Another OW

[sandylee1]

No. I quit as a condition of him staying. If we didnt have the kids I would leave. I figured his last affair was a reaction to mine. He didn't knocked her up until after he left. I made his life miserable and every threat in the book to bring him back. He said he loved me, etc, wanted to be a family. Now he has done this again. We decided not telling the kids about my affair was best. They knew about his because he moved out, and he told them they would have another sibling, before first OW had the abortion.

 

He'll struggle financially having to support you and pay CS for your two children. I imagine that's at the forefront of his mind.

 

He might say he loves you , but his actions don't show it. You'd think he'd learn from the last time he got the OW pregnant. Most MM would see that as dodging a bullet. He either wants another child or he's left the bc to the OW.

 

I suggest you get tested for Std's with all these bodily fluids mixing. He's putting your health at risk by being so irresponsible.

[pteromom]

- He learned nothing from getting an OW pregnant and dodging the bullet the first time. Just went right back to unprotected sex with an OW. So if you stay with him, you can expect more of the same.

 

- He has TOLD you he wants to be with her, and doesn't love you. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you?

 

- That baby is his responsibility now, financially and otherwise. It will always be in his life (hopefully!) Remember this isn't the child's fault - it didn't ask to be born into this messed up situation.

 

- Your husband is the one who broke his vows. What does that say about him?

 

You have 2 choices:

 

1. Keep your dignity and leave. File for CS. Be done with this drama.

 

or

 

2. Stay. Accept this child and the OW. Accept that your DH is a cheater and will likely never be faithful. Accept that you are a roommate and that his passions are elsewhere.

 

This guy isn't going to be faithful. This child isn't going away. No reason to focus on the things out of your control.

Edited July 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[harrybrown]

Did your H ever get over your year long A?

 

How did he find out?

 

Why did you not go with your AP?

 

Did you go get help with your M after your A?

 

Did you sweep it under the rug? The kids do not know about your A?

 

Did your H feel like he was your second choice and now he is trying to get back his "manhood"? Something is not resolved from your year long A.

 

Hope you find some happiness along the way.

[Raena]

You know, I think I was you at one time OP. Someone said it already... you can't see the forest for the trees. I was there for a long time too and couldn't see clearly what I needed to do. Change is so hard but in your case, it's absolutely necessary.

 

It seems like you are hanging on to what you thought your marriage should be and making excuses all along the line for everything that's happened. I've been there. It's really hard to see the truth sometimes when you just don't want to.

 

The truth is... your kids will be fine, you will be fine but your marriage is over. It's done. It's been done for a very long time. At this point you need to bow out gracefully and find a way to move forward.

 

He is not the man you thought he was or want him to be. Your marriage has suffered too much at this point to fix it. You could try, but you'd have to figure out how to stop blaming the OW for the choices your husband made, accept their child into your life, and go get a serious amount of in depth counseling for both of you and your children. Honestly, it seems like you will need to do all of that anyway whether you stay together or divorce because you will need to continue to have contact with him for several more years for your children's sake.

 

Let him go and focus your energy on taking care of you and your kids. It will be a long painful process but I promise you, if you do the hard work now it will pay off later.

 

It isn't the OW's fault that your husband cheated. It's on her conscience if she knew he was married and chose to have unprotected sex with him anyway. That makes her a disgraceful human, but it still doesn't make it her fault that your marriage isn't working. You marriage isn't working because of the way you and your husband interact with each other. That's a tough pill to swallow but it's the truth. Stop blaming her and find a way to remove yourself from being dependent on him.

[sandylee1]

Why in the link you provided did it say to leave the OC a dollar so that they can't say MM forgot to add them in an effort to thwart any efforts for OC to receive anything in the event of MM death? That child is also his child. That is messed up.

 

You can hardly expect them to be thrilled about this can you though? There's a lot of expectation for the BS to be nice and fair, but WH/OW were not nice and fair to her.

 

The WH/ OW showed no concern for her children during the affair, so why should she really show any concern for this child?

 

Who else will look out for her children if she doesn't? Clearly not her H or the OW.

 

They are trying to protect their children's inheritance from being split with this child. I know it's his child , but there's more to being a father than having sex and getting a woman pregnant. Especially in the cases of ONS. That's just being a sperm donor.

 

That said, I would expect that if the OC had a relationship with the father , he wouldn't leave him a mere dollar, because he would have fully accepted and acknowledged the child.

