elaine567 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Knickers? Is English your 2nd language? :lamo: Just kidding, guessing that your are in a common wealth nation. Knickers is a very common term in ENGLAND. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I am kind of pissed at this thread because we don't know the context of the situation. The night that I broke up with my last bf of 4 months this happened. He came over and I told him in advance that I can't have sex due to an infection. He seemed fine with it. We kissed some, watched TV and went to bed. Before getting into bed, he asked me to remove most of my clothes so that he can feel "closer" to me when we cuddled. I did because we have been together for 4 months and I trusted him. Once in bed, things got heated and I kept pushing him away and putting my clothes back on. I fell asleep only to wake up to him trying to take my clothes back off. WTF. I literally had to push him off me so that we wouldn't have sex. When I asked him what he was doing...he said it's my fault for getting into bed with him half naked!!! Due to this incident, I broke up with him the next day and blocked him everywhere. He ultimately apologized but I never responded to his messages. So yeah, I don't buy this thread. Exactly. If a woman tells a guy upfront that she doesn't want intercourse and the guy still encourages her to get naked while assuring her that he does not expect intercourse then he has only himself to blame for his frustration. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Exactly. If a woman tells a guy upfront that she doesn't want intercourse and the guy still encourages her to get naked while assuring her that he does not expect intercourse then he has only himself to blame for his frustration. I think the key here is communication. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Is it ‘rude’ for a woman to go to bed naked with a man and then say she doesn’t want to have sex… Well, look on the bright side... she could've waited until you were a couple of inches in then said, oh no, I can't take that monster - you have to go home now. Is this a hypothetical question? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have not read this thread, but is it possible she is a virgin? Comfortable with nudity and making out, but actual penetration is too scary or she just has never gone there up till now. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 It's so interesting to see such opposing views on this. I'm going to get absolutely flamed for this but I've done it. With a number of guys actually. I was such a late bloomer it's silly so, for me, it was inexperience. I wasn't doing it to manipulate or as some kind of test or anything. There are personal reasons as to why but I found it very difficult to get physically close with any guy. On a couple of occasions (with alcohol involved which lowered my inhibitions), I got involved with someone who I knew. And we fooled around and ended up in bed and clothes came off. I know I should have mentioned it sooner but I didn't. I was a virgin and wasn't ready. And I literally didn't realise until I said I wasn't ready. The reality of the situation hit and I'd got carried away. I told them we couldn't go any further. I agree it is somewhat risky behaviour and I wouldn't recommend it but I did know these guys very well and all but one behaved themselves impeccably. But I'm very naive on top of it all. I just don't get the impact. I remember being in bed with a friend hungover (nothing happened, he'd just crashed at mine) and I told him how someone had told me sex was great for a hangover. Apparently that is not appropriate to say to a guy you're in bed with. But to me, it's a statement not a suggestion. I'm sure it sucks to get all riled up and it taken away but surely you can deal? And I'm sure lots of girls do this to manipulate but certainly that's not always the case. Sex with another person is not a right. You have no idea what goes through someones head or why they do what they do so to label someone as manipulative and cruel is a little harsh when we don't have all the details. Thank you! I can't believe the number of people who just assume to know this woman's intentions. She'd be kicked out and dumped numerous times over. Yes, communicate. Yes, keep your clothes on. That would ideally happen, but life is sometimes not ideal. When it comes to sex it's like women can't win sometimes, because this is what I'm hearing: If she has sex too soon, she's a ho and she's not girlfriend material. If she's too slow, she's disinterested and not sexual enough and also not girlfriend material. So a woman has to be arousing enough in a timely manner, but not be SO arousing that her man get premature wood, especially if she's not ready to have sex, because then she's manipulative and still not girlfriend material. And it's up to her to communicate all of these things effectively to a man who, because it's still early in the relationship, she doesn't even know very well. Never mind other factors like inexperience, body shame, past abuse, etc. Pul-eeezzze, we are asking too much. smh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Not really... consider if you were at karaoke with friends and saw that someone really wanted to get up and sing, but could also see they were worried what people would think, etc. - so you want to encourage them - what would you say to them to do what THEY want to do - not what you want them to do... Bolded has been stated several times by the OP. I am not clear from the thread thus far exactly what he is getting at and the circumstances leading to being in bed naked together. It seems important to OP that the lady does not feel manipulated. A preoccupation, why? (semantics?) Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Knickers? Is English your 2nd language? :lamo: Just kidding, guessing that your are in a common wealth nation. English comes from England, a place east of New York across that big bit of water. In England they use the word 'knickers.' 3 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Our water cooler forum is available to discuss the nuances of language, especially those which apparently don't apply to this discussion, since I'm reading in the title that the person is 'naked'. Let's proceed with that in mind and discuss the rudeness of then saying no she doesn't want sex. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Knickers? Is English your 2nd language? :lamo: Just kidding, guessing that your are in a common wealth nation. in any language, it's gameplaying what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 She has a right to go to bed naked and decline sex and you have a right to jerk off on her while she's sleeping to avoid blue balls. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine2016 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Sunshine, I'm curious about your opinion: what is the appeal of everything-sexual but not intercourse? Most men prefer intercourse to get off, let say if my partner did everything for me to reach an orgasm, why I'd withhold his right to have one? And let say, if I want to help him reach one, why use an "alternative" method? I'm not trying to argue here, just trying to understand your opinion (which I've also heard from others) for myself. Sunshine, I'm curious about your opinion: what is the appeal of everything-sexual but not intercourse? Most men prefer intercourse to get off, let say if my partner did everything for me to reach an orgasm, why I'd withhold his right to have one? And let say, if I want to help him reach one, why use an "alternative" method? I'm not trying to argue here, just trying to understand your opinion (which I've also heard from others) for myself. Hey No-Go The context you've described is different from that which I was initially referring to. It's a different thing entirely if you're in a relationship or some arrangement (eg a fling or casual relationship) and have already commenced a fully blown sexual relationship. In such an instance , there'd be no need for "alternative" methods, as the parties have already crossed the boundaries of sex. I'd expect most sexual encounters between these people to conclude with inter course. What I was referring to moreso applied to situations where, as others have go on to highlight in this tread, the parties haven't started having sex, but wish to enjoy sexually intimate interactions nonetheless which may include nudity eg heavy petting etc. The woman may be holding back on sex for a host of reasons e.g. because the rship is still young or isn't defined yet and she's perhaps not certain she wants to have intercourse at that stage or even in the future. In this instance, there's no manipulation or childishness involved, she's simply taking her time and trying to be careful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 in any language, it's gameplaying what she did. Lighten up I was joking with that poster not attacking them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 She has a right to go to bed naked and decline sex and you have a right to jerk off on her while she's sleeping to avoid blue balls. If you have to go and masturbate to get to sleep when there's a naked girl in your bed, its a sign that she's not the right girl to be naked in your bed... OP, as others have suggested its best to politely leave, or suggest that she sleeps in the other room. Its harder to maintain a career and life if your not managing to get sleep yourself. I'd really suggest letting this one go, it should be smooth sailing in the early stages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I am kind of pissed at this thread because we don't know the context of the situation. The night that I broke up with my last bf of 4 months this happened. He came over and I told him in advance that I can't have sex due to an infection. He seemed fine with it. We kissed some, watched TV and went to bed. Before getting into bed, he asked me to remove most of my clothes so that he can feel "closer" to me when we cuddled. I did because we have been together for 4 months and I trusted him. Once in bed, things got heated and I kept pushing him away and putting my clothes back on. I fell asleep only to wake up to him trying to take my clothes back off. WTF. I literally had to push him off me so that we wouldn't have sex. When I asked him what he was doing...he said it's my fault for getting into bed with him half naked!!! Due to this incident, I broke up with him the next day and blocked him everywhere. He ultimately apologized but I never responded to his messages. So yeah, I don't buy this thread. Your situation is entirely different. Your boyfriend had a problem with self-control, respect for you and your boundaries and was insensitive to your needs PERIOD. It has nothing to do with whether or not you you went to bed naked. That was not the crux of your situation. You were right to dump him. This woman was not ill and needing her space, she was taunting a man on purpose, I'd say, or just plain stupid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks for clarifying I see the point with the starting relationship, just I personally do not make a big distinction penetrative/ non-penetrative (heavy petting etc) sex, but I can understand how it could be an issue e.g. for a very young and/or virgin woman, someone who is not confident with birth control at the moment etc. Another thing that comes to mind from reading this tread, is that cultural, family, religious reasons and/or health/judgement scares may affect the desire of the woman (or the man) to involve in penetrative sex, and saying no my reflect the "no" answer, not "rudeness"... food for thought. Hey No-Go The context you've described is different from that which I was initially referring to. It's a different thing entirely if you're in a relationship or some arrangement (eg a fling or casual relationship) and have already commenced a fully blown sexual relationship. In such an instance , there'd be no need for "alternative" methods, as the parties have already crossed the boundaries of sex. I'd expect most sexual encounters between these people to conclude with inter course. What I was referring to moreso applied to situations where, as others have go on to highlight in this tread, the parties haven't started having sex, but wish to enjoy sexually intimate interactions nonetheless which may include nudity eg heavy petting etc. The woman may be holding back on sex for a host of reasons e.g. because the rship is still young or isn't defined yet and she's perhaps not certain she wants to have intercourse at that stage or even in the future. In this instance, there's no manipulation or childishness involved, she's simply taking her time and trying to be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Not much can be said here in this situation women today can do whatever they want. Either you as man put up with it just let it be. Can't force yourself on her or not to do what you want. It has to be total mutual agreement and respect. If she want's you to engage then she'll say yes if not then leave it be! Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 We've been kind of dating for a couple months, but I had to go away for a few weeks, so we kept in touch on Facebook - she said she was really keen to see me again and 'give me a big hug', and so when I got home I made her dinner and we ended up in my bed (which would have been about our 3rd date?) and went at it like crazy until she suddenly stopped... I guess she realized she wasn't ready at the worst moment for you. I understand how she feels given the situation you have described. But I think we could all agree that she could have handled things better, more maturely. Like some suggested, there's a chance she's enjoying being a naughty prick tease at your expense. But there's also a chance she's just inexperienced with men and is oblivious to how her (in)action affects the man she's getting in bed with. It doesn't matter if we find what she did rude. But if you DO think it was rude of her to act that way, then comunication is the key. She let you know her boundaries. You can do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UntitledNotepad Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 She wanted to have sex, but she was testing what kind of man you were. Results came back, you are a beta. yes means yes no, then yes means yes no, then no, then yes, means yes no, then no, then no, then yes, means yes no, then no, then no, then no, then yes, means yes no, then no, then no, then no, then no, then yes, means yes (ALPHA MALE) no, then no, then no, then no, then no, then no, means no. Get it? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 As you said, a woman (or man) has a right to change their mind about having sex, even if sex is already happening they can always say stop, I don't want to anymore. I've definitely been in situations where I just wanted to make out or there was heavy petting but I had no intention of going all the way and stopped things. It wasn't because I was trying to manipulate the guy, it was because I was only comfortable going up to a certain point. Anyway, the strange part in your situation is going to bed naked. Do you mean after the making out and heavy petting, she declined sex but went to sleep naked? That is her right, but for me, if I didn't want to go any further, and esp if I knew the guy wanted more, I would at least try to be considerate by putting my clothes on, going home if it wasn't my house or something. I wouldn't just go to bed all naked beside him knowing it would probably be very frustrating. So in that sense that part is impolite. A woman is NEVER wrong to say no or change her mind, unless she likes teasing, which is also not wrong, in that some people like that kind of thing and eventually it will culminate in sex, but otherwise, if I was not teasing on purpose, I'd try to put clothes on and try to "cool down" the situation so we could go to sleep instead of curling up naked with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) I think she wanted you to force yourself on her.... some women are into that type of aggression from men. Either that or her "no" really meant "yes" (as crazy as that sounds). See below article (written by a man). Nos" and "Yesses" Aren't Always Solid In The Beginning In the beginning, even "yesses" aren't always sure "yesses." When things start off you think to yourself, "what the heck am I doing?" Similarly, "nos" aren't solid either. One or both people are prone to change their minds easily. We Can Turn an "Unsure No" Into A "Yes" Most of us guys have been there: the night ends, and we invite the girl to to come home with us. When a girl says no, we launch into our second and third attempts. Sadly, these attempts are filled with incentives such as a promise of guitar playing or "fabulous chicken tenders at the diner by my place", or even promises: "I will definitely call you the next day," etc. I've taken girls home after long discussions changing "nos" into "yesses," and had long discussions before making out as well: - Debating the pros and cons of making out in relation to our friendship - Discussing how we'll hide it from certian people if it happens - Convincing a girl she's not "slutty" if we make out on the first night So, given the amount of times we have to convince, change minds, turn the tides, and overcome obstacles, we've learned that sometimes "no" can mean "yes". Or, at lease we can turn our frown upside down with a little focused, hard work and persuasion. End of article. I mean, come on, getting into bed NAKED with you? Helllloooooo..... Edited August 29, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Quick question for Redhead and Los Angelena (...and anyone else I’m curious… I don’t want to sound like I intend to be manipulative in any way, but say that a woman DID want to have sex, but couldn’t because she thought all of these things (he’ll think I’m too easy, he won’t call me again, what will my friends think, etc. etc.) what would be the best way for a man to put her at ease so that she can do what SHE wants to? Well if your asking that after she got in bed and then had a change of heart, OK, I can see that happening but if that's the case then put your clothes back on and sleep in your own bed. All would be forgiven but you just don't roll over and go to sleep bare assed. All in all you can't have it both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 A woman who does this is stupid beyond words and cruel. I don't even get the word "cruel" in this context. But I don't understand raping someone for sex or the complete lack of self control that some people seem to have around sex either. People can always just take care of themselves, they don't need to stick it in an unwilling partner. I don't know what was going on in the situation. People mess around all the time and don't have intercourse for various reasons. This seems like a communication or awkwardness issue. To say it's "stupid" would imply that men in general can't be trusted. Most people here seem to think that that's the case! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I don't even get the word "cruel" in this context. But I don't understand raping someone for sex or the complete lack of self control that some people seem to have around sex either. People can always just take care of themselves, they don't need to stick it in an unwilling partner. I don't know what was going on in the situation. People mess around all the time and don't have intercourse for various reasons. This seems like a communication or awkwardness issue. To say it's "stupid" would imply that men in general can't be trusted. Most people here seem to think that that's the case! It's not ideal but not cruel. Something probably made her change her mind which is her right Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Lighten up I was joking with that poster not attacking them. I didn't say that you were... Link to post Share on other sites
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