Dating when you're in your 20s and live with your parents

[Michelle ma Belle]

The OP does not live in Italy, India or Asia.

 

Also saying that you live with your parents and have your **** together is an oxymoron.

 

You're hilarious.

 

I'm not sure where you've been living but there are MILLIONS of immigrants living right here in North America and elsewhere who, despite not being in their home country, have continued to carry and practice their respective family values and beliefs.

 

As I mentioned, I'm of Italian and French decent. My ex husband was from an all Italian decent (right of the boat as they say) and many, many of our family and friends are from some mix of European decent as well. Almost everyone of us grew up with the same or similar family values. Apart from those that received job opportunities they couldn't pass up right out of university many of us returned home upon graduation to help save money so we could put down a handsome down payment on our marital homes.

 

Any self-respecting immigrant would tell you how much they value hard work and saving money. In my particular case, Italians hate most debt and have the mindset that if you don't have cash to pay for something, you don't buy it.

 

I don't know what the OP's ethnic background is but even it they are first generation (North) Americans, I don't see the problem with parents supporting their young adult children in saving money for their future by welcoming them back home.

 

Now, if it's a case of Peter Pan Syndrome where the adult child is balls-out lazy and basically never wants to grow up and take any kind of responsibility, I obviously would not approve. Any decent human being with half a brain would find this appalling but that doesn't appear to be the case with the OP.

 

As for your comment that living at home and having your sh*t together is an oxymoron, I disagree with you. Perhaps on the surface it may appear to be an oxymoron but in so many realities, mine included, it couldn't be more wrong.

 

Both my ex husband and I returned home after university and found jobs locally (albeit not necessarily our dream jobs at the time). We each contributed to our family by doing chores around the house like cooking, cleaning, yard maintenance, whatever was needed to alleviate the burden on our aging parents. We even financially contributed to our own wedding despite our parents disapproval (it was a HUGE and expensive wedding) and the list goes on. As a result of being home we collectively managed to save $65,000 which we used as a down payment on on our first home - we were in our mid-twenties.

 

My 21 year old niece and has been living at home with her parents while going to college and working three jobs in various hospitality establishments to save money for her future wedding to her long-time boyfriend. She has managed to save just over $40,000 all on her own!!

 

How many twenty-something can say they have that kind of money today? Just look at the accumulating debt of Americans reaching epidemic levels these days.

 

So tell me again how this doesn't qualify as having one's sh*t together and still living at home?

 

Edited July 23, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[LookAtThisPOst]

How many twenty-something can say they have that kind of money today? Just look at the accumulating debt of Americans reaching epidemic levels these days.

 

So tell me again how this doesn't qualify as having one's sh*t together and still living at home?

 

Whole-heartedly agree.

 

Which would be smarter?

 

Living on your own at 18 and in major debt, buying Starbucks and not brewing your own Folgers?

 

Or living with your parents at 18 and saving money?

[Gaeta]

You're hilarious.

 

I'm not sure where you've been living but there are MILLIONS of immigrants living right here in North America and elsewhere who, despite not being in their home country, have continued to carry and practice their respective family values and beliefs.

 

As I mentioned, I'm of Italian and French decent. My ex husband was from an all Italian decent (right of the boat as they say) and many, many of our family and friends are from some mix of European decent as well. Almost everyone of us grew up with the same or similar family values. Apart from those that received job opportunities they couldn't pass up right out of university many of us returned home upon graduation to help save money so we could put down a handsome down payment on our marital homes.

 

Any self-respecting immigrant would tell you how much they value hard work and saving money. In my particular case, Italians hate most debt and have the mindset that if you don't have cash to pay for something, you don't buy it.

 

I don't know what the OP's ethnic background is but even it they are first generation (North) Americans, I don't see the problem with parents supporting their young adult children in saving money for their future by welcoming them back home.

 

Now, if it's a case of Peter Pan Syndrome where the adult child is balls-out lazy and basically never wants to grow up and take any kind of responsibility, I obviously would not approve. Any decent human being with half a brain would find this appalling but that doesn't appear to be the case with the OP.