 

It's bad that the innocent child suffers, but in reality parents making poor choices and being irrreponsible WILL directly impact their children. It happens all the time. The BSs view is that the child shouldn't be here, because the affair shouldn't have happened.

 

It doesn't really matter if anyone agrees with this , but if you have a child for a MM, expecting his family to accept it with joy and open arms is a big ask. It's possible they will accept it, but don't bank on it. It's unfair and it's a huge burden to place on a child.

 

Why would you want your child being born in circumstances that cause another person /people to be unhappy? Because this isn't the case with any other births. The birth and sight of your child as an OW, is a constant living reminder to the BW of her husband's infidelity with you. I wouldn't hate that for my child.

[goodyblue]

You can hardly expect them to be thrilled about this can you though? There's a lot of expectation for the BS to be nice and fair, but WH/OW were not nice and fair to her.

 

The WH/ OW showed no concern for her children during the affair, so why should she really show any concern for this child?

 

Who else will look out for her children if she doesn't? Clearly not her H or the OW.

 

They are trying to protect their children's inheritance from being split with this child. I know it's his child , but there's more to being a father than having sex and getting a woman pregnant. Especially in the cases of ONS. That's just being a sperm donor.

 

That said, I would expect that if the OC had a relationship with the father , he wouldn't leave him a mere dollar, because he would have fully accepted and acknowledged the child.

 

It's bad that the innocent child suffers, but in reality parents making poor choices and being irrreponsible WILL directly impact their children. It happens all the time. The BSs view is that the child shouldn't be here, because the affair shouldn't have happened.

 

It doesn't really matter if anyone agrees with this , but if you have a child for a MM, expecting his family to accept it with joy and open arms is a big ask. It's possible they will accept it, but don't bank on it. It's unfair and it's a huge burden to place on a child.

 

Why would you want your child being born in circumstances that cause another person /people to be unhappy? Because this isn't the case with any other births. The birth and sight of your child as an OW, is a constant living reminder to the BW of her husband's infidelity with you. I wouldn't hate that for my child.

 

This was a great post. I most assuredly do understand the point you are making but there is more to it than a ONS. He had a relationship with this woman. He wants to leave OP and be with OW. OW is not speaking to MM because he refused to tell OP about the baby. I would wager she outed him because she is calling his bluff in an attempt to get him to leave or have OP kick him out. This baby will be part of his life and as such he should pay CS. And if he raises the child it WILL get part of any inheritance, t the OW will see to it. OP has stated there is not much in the way of money so inheritance won't be a big issue maybe, but it could still get part of whatever there is. OP must prepare for that.

 

As for OP wanting the baby to just go away, she can feel that way but it is a pipe dream. She either has to accept that her kidS have a sibling or leave her husband. I worry she will be one that will be unkind to a baby that came into her life through infidelity which is why I say don't have a baby with MM. That kid is already for a rough start and it is sad. (Don't take me to task.agAin Hope!)

 

The OP can be mad all she wants, wish the baby away all she likes, but she is only deluding herself. I bet he goes with OW anyway and OP is left high and dry. Pretty scary to live in denial when that is the likely outcome.

 

She needs to realize that if he stays in the marriage her WILL be paying CS as he should our risk garnishment or even a warrant for his arrest.

 

If she doesn't open her eyes it will be harder for her long term. I feel bad for the kids in this situation, all of them. What a mucking fess.

[autumnnight]

It will always be in his life (hopefully!) Remember this isn't the child's fault - it didn't ask to be born into this messed up situation.

 

Pathetically and disgustingly, there are actually people who disagree with this and advise others to ditch the baby. Horrible.

 

OP, I know you are hurting. Just make sure that YOUR character stays intact even though your WH's went out to lunch.

 

Oh, and regarding your affair....he decided to stay and already had one revenge affair or whatever. Piggybacking this other A and pregnancy onto your past affair is idiotic. He has no excuse, "manhood" or not.

[Lois_Griffin]

Do you think she should just go have the baby and raise it alone and leave you guys to live happily ever after? Is that what you'll want the next one he gets pregnant to do as well?

Why in the hell this irresponsible man hasn't gotten a vasectomy is beyond me. He knocks up everyone he touches. Does he not UNDERSTAND how contraception works?

[Raena]

Why in the hell this irresponsible man hasn't gotten a vasectomy is beyond me. He knocks up everyone he touches. Does he not UNDERSTAND how contraception works?

 

Oh I'm sure he understands it just fine... probably has his own litany of excuses for why he chooses not to use any of them or get a vasectomy.

