Grapesofwrath Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Yes, he started talking to me some times after she moved out and he's by himself with the baby and nanny. And I never thought she was a bad person, I don't know her. I was just curious in my mind, and couldn't picture myself leaving my baby like that. No one I knows had to leave the babies like that. But anyways,.. You have the timeline right Post-partum depression is a serious form of clinical depression. It has a chemical element, as well as a hormonal element and an emotional element. The previous loss of her mother makes it harder. Try to imagine the anguish one might feel at becoming a new mother and not having one's own mother there to guide and support you. Depending on the severity of her case, it may have been that allowing that child to be cared for by a nanny is the most loving thing she could possibly do, and also the best way to ensure that child's safety. I'm sure you are hurting, too, and I am sorry you're going through it. Doesn't sound like you meant to betray anyone or get yourself into such a difficult situation. He has made himself clear, however, so I think you have no choice but to stay NC and take each day one at a time until you start to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Idk why he would snoops on me when he was first to delete FB? what does he want now... What he did today, looking at my blog, makes me feel better and make me NOT want him more IF he comes back to me I hope to not have any more weird dreams tonight... Couple questions: 1. Did his wife know he was seeing you during the separation? 2. Is it possible that she found out during these visits to family and that's why he has to stop talking to you and unfriend you? She may have demanded those things in order to stay together, which would also explain why it happened abruptly. I see a few holes in the story that could be explained by finding out that they were separated, physically, but there was no agreement he could see others. So he was having an A with you, which she now knows about and is demanding he go NC/unfriend you in order for them to reconcile. What she may not know is that you have a blog, and he can check that out if he's curious. Either way, this gives you even more reason to leave him alone and start the healing process. He is not available. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Did I misunderstand your post that said he told you they were separated when you first got together? This letter doesn't sound like it was written by someone who was separated, rather, it was written by someone who considered herself to very much be married. If that's the case, then he is a big, fat liar. That was my thought as well. I'm getting the impression that his live in nanny was actually his wife. OP you should call her back and hear her side of the story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I called her back but she was working and asked to schedule a time to call me back. I only meant to tell her it's not a good idea to talk to me since she has her plan of leaving everything behind as in her letter to him. I sent her a text trlking her that. She didn't text back but continued to call during the night. I don't see all the calls that's happening but woke up to 30 or so missed calls from her ... Aren't they supposed to be back together and making new life now? I don't know what she wants from me. I don't know what I can answer that he can't. Why trying to hear anything else when you want to leave it all behind... Debating if I will pick up the call again tmr,... Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I called her back but she was working and asked to schedule a time to call me back. I only meant to tell her it's not a good idea to talk to me since she has her plan of leaving everything behind as in her letter to him. I sent her a text trlking her that. She didn't text back but continued to call during the night. I don't see all the calls that's happening but woke up to 30 or so missed calls from her ... Aren't they supposed to be back together and making new life now? I don't know what she wants from me. I don't know what I can answer that he can't. Why trying to hear anything else when you want to leave it all behind... Debating if I will pick up the call again tmr,... If i were in your shoes, I would create a new gmail account ( or some other web based email account). Answer her next call, and tell her that you have this account that she is welcome to send a letter to that includes any questions he has for you and anything she wants you to know. Let her know that you will need a bit of time to answer them, and you will do your best to be as honest as possible. You'll send those answers to her in an email, so that she will be able to go back to it and review your responses if she feels the need to do so. whether or not you'll accept any future correspondence form her will depend on how you feel. If you don't want to, you can just close down the email account or just stop checking it. I will say one more thing. Based on the difference between story he told you and her version of the situation, there is a huge difference. It really sounds as if he lied to you, and hearing her side may be really helpful to you in moving on. yes, it will hurt, but it may help to break the illusion you have about him being some poor guy who's wife took off on him and their child. The reality sounds to be something very, very different. Finding out the truth for yourself can help you to move on and heal, eve though it may be very painful to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I will say one more thing. Based on the difference between story he told you and her version of the situation, there is a huge difference. It really sounds as if he lied to you, and hearing her side may be really helpful to you in moving on. yes, it will hurt, but it may help to break the illusion you have about him being some poor guy who's wife took off on him and their child. The reality sounds to be something very, very different. Finding out the truth for yourself can help you to move on and heal, eve though it may be very painful to hear. I already let everything go, was already feeling better with the whole thing until she came. I didn't get bothered much by her contacting me,... Just a little bothered by what you just said, no not YOU, but the whole different stories. Do I want to know? I'm afraid to know that. I already moved past that letting go stage and accepted the fact that they're together, doesnt seem like it, but I don't care and haven't contact him. Should I ?? No point right? Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I already let everything go, was already feeling better with the whole thing until she came. I didn't get bothered much by her contacting me,... Just a little bothered by what you just said, no not YOU, but the whole different stories. Do I want to know? I'm afraid to know that. I already moved past that letting go stage and accepted the fact that they're together, doesnt seem like it, but I don't care and haven't contact him. Should I ?? No point right? I don't think her questions or contact with you mandates contact with him. They are two separate entities. In all honesty, just based on what you've written on here, and what you say is in her message to you, they were not separated and he was cheating. This could mean anything from she took some time away to spend some time with her family while she got into a better place regarding her mental health ( many practitioners recommend a mother take some time away for her child if they are coping with post postpartum depression) to there never was any sort of post postpartum depression and his wife was at home the whole time and he was just making the whole thing up. At any rate, he was lying to you and to her, and now she is looking for answers. The two of you were both hurt by his actions, and you have an opportunity to help her ( and maybe yourself) by finding out the truth of the situation It doesn't have to be endless emails or phone calls back and forth, just a pone time thing should suffice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I don't think her questions or contact with you mandates contact with him. They are two separate entities. In all honesty, just based on what you've written on here, and what you say is in her message to