What is My Best Course of Action Here

[loveweary11]

I didn't mean to sound like I was challenging your qualifications as a seasoned traveler. It's just I've been under the impression that you are tied down to the place you are presently.

 

I wish people would lay off you with their judgments of the authenticity of your accomplishments and so forth. We're all here dealing with our own insecurities and demons.

 

We react usually to what we see most in ourselves, I guess.

 

Personally, I don't think you're at a point right now that commands the attention of a fiercely independent, well-rounded woman of the world. I think you're wounded. I think it's great that you have your eye on that sort of prize. But I think you've got a few mountains to climb. And I think that sort of "prize" will become available to you only when it becomes secondary in influence, if that makes sense. I think there's something deeper gnawing at your spirit that you need to confront.

 

Just my opinion.

 

You're right.

 

I was just thinking the same thing.

 

If I got this perfect girl today... an hour from now, what could I show her?

 

Me stuck in FL trying to leave, but still weeks of agony here left?

 

I guess it's just that I know how long it takes to line people up and when it's time to go, I want to go.... with someone.

 

Maybe continuing to snowbird it for another year or 2 between ny/miami is the way to go. Just do normal dating and whatever. I mean the reason for this type of boat is to set up shop wherever you want and live there, then move your home to the next place of interest.

 

Possibly it's better to just take everything more slowly and not try to plan it out. Then... just invite whatever girl I'm seeing at the time to do world travel once I'm leaving.

 

Good insight.

[SycamoreCircle]

When you "do right" these days or "win", is there someone in your life that you feel you can genuinely share those things with? Some who genuinely takes satisfaction in your happiness?

[loveweary11]

Then pay even more and hire an escort this way she's guaranteed to pretend to like you and enjoy your company.

 

Sounds like fun!

 

no thanks.

 

I feel like the person getting their whole existence paid for and having the opportunity to have more money in savings when they return than when they left is compensation enough for anyone.... even if they were an escort before I met them, but that's another threads.

[SycamoreCircle]

*someone:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o

[loveweary11]

When you "do right" these days or "win", is there someone in your life that you feel you can genuinely share those things with? Some who genuinely takes satisfaction in your happiness?

 

That's a very interesting test.

 

Yes. There are 2 women who I can share things with who are happy to see things go well.

 

These are the 2 i am closest with and the two i see as potentials for more.

 

One: A girl from NJ who I connect extremely well with. We'd probably run off together if I was up there. We talk every couple days and our personalities mesh. Only 2 issues...? she is the one that won't go 50 miles away from her family in NJ amd it's interracial. Not sure about interracial for long term. But there is the family issue.

 

The other is the yoga instructor / fellow traveler. We talk every few days. I'd be fully into this girl if she was ready. She isn't. She is fiercely independent, but never lets me go, even when I have tried to go NC. We are a perpetual fling, spanning many years and other love interests we have both had, but we never lose the connection. I guess it might be kind of obvious I'm looking for another one of her.

[Phoe]

I agree with the notion of finding like minded people along the way while traveling. Put yourself in the exact environment you'd want to be in with this person. And like someone else said, maybe frequent traveling forums, chat with people who live that lifestyle, make friends, ask questions...

[SycamoreCircle]

Aha!

 

You revealed something in that response that's very telling. I wasn't at all talking about romantic prospects. And the people you listed, in my opinion, are risky examples of what I'm alluding to.

 

I mean someone in your life that you can count on, no matter what, and that cares that things turn out favorably for you.

 

LW, would you really wager that on either of these two women?

 

Are your parents still alive? Do/did you have a good relationship with either one of them? Is it fair to assume you didn't feel worthy to one/both them on a frequent basis?

[loveweary11]

Aha!

 

You revealed something in that response that's very telling. I wasn't at all talking about romantic prospects. And the people you listed, in my opinion, are risky examples of what I'm alluding to.

 

I mean someone in your life that you can count on, no matter what, and that cares that things turn out favorably for you.

 

LW, would you really wager that on either of these two women?

 

Are your parents still alive? Do/did you have a good relationship with either one of them? Is it fair to assume you didn't feel worthy to one/both them on a frequent basis?

 

Ah... of course. I was thinking family didn't count.

