Do men genuninely value being "no drama"?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I know people who are very good at handling and resolving conflict - but I'm not sure I know anybody whose conflict never feature some element of drama. I mean, you had a bit of minor drama with Emilia there - and then you sort of pulled back, owned having a role in it and generally that's enough to put stuff like that to bed. Or not! But hopefully....

 

 

Yea, looking back I admit having a role. It's human nature to judge and to argue and that comes out on this forum. It's also human nature to kill and plunder though.

 

But you cannot say that an argue-free relationship is lacking. I've had it and I love it.

 

I'm going to start blocking certain people who I argue with. It's just not worth it. It gets me all riled up and upset for the day, and I don't want that really. It kills time and energy.

 

Not that I think they are bad people, we just bring out the worst in each other.

[Woggle]

How is this for drama?

 

My ex and I went on vacation in Miami and when she was in the shower in our Hotel room I was chilling on the balcony. She gets out of the shower and gets dressed then starts screaming like a banshee at me because I am being lazy and I care more about the balcony than her. We get into it and she goes completely berzerk and starts slapping me and screaming at me. I say the hell with this so I just tell her goodbye and walk off to enjoy our vacation on our own because there is no reasoning with her.

 

I get down to the lobby and all of a sudden she jumps at me then throws a champagne glass at me which smashes into pieces against the wall. To this day I still can't figure out what she was mad about. There was some sort of convention in the hotel so a bunch of people witnessed the spectacle and we were kicked out. She was actually proud of herself for not being a doormat.

 

If not wanting this crap in my life makes me a misogynist then so be it.

[Emilia]

How is this for drama?

 

My ex and I went on vacation in Miami and when she was in the shower in our Hotel room I was chilling on the balcony. She gets out of the shower and gets dressed then starts screaming like a banshee at me because I am being lazy and I care more about the balcony than her. We get into it and she goes completely berzerk and starts slapping me and screaming at me. I say the hell with this so I just tell her goodbye and walk off to enjoy our vacation on our own because there is no reasoning with her.

 

I get down to the lobby and all of a sudden she jumps at me then throws a champagne glass at me which smashes into pieces against the wall. To this day I still can't figure out what she was mad about. There was some sort of convention in the hotel so a bunch of people witnessed the spectacle and we were kicked out. She was actually proud of herself for not being a doormat.

 

If not wanting this crap in my life makes me a misogynist then so be it.

 

I assume she is the same who shot through your windows too. I'd say this is a little extreme for most of us.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How is this for drama?

 

My ex and I went on vacation in Miami and when she was in the shower in our Hotel room I was chilling on the balcony. She gets out of the shower and gets dressed then starts screaming like a banshee at me because I am being lazy and I care more about the balcony than her. We get into it and she goes completely berzerk and starts slapping me and screaming at me. I say the hell with this so I just tell her goodbye and walk off to enjoy our vacation on our own because there is no reasoning with her.

 

I get down to the lobby and all of a sudden she jumps at me then throws a champagne glass at me which smashes into pieces against the wall. To this day I still can't figure out what she was mad about. There was some sort of convention in the hotel so a bunch of people witnessed the spectacle and we were kicked out. She was actually proud of herself for not being a doormat.

 

If not wanting this crap in my life makes me a misogynist then so be it.

 

To get back on topic...

 

EXACTLY what I was talking about in terms of conflict.

[BlueIris]

How is this for drama?

 

My ex and I went on vacation in Miami and when she was in the shower in our Hotel room I was chilling on the balcony. She gets out of the shower and gets dressed then starts screaming like a banshee at me because I am being lazy and I care more about the balcony than her. We get into it and she goes completely berzerk and starts slapping me and screaming at me. I say the hell with this so I just tell her goodbye and walk off to enjoy our vacation on our own because there is no reasoning with her.

 

I get down to the lobby and all of a sudden she jumps at me then throws a champagne glass at me which smashes into pieces against the wall. To this day I still can't figure out what she was mad about. There was some sort of convention in the hotel so a bunch of people witnessed the spectacle and we were kicked out. She was actually proud of herself for not being a doormat.

 

If not wanting this crap in my life makes me a misogynist then so be it.

