Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Again, as I stated in a previous post... He asks her out on a second date. If she says yes, then fabulous! She likes him too. If she refuses or gives excuses, then he nexts her. And then on the second date, perhaps when she (or even he sometimes) is feeling a bit more relaxed (because again first meets can so nerve-wracking and awkward sometimes)...he can try to kiss her again! If she turns him down AGAIN, then he can next her. Exactly, this is the process of dating. Figuring it out. Same as posters who multi-date until they narrow it down to one. Level of attraction=enough to keep going OR not enough to keep going. Level of attraction to one person is > greater than attraction to other person. Same principle. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) - why waste her time if she'll likely never be into the guy? Think of it as a gentleman's way of testing love level. Oh good grief.... Because there is no way of knowing for sure on a FIRST MEET whether she will NEVER be into the guy? How could she know that? It was a first MEET. Even speaking for myself.... I have written many a guy off because I didn't feel a massive attraction to him on the first date. I assumed if I wasn't feeling it on the first date, I never would. Turned out I was WRONG about that....and I later regretted that decision...and I have discussed that experience on this board even. Gary...you just don't know sometimes when meeting a stranger for the FIRST time. Give it at least two dates to be sure. That is all I am sain. Gotta get back to work now. Great debate though! Edited July 6, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Katie, I also wanted to touch on what you said about guys not attempting a kiss on a first date. The dynamic is a bit different. A guy can still show a woman he's interested by asking her out again. But if a guy is attracted to a woman enough to try and kiss her and she rejects him, where do you go from there? It's funny because my best friend awhile back attempted to kiss a woman on a first date because she acted really interested. She cheeked him claiming she likes to take it slow. Stressed she'd still really like to go out again. Asked her out again. She said yes. Second date same thing. She seemed interested and cheeked him. But she still insists she wants to see him again. Third date same thing. Apparent high interest and kiss rejection. Finally she tells him, "I really like spending time with you but you seem like more of a friend". Point being that she knew that back on the first date, but enjoyed his company and just wanted to keep being taken out. That's why I say if a guy goes for a kiss, and he gets rejected, he should just take it at face value. He's better off meeting/dating a woman that does feel it on the first date then having to convince a woman to feel it enough to kiss him. That's what the first date is for IMO. Sometimes a woman is attracted to a man's outsides, but needs to get to know him better on the inside before she decides whether she likes him enough to kiss him (if she wants to make sure she doesn't lead him on). After all, we gotta get a feel for how you'll treat us. Do you sound like the jealous type? How do you act once you get a couple drinks in you? Are there any red flags that suggest you could be abusive? Etc. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Just now started reading this thread ....is the question or assertion here really that all women will always kiss all guys on the first date if they're attracted to them, and that there's never an instance where a woman who's attracted to a guy won't kiss him on the first date? I find it hard to take that seriously. I'm trying to wrap my head around what to do with this one. I met up with a woman today for our first date. We bounced around and visited a few spots. I tried to kiss her after an hour, but she pulled away and accused me of moving too fast. By the end of the date, I was stroking her hair and she had asked to hold my hand while we walked outside. I took it as a sign and tried to kiss her one last time, but again, she said I was moving too fast. I can completely respect when someone wants to take things slow, but what confuses me is how insanely sexual her questions are in her online dating profile. She herself seems to move very fast and be more sexually driven than anything. Part of me thinks maybe she was like that and is now trying to go in the opposite direction since she wants something long-term, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how to progress from here. I'm almost worried if I try to kiss her on the second date now she's going to get pissed or something. She seemed to really take offense today, yet she kept wanting to spend time with me and go different places. So strange. Just do like you've since said you're planning to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Sometimes a woman is attracted to a man's outsides, but needs to get to know him better on the inside before she decides whether she likes him enough to kiss him (if she wants to make sure she doesn't lead him on). After all, we gotta get a feel for how you'll treat us. Do you sound like the jealous type? How do you act once you get a couple drinks in you? Are there any red flags that suggest you could be abusive? Etc. No fitnessfan is not abusive.... he just has a huge ego, and expects women to fall all over him (i.e. be massively attracted to him) from the get go....and if she's not, he wants nothing to do with her... LOL...teasing! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Just now started reading this thread ....is the question or assertion here really that all women will always kiss all guys on the first date if they're attracted to them, and that there's never an instance where a woman who's attracted to a guy won't kiss him on the first date? I find it hard to take that seriously. Yes jen that's the assertion. It's also the assertion of some men, that a woman should be massively attracted to him on the first meet/date also...otherwise she NEVER will be, so he "nexts" her. Boggles the mind, doesn't it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Again, as I stated in a previous post... He asks her out on a second date. If she says yes, then fabulous! She likes him too. If she refuses or gives excuses, then he nexts her. And then on the second date, perhaps when she (or even he sometimes) is feeling a bit more relaxed (because again first meets can so nerve-wracking and awkward sometimes)...he can try to kiss her again! If she turns him down AGAIN, then he can next her. Here's what seems silly to me. The guy is himself on the date, attempts to kiss her, and she shoots it down. Why would the same dynamic that turned her off, suddenly turn her on the second time around? After all, he can't change who he is. So he'd just be giving her more of the same of what she didn't like. Let's say you try a food you've never had before and you wind up hating the taste. Is having that same food a second time going to suddenly change your opinion? No. It would taste exactly the same. