She cheated and left me for him.

[Itwasntme]

I honestly have no idea why i spent so much money on her. I guess it was because i thought we legitimately had a future together and money never really mattered to me. I know thats foolish to say but money has ruined a lot of relationships within my family and yeah from now I'm its no more mr nice guy. She killed the nice guy when she put me through all this.

Well I can understand you a bit on that one. With my stbxw I would of gave her anything or bought her anything too her to make her happy.

 

But trust me, nobody is saying stop being a nice person. Im just saying stop over doing it and putting more into a relationship then you partner is, because at the end of the day you have to make her realize that you're the real prize and she should be the one happy to keep you. I feel Women are less likely to cheat if they know that you have way more options then just them and you're not afraid to leave them, but you're staying because you love them. That will make them feel special and want to work harder to keep them. But if you seem like the relationship is your life and you invest your all into it that's when they start taking you for granted and start trying to pull **** over on you.

 

Man it's true that females take advantage of nice guys more and not just them but people in general will run over nice guys, why? Because when ever someone feels like they can get one over on someone they will more then likely attempt it. Think about it who would you more then likely steal from, a nice guy who you think may let it go eventually and forgive you Or a person you are sure will kick your ass or just cut you off forever and never associate with you again? Who are you more then likely to throw your work load on so you don't have to do it, the nice guy who has trouble saying no or the guy who will say hell naw! And probably cuss you out? Just who is the one you're more then likely to pull some BS on, the nice guy who sits there and takes it or the guy who doesn't tolerate it?

 

So yeah just take from this experience and keep up the good fight. It could be much worst like you both are married, have kids, and she leaves for the OM taking half of your money and having your kids around this OM, while you're stuck paying alimony and child support.

[warshaw]

one way or another she is coming back, would it be too late?? only the OP will decide then

 

You don't know this, stop speculating and stating your wild theories as facts.

[qubist]

You don't know this, stop speculating and stating your wild theories as facts.

 

Of course I don't know that for sure. But I just want the OP to be aware of the possibility of her her coming back. And basing this on many similar stories where a girl leave the nice BF for a bad guy then end up regretting it after the fantasy dies. In this case she is a young student girl and the Other guy can provide drugs. Yes I don't know this for sure but I can speculate that she is there for the fun the other guy is providing and if that's the case she will miss the OP eventually

[truncated]

I apologize if it seemed i got defensive i just misinterpreted your original post. but i complete understand what your saying now.

 

 

I understand how you can feel like you really knew her, but it doesn't sound like she even knows herself.

 

 

While most married couples who have a successful marriage keep learning new things about themselves and their spouse throughout heir lives, they usually start out knowing some fundamental things about themselves.

 

Your ex didn't .

[World's.Edge]

we have seen it many time you better believe she would be coming back chasing him. either Om will dump her or she would just get fed up with her immature life. who knows what's in her mind right now she could be adrig addict and the OM got her where he want her.

One way or another she is coming back, would it be too late?? only the OP will decide then

You don't know this, stop speculating and stating your wild theories as facts.

I don't know of any of qubist's wild theories but it isn't speculation or a wild theory, it does happen. It's not that far-fetched of an idea that someone would cheat and leave their spouse/partner, then have their new relationship not work out for whatever reason and try to return. Security, comfort, loneliness, familiarity, finances, regret, etc, all reasons why it could and does happen.

[oldshirt]

 

 

The next time i saw her i told her that i forgive her because i truly loved her and believed we could work it out. She agreed and asked me for a second chance to which i was too happy to oblige. The week seemed to go by like nothing happened we went on dates, she told me she loved me, wanted to marry me, and talked about our future children. I spent every night with her because she begged me too because she missed sleeping with me at night. Everything was going perfect, i took her and her brothers out, fixed her car, and bought her stuff for her trip back to school and then she left back for school without me as i had just graduated before she left abroad so i was focusing on getting a job in my field and working on getting us a house so that way she had a place besides for her parents to live when she graduates this year.

