It all ended in disaster

[loveweary11]

Sorry to hear about your misfortune LW. That's awful how it turned out with your lady friend. Can't offer you any advice about her, except to move on and don't waste your time if it's not what you expected it to be.

 

I'm devastated to hear about the bad fuel and your motors being damaged. Is there any hope for getting them repaired? :sick:

 

The trip was 1000 nautical miles, give or take. Displacement craft. Basically, I missed the timing window to have a summer.

 

So, I came up with her, without the boat and to try to enjoy what's left of summer.

 

I'll pay to fix them myself when I return to get the boat this fall to go to Miami.

 

Im ahead financially by just working instead of chasing the fuel company.

[loveweary11]

Update:

 

We fought, we didn't stay mad, etc.

 

I think she wants to decouple our usual party/whirlwind sex thing from our time together. Although I can't understand how she doesn't want to cuddle.

 

She's stopped with the hookup culture and is going great places, inside. She is growing. Finding her place in the world.

 

I think I'm part of what she is throwing out, yet she can't do it. She's hurt and bitter from her own bad experiences. She's trying to grow past them.

 

She did say she's just not wanting any men around. That she feels like this temporarily.

 

She confuses the hell out of me. She's here lying beside me right now. We had a quiet evening in last night, but no romance.

 

I wake up this morning deeper and deeper in love.

 

Love weary is definitely a good username. I love her so much. I can't even remember whoever else I am talking to.

 

I really hope it comes around...

[loveweary11]

Well, are you sure it has to be so final? Are you wanting her to leave, or is she wanting to leave?

 

The so-called "friend zone" is not necessarily a permanent state. Even people in long term relationships move in and out of passion and friendship. Depending on what has happened, it could just be that if you continued on, and she saw you doing your thing, with no pressure from you, that she'd develop some more romantic interest in time.

 

She did say this was a temporary thing for her. She's trying to fix her bad picker too. I'm the only guy she's picked who hasn't screwed her over badly.

 

I guess I'll just see how it goes. I've know/loved her for so long. She comes back to me over and over, but says how we could never work.

 

She is growing.

 

I just hope she grows my way.

[LoveMachine67]

She did say this was a temporary thing for her. She's trying to fix her bad picker too. I'm the only guy she's picked who hasn't screwed her over badly.

 

I guess I'll just see how it goes. I've know/loved her for so long. She comes back to me over and over, but says how we could never work.

 

She is growing.

 

I just hope she grows my way.

 

 

You're paying the price for all of the other bad ones before you.. been there done that!

 

Hope it works out for you Bro!

[elaine567]

Update:

 

We fought, we didn't stay mad, etc.

 

I think she wants to decouple our usual party/whirlwind sex thing from our time together. Although I can't understand how she doesn't want to cuddle.

 

She's stopped with the hookup culture and is going great places, inside. She is growing. Finding her place in the world.

 

I think I'm part of what she is throwing out, yet she can't do it. She's hurt and bitter from her own bad experiences. She's trying to grow past them.

 

She did say she's just not wanting any men around. That she feels like this temporarily.

 

She confuses the hell out of me. She's here lying beside me right now. We had a quiet evening in last night, but no romance.

 

I wake up this morning deeper and deeper in love.

 

Love weary is definitely a good username. I love her so much. I can't even remember whoever else I am talking to.

 

I really hope it comes around...

 

I think there is someone else in the picture.

I believe she is in love with another.

Hence the no sex and the no cuddling with you.

[GemmaUK]

Update:

 

We fought, we didn't stay mad, etc.

 

Where did you get to when you didn't stay mad?

You saw more of her and her emotional state, did she see more of yours - as in did she see soft side of you too?

 

I think she wants to decouple our usual party/whirlwind sex thing from our time together.

You are the closest thing she has to a side kick who understands her (or might be willing to) just now.

I think that she has had some bad experiences and feels pretty alone and unsupported.

 

 

Although I can't understand how she doesn't want to cuddle.

It's because she isn't sure of you. She thinks you want the crazy wild times and she actually was after some stability and closeness from you. She isn't feeling that she is getting that in words and if she does thnk she is there for sex then any cuddle could lead to sex so she will forego a cuddle because she really would love...just..a cuddle..

 

 

She's stopped with the hookup culture and is going great places, inside. She is growing. Finding her place in the world.

 

And she is unsure where she is actually going and what is ahead - none of us know but admitting this is a vulnerable spot.

 

I think I'm part of what she is throwing out, yet she can't do it. She's hurt and bitter from her own bad experiences. She's trying to grow past them.

 

She did say she's just not wanting any men around. That she feels like this temporarily.