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Here's what seems silly to me. The guy is himself on the date, attempts to kiss her, and she shoots it down. Why would the same dynamic that turned her off, suddenly turn her on the second time around? After all, he can't change who he is. So he'd just be giving her more of the same of what she didn't like. Let's say you try a food you've never had before and you wind up hating the taste. Is having that same food a second time going to suddenly change your opinion? No. It would taste exactly the same. Oh good lordie, are you even serious? Because the dynamic that turned her off had NOTHING to do with him! As I have been saying... First meets/dates are often times extremely awkward...and therefore uncomfortable for "some" people. Two strangers meeting for the first time = uncomfortable (for some people). On their second date...even though HE is being the same, the dynamic is different, because SHE feels less awkward and more comfortable....being that he is no longer a stranger..... Plus she has the added comfort and security of knowing HE is interested in her because he asked her out on a second date....and because he didn't get his knickers all in a knot because she didn't feel comfortable kissing him on the first date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Here's what seems silly to me. The guy is himself on the date, attempts to kiss her, and she shoots it down. Why would the same dynamic that turned her off, suddenly turn her on the second time around? After all, he can't change who he is. So he'd just be giving her more of the same of what she didn't like. Let's say you try a food you've never had before and you wind up hating the taste. Is having that same food a second time going to suddenly change your opinion? No. It would taste exactly the same. Are you really comparing feelings and emotions towards another human being to how you feel about some item of food you ordered from a menu? Really? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 No fitnessfan is not abusive.... he just has a huge ego, and expects women to fall all over him (i.e. be massively attracted to him) from the get go....and if she's not, he wants nothing to do with her... LOL...teasing! Haha.. Thank god you said you're teasing because that couldn't be further from the truth. I walk into every first date with no expectations at all. There are plenty of first dates I've had that I ended in a hug because I wasn't feeling it, or I knew she wasn't. I only go for a kiss when I sense there is strong mutual interest. Luckily I have good instincts. But I can say that if I did go for a kiss and a woman cheeked me, I wouldn't be asking her out for a second date. I'd rather just focus on women whose interest match my own. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Haha.. Thank god you said you're teasing because that couldn't be further from the truth. I walk into every first date with no expectations at all. There are plenty of first dates I've had that I ended in a hug because I wasn't feeling it, or I knew she wasn't. I only go for a kiss when I sense there is strong mutual interest. Luckily I have good instincts. But I can say that if I did go for a kiss and a woman cheeked me, I wouldn't be asking her out for a second date. I'd rather just focus on women whose interest match my own.[/QUOTE] ============================ Even though I personally believe you might be missing out on some great chicks....with whom there could be a huge massive attraction on the second date...or later....I understand. Gotta do what's right for you. Edited July 6, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Oh good lordie, are you even serious? Because the dynamic that turned her off had NOTHING to do with him! As I have been saying... First meets/dates are often times extremely awkward...and therefore uncomfortable for "some" people. Two strangers meeting for the first time = uncomfortable (for some people). On their second date...even though HE is being the same, the dynamic is different, because SHE feels less awkward and more comfortable....being that he is no longer a stranger..... Plus she has the added comfort and security of knowing HE is interested in her because he asked her out on a second date....and because he didn't get his knickers all in a knot because she didn't feel comfortable kissing him on the first date. Aren't we taking about first dates in general? You keep bringing up online meets. I'm willing to agree that OLD will have a different dynamic for a lot of people. In that case where a woman is way more on edge, her not wanting to kiss a guy is understandable. But assuming both people are comfortable, consider it a first date, and she shoots down a kiss attempt, I say the guy should take it at face value. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yes jen that's the assertion. It's also the assertion of some men, that a woman should be massively attracted to him on the first meet/date also...otherwise she NEVER will be, so he "nexts" her. Boggles the mind, doesn't it? Yeah it does. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Even though I personally believe you might be missing out on some great chicks....with whom there could be a huge massive attraction on the second date...or later....I understand. Gotta do what's right for you. Well thankfully my instincts have been good and anytime I've gone for a kiss it's been well received. So no cheeking experiences to make me miss out on anyone. Now I will say that I've had dates with women that were hard to read who I liked spending time with. So I hugged her, and then kissed her on the next date when her interest was more obvious. Usually though, a woman will either have really strong immediate signs of interest with me, or she just isn't feeling it. So in those cases where it isn't a good fit, I'll simply walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) Aren't we taking about first dates in general? You keep bringing up online meets. I'm willing to agree that OLD will have a different dynamic for a lot of people. In that case where a woman is way more on edge, her not wanting to kiss a guy is