 

?

 

 

I am also in the camp that says to be thankful you dodged a bullet and found out her true character now before you were legally bound to her and had a mortgage and car payments and kids together.

 

 

When my teenage sweetheart cheated on me, I too promised her the world and would've crawled through hellfire, broken and rusty thumb tacks to get her back and have things be the way they were before, so I understand where you were coming from.

 

 

However what that got me was cheated on AGAIN and ultimately got me dumped.

 

 

Here's what I have since learned over the years and why I am addressing what you said quoted above - never reward bad behavior.

 

 

Never reward being cheated on, lied to, manipulated or mistreated in any way. Never love-bomb someone that has cheated on you or mistreated you.

 

 

Bad behavior, cheating, maltreatment etc must have real world consequences or it simply gives license to mistreat again.

 

 

In a panic, most people do as you did and try to "nice" the cheater back and they do the "pick me! Pick me!" dance.

 

 

You have to do the opposite. you have to send them packing. You have to draw a bold line against being mistreated. Is it easy and painless? Absolutely NOT!! But you have to draw a line against being mistreated and must not accept it.

 

 

When people use the term "nice guy" they are not really meaning someone that treats people with kindness and dignity and courtesy. They are meaning it describe someone who has weak boundaries and allows others to mistreat them with no repurcussions.

 

 

The term "Nice Guy" typically means someone who has few other options and is desperate to hold on to someone, even when that someone is cheating on them and lying to them and mistreating them.

 

 

Allowing that kind of maltreatment is not kindness or respect, it is weakness and desperation and it is interpreted by cheaters as a sign of weakness and patheticness and in an ironic counter intuitiveness they lose respect and therefor lose desire for the betrayed. It makes the "bad boy" look stronger and more desirable and everything goes down the drain from there.

 

 

You don't have to turn into an @$$hole to succeed with women. You can still be kind and respectful. You can still help little old ladies cross the street and you can still put baby birds back in their nests.

 

 

Just have strong boundaries and do not accept unacceptable behavior and do not allow others to mistreat you. And never never reward bad behavior with instant forgiveness and love-bombing and welcoming their cheating selves with open arms.

 

 

Forgiveness is something they have to earn through heavy lifting and effort and it takes a long time.

 

 

Instant forgiveness and love-bombing reward being cheated on and allow it to continue.

[singer23]

Ask her to pay you back for the trip.. She was using you. She will come back again after this nw guy dumps her mooching ass.

 

Are her brother and friend stuill staying with you ?

[goodguy1]

Ask her to pay you back for the trip.. She was using you. She will come back again after this nw guy dumps her mooching ass.

 

Are her brother and friend stuill staying with you ?

 

No i moved out after graduation so i can start my career in the hopes of buying a house by the time she graduated and as for the money i really don't care for it. I really just don't want to have anything to do with her anymore.

[qubist]

No i moved out after graduation so i can start my career in the hopes of buying a house by the time she graduated and as for the money i really don't care for it. I really just don't want to have anything to do with her anymore.

How are feeling now? is it still bothering you in any way?

[Diezel]

She is his problem now.

[goodguy1]

How are feeling now? is it still bothering you in any way?

 

I would be lying if i told you it wasn't. I'm still overly depressed at whats happened because it blindsided me and i feel naive for not seeing it coming but i did what any guy is suppose to do. I put my complete trust in her and she stabbed me in the heart. I still have dreams of her every night and they do get to me but I'm working on distracting myself with trying to get my head ready for my career and have been hanging out with friends and honestly chatting with everyone on here has been a tremendous help and i thank everyone who has taken time out of their days to read my story and post their thoughts and words of encouragement. I blamed myself for what happened but as time has been passing i know it wasn't me but her. I did everything to make the relationship work i put 110% into the relationship whereas she stopped trying awhile ago. I feel like i am nowhere close to being over this but i'm not going to let what happened define who i am or change me. I'm more guarded of who i trust now but i myself have not truly changed because i love who i am as a person. Her family and all of her friends object the stupid decisions she has made within the last month and I'm glad they do but she's not my problem anymore. I carried her baggage for over 5 years and loved her each and everyday and she thought she found someone better and stronger for her and thats her choice. So all in all I'm still depressed because i truly did love her but I'm not going to let her or this stop me from living my life and i hope she finds the happiness she's searching for one day.