 

She confuses the hell out of me. She's here lying beside me right now. We had a quiet evening in last night, but no romance.

 

I wake up this morning deeper and deeper in love.

She has no friggin' clue you see her that way dude!!!

..and I never say 'dude'!!! Lol!

 

My thought, She has agreed to do this to see if there really is a you and her possibility.. I am a free-er spirit type and for me this would be a big descision to give the trip a go.

It would mean I actually like the guy more than I am willing to admit without him admitting it too. In other words yep I love the guy - but if I cannot see tenderness, consideration and understanding and just letting me talk without 'fixing' things then I'll be wondering what I am doing there.

 

 

Love weary is definitely a good username. I love her so much. I can't even remember whoever else I am talking to.

Tell her LW. Tell her.

 

 

I really hope it comes around...

Date her.

Start as if from scratch and date her.

 

She is in a place of change.

Yoga is so healing and mindful - self loving - it's like a big hug and it's escapist too as your mind is so involved.

 

You have a normal woman here.

The difference is she actually loves you but she isn't confident enough to break that out without you breaking that out also.

It might take a bit for her to believe you.

She isn't your boat and she isn't your work, she has no deadline but she does need 'meetings' and communication just like the guys who installed the kitchen on your boat and just like the staff who need to know where you are at and what the goal is this week.

 

Remember that above all and no matter what ages you are that she is just a girl and you are just a boy. Neither of you is needy - that means you can open up and it's so amazing - I've been there.

 

You have sexual compatibility - which as a woman - OMG that counts for so very much. (I could mail you my experiences - it's horrible reading) Again, she would not be on this trip with you if that were in question.

She wants 'you' and more than is wild hot sexy you.

 

You love her - you really love her don't you?!!

You were full of it - but you love her...actually..a lot..actually...

Edited July 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GemmaUK]

She did say this was a temporary thing for her. She's trying to fix her bad picker too. I'm the only guy she's picked who hasn't screwed her over badly.

 

I guess I'll just see how it goes. I've know/loved her for so long. She comes back to me over and over, but says how we could never work.

 

She is growing.

 

I just hope she grows my way.

 

Aw feck!

 

Yup! First paragraph, she is in love and wants to really see that you are. She is too scared to admit this on her own. She need you to at the same time.

If you love her..date her.

I just went to a wedding a few weeks ago - they always had and still have date night...

[Tom E]

Comon, really? You're thinking with your smaller head.. Even if this "straightens" out, it can happen again, and again. Unless you don't mind feeling depressed and whatever else you said, then you're good. You work to hard for this crap.

[loveweary11]

I think there is someone else in the picture.

I believe she is in love with another.

Hence the no sex and the no cuddling with you.

 

Well, whoever it is, he doesn't get to see her for 3 months.

[loveweary11]

Where did you get to when you didn't stay mad?

You saw more of her and her emotional state, did she see more of yours - as in did she see soft side of you too?

 

 

Exactly. We have grown closer from the fight, more forgiving.

 

You are the closest thing she has to a side kick who understands her (or might be willing to) just now.

I think that she has had some bad experiences and feels pretty alone and unsupported.

 

Again, exactly. She said this to me, actually. Broke into tears about family, no friends, feeling unsupported and alone, but is determined to be strong amd make it on her own, without the help I could give her to shortcut all of that.

 

It's because she isn't sure of you. She thinks you want the crazy wild times and she actually was after some stability and closeness from you. She isn't feeling that she is getting that in words and if she does thnk she is there for sex then any cuddle could lead to sex so she will forego a cuddle because she really would love...just..a cuddle..

 

 

That's what I'm reading too from her... that she is trying to straighten herself out in general.

 

<snippage of messed up requotes>.

 

This entire [rest of] post is dead on, except I can't know where she is in her mind regarding me because she isn't letting me know. She's going through very complicated things. These things are a direct result of her going to the months long live in course at the ashram, which I suggested.

Edited July 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[elaine567]

Well, whoever it is, he doesn't get to see her for 3 months.

 

I guess he is gone or unavailable in some way.

It may even be unrequited love.

She perhaps thought a 3 month stint with you was the answer to make her forget, but once actually here, fun casual sex and hanging about with you, may have then seemed more of a betrayal and a childish way of dealing with things rather than a serious way of getting over anything.

[BlueIris]

This entire post is dead on, except I can't know where she is in her mind regarding me because she isn't letting me know. She's going through very complicated things. These things are a direct result of her going to the months long live in course at the ashram…

 

Had to chuckle at this. Yeah… I kind of wondered how the yoga/spiritual side was reconciling with that side that was the drunk girl screaming for sex in a bar. The latter part can get pretty old. lol.

