Husband and neighbor had an affair (Update)

[HereNorThere]

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't posted on here for a while but here's what's going on.

 

Me and my husband are in the process of a divorce, just a simple one nothing big. I'm moving on with my life, and never looking back. Although as I said before I done with men, I'm sorry but the majority of you guys are disgusting pigs. There are some good ones out there, but more often than not they're liars and cheaters.

 

Anyways I just wanted to thank all of you guys again for your help through the worst time of my life. Everyone's comments really helped and guided me through this whole ordeal. I probably won't be posting on this read again but maybe you'll see me in one of the other forums on here.

 

God bless you all!!!!!

 

Not all men are like your husband and statistically speaking, men and women aren't too far off from each other on affairs with men just being slightly higher.

 

Remember, it was another WOMAN disrespecting you in your own house. It was another woman who knew you were being monumentally betrayed and she do anything to defend you as a woman. You know, there's always the slight possibility that if this WOMAN never came along, you would still be married and your husband never would have cheated. That's probably not the case, but it's still a fact that a woman played a big role in destroying your marriage. I understand you are upset, but blaming a whole gender on the actions of one horrible male is grossly unfair. Not only to men, but also to yourself. I'd hate for you to miss out on a super great guy because you developed some unnecessary bias.

 

Hope you are doing well. I know there's a super great guy out there for you. Please do not judge males based on one of worst examples. I can assure you that your husband is not representative of most of our values and morals.

Edited September 20, 2015 by HereNorThere

[Celestial-dreamer]

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't posted on here for a while but here's what's going on.

 

Me and my husband are in the process of a divorce, just a simple one nothing big. I'm moving on with my life, and never looking back. Although as I said before I done with men, I'm sorry but the majority of you guys are disgusting pigs. There are some good ones out there, but more often than not they're liars and cheaters.

 

Anyways I just wanted to thank all of you guys again for your help through the worst time of my life. Everyone's comments really helped and guided me through this whole ordeal. I probably won't be posting on this read again but maybe you'll see me in one of the other forums on here.

 

God bless you all!!!!!

 

Good to hear from you Taylor Glad to see you found your ground at last. I hear you completely on the no more men line, I'm the same. 10 years single here. I cannot and will not put myself in a position to get hurt again, tbh it will be the death of me. I also think ALL men are disgusting pigs, not one so far in my life has shown me otherwise, be it a friend/family etc. NOT ONE.

 

GL with the D, how did STBXH take it? Did he put up any fight? Did he try and beg you to stay? Or is he now an item with ho-next-door? Whatever, your far better off without him, also know he will cheat on her too.

[OldRover]

Good to hear from you Taylor Glad to see you found your ground at last. I hear you completely on the no more men line, I'm the same. 10 years single here. I cannot and will not put myself in a position to get hurt again, tbh it will be the death of me. I also think ALL men are disgusting pigs, not one so far in my life has shown me otherwise, be it a friend/family etc. NOT ONE.

 

GL with the D, how did STBXH take it? Did he put up any fight? Did he try and beg you to stay? Or is he now an item with ho-next-door? Whatever, your far better off without him, also know he will cheat on her too.

 

Celestial,

 

I'm surprised how many women have that attitude, which I find appalling. I can't believe you feel all men are disgusting pigs, and I'm sure you know that's totally not the case.

 

You're just probably hanging with the wrong crowd. And, you can find the same with women,if you're looking for those kinds of people.

 

I knew a lady fairly well that had that attitude, and guess what..... it was HER, not them. She wasn't successful with any man (and had plenty) because of her attitude. No guy would put up with that kind of attitude for a LTR. And she had an excuse for every one of them. And they were all short term.

 

You might look within yourself, and you'd be able to find some good men.

 

OP,

While I'm not condoning your husbands actions, you might just find R with him is a better choice. I believe in second chances. And I realize that it doesn't always work. People do learn their lessons, and often make better partners. And, it happen on both sides.

[Celestial-dreamer]

Celestial,

 

I'm surprised how many women have that attitude, which I find appalling. I can't believe you feel all men are disgusting pigs, and I'm sure you know that's totally not the case.

 

You're just probably hanging with the wrong crowd. And, you can find the same with women,if you're looking for those kinds of people.

 

I knew a lady fairly well that had that attitude, and guess what..... it was HER, not them. She wasn't successful with any man (and had plenty) because of her attitude. No guy would put up with that kind of attitude for a LTR. And she had an excuse for every one of them. And they were all short term.

