i did everything wrong tonight. Am I really the problem?

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you. I've actually been working out quite a bit. It has helped a little with my self esteem, and I've lost some weight. It helps when I focus on myself and taking care of my health and wellbeing. I usually don't have to deal with or see him until the weekends. I'm staying in tonight, and no drinking.

 

My friends and family have been more supportive than I deserve.

 

One of his friends just sent me a friend request on Facebook. Not sure why, and what to think of it.

 

Don't think of it. You think too much. That's your problem. Less thinking, more doing. As an overthinker, I can sense my own.

[aloneinaz]

I'll say it again.. you are heading down the path of posting "it's been a year since my break up and I can't get over him"..

 

 

Why? Cause you seem to really like this drama. Why you drink and frequent places you have a chance to run into him is beyond everyone's understanding. Stop drinking for a while. Stay home and avoid places you may run into him. You're making excuses as to why you CAN'T escape running into him. That tells us you like the drama of this mess. You're beating this to death by posting this link kind of demonstrates this as well.

 

 

This site is to help people navigate thru a difficult break up. Many people are offering fantastic advice to you yet you apply none of it to your situation. The ole expression "insanity, doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome" really applies here.

 

 

If you want to get past this and over it, you need to stay home and hang out w/friends and family for a couple of months. You need to avoid "running into him" and social media, especially when you're drinking.

 

 

We are all rooting for ya.

[BC1980]

Thank you. I've actually been working out quite a bit. It has helped a little with my self esteem, and I've lost some weight. It helps when I focus on myself and taking care of my health and wellbeing. I usually don't have to deal with or see him until the weekends. I'm staying in tonight, and no drinking.

 

My friends and family have been more supportive than I deserve.

 

One of his friends just sent me a friend request on Facebook. Not sure why, and what to think of it.

 

Don't accept the friend request. I wouldn't put it past your ex to have put the friend up to it to spy on you. He seems that unstable to me. But it's really irrelevant. Avoid any and all places he will be.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I'll say it again.. you are heading down the path of posting "it's been a year since my break up and I can't get over him"..

 

 

Why? Cause you seem to really like this drama. Why you drink and frequent places you have a chance to run into him is beyond everyone's understanding. Stop drinking for a while. Stay home and avoid places you may run into him. You're making excuses as to why you CAN'T escape running into him. That tells us you like the drama of this mess. You're beating this to death by posting this link kind of demonstrates this as well.

 

 

This site is to help people navigate thru a difficult break up. Many people are offering fantastic advice to you yet you apply none of it to your situation. The ole expression "insanity, doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome" really applies here.

 

 

If you want to get past this and over it, you need to stay home and hang out w/friends and family for a couple of months. You need to avoid "running into him" and social media, especially when you're drinking.

 

 

We are all rooting for ya.

 

What link do you mean?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I didn't accept the request.

 

I stayed in last night, watched chick flicks and went to bed, even though there were people asking me to go out to the bars. I didn't drink for the longest time while I was with him. I think my tolerance is much lower than it used to be, which is why I get so angry when I do it. I admit that I am confrontational in general when I drink. I don't think I should do it anymore.

 

I start classes a week from tomorrow. I think it will do me good to have something consistent in my life again. This past year has been full of so many ups and downs, losses and instability. I think it will be good to have that to focus on. I have had way too much time to sit around and dwell on this breakup in my day to day life and I think it has held me back. I used the weekends as an escape of sorts and getting involved with drinking again set me back a few times.

 

Today marks 2 months since the breakup, so it's hitting me a little hard today. It has gone by really fast. To be honest, now that I know he's seeing someone here I am terrified of going out in public now for fear of seeing them. It's obvious that this girl gets a kick out of the fact that she has him and I'm upset about it, and he's a narcissist so I know he enjoys the attention. I don't want to run to them anywhere and give them the satisfaction.

[BC1980]

I didn't accept the request.