[qubist]

I would be lying if i told you it wasn't. I'm still overly depressed at whats happened because it blindsided me and i feel naive for not seeing it coming but i did what any guy is suppose to do. I put my complete trust in her and she stabbed me in the heart. I still have dreams of her every night and they do get to me but I'm working on distracting myself with trying to get my head ready for my career and have been hanging out with friends and honestly chatting with everyone on here has been a tremendous help and i thank everyone who has taken time out of their days to read my story and post their thoughts and words of encouragement. I blamed myself for what happened but as time has been passing i know it wasn't me but her. I did everything to make the relationship work i put 110% into the relationship whereas she stopped trying awhile ago. I feel like i am nowhere close to being over this but i'm not going to let what happened define who i am or change me. I'm more guarded of who i trust now but i myself have not truly changed because i love who i am as a person. Her family and all of her friends object the stupid decisions she has made within the last month and I'm glad they do but she's not my problem anymore. I carried her baggage for over 5 years and loved her each and everyday and she thought she found someone better and stronger for her and thats her choice. So all in all I'm still depressed because i truly did love her but I'm not going to let her or this stop me from living my life and i hope she finds the happiness she's searching for one day.

There is nothing you should be ashamed of and nothing you should be blamed for. I was just wondering how you are taking it it looks like you will be on top of it.

PS she didn't replace you with someone that she believed to be better than you. That's not necessarily the case. Sometimes people make dump mistakes knowingly specially when drugs are involved

[TX-SC]

You should rename your thread:

 

"My fiancé finally showed her true side and saved me a lot of future pain!"

 

I realize hearing other people tell stories sometimes can be helpful. Let me tell you mine...

 

I was engaged at the age of 21 to a pretty little blond. We dated for about a year at the end of my undergrad then decided to get married. Several months before we were to be married, she went to Germany to study German on a study abroad program. She cheated while there. I won't go into details, but she admitted it and begged for forgiveness. I was devastated. I immediately broke up with her and called off all wedding plans. I decided to go to graduate school. I have no idea what she is doing these days. I went NC and never heard from her again.

 

Now to the good part. I finished my graduate degree and then at the age of 25 I met a wonderful woman. I am a professional in my field making good money now. I have been married now for 20 years and have two great kids. Life truly is good. There has never been infidelity in my marriage and we are truly happy.

 

It hurts now, but it WILL get better.

[warshaw]

Of course I don't know that for sure. But I just want the OP to be aware of the possibility of her her coming back. And basing this on many similar stories where a girl leave the nice BF for a bad guy then end up regretting it after the fantasy dies. In this case she is a young student girl and the Other guy can provide drugs. Yes I don't know this for sure but I can speculate that she is there for the fun the other guy is providing and if that's the case she will miss the OP eventually

 

If you don't know it for sure, and you're speculating, and you acknowledge that it's only a possibility then it's much more accurate and truthful to state "consider the possibility that she'll be back" rather than "one way or another she will be back" and "you better believe she will be coming back". It gives false hope, and is not constructive advice given the circumstances.

 

Lots of times, most times in fact, the dumper never returns. There's nothing about this particular situation that puts the odds one way or the other.

[qubist]

If you don't know it for sure, and you're speculating, and you acknowledge that it's only a possibility then it's much more accurate and truthful to state "consider the possibility that she'll be back" rather than "one way or another she will be back" and "you better believe she will be coming back". It gives false hope, and is not constructive advice given the circumstances.