 

You might look within yourself, and you'd be able to find some good men.

 

 

Wow. Quite frankly, I find YOUR post appalling, disgusting, condescending and mean. I am a woman who's been mistreated by EVERY man who has touched her life....left feeling completely worthless and unlovable, and there you are telling me that it's my fault and I need to look inside myself. You've just smacked me down again, thanks for that (but you are male right? you proved my point!). I do NOT know it is the case, I know what I know and lived through, before I was born, even my father didn't want me, he wanted me dead (aborted, he then had an A and left my mum because of me, as mum refused to abort me) he refused to acknowledge me as his. That set the tone for my life. You DO NOT know me, or my life, or what the males in it have done to me, you cannot tell me I'm the problem. I've had far too much pain in my life, far far more than my fair share. I'm over and out as far as men are concerned, but please, do go on and tell me it's all MY fault. It always is...somehow. Typical male....blame the woman. Never the males who used and abused the woman, no, couldn't ever possibly be the reason at all. I mean, you do NOTHING wrong do you. It's always the woman's fault. I'm saying to you, I've been hurt by every male in my life....not ONE has shown me otherwise....and you say...it's MY fault. Of course it is. Do you have any idea what you have done to me with this post? No, I doubt you even give a damn. I'm just a woman with an attitude for absolutely no reason at all. No-one ever knows what I think or feel, I never say anymore. I've learned it's not worth it.

 

 

As for telling the OP to R with her H, OMG are you for real?? He has humiliated her, told her he didn't want her, was only staying M to her as he couldn't be bothered to D....both him and his OW were vile to her, he was absolutely awful to her when he realised he was caught out. Why in the world would you tell her to R with that? Did you actually read Taylor's heartbreaking posts??

[ShatteredLady]

OldRover. I don't think you read this thread. I'm usually a huge believer in R & understanding human nature in all of its forms...this poor woman's ex is one of THOSE nightmare people. Thankfully I've only ever met/heard of a couple in my life. They are NOT people who should be with anyone 'normal' with a heart. He's a spoilt brat who treated her appallingly & when he realized he'd been busted he said the cruelest things...

 

People who are deeply hurt say these things. I COMPLETELY understand. I wish the OP nothing but the best in the future. Most people are decent, kind & good.

 

I know it's tempting to jump to the end of a thread & voice opinions without knowing all of the facts. This can be very hurtful.

[SeasideMermaid]

I think clearly the reality of this scenario is somewhere in the middle. Clearly not all men are scum and clearly some men mistreat good women and vice versa. But clearly there are women who have no filter and end up with these scummy guys over and over because they don't know how to screen out the good guys from the bad ones. If you're a guy or girl who's ended up with only awful people then maybe it's time to reevaluate how you pick the people you date. Like, I've dated an abusive guy and after I dumped him I knew what to keep an eye out for in other guys. When there were signs of the same behaviors, I cut and run.

 

Now I'm not saying people deserve abusive relationships because they don't. But if every time I got a Doberman it attacked me, I'd sit down and say it's time to try out a new breed. At some point you have to ask yourself what you're doing to attract this element and why you're not catching the type of guy they are before they do serious damage.

 

This guy, who knows what his story is. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's how he is. If he wants to reconcile or if she does it could work if they put the work in. It's up to her what she's willing to deal with and work on.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "It's up to her what she's willing to deal with and work on."

 

No self-respecting human being should even consider tolerating a person who treats them the way this 'man' has treated her!

 

I believe in marriage vows. I believe that many people are too fast to throw-in-the-towel & give-up when the going gets tough, or boring. I don't think for one moment that this is that kind of situation. He has shown himself to be a reprehensible person with few redeeming qualities.

 

The OP is doing the right thing. Focusing on herself. Seeking help to undo the horrific damage he has done to her emotionally & mentally. She's a good person who did nothing wrong except loving & believing a bloody good actor who's completely screwed-up & self centered & cruel.

 

She's divorcing him as fast as she can. Working on her understandable pain & self-esteme issues. Perfect response! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[SeasideMermaid]

Quote - "It's up to her what she's willing to deal with and work on."

 

No self-respecting human being should even consider tolerating a person who treats them the way this 'man' has treated her!

 

I believe in marriage vows. I believe that many people are too fast to throw-in-the-towel & give-up when the going gets tough, or boring. I don't think for one moment that this is that kind of situation. He has shown himself to be a reprehensible person with few redeeming qualities.

