Husband and neighbor had an affair (Update)

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I cant help but wonder, a man who wants to leave his wife cause she is not pretty or good in bed is not marriage material. Didnt the OP see that before she married him? She doesnt seem like a stupid woman so I guess she knew how shallow he was but she chose to ignore it.

 

Nice.

 

Kick her when she's down and blame her for what her azzhat of a husband did .

 

People like him are really great and pretending to be something they are not. He was probably very sweet and kind, and there really weren't any red flags she might have seen.

[understand50]

I cant help but wonder, a man who wants to leave his wife cause she is not pretty or good in bed is not marriage material. Didnt the OP see that before she married him? She doesnt seem like a stupid woman so I guess she knew how shallow he was but she chose to ignore it.

 

SummerDreams,

 

Not really helpful at this time. Taylor may ask the question "why"? later, but at this time, advice on how to leave the bastard and get on with the divorce is what is needed. Later, she can go over the question "why". "Why" is really not important right now, getting free, and maintaining self respect, and esteem is. Your questions, would be better later, when she asks, "how" and "why"

 

In my opinion, she is like us all, she fell in love with someone. It is too her misfortune, that he was unworthy of her. This happens in life to many people. Whatever led to this, it was not Taylor's fault. As for his comments, they are just the saying of a small boy, who was busted and then lash's out. Someone mean, small and with a ugly personality. They remind me of the comments of a 10 year old on the playground, not a real man. The heart wants what the heart wants, and in this case, Taylor's heart, fixed on a guy who is poison.

 

Marriage at its core, is a man and a woman, who decide to join and then face the world together. Love, companionship, support need to be there. Taylor went into this expecting her husband to give as she did. She was betrayed. No other reason "why" is needed.

 

I wish her luck and peace of mind in the coming days.

[Dutchman1]

I'm really sorry that you now in so much pain.

I hope you have a massive support system.

As a man I feel a bit ashamed for my gender, that's why I disagree with

SandyLee1.

Man who are spineless and cruel act like this, losers do.

A H that falls in love with another woman feels partially sad and guilty, he would never express this level of contempt like your H does.

I'm convinced there was no love from him just a calculated Hollywood show by him.

 

A kid in schools who knows he is not a winner in discussions tents to violence.

Your H found out that he would never be on your level, he knows what a looser he is, and that's were the silly and painful words come from.

 

Hang in there, we all try to help and pray for you.

 

 

Dutchman 1

[eye of the storm]

Taylor, I am so sorry.

 

My heart goes out to you. Please go and talk to someone about your feelings.

 

Do not let his cruel words take root in your mind.

[Satu]

The OP is not to blame for any part of what happened.

 

Absolutely not.

 

Not a bit.

[SummerDreams]

I apologize for causing such frustration. I realize this is not the time to wonder for the why.

[sandylee1]

I'm really sorry that you now in so much pain.

I hope you have a massive support system.

As a man I feel a bit ashamed for my gender, that's why I disagree with

SandyLee1.

 

Dutchman 1

 

What part do you disagree with?

[violet1]

I'm sorry for your pain. Look at it this way. You listened to your gut and went back to the house and saw her there. You can now free yourself from this A hole. Can you imagine if you had not gone back to the house? You would still be living a lie. You are not a jealous loser. She may have a nice body, but her soul is obviously rotten to the core. Looks eventually fade and she'll be left with nothing. Honestly, it sounds like he and the OW deserve each other. They both sound like self jerks. It made me sick reading that he wanted to keep you both. I know it hurts, but you will make it through this storm.

[Grapesofwrath]

Taylor: I am so sorry to hear this news. I can only imagine the pain that situation caused you. A couple thoughts:

 

* I know you wish you'd never seen them together in your bed, but I think it's a blessing that you did. No more gaslighting from him. Now you have the truth and can act accordingly.

 

* His words were designed to cause you maximum pain. Don't believe them to be the truth about you as a woman. He is an emotional toddler and reacted to being caught like a child would.

 

* Get the most aggressive pitbull lawyer you can afford, then step back and let that person handle the divorce.

 

* In your emotional healing, remember that the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. Over time, as you ride the emotional rollercoaster of this experience, your goal is to become indifferent toward him. Not to forget what he did--you can never forget it--but to get to a place where he no longer effects you emotionally. Someday, some fine day, you will look back at this experience and think of it as just something that happened to you a long time ago. it won't define you.

[sandylee1]

Taylor ,

 

I hope you're doing okay with all this. I'm sure you're mom is a massive support to you. Your in a good place with her. Thank heavens you don't have any ties to him for years to come.

 

You know if people weren't so damn selfish they'd think before causing pain like this.

 

I'd like to think that the OWs reading this can see what hurt they contribute to. The total lack of respect to sleep in your bed. Why not her place.

 

Maybe if the OWs daughter (if they have any ) has this done to them, they'll realise how horrible it is. I'm not saying your H isn't to blame....but he couldn't cheat with himself could he.

