Do men genuninely value being "no drama"?

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I hate social drama & don't understand the attraction of it.

 

 

The only "drama" I enjoy is between me & my partner while having sex. I call it passion.

 

 

I don't even like hearing about others drama. Too voyeuristic. I so don't understand how some girls are drawn to & need drama to be fulfilled. Drama & passion are not the same. If you can't engage your partner to your satisfaction, without having to resort to instigating problems via drama to get a reaction, then you are not compatible with each other & should leave. Life's too hard & short for games like that.

[katiegrl]

I don't think healthy, mature men seek out emotional, reactionary women. But if he really likes you and has strong attraction to you, he'll put up with almost anything. During my first minor disagreement with my new boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, I walked off in a huff, making a childish little "hrmph!" noise. I later apologized for being childish, but he said when I went "hrmph!" like a little girl, he just thought it was totally adorable. Now I make that noise sometimes to be cute, and he always gets all giggly and starts doting on me - like he's saying that he adores me even when my childish side comes out - which is very sweet. I think when the guy is crazy about you and has strong physical attraction, he'll put up with and even adore just about all of your drama.

 

Truth!!!!! :bunny:

[Emilia]

I don't think healthy, mature men seek out emotional, reactionary women. But if he really likes you and has strong attraction to you, he'll put up with almost anything. During my first minor disagreement with my new boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, I walked off in a huff, making a childish little "hrmph!" noise. I later apologized for being childish, but he said when I went "hrmph!" like a little girl, he just thought it was totally adorable. Now I make that noise sometimes to be cute, and he always gets all giggly and starts doting on me - like he's saying that he adores me even when my childish side comes out - which is very sweet. I think when the guy is crazy about you and has strong physical attraction, he'll put up with and even adore just about all of your drama.

 

I can never stay mad at a guy for long if I like him. Just not in my nature.

[katiegrl]

I don't think healthy, mature men seek out emotional, reactionary women. But if he really likes you and has strong attraction to you, he'll put up with almost anything. During my first minor disagreement with my new boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, I walked off in a huff, making a childish little "hrmph!" noise. I later apologized for being childish, but he said when I went "hrmph!" like a little girl, he just thought it was totally adorable. Now I make that noise sometimes to be cute, and he always gets all giggly and starts doting on me - like he's saying that he adores me even when my childish side comes out - which is very sweet.

 

 

 

**I think when the guy is ***crazy*** about you and has strong physical attraction, he'll put up with and even adore just about all of your drama.**

 

I think love has a tendency to drive us all a little crazy.....

[katiegrl]

I can never stay mad at a guy for long if I like him. Just not in my nature.

 

Me neither Emilia....I usually let it out....and then let it go....

 

I don't hang on to negative emotions.

[writergal]

Perhaps you have not been exposed to near borderline pathetic trivial constant childish delusional mountain out of molehill stupidity before ( or maybe that's what you are so can't see it). That sort of crap could be considered abuse as well. There is nothing wrong with expressing feelings, only " drama " is something completely different then that. Drama is for girls, emotions for women.

 

I guess I just find that label, that term 'drama' so misogynistic, so pejorative. It's a way to downplay the emotional spectrum that women access to respond to different situations with men, especially relationship conflict.

 

Ex. A couple has a relationship argument.

 

The man's response to the woman's complaints or concerns over his behavior is to call her a 'drama queen.' He does this to shut her down from expressing herself, because he doesn't respect her and doesn't want to validate her feelings even if he disagrees with her. It's a short-cut that misogynistic men use to regain control of a situation where they feel emotionally threatened.

 

Whereas the woman just expressed concern about something he said to her, or did, so that she could get clarification. She is puzzled and her feelings are hurt because it's her right to seek clarity from her relationship partner when she has doubts or concerns about his words or actions towards her in the relationship.

 

So, I view that phrase 'drama queen' as being a manipulative tool that men use against women, when they feel their way of treating her is threatened. Calling a woman a 'drama queen' (in the man's view) exempts him from having to take responsibility for his actions towards her, because he feels guilty and doesn't like feeling guilty, so he shuts her down by taking the focus off of himself, and in a way, gaslighting her so she will shut down emotionally and not seek the clarity she wanted from him in the first place.

 

Communication in relationships is a two-way street. If you always have to shut the woman down by calling her a 'drama queen,' or advertise yourself as looking for a 'drama free' woman, then I think you (in the general sense of the word, not good relationship material.