 

Yes, I have plenty of family that are there for me and care. Parents, step parents, sister, niece and nephew, cousins. Literally all would be there for me in a time of need.

 

And based on my experience with women over the years, no.... i wouldn't bet on any woman I'm not related to being there when tines get tough.

 

When times get tough, women get going... away to find easier stuff. That's my experience, anyway.

[jen1447]

All I'm trying to find is someone carefree who wants to have some good times...

A-ha, we may have found the flaw in your plan - there are very few ppl who are actually at liberty to be carefree.

[loveweary11]

A-ha, we may have found the flaw in your plan - there are very few ppl who are actually at liberty to be carefree.

 

This is kind of exactly what I mean.

 

There are so few needles in this haystack. There are very few people who want to travel and be care free. They are mostly all burdened by thinking they need to climb a corporate ladder to buy that next new car to keep up with the Joneses, or are saddled with kids.

 

This is one reason I've been focusing younger to be honest. More of them fit this type of life.

[SycamoreCircle]

Yes, I have plenty of family that are there for me and care. Parents, step parents, sister, niece and nephew, cousins. Literally all would be there for me in a time of need.

I may be off base here, but... There's that saying by Socrates or maybe it was another one of the Greeks..."Those with many friends have none."

 

You're telling me that all of the people you listed would be *genuinely* keyed into your highs, your accomplishments, your success?

 

I feel that's an unrealistic expectation. I feel it's a distorted evaluation of the people around you.

[jen1447]

This is kind of exactly what I mean.

 

There are so few needles in this haystack. There are very few people who want to travel and be care free. They are mostly all burdened by thinking they need to climb a corporate ladder to buy that next new car to keep up with the Joneses, or are saddled with kids.

 

This is one reason I've been focusing younger to be honest. More of them fit this type of life.

 

It's not all imaginary or goals-based tho. Forex you won't find many ppl who don't have some form of family obligation.

 

Anyway if that's the primary issue, it's clear you need to change your criteria, right, bc the criteria's unreasonable or unattainable for the most part. Unless you just want to keep chasing dreams.

[amaysngrace]

Is your boat docked or are you just floating in the Gulf somewhere?

[serial muse]

This is kind of exactly what I mean.

 

There are so few needles in this haystack. There are very few people who want to travel and be care free. They are mostly all burdened by thinking they need to climb a corporate ladder to buy that next new car to keep up with the Joneses, or are saddled with kids.

 

This is one reason I've been focusing younger to be honest. More of them fit this type of life.

 

Hm. I don't agree that wanting one's own future rather than piggybacking on someone else's dreams = needing to climb a corporate ladder. That seems like a harsh judgment of people who, you know, could be just like you. You yourself have a long-range plan and lots of dreams for your own financial future, so why is it a bad thing that a woman would want that for herself, too? I'm not really following what you want, here. Just because someone has a career of her own doesn't mean she's tied to a cubicle. Weird.

 

So you're offering to pay someone a salary to travel with you for a year or whatever, and since you're covering living costs, that salary would just be accumulating in a bank account. And what would she be doing? Working crew on your boat? I mean, that definitely sounds like an inherently temporary thing, because at some point I would think a carefree woman is going to want to follow her own path, not yours. Maybe I'm missing something here.

 

I definitely get that you basically want this yoga woman, only you want her to commit to you in some way. But as I said earlier, those two things may be mutually exclusive.

 

I just can't quite wrap my head around what you really want in this partner in crime. I suspect that's because you're not quite sure, yourself. I can't decide if I'm confused...or if you are.

Edited July 2, 2015 by serial muse

[BlueIris]

No one, male or female, with individual spirit, fire and motivation is likely to be happy and fulfilled solely or primarily as the appendage to another person’s life and path. Maybe s/he can be satisfied for a few months or a year, at most. Not sure what “cool, laid back and fun” really mean when you get down to it. But to me this looks like a “tag-along” proposition where that person would happily give up whatever ties or goals she has.

 

I agree with Writergal that a sugar baby is the probably way to go IF you want someone who is directionless and unattached now and willing to follow you along your path and by your inspiration. Go young, since this plan is essentially a tag-along plan and I’d think the odds are better that younger women would be most likely to go for it for a while.