 

As for your comment that living at home and having your sh*t together is an oxymoron, I disagree with you. Perhaps on the surface it may appear to be an oxymoron but in so many realities, mine included, it couldn't be more wrong.

 

Both my ex husband and I returned home after university and found jobs locally (albeit not necessarily our dream jobs at the time). We each contributed to our family by doing chores around the house like cooking, cleaning, yard maintenance, whatever was needed to alleviate the burden on our aging parents. We even financially contributed to our own wedding despite our parents disapproval (it was a HUGE and expensive wedding) and the list goes on. As a result of being home we collectively managed to save $65,000 which we used as a down payment on on our first home - we were in our mid-twenties.

 

My 21 year old niece and has been living at home with her parents while going to college and working three jobs in various hospitality establishments to save money for her future wedding to her long-time boyfriend. She has managed to save just over $40,000 all on her own!!

 

How many twenty-something can say they have that kind of money today? Just look at the accumulating debt of Americans reaching epidemic levels these days.

 

So tell me again how this doesn't qualify as having one's sh*t together and still living at home?

 

 

This mentality and way of doing are part of your culture and you married within your culture so it was good for all parties.

 

In my culture it's frown upon to be 28 and still be living at mom and dad. I would say it's seen as normal till 21-22 then older it's seen as leeching or fear of flying on their own.

 

OP wonders why it's such an issue when dating well it's his answer.

 

My daughter is 28 and each time she comes across a man her age still living at his parents the first question that comes to our mind: Is he Italian?

 

Each culture has its value. Mine values more independence and resourcefulness at a young age than piling money and being debt free.

 

OP needs to date women with the same mentality as him.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Each culture has its value. Mine values more independence and resourcefulness at a young age than piling money and being debt free.

 

Notice they use the term "piling" or "stacking" money is being used in regards to "saving" money. Using the terms in a negative light.

 

Being in debt (which is something the United States is suffering from anyhow) is seen as a positive (or not seen as a bad thing) where "piling" money is seen as a negative.

 

I've seen recent news reports where adults moving back in with their parents, while they have 30K of college loan debts to pay off is not uncommon.

 

I reminded of this recently published political cartoon.

[baco]

Where I live, debt was also considered a good thing, it was easy to have access to credit and jobs were plentifull, so as long as there was a steady income the installments could be paid, with no major fuss, even if that meant not saving any money.

Then the economy tanked, salaries were cut, unemployment rose, social benefits were cut, pensions were cut, jobs became scarce and underpaid, this offcourse caused social disaster, people suddenly could not pay their debts, with no to little savings, many lost their homes, many had to leave the country, many had to return to their parents homes, many commited suicide and depression rates increased exponentially.

I started to work and earning money right in the beginning of all this, so I think it's understandable why I have such a negative view on credit.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This mentality and way of doing are part of your culture and you married within your culture so it was good for all parties.

 

In my culture it's frown upon to be 28 and still be living at mom and dad. I would say it's seen as normal till 21-22 then older it's seen as leeching or fear of flying on their own.

 

OP wonders why it's such an issue when dating well it's his answer.

 

My daughter is 28 and each time she comes across a man her age still living at his parents the first question that comes to our mind: Is he Italian?

 

Each culture has its value. Mine values more independence and resourcefulness at a young age than piling money and being debt free.

 

OP needs to date women with the same mentality as him.

 

I have lots of family living in Quebec including several in Montreal. Some are born and bred French Canadian, a few others are French by way of France transplanted for one reason or another while even more are Italian immigrants.

 

I would agree that although living at home after the age of 22 might be frowned upon by the French Canadian side of my family, the Italian and French (European) side living in the heart of Montreal do not.

 

Again, this seems to support the mentality that the ultimate goal for North American families is to get out as young as you can.

 

As for the OP dating women with similar mentality and/or upbringing, I agree.

 

Or better yet, perhaps the OP might turn this "issue" on it's head and see it more as a vetting process when it comes to finding the right match for him.

 

By the way, what is your ethnic background OP?