 

An ashram can really change you to the core. If she’s already noticed a disconnect with people close to her, she just might be waiting to see if the two of you will be connected in the way that really matters to her now.

 

I'd think she hasn't even decided whether she thinks you two have a future together, so she can't tell you. You're both on the journey of discovery of this person next to you.

 

(Too bad that it won't be taking place on a boat in the sea. That would have been very metaphorical, literary. )

[PrettyEmily77]

Maybe a new beginning rather than a disaster? You always get to know someone better in the most difficult circumstances, and you got a chance to get to know a side to her you never would have without that trip.

 

 

I too think you should take the risk and tell her exactly how you feel asap. She deserves to know, and it'll make you feel better to let it out, whatever the consequences. You seem to have genuine feelings towards each other anyway - that'll never be lost . LS hugs for you in the meantime.

[jen1447]

Well, the yoga chick is trying to friend zone me.

 

I'm not having it, so I'm breaking off our friendship as well.

 

Feeling really, really hurt and depressed because she was literally the only girl I was interested in at all.

 

Now, there are none.

 

I was multi dating, but only had feelings for one, which is usually the case for me.

 

Topping that off, a fuel company trucked in a batch of "I don't know what" to my boat and destroyed both brand new engines. So the yoga chick and I flew to NY....and things are getting worse by the minute.

 

I am not interested in anyone. Not interested in her now. Not feeling like going out to meet people.

 

Feeling quite depressed.

 

Why bother? I feel like there is no such thing as happiness through love or other people.

 

Yep, they don't call you loveweary for nuthin.'

 

I'm curious why she agreed to go on a long-ass trip with you on a boat if she's not feeling it. Was she like literally looking for transportation to NY?

Edited July 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Rejected Rosebud]

Not long ago this girl was one of about 3 or 4 you were talking about and she did not get any extra emphasis at all so it seems like you might be having "the one that got away" syndrome or something like that??

[loveweary11]

Not long ago this girl was one of about 3 or 4 you were talking about and she did not get any extra emphasis at all so it seems like you might be having "the one that got away" syndrome or something like that??

 

She's always been first on the list.

 

So the latest is this:

 

Went to brunch, walked the Highline, went to the Gansevoort roof deck.

 

We really got past things. We were all smiles and good conversation.

 

UNTIL....

 

Some arab scammers came over to ask her to do a "photo shoot" (they did ask my permission). I was cool about it. Lots of legitimate magazines have done this when im with her. So she leaves me sitting by myself for like an hour, continuing to hang out with the scammers even when the shoot is done and not coming over to check on me or anything.

 

Mid "shoot" i go over to her with our new drinks that have arrived. I just walk right into the shoot and up to her. The arab guy posing with her (not a fashion shoot) asks me what I do. I turn the question around and he goes off for 5 mins about how he's an architect, but is representing some designer's watch for the shoots.

 

I ask hom to see the watch. He says he doesn't have it and is wearing an iwatch instead. That his Rolex is in the shop. Around this time his photographer (wingman) says I look good in the shoot, so stay there in order to placate me. Nice ploy, but I've lived in NYC a long time. Fell for none of it, but she did.

 

So she left me for amn hour by myself with zero consideration.

 

I walked up to her again, shoulder butting the arab guy away with my back to him and told her, "I'm bored, I'm leaving."and left.

 

Texted her to enjoy her afternoon with the scammers.

 

She says, "**** you, I'm coming." in text response.

 

I said plenty more in text...

 

Im done. Texted one of the backup girls who is coming over here at 6:30 to hang out.

 

I can't understand why I fall for such horrible people.

 

We had a beautiful day and she destroyed it.

 

I hate falling in love with pure evil, but it's all I ever do. :/

Edited July 26, 2015 by loveweary11

[loveweary11]

Yep, they don't call you loveweary for nuthin.'

 

I'm curious why she agreed to go on a long-ass trip with you on a boat if she's not feeling it. Was she like literally looking for transportation to NY?

 

Na, she was already up north and came down just to go on the trip with me.

 

It's soooo confusing.

 

She draws me in and ****s on me over and over. And I can't help loving her because we are exactly the same in every way, except that i care about people.

[BlueIris]

She's always been first on the list.

 

So the latest is this:

 

Went to brunch, walked the Highline, went to the Gansevoort roof deck.

 

We really got past things. We were all smiles and good conversation.

 

UNTIL....