 

So then if you find yourself to be in that situation we all know how you'll roll. But what you believe in the context of what she should do with her life really doesn't me a whole lot. It's super easy for you to push a stranger into divorce court and flush her marriage down the toilet based off of a thread on a forum. When the OP has to log off and deal with her life, it's a bit more complicated.

 

She appears happy to be divorcing and that's fabulous for her but to take credit for that or act like you know that's what she should have done all along? It's a bit wild to me to say you believe in marriage vows as you tell her to get a divorce based off a paragraph or two and say it's the only right thing to do.

 

If she wants to divorce and that makes her happy then good for her and good luck. If she's decided she wants to stick it out then good for her and good luck. You shouldn't take it so personally to a point where you announce what the right or perfect response is whatever she decides.

 

The OP is doing the right thing. Focusing on herself. Seeking help to undo the horrific damage he has done to her emotionally & mentally. She's a good person who did nothing wrong except loving & believing a bloody good actor who's completely screwed-up & self centered & cruel.

 

She's divorcing him as fast as she can. Working on her understandable pain & self-esteme issues. Perfect response! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

Congrats if she wants it but I think it's a tad weird to rail off on how people don't take the dissolution of marriage seriously and then a paragraph later pop the corks on her decision to get a divorce because you, a total outsider who knows nothing about her or her marriage or their history beyond what limited scope she's shared, have declared its the only thing she can do that's the right or perfect response. You don't see the irony in complaining people are fast to divorce as you practically command somebody to leave?

 

Really, if you think about it that kind of attitude makes you no different than him. At least he has the benefit of at least knowing her before trying to make decisions on her behalf that impact her life.

Edited September 21, 2015 by SeasideMermaid

[ShatteredLady]

Have you read this thread?

[qubist]

Have you read this thread?

obviously she didn't

SeasideMermaid: let me give you a resume to what happened, th OP's H didn't just have an A with the neighbor, after she caught them she actually tried to save her M. her H showed fake remorse and beg her to come back home the she caught the OW in her house again who insulted the the OP in her house while the H stood there. and again H came up with all BS to cover up the A, then she caught them again this time in her bedroom both naked. and did the H do, he insulted her again telling her she was never good for him.

Trust me I'm all for second chances and forgiving however, her H topped his A with extreme disrespect to the OP. so for you to blame her for " not being able to consider saving her marriage" is harsh and unjust.

she's now lost hope on all men because of all this ordeal, If I personally knew this woman I would urge her to seek professional counseling because she is obviously confused and hurt.

[SeasideMermaid]

I read the thread. Did you? Don't think you did since you said she spotted them in bed naked and she didn't say that. Project much?

 

My point in this all men are jerks tirade by a couple of the girls in this thread and the idea that the only right thing she can do is what they say is a bit stupid.

 

It's easy to gamble with other people's money. It's easy to tell somebody else how to raise their kids, live their life, and it's easy to shove somebody off to divorce court. Not so easy when it's actually your life and it shouldn't be.

 

Clearly there is more she can do besides divorce. Clearly if she wants to stay if she wants to. So she should take with a grain of salt the people who are practically bragging that they've never had a functional relationship and hate all men that there is only one solution to her problem that is correct. They have no history, no personal attachment, no nothing that gives any context to anything. So saying that there's one right thing to do? Yeah, whatever. It's easy to end a relationship you're not invested in and your involvement ends when you log off the site.

 

I just don't buy into somebody who brags about avoiding relationships, thinks all men are scum, complains people are too fast to divorce, then says that the only thing that's to be done here is get a divorce. Who's to say that this time next year she's not unhappily divorced and he's now in a wonderful relationship where she regrets getting the divorce? See that one all the time here.

Edited September 21, 2015 by SeasideMermaid

[JS84]

Did you ever tell his family what he was up to?

[Celestial-dreamer]

I read the thread. Did you? Don't think you did since you said she spotted them in bed naked and she didn't say that. Project much?

 

My point in this all men are jerks tirade by a couple of the girls in this thread and the idea that the only right thing she can do is what they say is a bit stupid.

 

It's easy to gamble with other people's money. It's easy to tell somebody else how to raise their kids, live their life, and it's easy to shove somebody off to divorce court. Not so easy when it's actually your life and it shouldn't be.

 

Clearly there is more she can do besides divorce. Clearly if she wants to stay if she wants to. So she should take with a grain of salt the people who are practically bragging that they've never had a functional relationship and hate all men that there is only one solution to her problem that is correct. They have no history, no personal attachment, no nothing that gives any context to anything. So saying that there's one right thing to do? Yeah, whatever. It's easy to end a relationship you're not invested in and your involvement ends when you log off the site.