 

Please don't think every man is a waste of space like him.

[MJJean]

I'm so sorry, Taylor.

 

I agree with the others. "Zack" is blowing hot air. He wanted you, he had you, he's broken inside and needed more. Not because you aren't enough, but because no one is enough for him. He spoke such cruel words because he got busted. That's all. He wanted to score points off of you. Don't let him.

 

Keep your head high. Go out and spend time with friends and family doing things you enjoy. Take care of yourself. Do everything you can do to be happy. Even if you have to fake it for a little while.

[Dwade]

Wow I'm sorry for what you have been through. I'm only 21 and in college and don't see this very often but when I do the person always becomes an outcast, at least in my social group lol. Hope you move on and let that beta clown on his own where no good woman could love him like you did. Trust me leaving a cheater and being happy is the best revenge ever.

[Dutchman1]

 

You know. .....I think he really did love you when you married,

 

!

 

Hello Sandylee1,

 

It's this line that I can't get in my brain and heart.

Of course love can sometimes fade, or eventually become hate.

But there was no need or any provocation by Taylor even remotely

Justifies this painful outburst.

I believe this man always was heartless and cruel.

Animals treat each other better.

 

For your other comments I compliment you,

I think you have a good heart, and Taylor deserves all the support we can give.

 

 

Dutchman 1

[sandylee1]

Hello Sandylee1,

 

It's this line that I can't get in my brain and heart.

Of course love can sometimes fade, or eventually become hate.

But there was no need or any provocation by Taylor even remotely

Justifies this painful outburst.

I believe this man always was heartless and cruel.

Animals treat each other better.

 

For your other comments I compliment you,

I think you have a good heart, and Taylor deserves all the support we can give.

 

 

Dutchman 1

 

I see what you mean. Thanks.

 

I think he loved her when he married her, that's what I meant. I think in his own immature selfish way he may still have love Taylor , but greed got the better of him.

 

His outburst was uncalled for. Just makes him look like a nitwit really.

 

He was keen t get married. He wasn't coerced into it.....so if not love why else would he have married Taylor. It's not like he was getting old or wanted to start a family.

 

What he loved was having two women, so let's see how long he's content with the tramp next door. It won't be half as exciting now they're not sneaking about.

 

The lack of morals and empathy is deplorable.

[Artie Lang]

i don't know, but this is starting to sound like the plotline to a soap opera.

[Celestial-dreamer]

Taylor, I keep thinking about you, I hope your doing ok. Head up sweetie, the finish line is in sight. Keep focused on YOU now, you don't have a weight hanging over your shoulders anymore. Stand up tall and show him what he lost. You deserve so much more, and you will get it. Leave him to wallow in his misery (it will turn to misery now the *excitement* has gone) Best revenge is....be happy! It will take time, but you do get there.

[understand50]

Taylor,

 

Hope things are better today.

[Satu]

Love:

 

"First do no harm."

 

Those are the words of a surgeon, but they apply to relationships as well.

 

To profess love, whilst causing harm, demonstrates that the person speaking has no idea what love is.

 

One of many valid definitions of love is:

 

"A persons total commitment to the wellbeing of another."

Thats the bottom line benchmark for me.

 

Thats where real love begins.

 

The man the OP married failed to reach that benchmark.

 

Divorce is the only way forward.

[Taylorjones]

Hi everyone, just wanted to update you guys. I'm feeling a lot better lately, it's light a huge anchor has been lifted off of me. I've decided I'm not going to make his life hell, in fact I'm going to try to make this divorce as neat as possible. I'm not going to be immature and try to milk him for every penny, I'm just going to cut my ties with him....I don't really care what I get from him. I still have very little self esteem but hopefully that will build up more over time.

 

One thing, I'm done with men. At least for a long time. I'm sorry to be stereotypical but I think most men are heartless one way or another. There are some wonderful men, like the men (if any) that posted on here,my ou guys all seem great but i think if I got hurt by a man again I would just die right then and there. So I'm not dating again for a very long time (possibly forever).

 

I was very jealous, upset, depressed, furious, ect. When I finally found out, but now like I said I'm just calm. No more things going on behind my back, just me with no one to worry about. I do need to work on my self esteem though is there a good place to post on here for such help?

 

 

 

And Artie Lang HOW COULD YOU say such a thing? As if I'm lying!? I only wish this whole ordeal didn't happen. How dare you say such a thing...I found your posts to be very helpful early on......

 

Talk to you later.

[sandylee1]

Hi everyone, just wanted to update you guys. I'm feeling a lot better lately, it's light a huge anchor has been lifted off of me.

 

One thing, I'm done with men. At least for a long time. I'm sorry to be stereotypical but I think most men are heartless one way or another. There are some wonderful men, like the men (if any) that posted on here,my ou guys all seem great but i think if I got hurt by a man again I would just die right then and there. So I'm not dating again for a very long time (possibly forever).