Edited July 23, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[LookAtThisPOst]

I started to work and earning money right in the beginning of all this, so I think it's understandable why I have such a negative view on credit.

 

Right, I'm surprised why some people encourage credit almost as if it's a need just as necessary as food and water. I instantly shred any pre-approved credit card offers if I get them in the mail.

 

Call me cheap, but when I go out to eat, I usually just get a glass of water for a drink.

 

I knew of someone that when he went to buy a car, the only time he used credit was when he put the entire dollar amount of the car on a credit card just so he could get the points. LOL The buyer was confident he could pay that amount off next month.

 

The salesperson was aghast at his method and was expecting a finance plan to be written up. lol

[Mrin]

I've only read the first page of this thread but the OP's post kinda terrifies me. He made a very mature and well reasoned case for living at home. But it strikes me at wrong. Wrong to the core because unless his parents are charging him market rate room and board, he's just sponging off of them almost into his 30's. Sure he's setting himself up for a stable future. But he's robbing them of their retirement or post child years. I find that insanely self absorbed and would never consider dating a woman who did the same. I would never have even considered doing this to my parents and I will not allow my children to do it to me.

 

I freely aknowledge that I am castigating the OP without knowing the full details and for that I apologize. But I couldn't help but rant.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've only read the first page of this thread but the OP's post kinda terrifies me. He made a very mature and well reasoned case for living at home. But it strikes me at wrong. Wrong to the core because unless his parents are charging him market rate room and board, he's just sponging off of them almost into his 30's. Sure he's setting himself up for a stable future. But he's robbing them of their retirement or post child years. I find that insanely self absorbed and would never consider dating a woman who did the same. I would never have even considered doing this to my parents and I will not allow my children to do it to me.

 

I freely aknowledge that I am castigating the OP without knowing the full details and for that I apologize. But I couldn't help but rant.

 

That's a huge assumption. As I mentioned in my own post, there was no "sponging" off or taking advantage of parental kindness since most of the men and women I know who have returned home after college have contributed significantly to their family households be it financially or in sweat equity. In many cases, parents view having their adult children home as a pro rather than a con and a win/win for everyone.

 

And YES, if the kid doesn't contribute at all, is disrespectful in any way or doesn't seem to have any aspirations of their own or plans to leave the nest then I can see it as being problematic and a huge red flag BUT (again) that doesn't seem to be the case here.

[xyz1234]

Look at it this way man.

 

You've got a great way to see what type of person a woman is. If she's genuine and dating for the right reasons, it won't automatically drive her away. But anytime you meet a woman that wants to bail right off the bat, she isn't worth dating anyways. In the long run, you'll be thankful that none of those women were interested.

 

It would be hilarious if you turned it around on them though. Next time you meet a woman that has a HUGE problem with it say "Actually I don't live with my parents, but I find that it's a great way to see what type of person a woman really is. Clearly you failed and I'm no longer interested".

 

Haha, good point. I've kind of thought the same thing, that it's sort of a test to see if what type of person a woman is. The problem is, almost all of the ones I've met fail the test, or at least the attractive ones who have options do. I don't think it would be fair to say that all of these women are not worth dating, they probably just know that they can find another guy who doesn't have what they consider a pretty big strike against them. But yeah, if I do find one who doesn't mind it it's definitely a plus.

 

I believe you made the right choice too.

 

I met my current fiancé while I was living with my parents and did not tell her my finical status at the time. I simply would say that I am close to my parents and we spend a lot of time together, once I find somebody I wish to take it to the next level I will get a place. If that was a showstopper for somebody so be it. After being with g/f at the time for a year I bought a nice place and we moved in. My guess is not so much where you live but what you do for a living. If you are 28 and have no career you will come off as somebody with no goals or aspirations.

 

Make the right choices regardless of what society says you need. No debt at 30 with college is a great start to financial stability. Don’t rush in to buy a place, look for an awhile and make sure you get what you want where you want. Wait another year if the market is not a buyers’ market.