 

Some arab scammers came over to ask her to do a "photo shoot" (they did ask my permission). I was cool about it. Lots of legitimate magazines have done this when im with her. So she leaves me sitting by myself for like an hour, continuing to hang out with the scammers even when the shoot is done and not coming over to check on me or anything.

 

Mid "shoot" i go over to her with our new drinks that have arrived. I just walk right into the shoot and up to her. The arab guy posing with her (not a fashion shoot) asks me what I do. I turn the question around and he goes off for 5 mins about how he's an architect, but is representing some designer's watch for the shoots.

 

I ask hom to see the watch. He says he doesn't have it and is wearing an iwatch instead. That his Rolex is in the shop. Around this time his photographer (wingman) says I look good in the shoot, so stay there in order to placate me. Nice ploy, but I've lived in NYC a long time. Fell for none of it, but she did.

 

So she left me for amn hour by myself with zero consideration.

 

I walked up to her again, shoulder butting the arab guy away with my back to him and told her, "I'm bored, I'm leaving."and left.

 

Texted her to enjoy her afternoon with the scammers.

 

She says, "**** you, I'm coming." in text response.

 

I said plenty more in text...

 

Im done. Texted one of the backup girls who is coming over here at 6:30 to hang out.

 

I can't understand why I fall for such horrible people.

 

We had a beautiful day and she destroyed it.

 

I hate falling in love with pure evil, but it's all I ever do. :/

 

Pure evil? That’s pure evil in your mind?

Sounds like you weren’t actually “cool with it.” Maybe you should have said, “hey, let’s go,” instead of getting pissed off and aggressive, then walking out and blasting her by text. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you were actually in love with her. This kind of behavior is not loving.

Evil? Really?

Well, have fun with the #2 on your list.

[S_A]

She was really in to you, which is why she went on this trip. She was probably excited to see you, too. I think she just realized that when she saw you again that the spark was no longer there.

[loveweary11]

Pure evil? That’s pure evil in your mind?

Sounds like you weren’t actually “cool with it.” Maybe you should have said, “hey, let’s go,” instead of getting pissed off and aggressive, then walking out and blasting her by text. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you were actually in love with her. This kind of behavior is not loving.

Evil? Really?

Well, have fun with the #2 on your list.

 

I'm adding up the total experience and using flowery, over dramatic words, as is oftemn my writing style.

 

Certainly doing that to someone you are in the middle of a private day with isn't "caring" "good" or even acceptable. Npo personal friends I've spoken with about this story thought her actions were reasonable. They are all female and all told me to do myself a favor and get awauy from her.

 

I did say, "hey, let's go", then sat for another half hour by myself.

 

Maybe that wasn't clear.

 

This is toxic as hell, and yes, I love her... a lot. Which is the problem, since when she ****s on me, it's paoinful.

 

I have to move on.

 

It's too emotionally damaging.

 

I will have some fun with #2. It's how I cope with heartbreak, ok? I go out and get a different chick immediately. It's a coping mechanism that helps me get over things more quickly.

Edited July 26, 2015 by loveweary11

[MidwestUSA]

I'm not sure what an Arab scammer is, but why did you let her go off with them?

 

I'd want my man to step up and say 'No, she's with me'.

 

My husband tossed me to a street beggar once downtown. Oh, I mean ex husband, sorry.

[loveweary11]

It's also the millionth time she's done this kind of thing. When you are spending the day with someone, uou don't just leave them sitting there for an hour while talking tpo members of the opposite sex. On what planet do you see that as acceptable behavior in the middle of a romantic day?

[PrettyEmily77]

Does she actually know how you feel about her?

[loveweary11]

I'm not sure what an Arab scammer is, but why did you let her go off with them?

 

I'd want my man to step up and say 'No, she's with me'.

 

My husband tossed me to a street beggar once downtown. Oh, I mean ex husband, sorry.

 

Because they asked if they could do a photo shoot with her right there on the roof deck. Harmless.

 

The problem isn't with them. There are tons of scammers pretending to be fashion people who prey on women in NY. It's a well known scam to pick up girls.

 

Since they were gentlemanly and asked permission... and I know she likes doing that kind of thing, I played it cool. I didn't know they were scammers until half way into the shoot when I first went over (see earlier post).

 

So the problem isn't with them. It's with her. Not only did she fall for the scam, but she also literally left me sitting there the whole time. This is at the end of 5-6 hours of pure closeness, smiles and fun today. Things were going great, until she wrecked them.

 

And texts were 2 sided. We were fighting on them. It wasn't just me.

[loveweary11]

Does she actually know how you feel about her?

 

She does. I'm going to remind her though. But maybe I should really just bail on this toxic situation.