 

I stayed in last night, watched chick flicks and went to bed, even though there were people asking me to go out to the bars. I didn't drink for the longest time while I was with him. I think my tolerance is much lower than it used to be, which is why I get so angry when I do it. I admit that I am confrontational in general when I drink. I don't think I should do it anymore.

 

I start classes a week from tomorrow. I think it will do me good to have something consistent in my life again. This past year has been full of so many ups and downs, losses and instability. I think it will be good to have that to focus on. I have had way too much time to sit around and dwell on this breakup in my day to day life and I think it has held me back. I used the weekends as an escape of sorts and getting involved with drinking again set me back a few times.

 

Today marks 2 months since the breakup, so it's hitting me a little hard today. It has gone by really fast. To be honest, now that I know he's seeing someone here I am terrified of going out in public now for fear of seeing them. It's obvious that this girl gets a kick out of the fact that she has him and I'm upset about it, and he's a narcissist so I know he enjoys the attention. I don't want to run to them anywhere and give them the satisfaction.

 

He sounds like a piece of work. I wouldn't go near the guy again. This is a person who truly needs to be cut off with no looking back. You will never "win" with him. By that, I mean that no interaction with him will bring you any peace or do you any good. You can't have a rational conversation with someone who acts like this. You have to simply write him off.

 

I know it's probably impossible not to care what he thinks about you right now because you are in the thick of your emotions. It's normal to be upset that he might be (probably is) telling his new girl lies about you. I think anyone would be rightly upset and hurt by that. But the only way to get over that is to get to indifference, and, of course, the road to indifference is NC. I can't harp on NC enough.

 

The truth is that it's not our job to tell other people they are wrong, messed up, cruel, to list their issues, ect. It's not our job to go around policing what other people think of us. Even if it were up to us, that would be an endless and tiring undertaking. People usually end up falling on their own swords in due time. It's not up to us to lend a helping hand, and, if we did, we are no better than them. It took me a long time and a traumatic breakup to learn all of those lessons, but my life is ultimately much more calm and stress free as a result.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

He sounds like a piece of work. I wouldn't go near the guy again. This is a person who truly needs to be cut off with no looking back. You will never "win" with him. By that, I mean that no interaction with him will bring you any peace or do you any good. You can't have a rational conversation with someone who acts like this. You have to simply write him off.

 

I know it's probably impossible not to care what he thinks about you right now because you are in the thick of your emotions. It's normal to be upset that he might be (probably is) telling his new girl lies about you. I think anyone would be rightly upset and hurt by that. But the only way to get over that is to get to indifference, and, of course, the road to indifference is NC. I can't harp on NC enough.

 

The truth is that it's not our job to tell other people they are wrong, messed up, cruel, to list their issues, ect. It's not our job to go around policing what other people think of us. Even if it were up to us, that would be an endless and tiring undertaking. People usually end up falling on their own swords in due time. It's not up to us to lend a helping hand, and, if we did, we are no better than them. It took me a long time and a traumatic breakup to learn all of those lessons, but my life is ultimately much more calm and stress free as a result.

 

I think the hardest part is I'm not in the "compare and contrast" stage now that he's physically with someone else. I am wondering why I wasn't enough for him to fight for our relationship. He had told me a couple of months before the breakup that he knew he was taking me for granted, and that he'd try to do better and appreciate me more and that he really loved me. He never did it. I brought this up the other night while we were arguing, and asked why he stopped caring, to which he replied "Because you're crazy." That hit me really hard. I was at my wits end in the relationship, and tried desperately to save it. It's like he found it easier just to move onto someone else and what we had wasn't worth saving.

 

So with all the losses that have happened this year, my current work situation and living situation, I can't help but feel as if this new person is a breath of fresh air for him, or somehow better. I know it's natural to feel this way. Also, he made fun of his ex before me quite a bit when we started dating, so I can't help but wonder if he's doing that now about me. I know I shouldn't care. This has just been a difficult year in my life, and my self esteem is at an all time low. Her behavior made it worse. I never acted that way towards my ex's ex, and tried to put myself in her shoes and have empathy. She did a lot of terrible things to try to come between us, but I never did anything.

