qubist Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 why would she think its ok to try and contact on today of all days knowing full well what she put me through... because her logic is deferent from yours. continue the strict NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 why would she think its ok to try and contact on today of all days knowing full well what she put me through... Because she's doing what she wants, she's satisfying her needs, and has no regard for yours, because she doesn't care about you enough to do so. It's like the homeless guy you pass on the street who has the cup out. It would be easy for you to drop a dollar in there, but you don't, and maybe you feel a pang of guilt but as you walk away you rationalize all the reasons why you don't have to give the beggar any money and within 5 minutes you've completely forgotten about it- because the person means nothing to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 She left you for someone else. Any pain she felt was alleviated by the fact that she already has a new love to replace what she lost. You on the other hand, were left with nothing but pain. She thinks you should be getting over this by now because she is. She has no empathy for your pain. She's clueless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Thank you guys for your quick replies. I stuck to NC and do not plan on contacting her and i blocked her number and I'm feeling better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Thank you guys for your quick replies. I stuck to NC and do not plan on contacting her and i blocked her number and I'm feeling better. Good for you! When you get to the point where you don't even WANT to talk to her, then you are truly healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Can i ask you guys another question? How long did it take any of you to fall out of love with your ex? Does it ever truly go away or does a piece of the love just stick with you forever? Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Can i ask you guys another question? How long did it take any of you to fall out of love with your ex? Does it ever truly go away or does a piece of the love just stick with you forever? No, it won't be like that forever. You don't "always love" them. After a time you won't even think about her. Finding a new GF will do wonders for forgetting your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm feeling a lot better, still angry about the betrayal but I'm good now or atleast i hope i am. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm feeling a lot better, still angry about the betrayal but I'm good now or atleast i hope i am. It's a rollercoaster. There will be ups and downs. Take your time to heal then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hey goodguy1, It takes time for all the grieve to become less, just honest. Your ex- GF is immature and no wife material jet. Like others said, you feel pain now, and you should, as you loved her. I'm NOT telling you she's bad or a sl*t, but just not ready or insecure, maybe she needs to explore her sexuality and got to early in this relationship with you. maybe she's just scared for a commitment? She made her choice, move on, ask the prettiest girl in town for a date, have fun. Look after nr 1. Dutchman 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 It takes time to get over being cheated on by someone who you thought had your back. What you need to do is maintain the no contact and quit dwelling about the "coulda, woulda, shoulda's" because it's history now and you can't un ring the bell so you need to look towards tomorrow and your future and even though it still hurts be thankful that it never went to marriage because it would have been real trouble. One other thing. Sooner or later, your going to run in to her somewhere. The one thing you do not want to do is run. Do that and you'll never stop. If she says "hi hello how you doing" then just tell her your doing great. Don't offer any information and above all don't ask. If she starts telling you about her life, hold up your hand and let her know that you have other things to do and for her to have a nice day and walk away. If you show weakness or any emotion, she'll know she still has the upper hand. Don't be ignorant to her but you said your hi to her and now say bye. Once you get that out of the way then you can finally move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Look at this as an expensive education. You don't need to be a bad boy, there are plenty of women that like good men. However, you also should not put the next woman on a pedestal either, a healthy relationship is among equals. You are still young and don't get discouraged that the relationship wasn't happily ever after, that is what dating is for, to sort the chaff from the wheat. The best way to hand this is to remain forever NC and live a long and fruitful life. Best of luck to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hey you guys I'm doing really well now. Haven't really thought about her or the situation much and actually went to dinner and bowling with an old friend yesterday so kind of like a date but not a date but its just what i needed. Just thought i'd let you guys know about the progress I'm making 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hey you guys I'm doing really well now. Haven't really thought about her or the situation much and actually went to dinner and bowling with an old friend yesterday so kind of like a date but not a date but its just what i needed. Just thought i'd let you guys know about the progress I'm making Way to go buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
Bigdaddyt Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Hey you guys I'm doing really well now. Haven't really thought about her or the situation much and actually went to dinner and bowling with an old friend yesterday so kind of like a date but not a date but its just what i needed. Just thought i'd let you guys know about the progress I'm making Good guy, That is great news. Never look back, be prepared for her to come back to you when her new guy doesn't workout. Stay strong . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Good guy, That is great news. Never look back, be prepared for her to come back to you when her new guy doesn't workout. Stay strong . I will. I honestly don't want to be with her anymore, like a lot of you guys have said on here why would i want to waste my time with someone who wouldn't do what she did. So I'm actually really excited and going to continue to explore my options. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I will. I honestly don't want to be with her anymore, like a lot of you guys have said on here why would i want to waste my time with someone who wouldn't do what she did. So I'm actually really excited and going to continue to explore my options. Bro, breaking up with someone I find more than anything you miss the day to day routine with them. I think it's more pronounced when you're so invested in just that one person. As you've seen yourself, the more days that pass, the more you're doing your own thing the less you think about them and the less you miss the routine with them. Go and explore your options....explore two three or four if you have to. Living well is the best revenge pal. Go for it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Bro, breaking up with someone I find more than anything you miss the day to day routine with them. I think it's more pronounced when you're so invested in just that one person. As you've seen yourself, the more days that pass, the more you're doing your own thing the less you think about them and the less you miss the routine with them. Go and explore your options....explore two three or four if you have to. Living well is the best revenge pal. Go for it! Yeah I've been doing a lot of my own thing lately and hanging out with people i haven't seen in awhile and ones she was jealous of me being around so everythings been on the up and up for me. People keep messaging me trying to inform me on what she's been up to but I've just been telling them to keep it to themselves and that i don't need to know any of that because its not my problem anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 What kind of baggage did she have? Did you feel good taking care of her despite her baggage? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Just remember the person who is the loser in this is NOT you, but the guy she left you for. Since yay he gets to be in a relationship with a skanky cheater! I know I always dreamt of this fairytale romance. You know the one, right? Boy meets girl. Girl cheats on her husband with boy. Girl leaves husband for boy. Girl genuinely feels she isn't trashy as hell for this. Boy is too stupid to realize girl will eventually cheat on him as well. I think the next animated Disney film is based around such a fairytale. Edited September 30, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 What kind of baggage did she have? Did you feel good taking care of her despite her baggage? She had some serious baggage that i won't put on her but yeah i felt good taking care of her despite it but its all over now. Its no longer my burden and I'm honestly really happy right now 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Fair enough. Just a caution. The next time you meet a woman, make sure she doesn't have 'baggage' as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy1 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Fair enough. Just a caution. The next time you meet a woman, make sure she doesn't have 'baggage' as well. I think aiming to find a girl who doesn't have baggage is unrealistic, everyone has their own baggage i just need to find the one who's not going to let it get in the way and cause problems. Like i have baggage of my own but i don't let that affect the relationship at all. Like i've said in earlier post i did everything i could possibly do and in the end i was putting %110 into the relationship where she was no where close to putting that much effort. Honestly i should have caught on sooner but i though it was just the stress from school that got to her and maybe it was, but in the end she was weak and I'm not saying that to be mean or talk down about her but its the truth. After almost 6 years of being with her i could say she is a weak person and cannot survive without being with someone hence why she cheated and jumped into another relationship. Thats the difference between me and her i don't need anymore but myself to be happy, i proved that before me and her got together and i'm proving that to myself again. In hindsight she was the problem in the relationship always creating issues that didn't exist and i always felt like our relationship was a public forum because her family and friends always new everything that was going on and for some reason would have a say in our relationship. All in all it i know now that it was a toxic relationship and i lost myself in it because i was blinded by love, i knew she wasn't perfect but i didn't care and i let my love for her blind me from all the dumb **** she did. This experience has made me wiser and i know what to look for now and at the end of the day **** happens we all just gotta move on and thats what I'm doing Hanging out with good friends having good times. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Ok, let me reword this. Take some time and come up with your boundaries. Those things about yourself that you don't want to give up, things you aren't willing to do, behaviors you won't accept. Accept them, learn them, know them. Write them down if you have to and read them from time to time, if you tend to sink back into that Knight in Shining Armor routine. Know them well enough that, when you see someone being dysfunctional, like the girl you describe, let your 'buzzer' go off; give them one chance, in case she just had an off day. MAYBE give her a second chance. But NEVER give her a third chance if she crosses one of your boundaries. Of course you have to communicate to her at that time what the boundary is and why you won't accept it again - like lying to you or making fun of you in front of her friends, etc. - so that she can know and adjust. If she then knows but FAILS to adjust, then you know you're carrying her baggage for her. And you must leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) She had some serious baggage that i won't put on her but yeah i felt good taking care of her despite it but its all over now. Its no longer my burden and I'm honestly really happy right now I don't get what you mean that you won't put it on her? I'm not saying whatever baggage she has is her fault, but it is her responsibility that she let said baggage lead her to do this. Think of it another way: if you do something to really piss me off then obviously it is not my fault I am pissed off. However, I can't exactly blame you for anything I might do in a fit of anger because it's up to me to handle it like an adult. But meh it is good you are moving on. Remember relationships that begin via adultery tend not to make it for the long haul. So be strong if she ever tries to come crawling back. Edited October 1, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
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