 

Also, be honest about what a good deal it would be for her financially. Unless you’re offering an upfront buy-in, it’s likely only a somewhat luxurious lifestyle for so long as you enjoy her and you two get along, with no financial benefit to her at severance, but loss of career investment and earning potential.

 

When you say you have something very special to offer are you saying this deal is very special or that you are personally? Because if it’s the former, it isn’t that rare a situation or offer. The people I've known who have offered or taken offers of such situations are pleasantly realistic about the true financial implications.

[loveweary11]

I may be off base here, but... There's that saying by Socrates or maybe it was another one of the Greeks..."Those with many friends have none."

 

You're telling me that all of the people you listed would be *genuinely* keyed into your highs, your accomplishments, your success?

 

I feel that's an unrealistic expectation. I feel it's a distorted evaluation of the people around you.

 

No. I may still be misinterpreting the question.

 

Maybe there is no one. I am not sure how to answer this properly. Previously, it's been who i was married to or in a relationship with.

[loveweary11]

Looking for people who are pess serious who want to have fun, but am open to more if nit develops.

 

It's that simple.

 

So... need those who are fun, adventurous and don't have the mentality that a desk job is important.

 

 

 

No one, male or female, with individual spirit, fire and motivation is likely to be happy and fulfilled solely or primarily as the appendage to another person’s life and path. Maybe s/he can be satisfied for a few months or a year, at most. Not sure what “cool, laid back and fun” really mean when you get down to it. But to me this looks like a “tag-along” proposition where that person would happily give up whatever ties or goals she has.

 

I agree with Writergal that a sugar baby is the probably way to go IF you want someone who is directionless and unattached now and willing to follow you along your path and by your inspiration. Go young, since this plan is essentially a tag-along plan and I’d think the odds are better that younger women would be most likely to go for it for a while.

 

Also, be honest about what a good deal it would be for her financially. Unless you’re offering an upfront buy-in, it’s likely only a somewhat luxurious lifestyle for so long as you enjoy her and you two get along, with no financial benefit to her at severance, but loss of career investment and earning potential.

 

When you say you have something very special to offer are you saying this deal is very special or that you are personally? Because if it’s the former, it isn’t that rare a situation or offer. The people I've known who have offered or taken offers of such situations are pleasantly realistic about the true financial implications.

[Robert Z]

This is kind of exactly what I mean.

 

There are so few needles in this haystack. There are very few people who want to travel and be care free. They are mostly all burdened by thinking they need to climb a corporate ladder to buy that next new car to keep up with the Joneses, or are saddled with kids.

 

This is one reason I've been focusing younger to be honest. More of them fit this type of life.

 

 

Travel is the number one answer I have gotten when I asked escorts what they most want to do. In fact, it was almost if not completely unanimous among the twenty-something crowd. My new sb and I are already discussing the possibility of travel. [though I'm not entirely sure she has the sex drive for this arrangement! ]. But I would imagine that they would all prefer to travel in luxury.

 

 

Carefree is pretty had to find. But I think there are plenty of adventurous types out there, esp with the younger women. I think a sb may be your answer - answer pending upon personal review and experience.

Edited July 2, 2015 by Robert Z

[BlueIris]

Looking for people who are pess serious who want to have fun, but am open to more if nit develops.

 

It's that simple.

 

So... need those who are fun, adventurous and don't have the mentality that a desk job is important.

 

Ok. Well, actually, I was thinking of a former nanny of ours who fits the description you gave BUT because she is all of those things in practice and not theory, she already lives it and isn’t going to hitch her star to someone else’s adventure. She’s now a early-30s photo-journalist who sometimes works with NGOs here and there, not some sell-out-boring-desk-job-robot you seem to believe that people with personal ambition and career ties have.

 

I think you’re looking for someone more malleable. So I’m still voting sugar baby here.

[PrettyEmily77]

I don't really think there's anything inherently wrong with your goals and dreams, LW - we all have them, yours are no more or less attainable than any other. There'll be someone out there who will want the same things as you do.

 

 

FWIW, I too had dreams and goals which definitely didn't include contemplating being step-mother to two teenage boys; I never saw myself with a single father with primary custody of his children either, yet here I am...

