Those who do OLD, does this bug you?

[Jj66]

I did very well with cheeky messages that showed I don't give a **** and obviously don't take OLD seriously.

 

I only sent messages to women who showed as being online. Women get so many messages I didn't want to be competing with 20 other messages in her inbox when she logged on. I used to set aside Sunday nights for looking. Even if I had time I did not log in on Friday or Saturday.

 

If she visited my profile I might send her a message asking if she was a stalker or something. Or accusing her of being rude by not saying hello. Especially if it was the second visit to my profile that was going to be my tactic. A second visit definitely shows some sort of interest. I would strike while the iron was hot and tease her about it. Again, it says I don't give a **** whether you like me or not (implied message is I have other prospects and I'm clearly not going to be a needy, kiss your ass type date).

 

The second message is the one that mentions something in her profile unless she came back with a witty response in which case it was let the banter begin.

[Toodaloo]

I would love to know what you guys actually think goes on with women and OLD...

 

Seriously.

 

My in box is not full of great guys. Nor is it full of wonderful prospects

 

My inbox is full of "Hey fancy a f***". That is not competition to a great guy.

 

So when a message that is thoughtful, cheeky, friendly comes through... ITS A RELIEF! I actually WANT to talk to those guys...! So I do.

 

Reasons why I do not respond are thus;

 

1. Too far away (over an hours drive)

2. Out of my age bracket (way too young or way too old, I have set my parameters just over as far as I am prepared to go)

3. Clearly completely incompatible lifestyles (he is complete townie, slob, into drugs, massive mowhawk, hates dogs etc... because those people are not going to get on with me)

4. Nothing to talk about because he has nothing - bare minimum in his profile...

5. Really not my type looks wise (but has to be very unattractive to me)

 

If you do not try you do not get. If you are slobby in your attempts, the most you will get are slobby results.

 

No I don't have 100 dates, no I don't have a ton of guys asking me out. NO I don't have tons of guys sweeping me off of my feet. No I am not ugly, no I am not the local bike. No I am not a ten ton hessy. No I am not dating a million guys all at once.

 

Yes I do get to have the odd good conversation. Yes I do get guys telling me that they never thought someone like me would respond (or be interested if I message them), yes I do get some fantastic dates, yes I get some really bad dates, yes I am still single and still looking.

 

Most profiles are awful. Most pictures are terrible (several of my dates have been far better looking in real life). Most just don't go anywhere.

 

For me personally if I have looked at your profile it is either because I am interested or because I clicked on it by accident. Yes I read all the answers to the questions no matter how long, I read all about what you have said... I do that before I take a good look at your photos. I read the profile of every message that does not mention sex. Its why its such damned hard work.

 

Women want what we have always wanted.

 

Men who are comfortable in their own skin and who are confident.

 

The rest is just personal choice.

[Shining One]

Yeah, it yields more success for guys looking to get laid.

It also provides greater chances for the men who are statistically undesirable. If a man is combination of attributes that only a small percentage of the women in the area are willing to date, the man must message significantly more women than normal to get responses.

It's actually pretty easy to get into the top 1% of profiles because the bar is set so low.

This is easier said than done when you have attributes (outside your control) that are not desired by most of the women around you.

[impatiently_patient]

Wait... is this a Brittish forum?

[PegNosePete]

This is easier said than done when you have attributes (outside your control) that are not desired by most of the women around you.

Being bald, divorced and pushing 40 never stopped me.

[impatiently_patient]

Being bald, divorced and pushing 40 never stopped me.

 

Timberline? Is that you?

[Keenly]

Age demographics are also something that need to be taken into account. 20 to 30s are waaaay different than the 30 to 40s, etc.

[Shining One]

I would love to know what you guys actually think goes on with women and OLD.