[Lois_Griffin]

I made his life miserable and every threat in the book to bring him back. He said he loved me, etc, wanted to be a family.

Good lord.

 

And THIS is the so-called marriage you're falling on the sword for? Seriously???? A cheating, lying, irresponsible so-called man that you had to THREATEN to come back to you?

 

I'm having a harder and harder time believing this whole fairy tale.

[Raena]

This was a great post. I most assuredly do understand the point you are making but there is more to it than a ONS. He had a relationship with this woman. He wants to leave OP and be with OW. OW is not speaking to MM because he refused to tell OP about the baby. I would wager she outed him because she is calling his bluff in an attempt to get him to leave or have OP kick him out. This baby will be part of his life and as such he should pay CS. And if he raises the child it WILL get part of any inheritance, t the OW will see to it. OP has stated there is not much in the way of money so inheritance won't be a big issue maybe, but it could still get part of whatever there is. OP must prepare for that.

 

As for OP wanting the baby to just go away, she can feel that way but it is a pipe dream. She either has to accept that her kidS have a sibling or leave her husband. I worry she will be one that will be unkind to a baby that came into her life through infidelity which is why I say don't have a baby with MM. That kid is already for a rough start and it is sad. (Don't take me to task.agAin Hope!)

 

The OP can be mad all she wants, wish the baby away all she likes, but she is only deluding herself. I bet he goes with OW anyway and OP is left high and dry. Pretty scary to live in denial when that is the likely outcome.

 

She needs to realize that if he stays in the marriage her WILL be paying CS as he should our risk garnishment or even a warrant for his arrest.

 

If she doesn't open her eyes it will be harder for her long term. I feel bad for the kids in this situation, all of them. What a mucking fess.

 

Quite honestly, the only thing the OP needs to focus on is getting to a place where she can take care of herself and extricate herself from this toxic marriage. Whether or not her husband chooses to be a father to the OC or if that child will get part of whatever inheritance he leaves behind is not something she should be concerned with at this point. Ultimately, what he chooses to do regarding this other child isn't her concern right now unless they stay together. The child hasn't even been born yet, so lets not put the cart before the horse.

 

Goody, you are pointing out very valid issues that will come down the line, but for the moment OP needs to figure out how to get out of this mess with her dignity still intact. One step at a time, not all of them at once.

[goodyblue]

Quite honestly, the only thing the OP needs to focus on is getting to a place where she can take care of herself and extricate herself from this toxic marriage. Whether or not her husband chooses to be a father to the OC or if that child will get part of whatever inheritance he leaves behind is not something she should be concerned with at this point. Ultimately, what he chooses to do regarding this other child isn't her concern right now unless they stay together. The child hasn't even been born yet, so lets not put the cart before the horse.

 

Goody, you are pointing out very valid issues that will come down the line, but for the moment OP needs to figure out how to get out of this mess with her dignity still intact. One step at a time, not all of them at once.

 

I.agree. but i was answering things OP brought up. She is worried he will have to pay child support, that he will have a relationship with the baby, and she stated she just wants the OW and baby to disappear. I do agree, however, that she.should get out, even if it is to a shelter. This is emotionally exhausting for her i am sure. She has to keep her feet under her and find a way out.

[sandylee1]

This was a great post. I most assuredly do understand the point you are making but there is more to it than a ONS. He had a relationship with this woman. He wants to leave OP and be with OW. OW is not speaking to MM because he refused to tell OP about the baby. I would wager she outed him because she is calling his bluff in an attempt to get him to leave or have OP kick him out. This baby will be part of his life and as such he should pay CS. And if he raises the child it WILL get part of any inheritance, t the OW will see to it. OP has stated there is not much in the way of money so inheritance won't be a big issue maybe, but it could still get part of whatever there is. OP must prepare for that.

 

As for OP wanting the baby to just go away, she can feel that way but it is a pipe dream. She either has to accept that her kidS have a sibling or leave her husband. I worry she will be one that will be unkind to a baby that came into her life through infidelity which is why I say don't have a baby with MM. That kid is already for a rough start and it is sad. (Don't take me to task.agAin Hope!)

 

The OP can be mad all she wants, wish the baby away all she likes, but she is only deluding herself. I bet he goes with OW anyway and OP is left high and dry. Pretty scary to live in denial when that is the likely outcome.

 

She needs to realize that if he stays in the marriage her WILL be paying CS as he should our risk garnishment or even a warrant for his arrest.