 

Fear not. Almost the same thing happened to me- Sarasota, though- and it was a man who did it. Just don't attribute it to gender and you're good.

[Woggle]

I assume she is the same who shot through your windows too. I'd say this is a little extreme for most of us.

 

Yes and the situation I described is what most men think of when we say drama. What most women here are describing is minor disagreements which any two people sharing a space might have.

[Robert Z]

I am just wondering because I think that in general men prefer "no drama" women.

 

That's why in part I have spent a small fortune. And that is the first thing I noticed after getting divorced - my life was so much calmer and more peaceful - all of that conflict nothing but a bitter memory. It is the best reason I know of to not get married!!!

 

Three years with my sb and we never had a fight or even a serious disagreement.

[Woggle]

I noticed calm and peace after my divorce as well. It felt so good coming home and knowing I had peace. My blood pressure even went back to healthy levels after my divorce and it has stayed there since with no medication.

[Robert Z]

I noticed calm and peace after my divorce as well. It felt so good coming home and knowing I had peace. My blood pressure even went back to healthy levels after my divorce and it has stayed there since with no medication.

 

 

And looking back, I see a spoiled little brat who can't control her emotions or be civil. Any time she didn't get her way she threw a fit!!! It was enough to drive a man insane - literally.

 

 

And every time she had one of her little tantrums, she killed my love for her just a little bit more.

[Timshel]

I am just wondering because I think that in general men prefer "no drama" women.

 

In reality though, I wonder how true that is. Men are very driven by their passions and physical attractions, even more so than women. If they are very physically attracted to a woman, drama doesn't even seem to matter. They always prefer the high attraction woman.

 

Are men more likely to commit to "no drama" women and is it something they look for?

 

I would agree, drama is not attractive. Passion is attractive.

 

Drama: Where are you? Who are you with? You bought daisy's, I want roses. You can't go with you're friends out, I'm bored/lonely/insecure. You're mother was snarky about my meatloaf.

 

Passion: Have fun! Can't on Friday, other plans. Daisy's, thank you baby. I think your mom likes my meatloaf.

 

Get over here

[autumnnight]

When I think of "drama" as a word with a negative connotation, the term that comes to mind is extreme. I do not thinking simply having emotions or an emotional reaction is drama. That is called being human. It is the EXTREME that matters.

Let's take the FB like. I'll have a pretend BF named Mark Marke has a FB friend named Judy who likes every, single, post. he makes, and tags him in pretty much every post she makes. She is flirty and all her profile pictures focus on her giant fake boobs. I do not think it would be dramatic to ask what the heck is up with this woman following him around. That is just concern over a...rather odd woman.

 

Now, if Judy is an old friend who occasionally likes a post and tags him in old high school pictures from time to time, throwing a fit and telling him to unfriend her and crying and ranting...THAT would be drama.

 

The word drama is a bit like the word baggage. It kind of makes me chuckle when people say "I don't want anyone who has baggage." Sorry, every person who has lived to adulthood has baggage. It's called life. It is how they deal with it and how much of it they drag around behind them that counts.

 

Basically, I have no tolerance for people who will not listen, who can see no viewpoint except their own, and who are prone to extreme rants that border on incoherent. That may not be drama, but it's something I want no part of.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Not expressing feelings, or being emotionally withdrawn is not about DRAMA. That's about being a human-being in my book, and if you can't express yourself that means you've got some serious problems in my book. How can a woman even develop a relationship...a love, of any kind with a man like this is beyond me, I cannot understand or imagine myself in a relationship where all expression or feelings were invalid or absent for any great length of time, I'd figure that out real quick and want to get the hell out of that as soon as possible.

 

You can manifest your own drama by being with an idiot, you can essentially do it all on your own because you're going through all these emotions and feelings, and being affected by all these difficult things that are disrupting your life...but that doesn't mean the other person enjoys "drama", if they're obviously not attached or emotionally connected to you in any way..that's just a person who is isolated within their own mind and bubble, they can't feel or see what you are going through because they are just in another dimension.