 

At this point I just need to speak to a therapist, and get back on depression medications and go NC again. When I was NC for a few weeks, I was happy.

 

He left me when I needed him most. He has shown no kindness since he left and it makes me doubt my worth.

[Zapbasket]

I think the hardest part is I'm not in the "compare and contrast" stage now that he's physically with someone else. I am wondering why I wasn't enough for him to fight for our relationship. He had told me a couple of months before the breakup that he knew he was taking me for granted, and that he'd try to do better and appreciate me more and that he really loved me. He never did it. I brought this up the other night while we were arguing, and asked why he stopped caring, to which he replied "Because you're crazy." That hit me really hard. I was at my wits end in the relationship, and tried desperately to save it. It's like he found it easier just to move onto someone else and what we had wasn't worth saving.

 

So with all the losses that have happened this year, my current work situation and living situation, I can't help but feel as if this new person is a breath of fresh air for him, or somehow better. I know it's natural to feel this way. Also, he made fun of his ex before me quite a bit when we started dating, so I can't help but wonder if he's doing that now about me. I know I shouldn't care. This has just been a difficult year in my life, and my self esteem is at an all time low. Her behavior made it worse. I never acted that way towards my ex's ex, and tried to put myself in her shoes and have empathy. She did a lot of terrible things to try to come between us, but I never did anything.

 

At this point I just need to speak to a therapist, and get back on depression medications and go NC again. When I was NC for a few weeks, I was happy.

 

He left me when I needed him most. He has shown no kindness since he left and it makes me doubt my worth.

 

The statements I bolded are where you need to put your focus as you try to heal from this relationship. I say, "from this relationship," because it was the relationship that was toxic, more than the breakup. The breakup hurts, certainly, but it also frees you to become a healthier woman who values herself enough to choose better partners in the future.

 

You have to drill it into your head that we can't "create" another person's behavior. If someone acts like a jerk, it's because they choose to act like a jerk, not because something about you wasn't "enough" for them to treat you with basic courtesy and respect. It says more about them than about you. Everyone, EVERYONE, in the world deserves to be treated with care and respect, CONSISTENTLY. It's true that at times people can be unintentionally insensitive and sometimes even intentionally mean, when bad feelings get the better of them...but we all have a right to expect that people care enough to amend their wrongs. Otherwise, we cease to have a relationship with them.

 

Your ex acted like a sh*t because he IS a sh*t, not because you're "crazy" or "less-than" or any of these self-demeaning stories you are telling yourself about why you have been treated badly. You have been treated badly because you didn't/don't believe you deserve to be treated WELL. When you hold that as your baseline conviction--that you have a right to be treated with care and mutual respect--you won't find yourself questioning your feelings, doubting your self-worth or sanity, of doubting whether you should exit a relationship. You won't need any outside validation that you are lovable and it will be easy to recognize when someone is treating you badly and you need to nix them from your life.

 

Don't worry about getting over this breakup. Your work needs to go much deeper than that--into an examination of why you hold on to this belief that you are not good enough to be loved. Until you do that work, your relationships going forward are merely going to be reiterations of this one.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

^^^ someone had mentioned previously in this thread that my ex seems like a narcissist. I had thought that may be possible before, but had never looked into it. I decided to look into it now and I was astounded at some of the things that happened in our relationship that resemble things a narcissist does. Everything from the gaslighting, the extreme defensiveness on his part, to triangulation. He even had a "harem" who caused problems with us, and when I got upset about these women he would say I'm paranoid.

 

He was also verbally abusive quite a bit. He called me a c*nt so many times, used my sexual past against me and slut shamed me for it, even told me he could see why my first ex beat me and that my own family hates me. But mostly it was day to day little jabs at my character, usually things he knew were hard for me.