 

Lots of times, most times in fact, the dumper never returns. There's nothing about this particular situation that puts the odds one way or the other.

 

I'm not giving him any hope that she would come back. And he is not here looking for hope. I'm actually warning him so he would be ready if she does come back. That's my way of expressing,

[goodguy1]

You should rename your thread:

 

"My fiancé finally showed her true side and saved me a lot of future pain!"

 

I realize hearing other people tell stories sometimes can be helpful. Let me tell you mine...

 

I was engaged at the age of 21 to a pretty little blond. We dated for about a year at the end of my undergrad then decided to get married. Several months before we were to be married, she went to Germany to study German on a study abroad program. She cheated while there. I won't go into details, but she admitted it and begged for forgiveness. I was devastated. I immediately broke up with her and called off all wedding plans. I decided to go to graduate school. I have no idea what she is doing these days. I went NC and never heard from her again.

 

Now to the good part. I finished my graduate degree and then at the age of 25 I met a wonderful woman. I am a professional in my field making good money now. I have been married now for 20 years and have two great kids. Life truly is good. There has never been infidelity in my marriage and we are truly happy.

 

It hurts now, but it WILL get better.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with me and it did make me feel alot better and I'm really glad that everything turned out great for you. I know it will get better soon and thats whats keeping me going and NC has been helping a lot and i don't plan on ever breaking it.

[qubist]

Thank you for sharing your story with me and it did make me feel alot better and I'm really glad that everything turned out great for you. I know it will get better soon and thats whats keeping me going and NC has been helping a lot and i don't plan on ever breaking it.

good luckily you didn't invest too much in this can you imagine if you had kids with her?

[goodguy1]

good luckily you didn't invest too much in this can you imagine if you had kids with her?

 

Yeah thank god. She kept talking about having kids but having kids at 20/21 never really appealed to me.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Sucks man. You might have been her first, but don't be her last sucker. Some people are evil. Be happy that you didn't get used longer. Let him be her sugar daddy. Do your best to forget her & move on. Learn the warning signs of people who are sociopaths. There's a lot out there. Good luck.

[goodguy1]

Sucks man. You might have been her first, but don't be her last sucker. Some people are evil. Be happy that you didn't get used longer. Let him be her sugar daddy. Do your best to forget her & move on. Learn the warning signs of people who are sociopaths. There's a lot out there. Good luck.

 

You are very true and might i add that your profile pic and info gave me a good laugh cause i recognized everything from robocop.

[spanz1]

this, unfortunately, is sometimes how we learn--from our mistakes. You mistake was to not feel her cheating vibes, and figure out she was NOT GF material. Next time, put those feelers out and do a better job sensing if the woman IS truly into you.

[goodguy1]

She just sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and that she hopes i have a great day etc.

 

I wasn't ready to hear from her at all especially today and it broke me down... but I'm not breaking NC. I just wish she would have never texted me and she's terrible at remembering things so that must mean she still has my number saved in her phone while she's with the new guy.

[Bigdaddyt]

She just sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday and that she hopes i have a great day etc.

 

I wasn't ready to hear from her at all especially today and it broke me down... but I'm not breaking NC. I just wish she would have never texted me and she's terrible at remembering things so that must mean she still has my number saved in her phone while she's with the new guy.

 

Good guy , I agree with this group, you should be thankful that you dodged this bullet. Do not respond, block her number and live your life. Join a gym get active. The best revenge is to live well.

[TX-SC]

Her number should be blocked. In fact, get a new number.

[goodguy1]

I just blocked her number. Like every since i found out about the cheating and seen the pictures I've had really bad panic attacks when I've had no history of them before and i had a really bad one in the middle of the store when i seen that text. Sorry i know i shouldn't think to much into this and i know i should just forget about it but why would she think its ok to try and contact on today of all days knowing full well what she put me through...