 

As far as you dating women who are mentally ill goes, I disagree that calling them 'drama queens' is accurate. If anything, it's just another way to invalidate them as people (and that's not what I am). Dating someone with a mental illness is only successful if you know what you're getting yourself into. Plus, it takes two to tango. If you don't like that behavior, break up with the woman. Simple solution.

[Keenly]

Writergirl, what do you call the girl that gets mad over Facebook likes, gets upset when text messages aren't responded to immediately, gets jealous when other females talk to you, and makes a big deal out of nothing?

 

Calling a duck a duck doesn't invalidate the duck.

[Woggle]

It is utter bliss being with a woman who conducts herself as a mature adult and deals with emotions in a mature and adult manner. When I took a drama free vacation with her I almost wanted to cry tears of joy because that was impossible with my ex. I can't speak for other men but believe me when I say I very much value it.

[central]

Drama is negative excitement, usually creating problems out of trivial or exaggerated issues. I only want positive, mutual excitement in my relationships, and that comes from stable personalities, maturity, and good communication.

[Naturebox]

No drama is a nice change of pace.

[xxoo]

Define "drama".

 

If drama is: getting easily upset and offended, picking fights, frequent crying or yelling, hot and cold, cheating, etc......I don't think anyone likes that. Some people get hooked on the highs and tolerate the lows.

 

If drama is: turns every head in the room, speaks her mind, challenges the blowhard in the room, says things that sometimes shock people, challenges even your opinions with spirited debate, goes home and has laughs with you about the look on everyone's face when she dared to say such and such to so and so, and then has a great romp in bed with you.....yeah, I think a lot of men like her very much.

[toscaroscura]

Writergirl, what do you call the girl that gets mad over Facebook likes, gets upset when text messages aren't responded to immediately, gets jealous when other females talk to you, and makes a big deal out of nothing?

 

Calling a duck a duck doesn't invalidate the duck.

 

There are plenty of irrationally jealous men and women out there. We see them all the time on LS.

 

But when I hear stories like the above, I like to take it on an individual basis. Sure, sometimes they are jealous for no reason. But, more likely, "crazy" behavior surfaces after weeks, months or even years of bad treatment. The phrase "crazy-making" exists for a reason!

 

I would ask myself, why does this girl feel so insecure in her relationship that Facebook likes upset her. Maybe it's a symptom of the problems in her relationship. Maybe her BF makes her feel insecure by not respecting her feelings. Maybe he hits on other women and then tells her she's crazy for having feelings about it. Maybe she IS just crazy and he has done nothing. The point is, I never just jump to "dramatic" or "crazy" right away.

 

9 times out of 10, there's some underlying, valid reason or unmet need there. It's too easy, too pat to just be like, "Well, she's just crazy!"

 

I think writergal has a point. Women are often dismissed and called crazy for expressing themselves. It works more on women because we grow up being told our feelings make us "irrational". Gaslighting really sucks!

[writergal]

Writergirl, what do you call the girl that gets mad over Facebook likes, gets upset when text messages aren't responded to immediately, gets jealous when other females talk to you, and makes a big deal out of nothing?

 

Calling a duck a duck doesn't invalidate the duck.

 

Your post makes zero sense. She's not a drama queen. She has expectations that the guy isn't meeting for whatever reason. And for her part, she has communication issues would be my guess.

[Woggle]

Sometimes things just are what they are. I wish I had a video of the fit my ex threw in a Miami hotel lobby. Sane rational people don't act like that and plenty of women had their mouths open in shock as well. I have called men drama queens as well and nobody likes hanging out with them.

[xxoo]

Women's emotions have been dismissed as "crazy" for a very long time. Consider the root of the word hysteria, from "hyster" meaning uterus (think: hysterectomy).

 

Hysteria | Definition of hysteria by Merriam-Webster

 

Origin of HYSTERIA

 

New Latin, from English hysteric, adjective, from Latin hystericus, from Greek hysterikos, from hystera womb; from the Greek notion that hysteria was peculiar to women and caused by disturbances of the uterus

First Known Use: 1801

[writergal]

Women's emotions have been dismissed as "crazy" for a very long time. Consider the root of the word hysteria, from "hyster" meaning uterus (think: hysterectomy).

 

Hysteria | Definition of hysteria by Merriam-Webster

 

Origin of HYSTERIA

 

New Latin, from English hysteric, adjective, from Latin hystericus, from Greek hysterikos, from hystera womb; from the Greek notion that hysteria was peculiar to women and caused by disturbances of the uterus

First Known Use: 1801

 

And that is why I hate labels like 'drama queen' because it's based on the misogynistic belief that if you are a female, you aren't capable of being emotionally stable (with the exception of that biological cause PMS once a month, ha!). Men are 'crazy-makers' because they don't like dealing with the fact that women have different biology and are raised in a gender biased society where men are raised to believe they are the better, stronger gender. Welcome to the human race, a patriarchal society by design.