 

Thanks for the advice, sounds like the same sort of situation worked out great for you. Maybe I am too upfront about telling girls I live with my parents. I guess I figure that they're going to find out eventually, and some girls will probably feel deceived knowing I withheld that info for so long.

 

Yeah, you're right about possibly waiting another year since it's not a buyers market. I really do want to move out of my parents house though, and if I don't buy now it's just ~$12k that I'll be paying toward rent for a year instead of a mortgage. Tough decision...

 

I think you are only fooling yourself by thinking that it will somehow pay off. Property prices always go up and saving up for a place leads for forever saving because the by the time you save for the deposit on a $300k apartment guess what that place is now $450k... you saved the deposit for the $450k place? Oh well now it's $600k.

 

I hear what you're saying about property prices increasing like this but honestly, this kind of sounds like an endorsement for what I've been doing haha. Property value isn't going up more quickly than my savings because... I've been saving way more than I have if I were paying rent every month. I actually have more than enough money for a 20% down payment now. That would be far from the case if I had been renting all this time.

 

Buying a property with a mortgage is effectively saving, and paying off your loans early is you not taking advantage of the capitalist world we live in (i.e. a debt driven economy). I'm 26 and my parents told me that in "their time" very few 26 year olds would drive new Bimmers or already own their an apartment but in 2015 it's pretty common — this is all possible through responsible borrowing. If you think about it a guy with lots of debt is just as if not more financially stable than a guy with no debt provided that he can comfortably make ends meet.

 

I kind of disagree here also. There totally are people who borrow responsibly, but for every one person like that there seem to be 9 that aren't borrowing responsibly. I have family members who are nearing retirement age and owe more on their mortgage now than when they first bought their house. They make great money but think they deserve a lifestyle that's beyond their means. Always driving the newest cars, constantly buying shoes and fancy meals... Good luck to them when they want to retire in just a few years. But I do agree that I should get my own place ASAP, I just want to do it in the smartest way. I may try to get a short term lease like some have mentioned.

 

I'm Italian/French which means that it's not uncommon for adult children to live with their parents until marriage, particularly in Italy.

 

In many Asian and Indian countries, you'll find several generations living under the same roof. Setting out on ones own right out of university is primarily a North American thing.

 

Personally, as long as you're someone who has their sh*t together, have aspirations of your own and as long as your parents are fine with the living arrangement for the time being I don't have a problem with it.

 

Then again, I'm not in my twenties anymore so my perspective may be a more open and tolerant one in comparison to the younger girls these days

 

Haha, I am 100% Italian! It seems to be true, I have lots of family members who lived with their parents well into early adulthood. It's probably why I haven't considered it to be as big of a deal as the girls I date make it out to be. I recently went out with my parents Italian friends and they have a 26 year old daughter... same deal, she has a career and everything but lives with her parents for now.

 

But try to get out of the house as soon as you can, but don't rush into buying a place either just because you want a place for dating purposes. Someone mentioned renting a cheap place. I think that may work. A small, neat, cheap place that shows you have some independence. Is it possible to find short leases in your area? I would go for a 3 or 6 month lease if at all possible. I was looking for a house and didn't want to "waste" money on rent, but gladly I found a place without a lease. Have you considered subleasing or sharing a place with friends?

 

In short, hide the fact as long as possible, buy time to build trust with her, sit her down and explain when trust is built, buy your own place soon but without rushing.

 

I agree, the short term lease idea is a great idea and I'm going to look into options. Problem is even 6 months is too long because I'm seriously house hunting. I have a friend who has a room becoming available soon that would be perfect, super cheap and with no lease. Problem is there are lots of people who want it, and one of his roomates will be deciding who he wants to live with. I'll ask him what's going on with that and when his roomate is moving out since that would be pretty perfect.

 

Just think of how much money we could all save if we lived with our parents forever!