 

If she doesn't open her eyes it will be harder for her long term. I feel bad for the kids in this situation, all of them. What a mucking fess.

 

Thanks. ..

 

The whole inheritance thing was more general on the subject of OCs, in reply to your post, not specifically relating to the OP.

 

In reality, the OC will be a part of the father's life, only if the father wants it to be the case. There is a legal requirement to pay CS , but paying support doesn't make you part of a child's life. You have to be in that child's life to make an impact. It seems the OPS H wants another child, as he told the kids about the last one that was terminated.

 

Then again , the OW could refuse him access or make it very difficult to see the child if she wants. She'll probably use the baby as bait to get him to leave the OP ' you can't see him/her unless you leave your wife '. The OW doesn't want a part time dad for her child, but she's quite happy for him to be a part time dad to the children he already has in his marriage.

 

When you write it down , it comes over as really selfish and uncaring, but that's just stating the facts . The OC isn't the only innocent child here.

 

 

The child will be their half sibling, but they can't be forced to have a relationship with the OC and many COM ( children of marriage) don't want to. Especially where the father leaves their mother, they feel resentful of the child and are not willing to play happy families.

Can you really blame them.....

 

The thing is it's terrible all round in this case because he doesn't want to hurt his kids. Those who flippantly say kids are resilient, didn't see first hand how it affected the OPs children in the last affair. So its not the WH guessing that they'll be hurt , he knows they'll be hurt.

 

The bottom line ...

 

OP, your marriage is really over. Your H won't be faithful again and maybe it's because of your affair, maybe it isn't. It doesn't change the fact though. You both should seek happiness with other people .

 

Something made you cheat before, so are you really happy? What was missing that led to a year long affair Would it be longer if you didn't get caught? I'm just guessing that you got caught?

 

In this case, the children are seeing an unhealthy relationship and when they realise their dad has got another woman pregnant , it will be difficult to deal with. What a poor role model of a father for them.

 

Time to call time. Don't be with a man who doesn't love you.

Edited July 9, 2015 by sandylee1
eta

[goodyblue]

Thanks. ..

 

The whole inheritance thing was more general on the subject of OCs, in reply to your post, not specifically relating to the OP.

 

In reality, the OC will be a part of the father's life, only if the father wants it to be the case. There is a legal requirement to pay CS , but paying support doesn't make you part of a child's life. You have to be in that child's life to make an impact. It seems the OPS H wants another child, as he told the kids about the last one that was terminated.

 

Then again , the OW could refuse him access or make it very difficult to see the child if she wants. She'll probably use the baby as bait to get him to leave the OP ' you can't see him/her unless you leave your wife '. The OW doesn't want a part time dad for her child, but she's quite happy for him to be a part time dad to the children he already has in his marriage.

 

When you write it down , it comes over as really selfish and uncaring, but that's just stating the facts . The OC isn't the only innocent child here.

 

 

The child will be their half sibling, but they can't be forced to have a relationship with the OC and many COM ( children of marriage) don't want to. Especially where the father leaves their mother, they feel resentful of the child and are not willing to play happy families.

Can you really blame them.....

 

The thing is it's terrible all round in this case because he doesn't want to hurt his kids. Those who flippantly say kids are resilient, didn't see first hand how it affected the OPs children in the last affair. So its not the WH guessing that they'll be hurt , he knows they'll be hurt.

 

The bottom line ...

 

OP, your marriage is really over. Your H won't be faithful again and maybe it's because of your affair, maybe it isn't. It doesn't change the fact though. You both should seek happiness with other people .

 

Something made you cheat before, so are you really happy? What was missing that led to a year long affair Would it be longer if you didn't get caught? I'm just guessing that you got caught?

 

In this case, the children are seeing an unhealthy relationship and when they realise their dad has got another woman pregnant , it will be difficult to deal with. What a poor role model of a father for them.

 

Time to call time. Don't be with a man who doesn't love you.

 

I.dont think tje kids will want anything to.do with the baby. I aldo wonder if they will ignore their dad.

 

It really is pretty sad. I feel for pretty much everyone but MM. He is the puppet master and does not care who he hurts. It took my guy's daughter 5 months to even begin speaking to him again after the A and she is an adult. While things are great now, it is not easy and i was not pregnant! This guy seems like a real gem

[Sigher]

H found out about the affair from the W of the man I was seeing. Yes, we got caught. I repented and became more religious. God saved our marriage, so I thought. I still believe God can help save it now.

