I want out

[minimariah]

how do you think your W will react if she finds out...? of course, no one can predict her reaction but... what do you think she'll do?

 

this is just... a mess.

[Redheaded Mistress]

wasn't my idea, It was hers. But it did become another one of those things that created excitement that I so much enjoy. Turns out it wasn't that exciting. Was over quickly.

 

So she messed up by suggesting it, thus making her no angel, then messed up again because the idea wasn't as exciting as you hoped, thus it's her fault again.

 

If we were to ask you honestly, well and truly honestly, when you took up with this OW, what reasons did you give to her for your entering the affair? She's hotter than your wife? Sex had dried up? She's emotionally vacant? Bored? No spark? She's less smooth?

 

And did you let your OW know that you're sleeping with your partner who has an STD that, despite your apparent immunity to one of the most easily spread diseases in the world, you could potentially get her infected with and in turn, put any children she may have down the road at risk too?

[No Limit]

But you told your wife of your STD, right? Are you aware that there are STDs that can cause cancer in women but can't be tested in men?

 

Please tell your wife immediately so she can get a full STD screen, judging from what you write here it might save her life.

[minimariah]

This is your company, right? Can't fire her or lay her off for having an affair w/you, at least not without risking massive liability. You also can't do that if you're in a position of authority in a company you don't own. No one in your HR or law departments will get on board with that unless they're extremely shady and reckless.

 

THIS.

 

it actually irks me how the OP wants to fire the OW now that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. like, why should she lose a job because the boss couldn't keep it in his pants? c'mon.

 

man... i hope she sues the f&ck outta you if you fire her.

[Popsicle]

THIS.

 

it actually irks me how the OP wants to fire the OW now that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. like, why should she lose a job because the boss couldn't keep it in his pants? c'mon.

 

man... i hope she sues the f&ck outta you if you fire her.

 

I've got to agree here. I'm not one to take revenge on a MM for dumping me if I knew he was married as an OW, but if he got me fired or demoted or transferred to some job/place I didn't want? All gloves are coming off then!!!

[No Limit]

man... i hope she sues the f&ck outta you if you fire her.

 

She's the manipulative type. She won't just sue him but she's going to tell his wife, so he's stuck. He could tell his wife but he's too afraid, so he prefers the hard way - as in a vengeful wife taking as much as she can get from him. Good luck.

[ndeep]

This is turning comical.

 

Am I the only one here that has messed up? Not looking for sympathy but for christ sake, some of these comments with the under the breath hatred for men are starting to surface. Yes, I fu*ked up real good. Yes, I will be paying for it.

 

For those who did have some useful feedback, thank you.

 

I will be informing OW it's over and that she deserves better than what I can give her. I will instruct my HR dept to help relocate her to another facility or if she refuses, give her a healthy severance and positive letter of recommendation. I will also be informing my wife of everything so the extortion and any power the OW has will be nullified.

 

My attorney will be drafting a letter to her also further laying out the NC. I will instruct my legal team to prepare for a mess.

 

Thanks for the clarity. I only hope to have my wife in the end.

[Susmay]

I am not looking to be judged, only seeking help and advice. I know what I have/am doing is wrong and I feel trapped and addicted. I WANT OUT!

 

I am a 39 y/o MM addicted to a 25 y/o female AP for over 3 years. I am old enough to know better and honestly feel I am in a mid life crisis clinging to any bit of youth I have left. I am a very successful businessman with what I feel is a ticking time bomb in my hands.

 

My affair started when she was hired as a marketing assistant for my company. She still works there, but does not directly report to me. Still see her daily and can't help but to communicate regularly.

 

I enjoy the thrill of the game, the sex and the adrenaline. I have never had a affair before nor have I done drugs or drink/smoke, but I enjoy stupid dangerous things like fast cars and flying and jumping out of things. I don't gamble in the classic sense like at a casino, just seem to get off putting my life and assets on the line.

 

My wife of 14 years hasn't done ANYTHING wrong. We have had ups and downs, but she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I also have 3 beautiful kids with her. To be honest, she is just as hot to me as when I met her. She is so sweet and takes care of me and my children. She has supported me working crazy hours to grow my businesses.