 

I have no issue with people who live with mom and dad for a period of time while they get on their feet, but you are starting to push it to the extreme. I guess it would depend more on the exact scenario -- are you seriously house hunting or just talking about it? What is your time table? Do you live essentially independently from your parents? (Doing your own laundry, buying your own food, cooking your own meals, on your own insurance, etc.). Growing up isn't only about learning to be financially responsible -- it's about dealing with life without the crutch of mom and dad. It's always been a turn off for me when men rely on that crutch for too long. I also don't understand people who don't want to get out on their own.

 

I'm seriously hunting, but it's reallllly a tough market right now so it's taking a while. I don't really live totally independently from my parents. I cook my own breakfast and lunch, but my mom cooks dinner. It just doesn't really make sense to have two people cooking separate dinners every night. I do cook for my parents once in a while, and when they aren't home I'm totally self sufficient. I am on my own insurance, but my laundry does get done for me. My grandmother actually comes over and just does it during the day while everyone is at work. She's the old fashioned Italian type who just wants to help her family, there really isn't any stopping her.

[d0nnivain]

I don't really live totally independently from my parents. I cook my own breakfast and lunch, but my mom cooks dinner. It just doesn't really make sense to have two people cooking separate dinners every night. I do cook for my parents once in a while, and when they aren't home I'm totally self sufficient. I am on my own insurance, but my laundry does get done for me. My grandmother actually comes over and just does it during the day while everyone is at work. She's the old fashioned Italian type who just wants to help her family, there really isn't any stopping her.

 

The highlighted portions are why dating a guy who lives with his parents is problematic. When he does finally decide to marry & move out he will expect his wife to cook for him, fully take care of the house & do his laundry, in part because even in his mid 30s he's never done those things for himself.

 

While I applaud the financial decisions, I worry about the social ones.

[xyz1234]

I get a kick out of how I had a couple of women tell me that they "moved out when they were 18" , when they were really just shackin' up with their boyfriend...sharing their expenses which made it easier on them.

 

I remember telling them I went into the military when I was 18 and how they said, "That doesn't count as living on your own' because the military is footing the bill for rent, food, etc." Now that was laughable.

 

LOLOL this reminds me of the last girl I dated. She would tell me that she moved out at 18 and she is totally cut off from her parents financially now, and she paid for her car in cash, blah blah blah, and that because I'm living with my parents I need to "get my sh*t together." The reality is at age 18 she did move out... and her rich parents paid for her entire college education (undergrad and grad school, we're talking around $250k). I did the same at 18 so I'm not sure how she thought those 4 years of my life differed from hers at all, haha, and I was actually footing the bill for college. She just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that some people weren't born with a silver spoon in their mouth and take a different path to financial stability. My parents couldn't afford to pay my tuition so they helped me get on my feet after college by letting me live under their roof. I have been living there longer than I expected but I'm in way better financial shape than most of my peers, can cook, etc. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, she didn't know how to cook with anything besides a microwave

 

You may want to seek out someone that shares the same mindset as you do, like for instance a Hispanic woman wouldn't likely have a problem with someone still living with their parents into their 20s as they can empathize with you on this as their family is likely to have young adults still living with their parents.

 

Those are that go off to college and then come back home in their 20s, this is VERY common and these people shouldn't be kicked to the curb as a dating prospect, esp. if they have a PLAN like the OP.

 

Right, I've even seen this happen in the South (in America). Even if they move out, they stay within the same residential areas as their kin. You need to find someone with this kind of background.

 

Hmm, that's true... Even someone of my own background (Italian) would be more likely to not see my living situation as a deal breaker. I don't particularly like limiting myself in that way though. I'm already picky enough, haha.

 

Rent a cheap place for dating reasons is an insane idea and a waste of money. OP should just house hunt until he finds the right place regardless of what women require.

 

Haha, funny you so that. My uncle did just that when he was younger. He lived with his parents during the week, and rented a place so he could bring girls home on the weekend. Pretty hilarious story but not really a financially responsible thing to do.

 

If you are truly worried about this instead of saying you live with your parents, tell them you are currently house hunting. Get a realtor and they will email you listings for your proof. You can even have a few of those listing as conversations about what they think. At this point MOST women won’t care if you tell them you are currently at your parents while looking as you already have a game plan explained.