 

I just don't buy into somebody who brags about avoiding relationships, thinks all men are scum, complains people are too fast to divorce, then says that the only thing that's to be done here is get a divorce. Who's to say that this time next year she's not unhappily divorced and he's now in a wonderful relationship where she regrets getting the divorce? See that one all the time here.

 

Erm, sometime I wonder if people really are from this planet. OP has stated she tried to save her M, didn't want to D as she loved her H. Until she walked in on them in HER marital bed together, and then H said some very disgusting things to her. He TOLD her he didn't want to be with her. Are you serious she should try to R with that? My personal circumstances are not affecting what I say to Taylor at all. I'm over men as far as i'm concerned yes, do not tell me it's my bad choice in men, it's my fault, don't you ever understand guys start out really nice to a woman then turn into a scumbag? Attempted RAPE in my 1st relationship, domestic violence + mental + emotional abuse in my M, mental and emotional abuse in 3rd relationship, I have tried, even being the best GF/W any woman can be isn't good enough. And you know what? All 3 were REALLY REALLY nice at the start. I'm not going to tell anyone what to do with their relationships, only say what I think to it, what they do thereafter is their business. Some people on here seem to pass over and gloss over the emotional side of things, and maybe YOU would R with someone most of us think is a jerk (even jerk is too good a word for her H) but Taylor has gotten her self respect back, she is feeling so much better about it all now, and good for her. I seriously doubt Taylor will ever regret divorcing that vile man.

[qubist]

I

I read the thread. Did you? Don't think you did since you said she spotted them in bed naked and she didn't say that. Project much?

 

My point in this all men are jerks tirade by a couple of the girls in this thread and the idea that the only right thing she can do is what they say is a bit stupid.

 

It's easy to gamble with other people's money. It's easy to tell somebody else how to raise their kids, live their life, and it's easy to shove somebody off to divorce court. Not so easy when it's actually your life and it shouldn't be.

 

Clearly there is more she can do besides divorce. Clearly if she wants to stay if she wants to. So she should take with a grain of salt the people who are practically bragging that they've never had a functional relationship and hate all men that there is only one solution to her problem that is correct. They have no history, no personal attachment, no nothing that gives any context to anything. So saying that there's one right thing to do? Yeah, whatever. It's easy to end a relationship you're not invested in and your involvement ends when you log off the site.

 

I just don't buy into somebody who brags about avoiding relationships, thinks all men are scum, complains people are too fast to divorce, then says that the only thing that's to be done here is get a divorce. Who's to say that this time next year she's not unhappily divorced and he's now in a wonderful relationship where she regrets getting the divorce? See that one all the time here.

The OP did said that she caught them in her bedroom having sex so they were naked unless they do it differently than all other human beings.

Before I get back to your point, I want to let you know that I'm a believer in second chances and that A are not necessarily a deal breaker depending on circumstances. I also understand that some betrayed spouses might not be able to consider saving their marriage for different reasons at least not Immediately after finding out about the A. In this particular case the A has caused the OP a mental breakdown when she lost faith in relationship in general. After she tried the best she could and knew to save her M she was faced with disrespect from both her H and his AP. to ask her at this moment to consider anything other than D would be unfair specially that she doesn't have any kids in this marriage.

I don't think she is in a position to fight for anything other than gaining backher self confidence. After that who knows what will happen

Edited September 22, 2015 by qubist

[MrBojangles]

I read the thread. Did you? Don't think you did since you said she spotted them in bed naked and she didn't say that. Project much?

 

My point in this all men are jerks tirade by a couple of the girls in this thread and the idea that the only right thing she can do is what they say is a bit stupid.

 

It's easy to gamble with other people's money. It's easy to tell somebody else how to raise their kids, live their life, and it's easy to shove somebody off to divorce court. Not so easy when it's actually your life and it shouldn't be.

 

Clearly there is more she can do besides divorce. Clearly if she wants to stay if she wants to. So she should take with a grain of salt the people who are practically bragging that they've never had a functional relationship and hate all men that there is only one solution to her problem that is correct. They have no history, no personal attachment, no nothing that gives any context to anything. So saying that there's one right thing to do? Yeah, whatever. It's easy to end a relationship you're not invested in and your involvement ends when you log off the site.

 

I just don't buy into somebody who brags about avoiding relationships, thinks all men are scum, complains people are too fast to divorce, then says that the only thing that's to be done here is get a divorce. Who's to say that this time next year she's not unhappily divorced and he's now in a wonderful relationship where she regrets getting the divorce? See that one all the time here.