 

So again, nothing to do with DRAMA...I can think of a thousand examples of why women are, but for men, from my recollection and perception it's usually certain men and the behavior inflicted on them by women that often makes them appear attracted to "drama" if anything, but in reality it's them trying to avoid commitment, avoid playing her games, and trying to accomplish his goals and fulfill his needs, which are often against the "rule"...but he's not fueled by the drama, he's fueled by something else...men would just rather prefer everything go to plan without any "problems" or obstacles. If a man can get EVERYTHING that he wants, without any resistance, I don't see a reason for him to desire drama...men like a challenge, but not in the way or for the reasons women think they do.

Edited June 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[StanMusial]

Drama MAY be a result of conflict. The two are not inherently the same thing however. Also, drama MAY be generated as a substitute for real passion, but it's a poor one at best. Some of the most boring people I know also thrive on drama. Whatever. I can only think of one guy in particular back in the day who seemed to get with drama queens regularly in the truest sense. And even that is a moot point seeing as how he married a real sweetie 10 years ago.

[elaine567]

People quickly learn what is acceptable and what is not, what is possible to get away with and what is not.

"Drama" can be a learned behaviour that is known to reap rewards.

Want a choc icecream? Scream until you get it. Not all parents are good at tantrum control in a busy supermarket so it is much easier to simply give in.

Tantrums, shouting, screaming and throwing things can deliver the desired effect. "Drama" can produce results and some know that, even in adulthood.

I used to work with a guy who would throw a tantrum if things weren't going his way, he could do that because he was in a position of power and others more junior cleaned up his mess both literally and metaphorically. I am sure he felt better for it, and he was rewarded by others sorting out the problem for him.

Some people do exactly the same thing in relationships. Whether the other puts up with it or not, depends on what the other is getting out of the relationship and whether or not they are in a good place themselves.

 

I think "drama" can also be the last resort of the put upon. They know they are essentially powerless, but maintaining calm everlasting in the face of being used or abused, can result in the worm turning.

Once they realise a way of reversing the situation is by causing "drama", they can use it to good effect. Of course they are in danger of then being labelled "crazy", but it can give them a degree of power in a relationship that was otherwise a dictatorship.

 

I also think it is possible to cause huge emotional chaos and drama by being very cool and collected. Abusers frequently wind up their victim so much so, that to outsiders the victim appears to be the one causing drama, when the truth is that behind the scenes the abuser is the one pulling the strings and pushing the buttons. An abusive man could then be seen to be attracted to a drama filled woman, but in reality she is his victim and the "drama" is manufactured by him.

[regine_phalange]

Random quotes from guys I've had relationships with:

 

#1

"When you're angry I can't get mad at you because of the way you look at me"

"I liked that you berated me for cancelling our date"

"I secretly liked it when you slapped me"

 

#2

"Why aren't you more snotty? This would make you more feminine"

(When I involuntarily became kind of snotty towards the end of the relationship because I was tired of him):

"You're one of a kind"

 

#3

"You should be more arrogant and difficult" (like #2 but differently worded )

 

 

Men's heart is an abyss!

[Keenly]

Random quotes from guys I've had relationships with:

 

#1

"When you're angry I can't get mad at you because of the way you look at me"

"I liked that you berated me for cancelling our date"

"I secretly liked it when you slapped me"

 

#2

"Why aren't you more snotty? This would make you more feminine"

(When I involuntarily became kind of snotty towards the end of the relationship because I was tired of him):

"You're one of a kind"

 

#3

"You should be more arrogant and difficult" (like #2 but differently worded )

 

 

Men's heart is an abyss!

 

Looks like you're picking some reeeeeally Strange Men.

[regine_phalange]

Looks like you're picking some reeeeeally Strange Men.

 

I can't deny that. I may be kind of strange myself.

[Keenly]

I can't deny that. I may be kind of strange myself.

 

Strange women > average women.

 

 

Keep on keeping On

[StanMusial]

You gals make these things way more complicated than they actually are. We are simple creatures. Try dating women sometime if you don't believe me.

[autumnnight]

You gals make these things way more complicated than they actually are. We are simple creatures. Try dating women sometime if you don't believe me.

 

But they don't have the right parts....

[Keenly]

You gals make these things way more complicated than they actually are. We are simple creatures. Try dating women sometime if you don't believe me.

 

 

That is why this image is so true. It explain a lot about the differences between men and women.