A few of my female friends have let me look through their messages on OKCupid and Match. I agree that the vast majority of messages received are trash. However, there are still some good ones in there. I don't want to turn this into a "who has it worse" thread, but I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to have an Inbox with 90 trash messages and 10 good ones than to have an Inbox with 0 messages.

Being bald, divorced and pushing 40 never stopped me.

Try being Atheist and Indian.

[Toodaloo]

Shining I have had the empty inbox...

 

I do know where guy who get nothing back are coming from. Been there and sat there for 6 months - wasn't working - so I changed it.

 

Whats worse is that the guys I contacted just kept looking at my profile over and over and over again but never said hello.

 

Example of a really crappy profile

 

"I'll leave this part empty for thosevwho judge soley on how little I've wrote x"

 

Well I am leaving that profile because I can't be arsed to get into some tirade about men v. women and who is more judgemental than who.

 

If you want to make your personality/ preferences a problem then go ahead that is your choice. If you want life to be harder than it already is then really who am I to stop you.

[Shining One]

Shining I have had the empty inbox...

You have insight that most people don't. You've experienced both the empty inbox and the flood of trash with the few gems mixed in.

Been there and sat there for 6 months - wasn't working - so I changed it.

The bolded is the important part. I tried the low volume / high effort messaging strategy for years on OLD. It did not produce results. I changed my strategy to high volume / low effort and started getting results. My current girlfriend was somewhere near the 200th woman I had messaged that month.

[kendahke]

This annoys me and I don't know if I should lighten up or not. If I should tell me lol.

 

I get guys that message me and the first thing they'll message is something like "hey sweetie!" or along those lines and that's it. It's a turn-off to have someone I don't even know use a term of endearment like that.

 

I'm messaging a guy now and his first message to me was about a paragraph long and thoughtful and made me want to message him back. After that first message all his messages are short and he never asks me anything about myself (basic questions to get to know someone) and it's like pulling teeth. How difficult can it be to have give and take with another person? Maybe he's better in person. It actually feels like WORK messaging some guys because they don't know how to do the basic give and take.

 

Should I say something? If so, what? I'm not asking for an essay when they message me but sheesh lol.

 

Get an in-face meeting ASAP. You may be dealing with a catfish. If they tell you they're out of town, hang up, block them immediately.

 

That first message may have been a form sheet they got off of a website that has that stuff written out--and they have to do is copy and paste. In fact, copy and paste it into Google and see what comes up.

[kendahke]

I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to have an Inbox with 90 trash messages and 10 good ones than to have an Inbox with 0 messages.

 

No. Absolutely not.

 

In my experience, if there are a bunch of messages in my inbox, say 10 messages, 8 of them are from scammers. One will be someone with no picture or profile written out and the other will be someone outside my preferences. I'd rather my box be empty than having to waste my time deleting fake profiles--but that is how I find who they are and report them, so there's that.

[impatiently_patient]

Age demographics are also something that need to be taken into account. 20 to 30s are waaaay different than the 30 to 40s, etc.

 

Keenly: I'm 38, educated, fairly intelligent, in decent shape, have a great career, no baggage, decent looking (I hope), diverse interests, and I get nothing but ignored online. Age has little to do with it. My friend who's a bit older than myself gets s___ for attention as well.

 

Every forum seems to have a guy like PegFingerSteve, who claims to be 40+, balding, the whole spiel, who can't understand how other guys have so much trouble with online dating... and mention it as often as they can. It's like a trope at this point. I take it with a block of proverbial salt.

[Keenly]

. My current girlfriend was somewhere near the 200th woman I had messaged that month.

 

I might be a gambling man, but one thing I don't gamble with is my time. I would not waste 3 to 6 hours a week messaging women HOPING that they would respond. But that's just me.

[PegNosePete]

Every forum seems to have a guy like PegFingerSteve, who claims to be 40+, balding, the whole spiel, who can't understand how other guys have so much trouble with online dating

Behave civilly here please. Calling names is not nice.

