Big telltale signs with online dating profile pics and summaries

[yxalitis]

I don't have qualms about men being attracted to a woman's body, or "checking me out" in person, I just didn't have interest in men who make it the absolute #1 make or break quality to the point that if there is no photo to "prove" that I'm average, I'm not worth talking to.

 

 

I wasn't comfortable posting body photos. That doesn't make me some horrendous lying wildabeast.

I think you're overthinking this.

 

You think "If I don't show my body, the men who still want to ask me out are more sincerely interested in who I am, not what I look like"

 

Most men don't think "No body shots, she must be fat...pass"

But some might!

Does that make the man bad?

I don’t want to date an obese/overweight woman.

I find it represents laziness and an uncaring nature, if you can’t look after yourself, how can you love yourself, and love others. I don’t date smokers for the same reason.

Am I bad, not worthy of your attention because of that decision?

 

(And it's Wildebeest, by the way)

[aloneinaz]

I think any guy or girl who only puts head shots or upper body shots has self image or body issues. Some are trying to hide things as well.

 

 

As Fitness said, many people miss-judge or are simply in denial as to what "average" body type is. When you couple that with no full body shots, you get a real clear picture of why there is none.

 

 

OLD is marketing yourself, plane and simple. It's a VISUAL medium for both sexes. For people to not use it as such, they are clearly limiting their opportunities for more people to reach out to them. In all likelihood, the only people to reach out to someone like this, would be rookies to OLD. They haven't figured out yet why people are only posting head shots or chest up shots. They quickly learn and then stop contacting OLD's who do that.

 

 

OLD is hard enough. Our time is valuable. EVERYONE complains about people miss-representing themselves and wasting their time. When you meet someone for the first time, you want to walk in knowing all the cards are on the table before hand.

[Phoe]

I think you're overthinking this.

 

You think "If I don't show my body, the men who still want to ask me out are more sincerely interested in who I am, not what I look like"

 

Most men don't think "No body shots, she must be fat...pass"

But some might!

Does that make the man bad?

I don’t want to date an obese/overweight woman.

I find it represents laziness and an uncaring nature, if you can’t look after yourself, how can you love yourself, and love others. I don’t date smokers for the same reason.

Am I bad, not worthy of your attention because of that decision?

 

(And it's Wildebeest, by the way)

 

Funny, I was gonna say that everyone else is overthinking this!

 

I find it quite simple. I don't want to post those photos. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. Everyone else seems to be overthinking by jumping to such wild conclusions about it.

[yxalitis]

Funny, I was gonna say that everyone else is overthinking this!

 

I find it quite simple. I don't want to post those photos. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. Everyone else seems to be overthinking by jumping to such wild conclusions about it.

 

But you said...in your post:

I don't place any kind of expectation on whether a man is or isn't attracted to my body, he either is or he isn't, and that's fine, but when it's such a HUGE make or break on whether a man would even talk to me, and I have to "prove" that I'm not hiding something, forget it.

 

 

So, that's what people are responding to.

[Phoe]

But you said...in your post:

 

 

 

So, that's what people are responding to.

 

Not sure what you're trying to say, sorry.

 

I didn't want to post those photos, for a variety of reasons, and it literally caused no one any harm or problems. Lol.

[kaylan]

It really doesn't matter what someone thinks I "should" do.

 

I did not want to post body photos, so I didn't.

 

Simple.

 

Doesn't make me a liar.

I dont think youre a liar at all.

 

I just think that from reading your posts over the years you do seem to lack some confidence.

I put "average" in my description. No chance of someone misinterpreting that. All the other descriptions can be easily misconstrued.

You should be a man and online date for a month. Trust me when I say that "average" is VERY subjective amongst women's profiles.

Edited July 1, 2015 by kaylan

[Phoe]

I dont think youre a liar at all.

 

I just think that from reading your posts over the years you do seem to lack some confidence.

You should be a man and online date for a month. Trust me when I say that "average" is VERY subjective amongst women's profiles.

 

Fair assessment of me, certainly can't argue haha.

 

I suppose average can definitely be subjective, but seemed to be the safest choice for me. Can't imagine anyone would see me and say it was inaccurate!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I understand Phoe. Who would want to date a man that is so teriffied of a woman being "fat", that he can't even spare one coffee date.

[kaylan]

I understand Phoe. Who would want to date a man that is so teriffied of a woman being "fat", that he can't even spare one coffee date.

 

Time is valuable.

[Lois_Griffin]

What are 3 big telltale signs that someone likely wont be your type when browsing profiles?