you, they were not separated and he was cheating. This could mean anything from she took some time away to spend some time with her family while she got into a better place regarding her mental health ( many practitioners recommend a mother take some time away for her child if they are coping with post postpartum depression) to there never was any sort of post postpartum depression and his wife was at home the whole time and he was just making the whole thing up. At any rate, he was lying to you and to her, and now she is looking for answers. The two of you were both hurt by his actions, and you have an opportunity to help her ( and maybe yourself) by finding out the truth of the situation It doesn't have to be endless emails or phone calls back and forth, just a pone time thing should suffice. I called her but didn't say anything. She just wanted to know if we slept together. It doesn't seem like they are under the same roof still... She called me non stop days and night, midnight -7am. Every 30 minutes. Why? Would my answers change anything, even all the negatives answers, why would she want to hear it when in the letter she wants to leave it all behind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 And do I really want to hear her side? I'm ready to move on. My mind was at ease before she called... And besides, she called to ask me questions not me to ask her... Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Fact: a woman who has physically left and moved on and wasn't M to your exMm would not be this desperate for information 20 x a night. You did what you could as well think apologised. You've done already. Cur it off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I called her but didn't say anything. She just wanted to know if we slept together. It doesn't seem like they are under the same roof still... She called me non stop days and night, midnight -7am. Every 30 minutes. Why? Would my answers change anything, even all the negatives answers, why would she want to hear it when in the letter she wants to leave it all behind! Did you answer her when she asked if you had sex with him? What did you answer with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) She just made an IG account and is stalking me on there and making comments. She also stalked my friend to really old photos and making comments. Is it really helping her heal? she might be going to facebook next. And how she have my IG, i have no freaking clue. Edited September 2, 2015 by DevastateHeartbroken adding details Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 She just made an IG account and is stalking me on there and making comments. She also stalked my friend to really old photos and making comments. Is it really helping her heal? she might be going to facebook next. And how she have my IG, i have no freaking clue. Did you answer all the questions she had? She's trying to figure out what really happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Did you answer all the questions she had? She's trying to figure out what really happened. I didn't because i don't think she should when she's trying to move on.i just called her but she's not picking up. I think she's just stalking me and making comments on my friends' pages now. Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I didn't because i don't think she should when she's trying to move on.i just called her but she's not picking up. I think she's just stalking me and making comments on my friends' pages now. It might have been a lot easier if you had spoken frankly to her when she first made contact with you and you avoided her. I fear her actions are the result of that which is unfortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Her behavior sounds like that of a BS trying to put together the truth. My hunch is that her husband told her that you didn't sleep together, among other minimizations designed to control the damage he has created. Her husband may be gaslighting her, and this is causing her to go round-the-bend a little bit. As for her stalking you on IG, you can make your account private. Same with FB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 (((DevastateHeartbroken))) unfortunately you are dealing with a BS who has been severely gaslighted and lied to. I mean seriously her WS is trying to convince her that nothing happened between you two at least not physical. She wants to know if you had a relationship. My WH tried the same crap on me. First it was they only kissed and then because my gut could not stop asking questions I did my own PI work and I found EVERYTHING I needed to know. It was a real eye opener when the MOW called ME to tell me about their A never stopping. I was in False Reconciliation. My WS never gave me the truth, ever, he's a spinless pos. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 (((DevastateHeartbroken))) unfortunately you are dealing with a BS who has been severely gaslighted and lied to. I mean seriously her WS is trying to convince her that nothing happened between you two at least not physical. She wants to know if you had a relationship. My WH tried the same crap on me. First it was they only kissed and then because my gut could not stop asking questions I did my own PI work and I found EVERYTHING I needed to know. It was a real eye opener when the MOW called ME to tell me about their A never stopping. I was in False Reconciliation. My WS never gave me the truth, ever, he's a spinless pos. What did you do after you found out everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) Her behavior sounds like that of a BS trying to put together the truth. My hunch is that her husband told her that you didn't sleep together, among other minimizations designed to control the damage he has created. Her husband may be gaslighting her, and this is causing her to go round-the-bend a little bit. As for her stalking you on IG, you can make your account private. Same with FB. She stalked my friends and commented under pictures with me, even if they're over a year or 2 old posts... Not sure how she was able to do that after my account is private Edited September 3, 2015 by DevastateHeartbroken Details Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I didn't because i don't think she should when she's trying to move on.i just called her but she's not picking up. I think she's just stalking me and making comments on my friends' pages now. You don't get it. It's the lies and the gaslighting that are keeping her stuck. She's not going to move on until she's able to make sense out of this. I think if you talk she her she will likely stop snooping around your friends. She's trying to find out more about you and the affair. Just talk to her 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I didn't because i don't think she should when she's trying to move on.i just called her but she's not picking up. I think she's just stalking me and making comments on my friends' pages now. I guess you aren't the one that determines what moving on looks like for her. Call her again to allow her to ask questions. Leave her a message to call you if you get her voicemail. Provide her honest answers. Then and only then tell her to leave you alone - that you have moved forward and you wish them well. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 She stayed with him and got him, you don't owe her anything. Block her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 "She stayed with him and got him, you don't owe her anything. Block her." I cannot agree. Some care and consideration is owed to everyone. All the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 She stalked my friends and commented under pictures with me, even if they're over a year or 2 old posts... Not sure how she was able to do that after my account is private I'm no expert, but I believe you can search on IG for tags. So if your friends tagged you in those photos, and their accounts aren't private, they will show on her search. At least I think that's how it works. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I think you should focus on your healing now. Whatever they do with their marriage is theirs to do. Ignore any posts of hers, just move forward. I know it isn't easy but you will be glad you did it sooner rather than later. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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