 

I absolutely can imagine how many guys have problems. 99% it's because their pics and profiles are terrible. Just a short visit to the profile review forums on any dating site will show you that. Almost every thread reads "I can't understand why I get no responses, my profile is good, is it because I'm ugly?"... and when you look at their profile you can instantly tell why they get no responses, because their photos are awful and their text is totally off-putting.

[oberkeat]

I ignore full-stop all the "Hey!" "Hey cutie!" "How are you tonight?" "Hi" "You're hot!" and similar short, one word/liner first messages. They probably message 100 women a day that way, and we women receive 100 of them too. No effort at all. Save your own energy for a guy who writes you a tailored message.

 

Y'know, I don't get how women are so outraged when they get these messages. Because frankly, women don't respond when men send messages that are "tailored" and well-thought out.

[Toodaloo]

Keenly: I'm 38, educated, fairly intelligent, in decent shape, have a great career, no baggage, decent looking (I hope), diverse interests, and I get nothing but ignored online. Age has little to do with it. My friend who's a bit older than myself gets s___ for attention as well.

 

Every forum seems to have a guy like PegFingerSteve, who claims to be 40+, balding, the whole spiel, who can't understand how other guys have so much trouble with online dating... and mention it as often as they can. It's like a trope at this point. I take it with a block of proverbial salt.

 

PegNose has not said that it is easy. He has said what worked for him. He has given you advice based on his experiences as have I on mine.

 

I give advice based on the fact that I am a woman looking for a long lasting relationship and wanting to meet someone that is special to me. Not just a quick shag or someone to abuse for whatever reason. So I tell you what I look for in profiles and what will gain response and what will be ignored.

 

Like messages on OLD anyone can choose to either heed or ignore this help and advice.

 

But for what its worth I have a date this weekend with a bald 40 something guy... You want to know how he did it - read my advice.

[Toodaloo]

Did I also mention he is 5ft6?

 

This guy however has far more than most on these sites.

 

Like I say if you want to know how he did it read my advice.

[fitnessfan365]

Women do it too.

 

Exactly. The majority of first emails that I've received from women online are "Hi", "How are you", "How was your weekend?", etc.. I think people in general are stuck in text mode when it comes to written communication.

 

That's because these dudes AREN'T trying to get to know you.

 

In all fairness Kat, you can't "get to know" someone online. I mean you can trade random facts and interview each other online all day long. But chemistry and actually getting to know someone happens in person. So on one hand, I think that investing too much time and energy in emails on a dating site is a waste of time. The process starts over again the second you actually meet. But I do agree that it's not that difficult to send 3-4 sentences actually showing that you read the profile and exchanging a few emails that actually mirror a conversation. But as I said above, women are also just as guilty of the no effort approach when they email too. It's not gender specific.

Edited August 21, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[impatiently_patient]

I absolutely can imagine how many guys have problems. 99% it's because their pics and profiles are terrible. Just a short visit to the profile review forums on any dating site will show you that. Almost every thread reads "I can't understand why I get no responses, my profile is good, is it because I'm ugly?"... and when you look at their profile you can instantly tell why they get no responses, because their photos are awful and their text is totally off-putting.

 

Not a fan of Steves I take it?

 

My problem with this retort is the "I figured out out the online dating" guys of the world won't ever share their black art profiles to be put to the test. It's part of the aforementioned trope.

 

So, PM yours, Pete. Anonymize it, xxxxxxxxx any personal info. Just the syntax. I'd kill to see what a good profile actually looks like.

[Popsicle]

I like the way that fitted in one line...at least on my browser and monitor

 

Thanks I try.

[Jejangles]

I think a lot of guys overthink the first message, and then get annoyed when the message they spent too much time on gets no replies. So then they just spam everyone "hi".

 

I personally don't really want a long handcrafted message. My process is someone sends me a message, I read it and glance at the small photo I can see to determine if the profile is worth a visit. I then look at the profile for any incompatibilities and the photos to see if there is any chance of attraction. Then I either reply or say nothing (which is a form of reply).