 

H told me yesterday he wants the child with OW. Says he loves 2nd other woman, more than 1st other woman, that we are great together but not in love. He says he does not know if he can stay, he says sorry, he loves OW. I asked him why he is still here and he said our kids. He says he doesn't know what to do. I feel dead. The only way to save our kids is for the OW and OC to go away.

[Sigher]

H has suggested separating and not telling the kids about OW and to be child yet. He says this will do least damage to the kids. I dont know what to say to that.

[Sigher]

He says now we need to tell kids about my affair. That will only make them feel both parents dont care about them. He is trying to mess them up MORE

[Sigher]

Just open emailed and there is a note from OW.

 

She claims they have been together for 6 months and he was planning to leave me. She says she loves him but wants nothing to do with him now. She says she is sorry this has all happened but wants everything to be straightforward from now on. She told him he had to tell me by the end of the summer, before she got pregnant, because she didn't like him lying to me. Hmmm, really? I don't believe that.

 

She says they stopped preventing a pregnancy when he told her he was telling me by the end of the summer because of her age (38), and he told her they would be a family, but that he had to be sure his kids would be okay first.

 

I don't know what to believe. He says they were trying to prevent and would never do that on purpose.

 

She says she doesn't want him if this is how he is handling things, and I should know our kids will be siblings, and she can't take anymore lies. She says she told him she will not marry him and that she told him she was going to tell me if he didn't.

 

 

HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHHAHA. I think I'm going insane. How can I believe anything she says? I half believe it. Sigh.

[Jessie1231]

Just open emailed and there is a note from OW.

 

She claims they have been together for 6 months and he was planning to leave me. She says she loves him but wants nothing to do with him now. She says she is sorry this has all happened but wants everything to be straightforward from now on. She told him he had to tell me by the end of the summer, before she got pregnant, because she didn't like him lying to me. Hmmm, really? I don't believe that.

 

She says they stopped preventing a pregnancy when he told her he was telling me by the end of the summer because of her age (38), and he told her they would be a family, but that he had to be sure his kids would be okay first.

 

I don't know what to believe. He says they were trying to prevent and would never do that on purpose.

 

She says she doesn't want him if this is how he is handling things, and I should know our kids will be siblings, and she can't take anymore lies. She says she told him she will not marry him and that she told him she was going to tell me if he didn't.

 

 

HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHHAHA. I think I'm going insane. How can I believe anything she says? I half believe it. Sigh.

 

If I were you I would believe her before I would believe anything your husband says. But honestly why not believe both of them? They both said - along with his sister - that he wants to be with her and not you. But you keep thinking if this woman disappears along with her baby your marriage will be ok. Your husband said he isn't in love with you and doesn't want to be married to you. How will this woman and her baby disappearing change that? He's done. You need to give up and get on with your life.

[velvette]

Just open emailed and there is a note from OW.

 

She claims they have been together for 6 months and he was planning to leave me. She says she loves him but wants nothing to do with him now. She says she is sorry this has all happened but wants everything to be straightforward from now on. She told him he had to tell me by the end of the summer, before she got pregnant, because she didn't like him lying to me. Hmmm, really? I don't believe that.

 

She says they stopped preventing a pregnancy when he told her he was telling me by the end of the summer because of her age (38), and he told her they would be a family, but that he had to be sure his kids would be okay first.

 

I don't know what to believe. He says they were trying to prevent and would never do that on purpose.

 

She says she doesn't want him if this is how he is handling things, and I should know our kids will be siblings, and she can't take anymore lies. She says she told him she will not marry him and that she told him she was going to tell me if he didn't.

 

 

HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHHAHA. I think I'm going insane. How can I believe anything she says? I half believe it. Sigh.

 

 

Don't believe anything either one of them says and don't communicate with OW.

 

 

If she's telling the truth, she's a horribly selfish and irresponsible person to intentionally conceive a child under these circumstances. If she's lying, then she set out to trap your H.

 

 

Either way, she's a toxic person. Just because your H invited her into his life, doesn't mean you have to let her in yours.

 

 

Give your H what he says he wants, along with all the consequences related to his actions.

 

 

Ask him to leave. Once you get him out change the locks so he cant come and go at will.

 

 

Call a lawyer TODAY and protect yourself. Get a legal separation agreement that gets him out of the house and includes financial support for you, child support, college tuition, counseling for your children, insurance for them, clauses that prevent him from having them around the OW etc.