 

So what you said about the relationship being the toxic is starting to make sense. I am disappointed in myself for being suckered into his (probable) narcissist game. This new girl he's seeing, I can't even imagine the things he's told her and how much of it is even true. He's really good at garnering sympathy and being the victim. He has even tried to pit my own mother against me.

 

But there's still that doubt there... did I bring this behavior out in him, or was he probably always like this from a young age? Will he be better for this new person, or will she most likely go through the same motions and be discarded too? This is where the doubt of self worth comes in. He has me so convinced that I am the problem, that I don't feel that I'm entitled to respect as you mentioned earlier.

 

I made an appointment to go speak to a counselor this week, and possibly see a psychiatrist and get back on some depression medications. I start school next week and have decided to just throw myself into it 100%, and not go out to the bars for at least a month.

Edited June 30, 2015 by ColdandLonelyinAK

[FancyFace]

OP, my heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are, not once, not twice, but a couple of times. Like Greencove said so eloquently, until you do the work to figure out why you think you are not good enough for a healthy relationship and you heal those wounds and destructive self beliefs, you are doomed to repeat the same pattern over and over again.

 

I too had my fair share of run ins with narcissists and pyschos, more than I care to remember and I went damn near insane trying to understand their behaviours and who they were and why they did what they did. I tried to put labels on them to explain why they would treat me like they did.

 

You know what finally freed me? When I figured out that it doesnt matter what the other person is or where they fall on the BPD scale. What matters is that they are unhealthy for me. Their actions are theirs to own (or disown as they are so good at doing) and it has nothing to do with me. What is important and what is my business is how I react the minute someone treats me with any level of disrespect. I check them, draw boundaries and where neccesary, I opt out and move on because my self worth is way more imporatnt than anything or anybody else.

 

I hope that one day you will realise that you are truly an awesome person, who deserves to be treated with love, care, honor and respect but the best person to give you all those attributes, is yourself.

 

Sending you love and light OP.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Thank you. I'm glad I looked into the NPD thing. I'm no shrink, but I think it's definitely possible my ex fits the bill. Knowing this, believe it or not, helps me to realize a little more that maybe I really didn't do anything to be treated that way, and that he may possibly have always been like this.

 

If he is, it's only a matter of time before this new girl figures it out. I also feel bad for the ex wife now. I never said anything to her when she was causing problems, but knowing his issue now makes me understand why she was so frustrated. There's also the long distance girl who he was obviously making promises to right after we broke up. I guess she got tossed to the side as well.

 

I'm definitely going to think twice if I start dating someone and they have nothing but bad things to say about their exes. That's a red flag for sure.

[Satu]

You are free to write the next chapter of your journey.

 

Make it a good one

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

It looks like my ex is back together with his ex-wife(!?)

 

Keep in mind, and those of you who have been helping me out remember from my thread the other day, that he was hand-in-hand with another girl just this past weekend.

 

She changed her name back from her maiden name to his last name in the past couple of days sometime. Why would she do that unless they're back together? What makes even less sense is they're legally divorced, so I didn't see why she would do this?

 

I know I shouldn't care, but I do. It makes me now question our entire relationship. We were together a little over a year and a half. I would like to think rebounds don't last that long.

 

I've lost so much because of this relationship, endured emotional abuse and getting into trouble and losing a job because of this man. I feel like it was all for nothing! So he can go back to the woman he trashed and divorced.

 

It makes no sense! I can't think of any other reason why someone would change back to their married name on social media, unless they were getting back together.

 

She lives in another state. Don't know if this means she's moving here. I just don't know what is going on. There's no "relationship status" changes anywhere, just her changing her name. I dread if she ever moved here and we encountered each other. She hates me because she thinks I ruined her marriage, when my ex said she apparently cheated and that he wanted the divorce. I helped him with the papers.

 

Felt like a ton of bricks hit me when I saw it. I'm not really hurt that they may be back together as much as I feel used. Was I a rebound girl to him? My thoughts are everywhere. Can anyone possible think of what might be going on here? I know I'm stupid, but please try to be kind. I'm so confused.

