was nowhere near a bad boyfriend. No More Mr Nice Guy. Buy the book. There are plenty of women who don't like the bad guys. I'm one. But apparently I'm "too nice" too. Same lessons to learn years apart. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful husband to the right woman ... one day. When you can, Have fun, Live it up and meet lots of women. Now would not be the time to meet the next LTGF. There are no good feelings about getting your heart broken. Being cheated on. Another thing I've learnt on LS is never trust anyone 100%. Good advice. That's for the rest of your life. Best wishes. A way down the track you will realize you got out of this lightly and you did save alot of money by not being with her. Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 She just sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and that she hopes i have a great day etc. I wasn't ready to hear from her at all especially today and it broke me down... but I'm not breaking NC. I just wish she would have never texted me and she's terrible at remembering things so that must mean she still has my number saved in her phone while she's with the new guy. Happy Birthday! Hope you hit the town? Block her number. Or get a new number unlisted. I'm ALOT older than you and have had an interesting run of relationships in my past. Before I knew about NC I understood the concept entirely. I have no listed numbers and have done other things to remain virtually untraceable by these past bfs I've left. An important thing I've done is to tell all my family and friends NOT to disclose ANY information about me when they're contacted out of the blue by one of these exes. Family and friends have fallen prey to the sob story, romance of the phone call and have passed on contact details to me. Make very certain yours understand that in no uncertain circumstances should they EVER disclose ANYTHING about you. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. In fact that's what one friend learnt to say! Lol. Leave this person in your past where she wanted you to be to her. You may need to coach a person or 2! Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 why would she think its ok to try and contact on today of all days knowing full well what she put me through... Yes she doesn't care. She lacks empathy period. She's also sneaky and manipulative. I think she'd be very content to leave you hanging by a thread. Keep you on the back burner per se. Just in case. THIS is why NC is so important. You are not worth 2nd best. You do not receive some druggie guys throw aways. You will not let yourself be treated like garbage. Or pick up the pieces of a shattered exgf who's been used and abused by the guy she cheated on you with. She'd be using you FAR worse if she came back now. Triggers are a b****. There are techniques to deal with these. Look em up. Glad to hear you blocked her number. You're doing well. LH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 She just sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and that she hopes i have a great day etc. I wasn't ready to hear from her at all especially today and it broke me down... but I'm not breaking NC. I just wish she would have never texted me and she's terrible at remembering things so that must mean she still has my number saved in her phone while she's with the new guy. That's known as fishing or breadcrumbs and it's to make you feel exactly the way that you are feeling now and still thinking of her. You're her spare and safety net in case her relationship doesn't work out. What she is doing is nothing new, we've all experienced it. It's manipulation and selfishness, continue to maintain No Contact and to focus on yourself and working through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 So I'm going on almost a month in a half of NC. I'm doing pretty good. I finally managed to score and independent film job and have been taking up new things like golfing and backpacking. One thing has come up thats kind of brought me down though. A close friend of mine has been having problems with her boyfriend and everything her boyfriends been telling her is literally what my ex told me word for word and it made all the anger inside me resurface. I don't know how to help her besides for being there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 So I'm going on almost a month in a half of NC. I'm doing pretty good. I finally managed to score and independent film job and have been taking up new things like golfing and backpacking. One thing has come up thats kind of brought me down though. A close friend of mine has been having problems with her boyfriend and everything her boyfriends been telling her is literally what my ex told me word for word and it made all the anger inside me resurface. I don't know how to help her besides for being there for her. Just be there for her. That's all you can do. Heck, even have her read your thread here. Link to post Share on other sites
cgiles Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Simply states her boyfriend said the same than your ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks for the advice you guys! I have become a much happier person and even managed to score some tickets for the Hollywood Premiere of the new Star Wars movie so I'm all full of glee right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks for the advice you guys! I have become a much happier person and even managed to score some tickets for the Hollywood Premiere of the new Star Wars movie so I'm all full of glee right now. Okay, massively jealous, dude.. Make sure you bring a date with you! Some girls might not like syfy, but they would love to go to a Hollywood premiere! Not many people get that opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Okay, massively jealous, dude.. Make sure you bring a date with you! Some girls might not like syfy, but they would love to go to a Hollywood premiere! Not many people get that opportunity. I'm actually taking my brother along with me as we're both huge star wars fans but there is no doubt that they're will be girls cosplaying at the showing as there is going to be an after party after so it'll be fun to meet some interesting people and some beautiful women. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Dang... I'm stuck going to see Goosebumps this weekend with the kids. Just kidding. I am excited about it actually. But Star Wars would be fun too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Dang... I'm stuck going to see Goosebumps this weekend with the kids. Just kidding. I am excited about it actually. But Star Wars would be fun too. I actually really liked goosebumps a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Aww, hell. I'm so old I went to the opening of the original Star Wars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Haha there is nothing wrong with that! i wish i was alive to be there when it first came out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Goodguy1 You seem like a strong young man in many areas. In addition, your actions after being stabbed in the heart twice proves that! You may still have some hurts for a while but I bet if you come back in a year from now, and post to us an update, you will be very glad that you are free from her. This crises you had will probably make you even a stronger man and much wiser. For being so young you handled this very well, I am impressed! Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Goidguy Glad to see you moving forward and moving on. Your life will be great. May the force be with you...... HM Link to post Share on other sites