 

 

Like SC, I have an inkling something else is holding you back that you are not ready to let go of quite yet.

[loveweary11]

Ok. Well, actually, I was thinking of a former nanny of ours who fits the description you gave BUT because she is all of those things in practice and not theory, she already lives it and isn’t going to hitch her star to someone else’s adventure. She’s now a early-30s photo-journalist who sometimes works with NGOs here and there, not some sell-out-boring-desk-job-robot you seem to believe that people with personal ambition and career ties have.

 

I think you’re looking for someone more malleable. So I’m still voting sugar baby here.

 

Exactly the type. I'd adapt my travel and hers to make a whole lot of fun for both.

 

She "gets it." That's all I'm looking for. Someone who gets it.

 

Many of you folks come at interpersonal dynamics from such a rigid point of view.

 

If I'm in a relationship, *we* decide what we're doing, not I.

 

The fun is in mixing with your partner, not in telling them what to do.

[loveweary11]

Travel is the number one answer I have gotten when I asked escorts what they most want to do. In fact, it was almost if not completely unanimous among the twenty-something crowd. My new sb and I are already discussing the possibility of travel. [though I'm not entirely sure she has the sex drive for this arrangement! ]. But I would imagine that they would all prefer to travel in luxury.

 

 

Carefree is pretty had to find. But I think there are plenty of adventurous types out there, esp with the younger women. I think a sb may be your answer - answer pending upon personal review and experience.

 

But escorts don't want to *actually* travel. They want to fly to resort #1006 and go shopping at the local mall while suntanning by the pool.

 

 

When i do find people open to real travel, it's always "someday" and then they have this or that keeping them from being gone for more than a week.

 

I need someone who wants to *see* things and livr places, not someone who wants to sit in hotels and do toursit stuff.

 

I feel like !ore people who are not from the States are more closely aligned with what im looking for.

 

Maybe Elaine was right..? i should leave

[serial muse]

Many of you folks come at interpersonal dynamics from such a rigid point of view.

 

I guess I read this:

 

Obstacles I run into with girls I meet:

 

1) Are looking for houses, kids and picket fences

2) Have the above

3) Talk about dreaming of traveling the world, but don't...they just sit there

4) Are focused on a career

5) Don't want to be more than 50 miles away from family

6) Are just too mainstream

 

 

Why do I fail to find this type of person?

 

What could I do to help find/attract this specific type?

 

as being pretty rigid, actually. *shrug*

[loveweary11]

I guess I read this:

 

 

 

as being pretty rigid, actually. *shrug*

 

No. I know the *type* of person I'm looking for. I'm being rigid about that to make sure the life goals are in synch.

 

I'm not *at all* rigid inside relationships.

 

I can't exactly be with someone who doesn't share my passions, because they are pretty life encompassing.

 

That's why people meet at dog parks, skiing, on cruises, you name it.

 

I need to meet a like soul. A kindred spirit.

 

The yoga chick is the closest I've come since before being married.

Edited July 2, 2015 by loveweary11

[BlueIris]

But escorts don't want to *actually* travel. They want to fly to resort #1006 and go shopping at the local mall while suntanning by the pool.

 

When i do find people open to real travel, it's always "someday" and then they have this or that keeping them from being gone for more than a week.

 

I need someone who wants to *see* things and livr places, not someone who wants to sit in hotels and do toursit stuff.

 

Respect that then. Everyone gives up something or other when they blend into a relationship. So when I talk about buy-in, that means financially and spiritually, purpose and self-actualization.

 

And I agree that the Four Seasons is pretty much the same in every location.

 

The part I bolded is key to me. That is absolutely right- everyone has ties of some sort. Our former nanny has ties and plans. She isn't ready or able to "be gone" for more than a week without purpose. That's where you need to adjust and be realistic. Nanny just left S America for Africa and had fallen for a guy in S America who can't "just be gone." They hadn't had enough time and foundation invested yet to justify either of them giving up their plans. Maybe he'll do so if their relationship deepens over time. Maybe not. So I think you need to create the tie first and then plan the future, with this as something you'd share later.

 

Flip roles and consider what it would take for you to give up what you have in place for something or someone else. For instance, why aren't you in London right now? See what I mean?