[tojaz]

Unfortunately I'm not familiar with your other thread, but from what you have written here I would suggest you trust your instincts and take it at face value.

[aloneinaz]

You really need to stop stalking him on social media and everywhere else. I get that you're hurt and upset. We've all been there. You have an open wound and you keep pulling the scab off and then throwing salt on it.

 

 

If you dated 1.5 years, I wouldn't consider that a rebound. Typically, rebounds are a few months. Yes, you meant something to him at one time or he wouldn't of stayed as long as he did. But things changed and he moved on.

 

 

Sweetie, you need to get mad at yourself. I really feel your pain but.. You need to REALLY try and stop stalking him, getting updates from people who know him and stay NC so YOU can heal..

 

 

You need to let go. I know it's hard. That relationship is over. You've said yourself it wasn't that great. You have to make a decision to say "enough" and have some discipline to move forward.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

You really need to stop stalking him on social media and everywhere else. I get that you're hurt and upset. We've all been there. You have an open wound and you keep pulling the scab off and then throwing salt on it.

 

 

If you dated 1.5 years, I wouldn't consider that a rebound. Typically, rebounds are a few months. Yes, you meant something to him at one time or he wouldn't of stayed as long as he did. But things changed and he moved on.

 

 

Sweetie, you need to get mad at yourself. I really feel your pain but.. You need to REALLY try and stop stalking him, getting updates from people who know him and stay NC so YOU can heal..

 

 

You need to let go. I know it's hard. That relationship is over. You've said yourself it wasn't that great. You have to make a decision to say "enough" and have some discipline to move forward.

 

I actually have him blocked on social media. I don't look at his stuff. I saw her page though. I know I need to get over it, but the pain is still there. All the times he put me down, called me names and convinced me our problems were all my fault. It's hard to get it out of my mind. I constantly just feel anxious all the time and I don't know why. I can barely sleep. It's that feeling of not being good enough. I tried for so long. This ex did more crazy things than I ever did. I hate having to question our entire relationship, and he trashed her to high heaven and claims she cheated. Makes me think "Wow, was I THAT bad?" to drive him back to her?

 

His behavior since our breakup is so erratic and strange. He's had a slew of women around, including this weekend, and now this. He even threw a few bread crumbs my way a couple of times and made me think he still cared.

 

I really do not want him back. Really my obsession is with answers - not him. I just wish you all knew what I went through around this time last year because of him. It was a very traumatic experience. I hate that it was all for nothing. I was just a fill in so he could go back to his ex wife who supposedly was terrible and cheated, and it makes me think there must be something seriously wrong with me if he would go back to that.

 

I have an appointment with a therapist next week. Perhaps they can pinpoint what it is that is keeping me from moving on.

 

So does this mean he loved her all along when he was with me? Is he just going back to what's comfortable and familiar? Is it all a part of his narcissistic tendencies to go back to old "supply"? I just wish I knew. I hate having to question. It's driving me crazy.

[Simon Phoenix]

I actually have him blocked on social media. I don't look at his stuff. I saw her page though. I know I need to get over it, but the pain is still there. All the times he put me down, called me names and convinced me our problems were all my fault. It's hard to get it out of my mind. I constantly just feel anxious all the time and I don't know why. I can barely sleep. It's that feeling of not being good enough. I tried for so long. This ex did more crazy things than I ever did. I hate having to question our entire relationship, and he trashed her to high heaven and claims she cheated. Makes me think "Wow, was I THAT bad?" to drive him back to her?

 

His behavior since our breakup is so erratic and strange. He's had a slew of women around, including this weekend, and now this. He even threw a few bread crumbs my way a couple of times and made me think he still cared.

 

I really do not want him back. Really my obsession is with answers - not him. I just wish you all knew what I went through around this time last year because of him. It was a very traumatic experience. I hate that it was all for nothing. I was just a fill in so he could go back to his ex wife who supposedly was terrible and cheated, and it makes me think there must be something seriously wrong with me if he would go back to that.