 

I do have a realtor and get the email listings, I just haven't really felt like I should need to show someone that stuff as proof I guess. I mean, they don't make it clear when I tell them about my situation that they disprove of it, they just won't see me again if they do haha. So I can't be like "I'm looking for a condo. Don't believe me? Here's proof!"

 

With the last girl I dated, a couple months into seeing her I had a conflict where we were supposed to hang out but I ended up wanting to go to a couple open houses that day. So I took her with me. Maybe that's what I should do. Second date, "hey come look at this open house with me!" And then tell her I'm living with my parents haha.

 

What you have done is VERY mature and smart. Being 28 and at home is not weird at all. It would only be weird if you had a long term girlfriend AND were financially able to live on your own.

 

I can't see how any girl would be weirded out about this once you explained why you still live at home. In your case, it has nothing to do with being dependent on your parents.

 

Thanks, I wish more of the girls I date could see it this way! There actually was one girl a few weeks ago who started talking to me online. I explained that I'm living with my parents while I shop for a house so I don't have to get locked into a lease during the process, and she told me she did the exact same thing while searching for her house! Then she disappeared pretty soon after... not sure if it was related though.

 

Because they know you can't become a man until you're no longer living with mommy. Until Mother isn't taking care of you, you have no idea what it's like to take care of yourself and you have never had time with yourself to find out who you are away from your parents' influence. And you're way past that time. It's a necessary life stage to leave home. You can't go past that stage until you do.

 

Okay, great, you got your debts paid off and saved some money. So get your own place, whether you rent or own, and start the next phase of your life.

 

I left home and lived on my own for four years during college, and most of that time lived by myself... I think that's a pretty good amount of time to take care of myself and find out who I am. My mom isn't exactly wiping my butt for me haha, but yeah, I do want to get my own place in a way that makes sense for me.

 

hhmm, to me you would just come across as someone who chose the easy path. Living at home means at 28 you never had to struggle to pay your rent or groceries, never had to budget, never worried about where you'll find that money for your car repair. You never came back to an empty home, never had an empty fridge. You spent the last 10 years eating your mom's cooking and she probably did your laundry too. All those years you were suppose to learn about life by struggling you spent them under the wings of mom and dad while slowly piling up your money. It would worry me to be in a relationship with a man that's never been on his own yet.

 

Hmm, I can see what you're getting at but... who purposely puts them self in tough positions like not knowing if they'll have food in the fridge? Maybe that builds character or something but that doesn't seem to make sense to me unless it's something you need to do. Like people who move out as teenagers because they're parents are abusive or something and they need to struggle to make ends meet for a while. Beyond a situation like that it seems like a lot of unnecessary stress. None of my close friends moved out of their parents house before they could comfortably make ends meet, and I know some had financial help from their parents as well.

 

Is this something girls look for? "Were you reallllly poor at one point? Struggling to make ends meet, stressed about whether you'd be able to put food on the table. Yes? Oh perfect, you're a real man then!"

 

It is not hard to learn to do these things. What is a hard and rarer trait is someone who is good with their finances. Obviously this stigma is a real one, and you can have a hard time with it.

 

Furthermore if anyone has had a loving mother with caretaking tendencies, just TRY not eating the food she makes and see how well that goes for you.

 

That being said it sounds like you really need to leave the nest by now. I would date you, but that's hardly a consolation since I have the wrong parts.

 

Haha you hit the care taking tendencies on the head. Like when my grandmother cooks... "mangia mangia!" She literally picked up the cat and brought her over to her food bowl because she wasn't eating right away when she fed her.

[xyz1234]

I've only read the first page of this thread but the OP's post kinda terrifies me. He made a very mature and well reasoned case for living at home. But it strikes me at wrong. Wrong to the core because unless his parents are charging him market rate room and board, he's just sponging off of them almost into his 30's. Sure he's setting himself up for a stable future. But he's robbing them of their retirement or post child years. I find that insanely self absorbed and would never consider dating a woman who did the same. I would never have even considered doing this to my parents and I will not allow my children to do it to me.