[GorillaTheater]

And that is why I hate labels like 'drama queen' because it's based on the misogynistic belief that if you are a female, you aren't capable of being emotionally stable (with the exception of that biological cause PMS once a month, ha!). Men are 'crazy-makers' because they don't like dealing with the fact that women have different biology and are raised in a gender biased society where men are raised to believe they are the better, stronger gender. Welcome to the human race, a patriarchal society by design.

 

This seems, you know, dramatic.

[tuxedo cat]

I've had guys complain that I'm too dramatic because I sometimes call them on their crap only to pine after women who legitimately treat them really, really badly.

 

My experience has basically been any dramatic behavior that shows some form of caring (like getting upset because you're hurt by his behavior) = a turn off, while any dramatic behavior that shows indifference (ignoring him, flirting with other guys, repeatedly dumping him) = a turn on.

 

I don't want to paint all men with the same brush. There are some who really hate any form of drama, but I would say there's a strong plurality of dysfunctional men who gravitate toward the kind I described above. I console myself with the thought that men like that will never be happy: either they're with somebody they don't want or they're with somebody who doesn't want them.

 

The absurdities of human nature.

[Halcyon]

I hate drama and I hate games with a passion. Don't have time for that BS.

[writergal]

This seems, you know, dramatic.

 

So, my rant or complaint about patriarchal society means that I'm being dramatic? A-ha. You just proved my point. Women aren't allowed to air their opinions without being negatively labeled by men who hear them. Thanks for helping me prove my point. That was easier than I thought!

[GorillaTheater]

So, my rant or complaint about patriarchal society means that I'm being dramatic? A-ha. You just proved my point. Women aren't allowed to air their opinions without being negatively labeled by men who hear them. Thanks for helping me prove my point. That was easier than I thought!

 

There there dear. Have a glass of wine.

[Ruby Slippers]

Drama is negative excitement, usually creating problems out of trivial or exaggerated issues. I only want positive, mutual excitement in my relationships, and that comes from stable personalities, maturity, and good communication.

You're right. I realize now that all the drama in the past was of my own creation. If there's a problem, you control how you react to it. A perfectly zen person would react to their house blowing up with calm decisiveness.

 

When you're young and immature, you're less in control of yourself, so your emotions can take over. As you mature, you figure out that you are in control of your emotions.

 

My boyfriend comes from a good family and is very stable and positive, never complains or stirs up any drama.

 

I told him after our disagreement that I've worked through most of the angst from my troubled, dysfunctional childhood, but I still sometimes get scared and reactionary, so please be patient with me as I get more comfortable and trusting with him. He knows ALL my dirt, and says he understands and appreciates my openness. When you really care about someone, you can respect that they are a work in progress.

[elaine567]

I guess there will be some men who are hooked on drama in their lives, they feed off it and they seek it out.

Some will have had dysfunctional childhoods, some will see "drama" as an indication of caring and of love, so they want that in their lives.

Finding a woman who provides that level of "excitement", no matter how toxic it may be, is what they need and want.

In the same way, some women are hooked on bad men, men who beat them up and abuse them. It is what they grew up with and is "normal" to them. Any thing else can be seen as "boring".

[Gary S]

Some people think the main thing men want is sex, but that's not the case. Heck, even men don't know what they want.

 

What they really want is to be comfortable. There is nothing men hate more than nagging and disloyalty.

 

This applies to sane men. But for the crazies, anything goes!

[writergal]

I guess there will be some men who are hooked on drama in their lives, they feed off it and they seek it out.

Some will have had dysfunctional childhoods, some will see "drama" as an indication of caring and of love, so they want that in their lives.

Finding a woman who provides that level of "excitement", no matter how toxic it may be, is what they need and want.

In the same way, some women are hooked on bad men, men who beat them up and abuse them. It is what they grew up with and is "normal" to them. Any thing else can be seen as "boring".

 

That's true. Just like the guy who messaged me, trying to incite a reaction from me when he said that he wanted to rape me on our first date after I naively told him of some negative experiences I've had. He turned it around to use it against me, and yet doesn't want to take responsibility for his own behavior. Idiot. Talk about a dysfunctional person he is.

 

Finding a man who respects women (this idiot doesn't appear to respect women at all), means that you will find a man who doesn't even use the term 'drama queen' because he is above doing that.