 

 

SeasideMermaid welcome to LS- I agree with what you say in the bolded above. It's important to have POVs' such as yours, here in these threads to offer the OP something else to think about. Personally, I've grown heavily in the direction of "second chances" and "reconciliation" during my time on LS.

 

I totally agree with you that it's very easy to tell someone else how to handle a particular situation, when in fact IRL I may do the opposite. Because of this, I look at the circumstances of betrayal first now, not just the act itself. In the OP's case, my harshness vocalized against her WH, and urging her to just divorcing him, was based entirely on the circumstances and the level of disrespect shown to his BW.

 

The fact that this WH was having sex with a neighbor, under the guise of helping this neighbor with "yard work", while the OP sat home alone, waiting for him to finish up (banging their neighbor) and come home to her. The fact the OP could look out her window and see this neighbor's home, and didn't have a clue what had been taking place for months, right under her nose. The fact that the OP came here with every intention of R with her WH, and then returning home unexpectedly to catch the OW not once but twice in her home. Then to have the OW insult and disrespect her in her own home, then have her WH mock and berate her as the OW fled their bedroom. If there ever was a case for members to urge divorce, it was this one.

 

All we have to base our opinions and advice on, is what the OP shared in her posts. If you take a look at my harsh posts to this thread, I urged her divorce from the very beginning. This is because her WH was not being truly remorseful, and was trying to get her to "rug sweep" by his actions, or lack of actions. The OP gave him chance to reconcile with her and win her back, but instead rewarded her good faith by having sex with the OW in the OP's own bed.

 

This is why I gave the OP the advice to dump him. Again, IMO the circumstances of the betrayal are more important than the act of betrayal, in determining if a marriage is worth saving. Past behavior is a very good indicator of future behavior. Her WH could have saved this marriage if he really wanted to, instead he chose to continue the affair with the OW.

[turnera]

as I said before I done with men, I'm sorry but the majority of you guys are disgusting pigs. There are some good ones out there, but more often than not they're liars and cheaters.

Taylor, I assume you're seeing a therapist, right? You'll learn in therapy that you are part of the process and that you have been attracting the disgusting pigs because of your low self esteem. Trust me, there's a process that goes on, way below the surface, between men and women, when you're first interacting with people, that leads you to that place where you 'choose' a partner - even if it's just to go out one time. The people you end up with depend in a large part on YOU - how you feel about yourself, what you're willing to put up with, and the 'image' you present to the world.

 

Think back to those old images of high school dances. There are the 'popular' people and the wallflowers (those who stood along the wall, insecure and scared to ask anyone to dance). What do you see when you look at those two groups? The ones dancing are happy, laughing, loving life, sure of themselves - basically those with great self esteem. It's the old adage, the head cheerleader dates the quarterback - the ones who are sure of themselves SEEK OUT other people who are sure of themselves.

 

In other words, if you exude low self esteem (and we do that very easily), you're going to attract men who either also have low self esteem or predators who WANT women with low self esteem. Why? Because they are easy to control, the men know they won't believe they deserve better so they're less likely to leave, they'll believe the men, etc.

 

Mind, this is a subconscious thing going on in most cases, except for predators/abusers.

 

Now, one of the things you should be learning in therapy is that, once you DO learn to love yourself and replace low self esteem with better self esteem, your TOLERANCE for this poor behavior will disappear. Example: my DD, who has a really good sense of self esteem, agreed to go out with a guy in high school once, and he took a nap and never woke up until a couple hours after the date was supposed to start. He had a good reason, though, so she gave him a second chance. Next date comes around, guess what, he didn't show up again! Was sleeping again! Again, he had a good excuse. But he asked her to agree to a third time, and she just said 'yeah, no thanks. I'm obviously not enough of a priority to you to be on time; this won't work out.' And she never went out with him.

 

Someone with low self esteem would probably have given him several more chances and she would have set the bar REALLY low for what she required in a date. And guess what? He would SEE that, and continue to GIVE her that - no effort. That's all she is worth, obviously, if even SHE would keep giving him chances. Basically, you TEACH people how to treat you based on the treatment you accept.

 

So, focus on that in therapy. Learn to love yourself, see your worth. And when you do run across a guy in the future, you won't just assume he's a pig; you'll be able to be open for something BUT you'll also be ready to say NO when he treats you badly and you'll be willing to walk away and not give him another chance.