 

I was very jealous, upset, depressed, furious, ect. When I finally found out, but now like I said I'm just calm. No more things going on behind my back, just me with no one to worry about.

 

Talk to you later.

 

Hi Taylor

 

Great to hear you're doing better.

 

It's a relief to not have to worry what's going on.

All the feelings you on discovery were very normal in the situation.

 

Betrayal is so awful and I can understand you feeling you're done with men. Time out is advisable and I suggest therapy /counselling your self esteem. Some people do life coaching to help with the confidence and self esteem as well.

 

When your confidence is built up again, you'll feel a whole lot but you still need to know that your H was just horrible to you in what he said. Don't let him totally ruin your faith in men. There are many betrayed husbands here who could think all women were cheaters too.

 

Best thing would be for cheaters to seek out fellow cheaters for relationships and those betrayed spouses at least have similar morals in that regard.

 

Time will help you get through this, but you can post on the divorce thread as you previously asked. You don't need the stress of a drawn out divorce anyway. Just be done with him , so you don't have to see him again.

[Satu]

Use the next phase in your life for finding out how to love yourself.

 

It is possible, and its something that needs to be done by everyone who wants to be happy.

 

 

Here is a song for you.

 

Read the lyrics.

 

Banks -

 

 

Take care.

[understand50]

Hi everyone, just wanted to update you guys. I'm feeling a lot better lately, it's light a huge anchor has been lifted off of me. I've decided I'm not going to make his life hell, in fact I'm going to try to make this divorce as neat as possible. I'm not going to be immature and try to milk him for every penny, I'm just going to cut my ties with him....I don't really care what I get from him. I still have very little self esteem but hopefully that will build up more over time.

 

One thing, I'm done with men. At least for a long time. I'm sorry to be stereotypical but I think most men are heartless one way or another. There are some wonderful men, like the men (if any) that posted on here,my ou guys all seem great but i think if I got hurt by a man again I would just die right then and there. So I'm not dating again for a very long time (possibly forever).

 

I was very jealous, upset, depressed, furious, ect. When I finally found out, but now like I said I'm just calm. No more things going on behind my back, just me with no one to worry about. I do need to work on my self esteem though is there a good place to post on here for such help?

 

 

 

And Artie Lang HOW COULD YOU say such a thing? As if I'm lying!? I only wish this whole ordeal didn't happen. How dare you say such a thing...I found your posts to be very helpful early on......

 

Talk to you later.

 

Taylor,

 

Glad you are feeling better, and I hope for the best. Yes, cut your ties, the sooner the better.

 

As a man, I would ask that you do not give up on 1/2 of the human race. Good men are out there, and they are looking for a good women like you. Finding the right man will hard, but you are more then up to the challenge. The biggest thing you can do, is just regain control over your life. Be your own person, and the rest will follow. I think when you find that you do not need a man, you will find the one, looking for a beautiful, self assured woman like yourself. Guard your heart, but remember that there will be a time to let in another. Be ready for it. Bad things happen to good people, and sometimes in life you choose badly, but it does not have to define you, or hurt your future.

 

For right now, keep your head high, your heart your own, and know that you have worth, and a beauty that goes with living life.

 

As always, the best of luck to you, and I wish you peace of mind, and love in your life.

[Taylorjones]

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't posted on here for a while but here's what's going on.

 

Me and my husband are in the process of a divorce, just a simple one nothing big. I'm moving on with my life, and never looking back. Although as I said before I done with men, I'm sorry but the majority of you guys are disgusting pigs. There are some good ones out there, but more often than not they're liars and cheaters.

 

Anyways I just wanted to thank all of you guys again for your help through the worst time of my life. Everyone's comments really helped and guided me through this whole ordeal. I probably won't be posting on this read again but maybe you'll see me in one of the other forums on here.

 

God bless you all!!!!!

[MrBojangles]

Good luck Taylor!

 

Stay strong, and don't give up on us men..

 

There are decent guys out there, and you WILL find the one that is truly meant for you.

[OldRover]

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't posted on here for a while but here's what's going on.

 

Me and my husband are in the process of a divorce, just a simple one nothing big. I'm moving on with my life, and never looking back. Although as I said before I done with men, I'm sorry but the majority of you guys are disgusting pigs. There are some good ones out there, but more often than not they're liars and cheaters.

 

Anyways I just wanted to thank all of you guys again for your help through the worst time of my life. Everyone's comments really helped and guided me through this whole ordeal. I probably won't be posting on this read again but maybe you'll see me in one of the other forums on here.

 

God bless you all!!!!!

 

Taylor,

 

Believe it or not, there's probably just as many cheating women out there than men. And there's a LOT of descent guys out there. I'm sorry your views are so horribly distorted, and you really need to change this or you will be miserable.

 

Get some therapy and some help and get this horrible attitude behind you!

 

And then meet a decent guy that will respect you... there's lots of the out there, and I'm sure you know it.

 

Bless you and hope you have the strength to go forward without these heavy burdens.