 

I have an appointment with a therapist next week. Perhaps they can pinpoint what it is that is keeping me from moving on.

 

So does this mean he loved her all along when he was with me? Is he just going back to what's comfortable and familiar? Is it all a part of his narcissistic tendencies to go back to old "supply"? I just wish I knew. I hate having to question. It's driving me crazy.

 

As has been a theme for you from the jump, all I see from you is wasted effort, going on fool's errands again and again to avoid dealing with your own emotions. If you spent even half the time you waste chasing after closure from him -- be it directly or, in this case, indirectly -- working on yourself, you'd actually be making progress. But here you are again, getting distracted by bullsh*t and chasing your tail again. One of these days you are going to stop inventing excuses and scenarios in your head to justify staying in the muck. And when you do, it will be glorious. I hope it comes soon, because there's only so much time you can waste.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

As has been a theme for you from the jump, all I see from you is wasted effort, going on fool's errands again and again to avoid dealing with your own emotions. If you spent even half the time you waste chasing after closure from him -- be it directly or, in this case, indirectly -- working on yourself, you'd actually be making progress. But here you are again, getting distracted by bullsh*t and chasing your tail again. One of these days you are going to stop inventing excuses and scenarios in your head to justify staying in the muck. And when you do, it will be glorious. I hope it comes soon, because there's only so much time you can waste.

 

I knew you guys would be disappointed in me. I shouldn't have posted anything. I know the way I think and dwell is not healthy. That is why I'm going to seek professional help. I'm sorry.

 

Believe it or not, for a few weeks I was feeling better. That is when I was NC. Then I started hearing things, and the emotions surfaced again and it just snowballed again. It really wasn't this difficult to get over my first boyfriend, because I lived in a much bigger town and didn't run into him or hear things.

 

I feel like it's just a constant battle between my logic and emotions at this point.

[Simon Phoenix]

I knew you guys would be disappointed in me. I shouldn't have posted anything. I know the way I think and dwell is not healthy. That is why I'm going to seek professional help. I'm sorry.

 

Believe it or not, for a few weeks I was feeling better. That is when I was NC. Then I started hearing things, and the emotions surfaced again and it just snowballed again. It really wasn't this difficult to get over my first boyfriend, because I lived in a much bigger town and didn't run into him or hear things.

 

I feel like it's just a constant battle between my logic and emotions at this point.

 

What's disappointing is that you seem to be chasing after unanswerable questions about others than dealing with the only part of this equation that you can control -- you. And like I've said in other threads, I think this is intentional. I think you're afraid of what you'll find if you dig deeper into yourself. I think you are fine with taking the easy way out and spending your time trying to solve the unsolvable. And it sucks because you're setting yourself up to stay in this funk or get in similar patterns with men down the road.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

What's disappointing is that you seem to be chasing after unanswerable questions about others than dealing with the only part of this equation that you can control -- you. And like I've said in other threads, I think this is intentional. I think you're afraid of what you'll find if you dig deeper into yourself. I think you are fine with taking the easy way out and spending your time trying to solve the unsolvable. And it sucks because you're setting yourself up to stay in this funk or get in similar patterns with men down the road.

 

So do you think therapy will be beneficial for me? I have been in the past for things not related to relationships and it seemed to help. I am also going to get on a depression medication if I can.

[Simon Phoenix]

So do you think therapy will be beneficial for me? I have been in the past for things not related to relationships and it seemed to help. I am also going to get on a depression medication if I can.

 

Yes, and I'm glad you're taking that step. Hopefully your therapist can help you focus inward instead of haphazardly chasing everything outward.

[aloneinaz]

Ok, you admitted your were doing much better when you stayed NC for two weeks. SO STAY NC! Don't stalk him or anyone else on social media! For goodness sake, don't go out to places where you can run into him..

 

 

NO ONE is worth this much drama and self inflected pain. You said yourself he was a douche bag when you were with him. What is there to possibly miss? You don't need CLOSURE or answers to anything. It's over.