 

A message can be as simple as "hey I love Netflix and wine too. I've been getting into Orange is the New Black, what are you binge watching?" The same guy could send me the message I just outlined or he could say "hi" or "hi, great smile". My chance of response is 90% higher to the first message because it shows he read my profile. I'm not saying it guarantees a response. But it does up the chances of one.

[catlady11]

I was messaging a guy who asked if we could go to stage 2...texting and he then asked for my cell number. So he texts me and says "i guess I'm sentimental but could you send me a picture taken just for me so i could put it in my contacts?" Told him I can't send pics, I'm using google voice and will give him my real number once I feel more comfortable. He told me we'll go back to messaging on the site once I feel more comfortable.

 

Have hardly heard back from him and I'm more than ok with that. I know he was trying to see if I used fake pics in my profile (I don't) or he's shallow and is only interested in looks. I wasn't born yesterday and using the line "call me sentimental..." reeks of BS.

 

Yeah, I think I've gotten a little more savvy or hardened when it comes to OLD but I figure I want to weed out the jerks from the start and I don't want to compromise what I want and am looking for in a relationship and end up being unhappy in the end.

[Jejangles]

I was messaging a guy who asked if we could go to stage 2...texting and he then asked for my cell number. So he texts me and says "i guess I'm sentimental but could you send me a picture taken just for me so i could put it in my contacts?" Told him I can't send pics, I'm using google voice and will give him my real number once I feel more comfortable. He told me we'll go back to messaging on the site once I feel more comfortable.

 

Have hardly heard back from him and I'm more than ok with that. I know he was trying to see if I used fake pics in my profile (I don't) or he's shallow and is only interested in looks. I wasn't born yesterday and using the line "call me sentimental..." reeks of BS.

 

Yeah, I think I've gotten a little more savvy or hardened when it comes to OLD but I figure I want to weed out the jerks from the start and I don't want to compromise what I want and am looking for in a relationship and end up being unhappy in the end.

 

Ugh, I think this is his way of trying to ramp you up to sexy pics. Start with an innocent one, then keep asking in case you'll provide something not so innocent. Gross. Any guy who asks for pics or starts sexting before we've talked much or met in person is done with me. My pics online are dated as recent and I'm up for meeting in person. There's no need for them to ask for a special photo! I'm always just happy they showed who they were so quickly.

[empresario]

This annoys me and I don't know if I should lighten up or not. If I should tell me lol.

 

I get guys that message me and the first thing they'll message is something like "hey sweetie!" or along those lines and that's it. It's a turn-off to have someone I don't even know use a term of endearment like that.

 

I'm messaging a guy now and his first message to me was about a paragraph long and thoughtful and made me want to message him back. After that first message all his messages are short and he never asks me anything about myself (basic questions to get to know someone) and it's like pulling teeth. How difficult can it be to have give and take with another person? Maybe he's better in person. It actually feels like WORK messaging some guys because they don't know how to do the basic give and take.

 

Should I say something? If so, what? I'm not asking for an essay when they message me but sheesh lol.

 

Remember, ladies. Throw a bone once in a while to the average-looking guy that knows how to write and puts effort into customizing a message to you based on your profile.

 

 

Do you think that crap's easy? We do it because we actually want to date you.

 

 

Listen...I know this is probably obvious but online dating is a numbers game for men. It is realistically 90% male. Did you know that I've dabbled in online dating for over 5 years and I've never received a message? I've gone on a hundred dates...but never one initiated by the girl.

 

 

It's because there are a few viable women being chased by a lot of men...99% of whom seem to think online dating is synonymous with 'hooking up' (thanks Tinder!).

 

 

The real way to know the guy is selecting you and not just 'dangling the worm to get one on the hook' is if he puts forth legitimate effort in the first message. Period.