heart aches, He went back to his wife...

[bkn2121]

I didn't because i don't think she should when she's trying to move on.i just called her but she's not picking up. I think she's just stalking me and making comments on my friends' pages now.

 

When my H cheated on me, I talked to the OW via FB. I asked her several questions and she told me her side of the story. She was blunt, just as I asked her to be. This helped me figure out what I was forgiving my H for, if I decided to forgive him. I think she answered because I threatened to out her to her Fiance, but she answered regardless.

 

I haven't contacted her since, and this was 6 years ago. I had no other reason to talk to her after I got the answers I was looking for. I wasn't rude to her. I didn't lash out at her. I just wanted her story.

 

Why not show some compassion for her? She's clearly been through a lot and her H is very much a liar. She is in pain, the same as you. You can try once to speak with her. Let her know ahead of time that you will answer the questions she has ONE time. If she is rude to you at any point, let her know it will not be tolerated and if it continues, you will end the conversation.

 

After she is done asking her questions, let her know that you will be blocking her and that this will be the end of that. If she continues to stalk you on IG or FB or anywhere else, let her know that you will take it up with the authorities should it continue. She needs to deal with her H. She can either accept him and everything he's done, or she can't and needs to leave.

 

You're not obligated to do this, of course. It would just be a kind gesture since she is also a woman who loved this....man....and he's hurt her as well as you. If you don't want to talk to her, then block her.

[Grapesofwrath]

I had a boyfriend in the past who was a serial cheater and a master gaslighter. We were not married, and I appreciate how that makes it different, but the feelings were still the same.

 

I caught him in lies several times and he would gaslight the hell out of me. It was crazy-making. I became so desparate for the truth that I reached out to one of the women he had been seeing and asked her to talk with me. She did not know about me, and he had been lying to her as well. I asked her all the questions I had, and she kindly answered them, and that was that. I did not continue to contact her once I had my truth. She was very dignified about it, and even apologized to me, though no apology was necessary from her end. It was humiliating to have to ask her for the truth, but I was at the end of my rope.

 

If you were seeing him under the belief that he was available, then you have nothing to fear from her. He lied to you, too. Just give her some answers so she can stop the madness going on in her head.

[ladydesigner]

What did you do after you found out everything?

 

I went and saw a lawyer to see what my rights were. At that time my WH had cancer that needed to be removed and to be honest I felt bad for him and leaving so I stuck it out a little more. Now it's been over a year since False R and I still haven't been able to get the connection back.

 

What's interesting is if it wasn't for MOW and their A I would have never truly found out WHO my WH REALLY is. Because he is seriously personality disordered. I never saw him the way I do now. Their A smacked my rose-colored glasses right off my face.

 

I thanked the MOW for telling me her side. I was happy she did, it was all I ever wanted from her.

[S2B]

I bet his wife doesn't know he dated you all that time.

 

He probably told her he was needing space and time to himself.

 

 

She may wish to know what's real. Can't say I blame her.

 

She wants peace of mind and you can give that to her.

Edited September 5, 2015 by S2B