 

I freely aknowledge that I am castigating the OP without knowing the full details and for that I apologize. But I couldn't help but rant.

 

I don't really blame you for seeing it that way, but it's not really the case, at least in my case. My parents definitely do not consider it sponging off of them. They weren't able to help me pay my 6 figure college debt so they told me that as long as I pay my loans and save some money I could live with them. I have definitely not robbed them of their retirement. They would have been living in the same home, paying the same mortgage, with or without me. There is the food that they purchase but that's basically just whatever my mom buys from the grocery store to cook dinner, and I buy the rest. I'm respectful toward them so they in no way consider me a burden and enjoy my company. They actually know that I have plenty of money to rent, they just consider renting to be "throwing your money away" and want to see me buy my own place.

 

But yeah, I know there are children who take advantage of their parents who give guys like me a bad wrap.

 

The highlighted portions are why dating a guy who lives with his parents is problematic. When he does finally decide to marry & move out he will expect his wife to cook for him, fully take care of the house & do his laundry, in part because even in his mid 30s he's never done those things for himself.

 

While I applaud the financial decisions, I worry about the social ones.

 

Well the thing is, I can cook and have started to more now because I prefer the way I cook certain things over the way my parents do (they like their meat/chicken overcooked for whatever reason). I've done the laundry thing for four years in college and have no problem with taking care of the house (I've made temporary fixes for rain leaks, etc). I'm definitely not unwilling to do those things.

[xyz1234]

Some women will be put off dating you, some won't. It's probably a good way of filtering out prospective dates and ending up dating more genuine, less superficial people. It's a win win situation, if you look at it that way!

 

I do think it's admirable to have paid off your debts and saved a good deposit for a condo. I would caution waiting too much longer to get your foot on the property ladder, however, for a number of reasons.

 

You say you live in an area where there is a lot of competition for properties. This isn't likely to change in the near future. Whilst you keep saving for that elusive ideal condo, prices will keep edging up and you'll keep missing out. If properties you look at are 10-15% more expensive than you can afford, you may need to lower your expectations and look at less expensive properties in less desirable suburbs.

 

Very few people get their dream property from the outset, unless they win the lottery or come from a wealthy family. Time in the market is one of the most important factors in gaining equity in property over the long term. You will probably buy and sell property a few times in your lifetime before you achieve your dream home

 

You sound like a smart young man. Start small, dream big! Stop wasting any more time You've had the benefit of living at home for many years now. It is very easy to experience the paralysis of indecision. It sounds like the perfect time to spread your wings, to be bold and to really go after what you have been working towards for so long.

 

I suspect that once you take the next step towards your goal, everything else will fall into place!

 

Good luck

 

Thanks, I think this is good advice! I agree with you on settling for a home that isn't my "dream home." It looks like I'm going to have to find a place selling for 10% less than I am willing to pay, so that when it gets bid up over asking by 10% I can still afford it! If in a few years I really want to upgrade to something closer to my "dream house" I can sell/rent mine and move on.

 

I'm from southern europe and here is quite normal for a 28 yo to be living at home, especially now with unemployment and terrible economy.

 

I understand why in the US living at home in the late 20's can be considered a bad thing and I believe that the OP has not made his decisions lightly, I think that many women will understand why the OP decided to live at home and that will not be a deal breaker, it can be to some obviously, but if you are looking for someone to share your life with, you would want them to also share your views on how to deal with money and money can sometimes be a major stressor in a relationship.

 

Personally I also prefer to be debt free, it's a lot easier in Europe, since education is pretty much free and most of heathcare, but still I could easily fall into debt. I'm not a cheapskate by any means, I just don't like to spend a lot of money or be in debt for what I consider "trivial things", like a top of the line car, expensive clothes and so on.