understandable. But assuming both people are comfortable, consider it a first date, and she shoots down a kiss attempt, I say the guy should take it at face value. I see. So you are more forgiving on first "meets" than you are on first "dates." Gotcha! I was referring to OLD and first meets, after all that IS how the OP of this thread met this woman to whom he is referring. Even though it was a first "meet," in his initial post, he called it a first "date" (which YOU do as well...if my memory serves me correctly). But same thing. First meet, first date, it's just semantics really when we're talking about OLD. Two virtual strangers meeting for the FIRST TIME. He JUST met her. And even though it was clear she liked him (holding his hand, wanting to prolong the date), she clearly wasn't comfortable kissing him just yet...as she expressed that to him by saying he was moving too fast. And I gotta say, going in for the kiss ONE HOUR after meeting a stranger for the first time may have been too fast for ME even, no matter how attracted to him I was. I think my boyfriend waited at least a few hours before he tried to kiss me! Edited July 6, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well thankfully my instincts have been good and anytime I've gone for a kiss it's been well received. So no cheeking experiences to make me miss out on anyone. Now I will say that I've had dates with women that were hard to read who I liked spending time with. So I hugged her, and then kissed her on the next date when her interest was more obvious. Usually though, a woman will either have really strong immediate signs of interest with me, or she just isn't feeling it. So in those cases where it isn't a good fit, I'll simply walk away. Yep. They are either into me or they are not. I've never been on a second date with a woman that avoided a kiss. If they avoid then I never hear from them again guaranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yep. They are either into me or they are not. I've never been on a second date with a woman that avoided a kiss. If they avoid then I never hear from them again guaranteed. Do YOU call her again...or do you just expect to hear from HER again, and when you don't, you assume she's not interested? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 ^^ Why does that quote above have my user name in it? I didn't post that. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 ^^ Why does that quote above have my user name in it? I didn't post that. I have no idea, but I can't delete it now because you posted after it posted.... Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 ^^ Why does that quote above have my user name in it? I didn't post that. ff, look at phineas post 116. It has your user name on top, which is probably why when I quoted his post, your name appeared in the quote. Weird glitch. Just a guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 If the OP were at Vegas and kept loosing like he's doing.... going back for more rejection after a woman turned him down twice for a kiss..... he'd be homeless by now. At some point, you have to appreciate the odds are poor and call it quits. If one woman will kiss and one will not, which one has better odds of becoming his lover? Reality is what it is, despite our wants and wishes. If you try to fight reality, chance are you'll get burned. I can't believe this thread has descended to a useless debate over the first kiss. Gary. Not all attraction is superficial. Sometimes people find themselves attracted to a friend they've known for years, just out of the blue. Sometimes, it takes getting to know someone to find out that, yes, i really like this person. Often, especially with OLD, the first date is a 30 minute coffee and chat...hardly enough time to determine that Oh my GOD! YES! THIS IS THE ONE! It's enough time to determine that the person isn't a total nutcase, freak, or weirdo, but not that this person is your one true love. You are basing this on physical attraction, but, you know, there is a spiritual connection too, and that take time to find. I hazard to guess that the people who take the time to find that deeper connection will have longer, better relationships than those that jump into a relationship becuase the first date ended in a kiss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yes jen that's the assertion. It's also the assertion of some men, that a woman should be massively attracted to him on the first meet/date also...otherwise she NEVER will be, so he "nexts" her. Boggles the mind, doesn't it? It's almost a useless debate, like trying to convince a Moon Hoax believer that he is an utter idiot... Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I can't believe this thread has descended to a useless debate over the first kiss. Gary. Not all attraction is superficial. Sometimes people find themselves attracted to a friend they've known for years, just out of the blue. Sometimes, it takes getting to know someone to find out that, yes, i really like this person. Often, especially with OLD, the first date is a 30 minute coffee and chat...hardly enough time to determine that Oh my GOD! YES! THIS IS THE ONE! It's enough time to determine that the person isn't a total nutcase, freak, or weirdo, but not that this person is your one true love. You are basing this on physical attraction, but, you know, there is a spiritual connection too, and that take time to find. I hazard to guess that the people who take the time to find that deeper connection will have longer, better relationships than those that jump into a relationship becuase the first date ended in a kiss. Where have you been? I have been arguing my point for the better part of the afternoon (with not much luck), repeating myself ad nauseum...and here you come, and in a few short sentences....you make the point so clearly and succinctly..... ugh. I mean thanks! Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Where have you been? I have been arguing my point for the better part of the afternoon (with not much luck), repeating myself ad nauseum...and here you come, and in a few short sentences....you make the point so clearly and succinctly..... ugh. I mean thanks! Well said. Err, sleeping...it's morning here! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 ^^ Why does that quote above have my user name in it? I didn't post that. I have no idea, but I can't delete it now because you posted after it posted.... In post formatting, for every [ QUOTE ] there must be a [ /QUOTE ] The original FF365 quoted post had an orphaned opening quote. Link to post Share on other sites
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