 

Back when I was doing OLD, I avoided at ALL costs guys with dependent kids. My son was grown, out of college and living out of state, so I had NO desire to deal with some guy over 50 years old and his late-in-life litter of kids who were all under the ages of 6. Obviously, his May-December marriage hadn't worked and I had NO desire to deal with all the drama that comes with kids and ex-wives and plans changing and unavailability and all that nonsense. I was way past that stage in life. And you'd be surprised how MANY guys over 50 are in that exact predicament.

 

Another tell-tale sign is when a guy is wearing a hat in EVERY picture. That screams 'bald,' 'shaved,' or 'balding' - and I don't do bald. Of any kind. At all. Period.

 

Third is when the only profile picture they have screams "1983." A couple of times I'd be looking at a guy's profile and picture after he'd written me, and I'd be thinking the guy looked damned good for 53 or 55 - until I noticed all the 1980's cars in the background. The only thing missing was his Member's Only jacket. ROFL!!!

[No_Go]

I think you're overanalyzing for 1). She could have perfectly good body and no full body shots. My personal reasons were:

* most of my full body shots are with other people in the picture and taking a selfie of that type is hard (and I didn't want to ask people: "take a shot of me for my OLD profile" LOL)

* when I started OLD, I didn't want to be recognized by coworkers, so I kept only one face shot to minimize that possibility (haha I know it has been irrational but this was in my mind, I'm sure others have experienced similar insecurities)

 

What are 3 big telltale signs that someone likely wont be your type when browsing profiles?

 

1. Angle pics with no full body shot - Shes hiding her weight and I instantly do not message online or I swipe left on Tinder. I'd prefer a girl who's thick or skinny and confident in it.

 

I went on a date with a couple girls who used fancy shots and lighting to hide their true weight. Id say I kinda knew going in which girls were likely to be bigger than Id hope. But one time, a girl was a lot skinnier than I anticipated and I was stunned at how she was able to hide that...because she did have good pictures.

 

Either they were old, or I simply got fooled by the lighting.

 

2. She never smiles - Usually the girl has bad teeth. At least thats been my experience. Yeah I know everyone wont have a perfect smile. But Ive gone to meet someone and been instantly turned off by their teeth because they were that bad.

 

While I prefer straight teeth that are closer to white...I can accept crooked teeth, and slight off color. But I cannot accept when it looks like the woman never cared much for dental hygiene or never took time to fix any dental issues she has.

 

3. Phrases like "Short men need not apply" or "I was raised to expect a man who...." - Instant turn offs...and Im a guy whos comfortably in the average height range and loves to please his lady in particular ways.

 

I simply find it a turnoff if a woman lacks tact or comes across entitled. I don't need to have your expectations thrown in my face before I even meet. And I find comments about someones looks to lack class when thrown in a profile.

 

Ladies, do you ever see guys say "chubby women need not apply" or "I expect a woman that...*insert expectation*"? Ugh...so annoying that anyone would write any of that stuff. There's better ways to word what you want without looking like a douche or a b!tch.

[kaylan]

Experience with OLD has shown me that I am not overanalyzing at all.

[Keenly]

Some people say cucumbers taste better pickled.

[No_Go]

Ok, you could be a magnet for fat chicks, I'm just saying that there are people that do not show full body shots for reasons different than hiding a body type.

 

Btw I remember a guy asking me to send him "activity photos" when I had only a face shot in my profile (for the record I was ~120 lbs on 5'7, I had nothing to hide in that respect). This was a clever way of him to ask for full body shot without sounding superficial.

 

 

Experience with OLD has shown me that I am not overanalyzing at all.

[Keenly]

Ok, you could be a magnet for fat chicks, I'm just saying that there are people that do not show full body shots for reasons different than hiding a body type.

 

Btw I remember a guy asking me to send him "activity photos" when I had only a face shot in my profile (for the record I was ~120 lbs on 5'7, I had nothing to hide in that respect). This was a clever way of him to ask for full body shot without sounding superficial.

 

 

It very well could have been, and probably was. I can't help but picture an awkward conversationalist who wanted to see what kind of things you did for fun in a visual form.

 

But just because I like to appreciate the irony of a situation like that.

[jay1983]

Time is valuable.

 

What gets me is how overly selective they are, looking for freaking perfection. Any little thing short of what they're looking for they won't even give a second thought. Any guy who's tried the dating sites knows what's up.

 

But you wasting your time meeting someone you know you're not attracted to is just fine.

[No_Go]

This guy was a magician in his communication skills I don't remember how exactly he brought it up (I think he showed me first pictures of him doing extreme water sports or something like that) but it came completely natural in the conversation. Reading this thread it ringed a bell that he only wanted to know how I look head to toe

 

It very well could have been, and probably was. I can't help but picture an awkward conversationalist who wanted to see what kind of things you did for fun in a visual form.

 

But just because I like to appreciate the irony of a situation like that.

