Is it ‘rude’ of a woman to go to bed naked with a man & then say she doesn’t want sex

[h2man]

Is it ‘rude’ for a woman to go to bed naked with a man and then say she doesn’t want to have sex…

 

Disregarding the obvious issue that a woman ALWAYS has the right to say when and where she wants to have sex, and that NO means NO… I am just wondering what people (men and women) feel about a woman that goes to bed naked with a man on the third date, and after intense kissing, touching, etc. says she doesn’t want to have sex

 

I just think if she didn’t, it is only fair to not let it go so far, and instead to just wait until she is ready before getting naked in bed - again, not at all implying that she should have sex if she doesn’t want to, I am just wondering if anyone else thinks it ‘inconsiderate’ or rude - kind of like inviting someone to dinner, siting down and ordering your food, and then when it arrives saying that you have to leave and can't eat - wouldn’t it have been better to just not go out for dinner in the first place, if you weren’t ready for it?

 

I know a woman has a right to change her mind at any moment, and be respected for it, and a man has a duty to do that, and I am not implying in any, way shape or form that anything else happen, I just wonder if other women, or men, think that it is an unfair or ’impolite’ thing to do?

[Art_Critic]

I don't think it is rude.. stupid for sure, she must trust someone in order to do that.

 

It's teasing and a game/test, she just doesn't realize that it doesn't take a naked woman get get a guy horny.. it only take a woman, clothed is fine too..

 

In this case..if I was presented with it I would spoon her, go from there and if she said NO then I would roll over and fall asleep as if it wasn't bothering me, chances are the morning sex would happen if the cards were played right.

[Redhead14]

Is it ‘rude’ for a woman to go to bed naked with a man and then say she doesn’t want to have sex…

 

Disregarding the obvious issue that a woman ALWAYS has the right to say when and where she wants to have sex, and that NO means NO… I am just wondering what people (men and women) feel about a woman that goes to bed naked with a man on the third date, and after intense kissing, touching, etc. says she doesn’t want to have sex

 

I just think if she didn’t, it is only fair to not let it go so far, and instead to just wait until she is ready before getting naked in bed - again, not at all implying that she should have sex if she doesn’t want to, I am just wondering if anyone else thinks it ‘inconsiderate’ or rude - kind of like inviting someone to dinner, siting down and ordering your food, and then when it arrives saying that you have to leave and can't eat - wouldn’t it have been better to just not go out for dinner in the first place, if you weren’t ready for it?

 

I know a woman has a right to change her mind at any moment, and be respected for it, and a man has a duty to do that, and I am not implying in any, way shape or form that anything else happen, I just wonder if other women, or men, think that it is an unfair or ’impolite’ thing to do?

 

It is not only rude, but it is disrespectful and manipulative. Move on from her. This is a sign of bigger issues. That is about her "using sex" as an enticement and a hook. It makes me angry to think about how this kind of thing paints women in a bad light for men. Don't let this color your opinion of women and dating. She's just a bad apple.

[SSJROMANCE]

It's dangerous and stupid. My ex-girlfriend (two weeks after we broke up) let a stranger sleep in her bed on the first night they met. She was ignorant and naive thinking nothing would happen then he made his move. She said she said "no" but the guy was controlling and overwhelming and in her intoxicated state of mind she gave in and they had sex. He went at her four times during the next 8 hours for sex and she felt helpless (which is a different story).

 

If you don't plan on having sex DO NOT even sleep in the same bed. You are sending this guy the wrong message as like my ex-girlfriend did.

[Yummm]

Maaaaaate, you got a serious case of blue balls eh?

 

Yeah it's misleading and not cool, I would go nuts

[Gaeta]

It's stupid, immature and could be dangerous. Not all men will take no for an answer during her little games.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Not rude, but playing with fire. Maybe it's a stupid test, to see if the guy can't control himself. That could be a test of his morals or a self esteem/ego issue that she has.

[mystikmind2005]

I would have thought the most obvious reason is that she is one of those type of women that needs to be drawn the final few steps to the yes, she wanted to say yes, but you did not get her over that line for whatever reason.

[autumnnight]

Sounds to me like a tease...or one of those women that WANTS to tempt you too far and then cry assault.

[Pull n Pray]

Hard to say without knowing all the gory details. Did she at least offer you another form of relief? If not, then she's being a tease... and not in a good way.