 

 

The last thing you need to do is stay mired in this crap for months and months. No one wants to see you post that it's been a year and you're still hurting. People CHOOSE to not stay NC and move on with their lives.

 

 

Please talk to your counselor about your obsession about this guy and why you continue to self inflect pain and suffering on yourself.

 

 

I also should share that I've known many women who were dumped, some out of left field. You know what they did? They went hardcore NC and vanished from their exes lives. They'd NEVER speak with them again because it didn't work the first time.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Ok, you admitted your were doing much better when you stayed NC for two weeks. SO STAY NC! Don't stalk him or anyone else on social media! For goodness sake, don't go out to places where you can run into him..

 

 

NO ONE is worth this much drama and self inflected pain. You said yourself he was a douche bag when you were with him. What is there to possibly miss? You don't need CLOSURE or answers to anything. It's over.

 

 

The last thing you need to do is stay mired in this crap for months and months. No one wants to see you post that it's been a year and you're still hurting. People CHOOSE to not stay NC and move on with their lives.

 

 

Please talk to your counselor about your obsession about this guy and why you continue to self inflect pain and suffering on yourself.

 

 

I also should share that I've known many women who were dumped, some out of left field. You know what they did? They went hardcore NC and vanished from their exes lives. They'd NEVER speak with them again because it didn't work the first time.

 

I'm not going anywhere this weekend specifically so I don't have to see him. I'm going to therapy because I think there are some deep issues perhaps related to my previous emotional issues, emotional abuse and depression and I think I need to physically HEAR someone tell me "This is your problem." so I can get a push in the right direction. I willingly admit I am terrible when it comes to managing my emotions, depression and mood disorder. I go from happy and content to the very depths of despair sometimes.

 

This breakup has brought all those issues to the surface again, and I've taken this rejection so personal.

 

In regards to NC, the only time I broke it really was when I saw him in person and had been drinking. I'm not doing either of those things this weekend. I am trying to avoid it.

 

But I hate thinking that my entire relationship was a lie, and my struggles were for nothing. I don't want to have to think the last almost two years of my life have been simply for his rebounding. It eats at me. I'm sorry. I never thought I'd lose so much over a man.

 

I have good and happy things coming up in my life soon. I have school starting, a vacation planned and weddings and things to attend. Maybe that will help.

 

I know you guys probably are frustrated when you talk to me, but it does help to let it out at times. Maybe after therapy and other things coming up, I'll be able to look back on this in a couple of months and laugh. It just isn't happening for me right now. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm working on it and I'm sorry.

[aloneinaz]

Don't be sorry for your postings. We all need to vent. I think we can just get frustrated when folks come here asking for help to get over it and then do the polar opposite of the advice given to them.

 

 

We really only have your best interests at heart and are sharing what worked for us and others to get past what you're experiencing.

 

 

I do think therapy can help you w/your issues you want or need to address. Self help books can also do wonders as well. Try to keep yourself and mind occupied on these things vs. replaying all the stuff from this failed relationship. No one ever really gets all the answers you want. Ya know what, if they did, it wouldn't make it any easier. People get fired from their jobs. Most employers don't tell them all the details as to why they are being terminated. People usually know or at that point, don't really care. They don't spend months ruminating over it. They find another job.

 

 

Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up either. If you need to post, then post here. While we can be a bit blunt at times, we do want to see you move past this and find happiness again, which you will.

[ravfour4]

No need to apologize. Know that you are worthy and worthwhile of a better man's attention. I think deep down you know that, but right now you're defining yourself by what he thinks of you. Who cares! He's a terrible person who you happened to love for some time, sure he bashed his ex, but most people bash their ex's and leave out all the amazing stuff.

 

Take some time to focus on you and go back to NC. When you think about him, fade those memories to black and white and push them back. Look around you and focus on this very moment, don't live in the past, don't live in the future, live now. Do this and you will be happy. Remind yourself of all the positive traits you have, remind yourself of what you were like before him and before this break up. You're strong and can do this.