[Phoe]

I had a guy message me basically saying "hey, you sound cool and I'd like to get to know you, but I'm gonna need to see full body photos first"

 

I politely declined and he immediately stopped talking to me, without a second thought, lol, or a chance for me to get in a single further word...

 

Found that a bit drastic!

[kaylan]

I had a guy message me basically saying "hey, you sound cool and I'd like to get to know you, but I'm gonna need to see full body photos first"

 

I politely declined and he immediately stopped talking to me, without a second thought, lol, or a chance for me to get in a single further word...

 

Found that a bit drastic!

 

That's lacking tact. There's ways to get photos without wording it that way. What a dum dum guy.

[introverted1]

And, what's wrong with "cuddling" would you rather have a guy who f#cks you, then rolls over and sleeps without touching you?

 

 

I don't have sex until I know what the guy is like. There's just something off-putting about a grown man writing that he likes to cuddle. I guess it sounds fake. But it's definitely better than the guy whose profile name is luving69 or something like that.

[yxalitis]

What are 3 big telltale signs that someone likely wont be your type when browsing profiles?

 

Back when I was doing OLD, I avoided at ALL costs guys with dependent kids. My son was grown, out of college and living out of state, so I had NO desire to deal with some guy over 50 years old and his late-in-life litter of kids who were all under the ages of 6. Obviously, his May-December marriage hadn't worked and I had NO desire to deal with all the drama that comes with kids and ex-wives and plans changing and unavailability and all that nonsense. I was way past that stage in life. And you'd be surprised how MANY guys over 50 are in that exact predicament.

 

Another tell-tale sign is when a guy is wearing a hat in EVERY picture. That screams 'bald,' 'shaved,' or 'balding' - and I don't do bald. Of any kind. At all. Period.

 

Third is when the only profile picture they have screams "1983." A couple of times I'd be looking at a guy's profile and picture after he'd written me, and I'd be thinking the guy looked damned good for 53 or 55 - until I noticed all the 1980's cars in the background. The only thing missing was his Member's Only jacket. ROFL!!!

Umm, you come across as very judgemental and petty...

[yxalitis]

I had a guy message me basically saying "hey, you sound cool and I'd like to get to know you, but I'm gonna need to see full body photos first"

 

I politely declined and he immediately stopped talking to me, without a second thought, lol, or a chance for me to get in a single further word...

 

Found that a bit drastic!

 

You know, I'm inclined to disbelieve this...

It just seems like too perfect an example to justify your position.

As I said, what is wrong with making sure the person you are about to date isn't obese...?

If they asked "Do you smoke?" would you refuse to answer?

When you "politely declined" how did you say it?

Did you say "I'm not comfortable showing picture of my body, but I'm quite fit"

Or did you not in any way attempt to let him know you look after yourself?

[yxalitis]

 

I don't have sex until I know what the guy is like. There's just something off-putting about a grown man writing that he likes to cuddle. I guess it sounds fake. But it's definitely better than the guy whose profile name is luving69 or something like that.

 

I like to cuddle. By which I mean I'm affectionate and tactile.

I hold hands as I walk with my partner, I cuddle them on the couch, i hug them in the street, I hold them to me in bed.

 

SOME women DON'T LIKE THAT!

I'm letting these women know that I'm affectionate, so they can choose to not respond If I contact them.

[Phoe]

You know, I'm inclined to disbelieve this...

It just seems like too perfect an example to justify your position.

As I said, what is wrong with making sure the person you are about to date isn't obese...?

If they asked "Do you smoke?" would you refuse to answer?

When you "politely declined" how did you say it?

Did you say "I'm not comfortable showing picture of my body, but I'm quite fit"

Or did you not in any way attempt to let him know you look after yourself?

 

Lol why on earth would you not believe it?

 

I told him "Sorry, I'm not comfortable with sending those photos, but I'd still be happy to chat :)"

 

I would've happily described to him that I am 5'8, 130 lbs, and active, but I never got a chance to get that far.

 

I'm not against answering questions. But sending photos of my body to some stranger? Ehhhhh... not so thrilled about that.

[Phoe]

You know, I'm inclined to disbelieve this...

It just seems like too perfect an example to justify your position.

 

How convenient, that I have an experience that contributes to WHY I feel the way I do, just like those who feel that women who don't post photos are hiding something, have experiences that contribute to why they feel the way they do.

 

Funny, this is not even close to the first time I have mentioned that particular message when talking about my OLD experience, and the previous times I've talked about it had nothing to do with the current position I am defending. I've mentioned it in threads about examples of what type of content women get in messages, I've mentioned it when talking about reply rates, etc.

 

But sure, I fabricated some randomness to justify myself. Lol.