[central]

Not rude, but playing with fire. Maybe it's a stupid test, to see if the guy can't control himself. That could be a test of his morals or a self esteem/ego issue that she has.

 

The only stupidity here is hers, as she is definitely playing with fire. And if it were me, it would almost certainly be the last time I'd date her, because I like intelligent women.

[Sunshine2016]

How about if she wants to engage in foreplay with no intention to go all the way, i.e.. have sex? Is there anything inherently wrong with that? My belief is sexual interactions don't necessarily have to culminate in full blown sex. I also don't think the basis for getting naked in bed must be full blown sex. There are different stages which may require nudity e.g heavy petting during which a woman may withhold or desist from full intercourse. Doesn't make her a tease or manipulative, or does it? Curious to know.

[Gloria25]

It's not rude...it's a manipulation

 

Bullpoop on this being some "test" of self-control, morality, whatever...

 

Either she's the typical female who:

 

1- Thinks that she can grind on a guy, kiss him, show him her boobies and if he dare get an erection and/or expect sex - he's a pig;

 

2- Thinks men and women can "just be friends" so, he can be the little doggie that follows her around until she's ready to throw him a bone (sex in this case).

 

3- Is trying to give him blue balls to manipulate him into "something" (i.e. a commitment, control over him, making her look like "Virgin Mary - saving herself only for him and isn't that just soooo sweet and "pure" of her )

 

Either way, it isn't good. Dump her buttt. Or better yet, get in bed with her, get a hard on and rub it up against her till you jizz all over her then tell her to get out of your bed and life.

 

I don't play those games with men. I'm not getting into bed, inviting some guy home, kissing with tongue and getting all hot and heavy if I don't intend for sex to happen - even if it doesn't happen at that time.

[No_Go]

Sunshine, I'm curious about your opinion: what is the appeal of everything-sexual but not intercourse?

 

Most men prefer intercourse to get off, let say if my partner did everything for me to reach an orgasm, why I'd withhold his right to have one? And let say, if I want to help him reach one, why use an "alternative" method? I'm not trying to argue here, just trying to understand your opinion (which I've also heard from others) for myself.

 

How about if she wants to engage in foreplay with no intention to go all the way, i.e.. have sex? Is there anything inherently wrong with that? My belief is sexual interactions don't necessarily have to culminate in full blown sex. I also don't think the basis for getting naked in bed must be full blown sex. There are different stages which may require nudity e.g heavy petting during which a woman may withhold or desist from full intercourse. Doesn't make her a tease or manipulative, or does it? Curious to know.

[Toodaloo]

kind of like inviting someone to dinner, siting down and ordering your food, and then when it arrives saying that you have to leave and can't eat - wouldn’t it have been better to just not go out for dinner in the first place, if you weren’t ready for it?

 

 

Yes it would have been better because the restaurant owner is going to make you pay...

 

A woman who does this is stupid beyond words and cruel.

 

While unlike walking out of a reteraunt she can say no and has every right to say no, with her wishes being respected, perhaps some prior thought and consideration wouldn't go a miss.

 

If you don't want boys to poke things into your vagina keep your knickers on...

 

If I am naked in bed with a man I am expecting to have sex. If I don't want sex I cover the lady bits up. Simples.

[carhill]

Who's bed?

[Diezel]

I don't care if it's rude or not.

What I will tell you is that I wouldn't go on a fourth date with that woman.

 

We don't need analogies for this. It's pretty obvious. Any guy willing to put up with that from a woman deserves to be walked on.

[autumnnight]

This is the kind of thing those "rape culture" women would rush to defend, but I think it's kind of teasy.

[losangelena]

I have a slightly different perspective, and it comes from this feeling that women somehow seem to be held to a higher level of responsibility when it comes to deciding to have sex.

 

For instance, the other day, on a different thread, I suggested that it was manipulative for a man who didn't consider a woman "relationship material," (because she slept with him on date two) to continue dating/sleeping with her "as long as he could," even though his only intention was sex. Well, the response I got was that it was the woman's "responsibility to take ownership of her actions," and then, "a woman is perfectly capable of clarifying intentions or refusing to have sex if ambiguity exists but don't count on the guy to be a mind reader."