 

I totally agree. I put financial stability over superfluous purchases. No daily coffee, eating out (I cook my own lunches and save eating out for the weekends), etc and don't feel that I'm missing out on that stuff. I am able to buy electronic devices and things I want here and there, and when I go out with friends I don't act like a cheapskate. Among my friends I'm considered one of the better dressed, even though my wardrobe is quite minimal (I believe in buying a few nice items that I'm going to wear a lot than having tons of stuff that I wear once a year). I just avoid the things I find frivolous, and I feel I'm just as happy living this way than the person going into massive debt so they can constantly have the nicest cars, clothes, etc.

 

By the way, what is your ethnic background OP?

 

I'm 100% Italian, haha. My mom was born in Italy and came to the US as an infant, my dad was born in the US.

[d0nnivain]

Well the thing is, I can cook and have started to more now because I prefer the way I cook certain things over the way my parents do (they like their meat/chicken overcooked for whatever reason). I've done the laundry thing for four years in college and have no problem with taking care of the house (I've made temporary fixes for rain leaks, etc). I'm definitely not unwilling to do those things.

 

When the time is right -- not on the 1st date -- make sure the woman knows this. Your self sufficiency would be a bigger concern for me then your address or living arrangements.

[wb1988]

So tell me again how this doesn't qualify as having one's sh*t together and still living at home?

 

 

The "still living at home" part

Edited July 23, 2015 by wb1988

[LookAtThisPOst]

hhmm, to me you would just come across as someone who chose the easy path. Living at home means at 28 you never had to struggle to pay your rent or groceries.

 

What's the big deal about struggling? You say that like it's a good thing. lol

[LookAtThisPOst]

What's the big deal about struggling? You say that like it's a good thing. lol

 

AlSO -

 

Hmm, I can see what you're getting at but... who purposely puts them self in tough positions like not knowing if they'll have food in the fridge? Maybe that builds character or something but that doesn't seem to make sense to me unless it's something you need to do. Like people who move out as teenagers because they're parents are abusive or something and they need to struggle to make ends meet for a while. Beyond a situation like that it seems like a lot of unnecessary stress. None of my close friends moved out of their parents house before they could comfortably make ends meet, and I know some had financial help from their parents as well.

 

I wanted to add, okay, so you move out at 18, then "struggle" to pay the bills and what-not.

 

What woman would want to date a man whose struggling to pay the bills and get food on the table? Bingo! Gotcha! lol Not many!

 

Mid-20's man living with parents no rent to pay = undesirable by women because he doesn't "struggle."

 

Man moves out of the house at 18, works some min. wage job at a Wal-Mart or busing tables, struggles to pay the rent on min. wage = undesirable by women as he's lucky he can even afford to date.

Edited July 24, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[guest569]

I wouldn't want to do the deed under his parents roof, that is the first thing that springs to mind. They also might assume you are lazy and leech off them. Not saying that but a lot of people do these days. I fled at 25 and sometimes have to justify myself to people. I worked hard and paid half of everything whilst living with the relative.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I wouldn't want to do the deed under his parents roof, that is the first thing that springs to mind. They also might assume you are lazy and leech off them. Not saying that but a lot of people do these days. I fled at 25 and sometimes have to justify myself to people. I worked hard and paid half of everything whilst living with the relative.

 

Oh, you lived with a relative? So you're okay "doing the deed" at your uncle's house instead? LOL As if this makes a difference.

[guest569]

Oh, you lived with a relative? So you're okay "doing the deed" at your uncle's house instead? LOL As if this makes a difference.

 

No, that's not what I was saying. i didnt even date til my mid 20s after I had moved out so never had that dilemma. I was giving an example of how we have/had to justify ourselves as independent adults despite living with parents which is frowned upon by many.

[LookAtThisPOst]

No, that's not what I was saying. i didnt even date til my mid 20s..

 

You expect us to believe that?

[guest569]

You expect us to believe that?

 

*shrugs* i dont really give a crap if you believe it or not. Most people here know my background. I dont see why you think i would lie about it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

*shrugs* i dont really give a crap if you believe it or not. Most people here know my background. I dont see why you think i would lie about it.

 

Okay then, but I suppose you having haven't dated up until 25 is an entirely different conversation altogether, so I'll stick to the topic.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Obviously living with your parents past a certain age looks worse in men than it does in women