 

 

Rally your and his families around you. Come clean with all of them about your own affair and his previous/current affair as well as the other child.

 

 

Get your kids in counseling.

 

 

Pull yourself together and start looking for a job.

 

 

Get yourself in counseling.

 

 

Go dark/no contact with your H other than to arrange visitation with the kids if they want to see him and discussing any financial details.

 

 

Tell your kids about your own affair before your H does and then tell them what is going on now.

 

 

Look up the 180 and get going.

 

 

The only chance you have of saving your M is getting healthy yourself when this little fantasy of your H all blows up in his face. If that doesn't happen, then you will be on your way to a happy healthy life without him.

 

 

God helps those who help themselves.

[ladydesigner]

H found out about the affair from the W of the man I was seeing. Yes, we got caught. I repented and became more religious. God saved our marriage, so I thought. I still believe God can help save it now.

 

H told me yesterday he wants the child with OW. Says he loves 2nd other woman, more than 1st other woman, that we are great together but not in love. He says he does not know if he can stay, he says sorry, he loves OW. I asked him why he is still here and he said our kids. He says he doesn't know what to do. I feel dead. The only way to save our kids is for the OW and OC to go away.

 

No the only way to save your kids is to get out of this situation. Kick him out, 180 and file for D. You can always stop a D or remarry should he get his head out of his ass and you guys really concentrate on the M again. He cannot have both and he is basically telling you he is choosing the OW right now.

 

Many couples have recovered even with an OC in the picture. I have read stories on another infidelity forum.

 

I know you didn't plan for your life to work out this way OP. Many of the betrayed understand this feeling.

[goodyblue]

No the only way to save your kids is to get out of this situation. Kick him out, 180 and file for D. You can always stop a D or remarry should he get his head out of his ass and you guys really concentrate on the M again. He cannot have both and he is basically telling you he is choosing the OW right now.

 

Many couples have recovered even with an OC in the picture. I have read stories on another infidelity forum.

 

I know you didn't plan for your life to work out this way OP. Many of the betrayed understand this feeling.

 

Considering she had tje first affair and it lasted a year i would say she had a hand in setting tje stage for this debacle. But now, as MM is saying he wants OW and OC time is of the essence. O0 must begin protecting herself. OW is not going anywhere and as soon as he leaves OP, OW will let him back into her life.

 

Good luck OP, it is a terrible situation that has been created by all parties.

[sandylee1]

Oh dear..These poor kids in the middle of it all.

 

I suggest you tell your kids about your affair. It's going to be tough, but it's not fair for them to think he's the only one who stepped out of the marriage. I don't think it's in their best interests, but neither of you have really been acting in their interests with the cheating. They'll just feel so disappointed and let down by you both , but I understand where your H is coming from. He doesn't want to be the only bad guy in all this.

 

Let him go to the OW, let them be a couple. Do not be plan B , just because OW decides she doesn't want him. He'll just keep having affairs and babies. Of course the biological clock was ticking along for the OW. She should have been more insistent that he told you before getting pregnant.

 

One thing BHs are told not to do, is tell the wife to quit her job or get her fired if he thinks they might divorce , because it's going to cost him a lot to leave now. Having said that , if OW loves him that much and she's wealthy like you say , she can step up financially in order to make it happen.

 

Your self esteem will go way down the tubes if you don't take some action.

 

BTW - Don't reply to the OW. You know everything you need to know from your SIL.

 

ETA

 

Affairs are so hurtful and devastating. As a child you see the people who should protect you unconditionally, hurting you over and over. Put an end to it, for the sake of your children.

Edited July 9, 2015 by sandylee1
ETA

[pteromom]

I suggest you tell your kids about your affair.

 

Disagree.

 

The kids do not need to be in the middle of this at all.

 

As parents, you guys should be supportive of each other, even if as man and wife, things are falling apart.

 

You shouldn't be bad-talking each other to your kids. After all, they are half you, and half him.

 

If he leaves, obviously they will realize he is with another woman and having another baby though.

[goodyblue]

Disagree.

 

The kids do not need to be in the middle of this at all.

 

As parents, you guys should be supportive of each other, even if as man and wife, things are falling apart.

 

You shouldn't be bad-talking each other to your kids. After all, they are half you, and half him.

 

If he leaves, obviously they will realize he is with another woman and having another baby though.

I do not believe in putting kids in the middle of adult situations. But in this situation, the MM will tell them about her affair so OP should tell them first.