 

Well, why does a woman have to be a mind reader? Why is it expected that if a man get an erection, that she must help him relieve it? If she has sex "too soon," she's not relationship material, but if she doesn't have sex "soon enough," then she's not relationship material, either. To me it sounds like she's trying to toe some ambiguous, societally-determined line between being a "sl*t" and a prude.

 

I personally wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's "rude." To me it sounds like a woman who is trying to figure things out.

[RebelWithoutACause]

Positively very rude! Tell her that next time she decides to go to your bedroom she's getting a spanking:cool:

[Redhead14]

I have a slightly different perspective, and it comes from this feeling that women somehow seem to be held to a higher level of responsibility when it comes to deciding to have sex.

 

For instance, the other day, on a different thread, I suggested that it was manipulative for a man who didn't consider a woman "relationship material," (because she slept with him on date two) to continue dating/sleeping with her "as long as he could," even though his only intention was sex. Well, the response I got was that it was the woman's "responsibility to take ownership of her actions," and then, "a woman is perfectly capable of clarifying intentions or refusing to have sex if ambiguity exists but don't count on the guy to be a mind reader."

 

Well, why does a woman have to be a mind reader? Why is it expected that if a man get an erection, that she must help him relieve it? If she has sex "too soon," she's not relationship material, but if she doesn't have sex "soon enough," then she's not relationship material, either. To me it sounds like she's trying to toe some ambiguous, societally-determined line between being a "sl*t" and a prude.

 

I personally wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's "rude." To me it sounds like a woman who is trying to figure things out.

 

women somehow seem to be held to a higher level of responsibility when it comes to deciding to have sex. -- That may be true for some men. However, the bigger issue is that some women won't accept accountability for their own behaviors in situations with men. They will blame the man if she decided to have sex with him and he maybe moves on. "Oh, he was an AH. HE slept with me . . ." She was in it too. She doesn't have to be a mind-reader, she only has to know her own mind, be able to control her own urges and take responsibility for herself.

 

That is the crux.

[Ruby Slippers]

I imagine that if I were a man, got into bed with a naked woman on the third date, and she told me after making out that she didn't want to have sex, I would put my clothes back on and ask her to do the same. If it were her place, I would most likely say my good-byes and leave. If it were my place, I would politely see her out.

 

Getting into bed naked with a man is like waving a big red flag in front of a bull. I wouldn't play the game of the matador telling me the bull not to charge for an entire night in bed together. It's as if she's trying to establish dominance and tame the bull right out of the gate. I would simply end the game and take my exit.

 

I'd probably give her one pass, since it could have been nerves or whatever. But I don't imagine I'd tolerate such a stunt again.

[kendahke]

Is it ‘rude’ for a woman to go to bed naked with a man and then say she doesn’t want to have sex…

 

Whose bed is she in?

 

If it was yours, then I would have asked her to get dressed and go home. And I wouldn't have anything more to do with her game playing.

 

If it was hers, I would have gotten up, gotten dressed and gone home. And I wouldn't have anything more to do with her game playing.

[losangelena]

She doesn't have to be a mind-reader, she only has to know her own mind, be able to control her own urges and take responsibility for herself.

 

That is the crux.

 

Oh, I agree that BOTH parties should take responsibility for themselves, absolutely. But to what extent does one have to control their urges? If you're not willing to have sex yet, does that mean you have to act like a nun? No kissing, touching, "fooling around?" Wouldn't that be a turn-off for a lot of men? Conversely, don't women so often get points docked if they let that urge get out of control and decide to go all the way too soon? That seems to be a turn-off too, sometimes.

 

Where does a woman (or man) draw the line? What's acceptable? What if she had kept her clothes on, would that have made a difference? My guess is it's different for every couple; and surely, there are men on here who say they wouldn't date a woman like this. Maybe she stopped because she's wondering if OP would keep respect for her if she had gone all the way.

 

It just seem to me (my own observation) that women fall into three categories: too soon, not soon enough, some but not enough. And once a guy gets hard, it's all on her.

[Gaeta]

If you want to fool around naked in a bed but don't want intercourse you advice the man first.

 

You can't get undressed, jump in the bed with him, get him all worked up, then tell him he's responsible for his erection. Well yes you can tell him but it's stupid and cruel. If you don't want a man to get an erection keep your clothes on.