MIKEB1950 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 you have generated some great responses - you have had it tough and you will feel sorry for yourself and why not - the money that was suggested you try to get back - you already said her family was not financially stable so take higher ground and make it known you do not want anything back - it was an investment that ultimately failed. but you got some best advice from your first reply - you have dodged a big one so 5.5 years have not been wasted they were your love life apprenticeship so now go out there and put into practice what you have learned. i think you'll benefit from this in love, jobs and the way you will bring up your own kids - best of luck;) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Hey you guys, i had a rough night. For some reason i started having dreams of my ex again and it's made me miss her which has kind of been messing with my head today. Like i know i shouldn't miss her and i in noway want to try and get back with her let alone see her again. Just needed to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 It's called a rollercoaster for a reason. You'll have ups and downs. And it usually takes a year or two before it goes away. You can probably speed that up a bit by doing some dedicated mind work, to replace old memories with new ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I think aiming to find a girl who doesn't have baggage is unrealistic, everyone has their own baggage i just need to find the one who's not going to let it get in the way and cause problems. Like i have baggage of my own but i don't let that affect the relationship at all. Like i've said in earlier post i did everything i could possibly do and in the end i was putting %110 into the relationship where she was no where close to putting that much effort. Honestly i should have caught on sooner but i though it was just the stress from school that got to her and maybe it was, but in the end she was weak and I'm not saying that to be mean or talk down about her but its the truth. After almost 6 years of being with her i could say she is a weak person and cannot survive without being with someone hence why she cheated and jumped into another relationship. Thats the difference between me and her i don't need anymore but myself to be happy, i proved that before me and her got together and i'm proving that to myself again. In hindsight she was the problem in the relationship always creating issues that didn't exist and i always felt like our relationship was a public forum because her family and friends always new everything that was going on and for some reason would have a say in our relationship. All in all it i know now that it was a toxic relationship and i lost myself in it because i was blinded by love, i knew she wasn't perfect but i didn't care and i let my love for her blind me from all the dumb **** she did. This experience has made me wiser and i know what to look for now and at the end of the day **** happens we all just gotta move on and thats what I'm doing Hanging out with good friends having good times. Congratulations goodguy1. Coming out of a relationship like you had with those horrible elements she did that I won't mention then you are doing so well. Could it be because you actually DO have your sh** together? At least somewhat for a person of your age? I think you do. You appear to anyway! This is the time for you to really reflect on WHAT YOU want in a future partner. I suggest Strong Character as EVIDENCED by their past decisions till now. Someone who matches you of sorts. When you fervently pursue ALL the things you love doing, you'll come into contact with people you have at least those interests in common with. You do need to keep getting out there. All the very best Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Congratulations goodguy1. Coming out of a relationship like you had with those horrible elements she did that I won't mention then you are doing so well. Could it be because you actually DO have your sh** together? At least somewhat for a person of your age? I think you do. You appear to anyway! This is the time for you to really reflect on WHAT YOU want in a future partner. I suggest Strong Character as EVIDENCED by their past decisions till now. Someone who matches you of sorts. When you fervently pursue ALL the things you love doing, you'll come into contact with people you have at least those interests in common with. You do need to keep getting out there. All the very best Lion Heart. Lion Heart, Thanks for the kind and encouraging words, the last couple days have been tough for some reason so your words are exactly what i needed to give me the push i needed. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and have an idea what to look for in a future partner but I'm not going to lie even after everything she put me through the feelings for her are still there. I know it'll be a long journey before I'm over her and Im fully committed to seeing it through. With time ill be myself again. On another note your username on here reminds me of Chris Jericho and his in ring name in Mexico. Corazon de Lion (Lion Heart) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
afoolto no end Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I think your maturity shows and it's normal to feel the way you do, it takes time to forget the love you felt, but she didn't feel that way about you, you also have to keep that as the reality. Life isn't fair and you are learning this at a very young age, but you have to live with integrity and self respect the world has lost it and it is more than alright to stand up for what is right.........I respect that very much ........ You did what is right you came here to vent and get the support you need from others farther down the road then you, you are worth standing up for never lose sight of that, you are worth more then she thought you were......never forget that Link to post Share on other sites
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