[SerCay]

Well, what I've seen is this:

 

Most men CLAIM they don't want the drama, but they also fall the hardest and stick around the longest under all kinds of circumstances, with women causing LOTS of drama.

 

It seems as if the women causing the drama have some appeal to them because they're out of reach. Whereas no-drama women, are only "good women".

 

That's what I've seen in the men in my surrounding anyway...

 

It's like, men often say that they will never settle for someone that dresses inappropriately, or who is promiscuous, yet again, I've seen them fall the hardest for women like this.

 

Beats me, why they will say one thing, yet do another.

[carhill]

Heh, I greatly value my pickup truck but my passion will remain forever with one of my vintage muscle cars. I might complain about how cantankerous and moody the latter is but boy is it a boss ride when everything is going well.

 

Your point about men saying they value one thing or type of person and feeling lust or desire for another is well-taken. Our psychology, while some define it as simple, is IMO a typical human psychology, neither simple nor complex, and unique to the individual. Some guys lean more towards the pickup and others more towards the muscle car, regardless of what they say. Right now I drive the pickup because, hey, it's hot and it has air conditioning, which underscores another part of the male psyche, pragmatism, which is also relevant to relationships. If a dramatic relationship works for the guy, he goes with it. If not, he doesn't. It all depends on the man. Some guys I know thrive on drama. Others shrink from it. We're all different.

[salparadise]

There is truth to this.....as *crazy* as this might sound, there are some men out there who are very drwan to so-called * psycho* women. They seem very captivated by her.....her drama, her fire, her high sexuality.....her PASSION.

 

There have even been a few threads discussing this and men have admitted it. Most have claimed it's the *crazy* sex that pulls them in and keeps them coming back for more, but some have also admitted that they're drawn to such women because SHE is able to so easily express emotions....that HE either feels too vulnerable to express... or is otherwise incapable of expressing, for one reason or another.

 

Such men also need a high level of stimulation (emotional, mental and physical).

 

That said, they have also admitted that will they rarely settle down with such a woman....but I was shocked how many admitted to be *pulled in* by such a woman.....even becoming addicted to the relationship in some cases....

 

Again, not all men of course....but definitely some. More than you might think.

 

Since being divorced I've dated both, and as much as I wish I could testify otherwise, my anecdotal experiences underscore that the highly sexual women were high drama, and the zero drama women were constrained. I am hoping to find an nice exception to this correlation, or at least the right balance.

 

The first one after the d was by far the highest drama, and the sexual intensity was over-the-top. I am absolutely thankful that I had a chance to experience that kind of sexuality once in my life––most men probably never will––but I could not possibly live in a madhouse as would be the case with her. This woman was the epitome of that idiom "wild in bed, crazy in the head." Every time I'm not dating and on a dry spell it's tempting to see if she's up for another round... but then I catch myself and realize that if I did that, I'd be crazy.

 

Then with the few who had nice even-keeled personalities, sex was just ok. I want both dammit! But willing to compromise a bit in on sexuality to get a nice, harmonious personality who is easy to be with. Failure to fine the right mix, or compromise, is largely the reason I'm single, I believe.

[Itspointless]

Not expressing feelings, or being emotionally withdrawn is not about DRAMA. That's about being a human-being in my book, and if you can't express yourself that means you've got some serious problems in my book. How can a woman even develop a relationship...a love, of any kind with a man like this is beyond me

How come people often say this like this behaviour is only reserved for men? My ex (a woman) was like this. When she felt vulnerable she became very logical, really frustrating.

 

On the other hand, I dislike it when people turn to yelling and blaming (especially when out of the blue), which seems in this thread to be the description of emotional. In this respect I am a bit the same as JuneJulySeptember. Part of it I guess is my introverted nature, another part my upbringing.

 

Note that the word drama refers to the theatrical. That of-course has to do with the fact that drama is often referred to when we go away from conventions that describe how we should talk with each-other, i.e. the (cultural) normal (and added norms) and outside of that what we perceive as absurd. Just as the theatrical refers to acting, the not real.

 

I do not like drama much, showing emotions to each-other is beautiful, but throwing these out the same way like vomit presents itself, no thank you. But people who only present me with logic loose me as well.

Edited July 1, 2015 by Itspointless