 

The benefit of this is that you will WEED OUT all the pigs. The only ones getting second chances from you are the decent guys who are confident themselves, who want to treat a lady right, and with whom you have a chance at a good relationship.

[World's.Edge]

Erm, sometime I wonder if people really are from this planet. OP has stated she tried to save her M, didn't want to D as she loved her H. Until she walked in on them in HER marital bed together, and then H said some very disgusting things to her. He TOLD her he didn't want to be with her. Are you serious she should try to R with that? My personal circumstances are not affecting what I say to Taylor at all. I'm over men as far as i'm concerned yes, do not tell me it's my bad choice in men, it's my fault, don't you ever understand guys start out really nice to a woman then turn into a scumbag? Attempted RAPE in my 1st relationship, domestic violence + mental + emotional abuse in my M, mental and emotional abuse in 3rd relationship, I have tried, even being the best GF/W any woman can be isn't good enough. And you know what? All 3 were REALLY REALLY nice at the start. I'm not going to tell anyone what to do with their relationships, only say what I think to it, what they do thereafter is their business. Some people on here seem to pass over and gloss over the emotional side of things, and maybe YOU would R with someone most of us think is a jerk (even jerk is too good a word for her H) but Taylor has gotten her self respect back, she is feeling so much better about it all now, and good for her. I seriously doubt Taylor will ever regret divorcing that vile man.

:eek:S***, where do you live? The men where you are are pretty f***** up.

[underpants]

Quote - "It's up to her what she's willing to deal with and work on."

 

No self-respecting human being should even consider tolerating a person who treats them the way this 'man' has treated her!

 

 

...and yet you tolerated/tolerate it.

[underpants]

I circled around the town which took about a half an hour and came back to the house to check up on him unannounced. I pulled in the driveway, walked int he house which seemed empty until I walked into "our" bedroom. His little slut was laying in bed with him watching tv. I just said Zack why? And they jumped 50 feet in the air. His "side piece" ran past me out the door without saying anything. Zack, my husband, just stood there with a BUSTED look on his face.

 

obviously she didn't

SeasideMermaid: let me give you a resume to what happened, th OP's H didn't just have an A with the neighbor, after she caught them she actually tried to save her M. her H showed fake remorse and beg her to come back home the she caught the OW in her house again who insulted the the OP in her house while the H stood there. and again H came up with all BS to cover up the A, then she caught them again this time in her bedroom both naked. and did the H do, he insulted her again telling her she was never good for him.

Trust me I'm all for second chances and forgiving however, her H topped his A with extreme disrespect to the OP. so for you to blame her for " not being able to consider saving her marriage" is harsh and unjust.

she's now lost hope on all men because of all this ordeal, If I personally knew this woman I would urge her to seek professional counseling because she is obviously confused and hurt.

 

Watching tv, no naked. It is bad enough, no need to elaborate false facts.

 

I think she should divorce, but no need to scorch the earth.

 

Just be thankful you got out sooner rather than later.

 

Best regards Taylor.

[qubist]

Watching tv, no naked. It is bad enough, no need to elaborate false facts.

 

I think she should divorce, but no need to scorch the earth.

 

Just be thankful you got out sooner rather than later.

 

Best regards Taylor.

 

sorry for " elaborting false fact" but I'm one of those who believe that they were not there laying in bed watching TV after all what had happened before andputting everything in prespective they were having sex and the reaction after word confirmed it

[ShatteredLady]

I wasn't going to post anymore on this one. I think most people are shocked by the depths of her H's cruelty AND the fact he started plucking the neighbor just over a year into M.

 

Underpants (cute avatar!)

 

Quote - "...and yet you tolerated/tolerate it."

 

Every situation is different. I think a 25 years relationship with children where the WS shows remorse & is devastated/embarrassed by the truth of the A (EA in our situation but with former A partner. Ugh! I know!!) is VERY different from Taylor's experience.

 

As I said I believe in M vows but this WH was in the HONEYMOON phase! He begged forgiveness from her mother while he was STILL popping over to the neighbors! The things he said & did were so heartless....just unthinkable. I've truly never heard of anyone being so cold & cruel (when caught red handed & faced with his W's tears & breakdown) & I think that speaks volumes about his character.

 

Taylor doesn't have the choice of R does she?

 

What's wrong with trying to make that poor woman feel a little better about her situation? She's doing the only thing she can. I congratulated her on her positive resolve to better her esteem & not drag the D out causing even MORE pain.

 

Given her situation AND her real options I stand by my post.