 

On the flip side, my AP is like a dream I have created in my head that I am trying to live out. She is young, smooth, extremely sexy and lots of fun. However, this is destroying me from the inside out. I am losing my connection with my wife. I am unable to focus on my family and my work duties. My emotions are difficult to control. I feel like I am going insane.

 

I find myself doing riskier and riskier things. I just got back from a weekend trip to a city 3 hours away with AP. We went to a luxury resort/spa driving in one of my exotic cars that is easy to spot and many people know its me. I even went as far as putting the top down on the car without seeming to care if anyone saw us.

 

There is NO WAY I would ever make a life with this AP. She makes me look like a saint. She is immature, manipulative and down right mean at times. The only plus is she knows this is messing up her life just as much as it is me. She is a wreck and just as emotional. We both know we are feeding off each other. I have told her I am not leaving my wife many times.

 

Over the past 3 years she has extorted money out of me (thought that was the end of it), given me a STD (treatable). I have never had a std my entire life, even as a horny bachelor. I am some dumb ol' man thinking my youth is over and I keep going back to her. I crave the attention and exciting sex. I cringe thinking of her getting pregnant. I know she has other partners to fill the void I can't give her and she is using me for the excitement and money. Just like I am using her for the excitement and sex. We pretend to love each other, but deep down, there is no love with how we treat each other.

 

It's so odd. I am a very confident and secure man in my business life and have no problem telling someone to eff-off if I am crossed or wronged. I can handle anything in that world. But this girl is able to bring me to my knees. It makes me depressed. I am constantly checking to see if she texted me and at work I walk by her office to just get a smile out of her. No one else is able to do this to me. I feel like a weak unexperienced teenager around her.

 

I am screwed. I want out so bad, I want my life with my wife back. I want to take my wife to places like I was at this weekend with AP. In fact I was there with AP and I kept thinking about how much I missed my wife and wanted to be there with her.

 

The issue is how do I work AP out of my company and life without it getting real ugly. I don't want my wife to know of my stupidity. I don't want to tell her because of my guilt. I don't think it's fair to transfer my pain to my wife.

 

- desperate for help.

 

 

It looks like you want to get out of this with minimal damage to all involved. That's reasonable but you probably need to realise that damage has already occurred and that there is significant risk of further damage.

 

 

I'm a BW whose WH was in a similar situation to you, only the A kept going for a few extra years. Eventually I found out though, (ie a D-day - "discovery day") I was totally devastated and all hell broke loose in our family's life. The strangest thing for me is that my WH actually seemed relieved that the risk of me finding out had actually eventuated!

 

 

My advice is to just end it with the OW and come clean with your wife. My own WH could not end it without me finding out which was why it dragged on for so long. It sounds like you are in a similar situation, so I'd guess you're not going to be able to end it without a D-day despite your noble protestations of carrying the secret for the rest of your life.

 

 

As for the OW losing her job, I think it depends. If it's not your own business/company then you should probably look for work elsewhere. If it's actually your business/company then your BW would probably insist on the OW going, after a D-day. Is your wife a part of the business too?

 

 

Anyway it's a risk the OW and you were taking right from the start. I have no problems with the things that are risked actually eventuating. It's often what risk-takers deserve... The OW has no business inserting herself in another woman's marriage.

 

 

I doubt you'll take my advice though, and my guess is the A and it's aftermath will drag on for years and it will be a toxic poison in your marriage that your poor wife may sense but not really understand.

[Popsicle]

This is turning comical.

 

Am I the only one here that has messed up? Not looking for sympathy but for christ sake, some of these comments with the under the breath hatred for men are starting to surface. Yes, I fu*ked up real good. Yes, I will be paying for it.

 

For those who did have some useful feedback, thank you.

 

I will be informing OW it's over and that she deserves better than what I can give her. I will instruct my HR dept to help relocate her to another facility or if she refuses, give her a healthy severance and positive letter of recommendation. I will also be informing my wife of everything so the extortion and any power the OW has will be nullified.

 

My attorney will be drafting a letter to her also further laying out the NC. I will instruct my legal team to prepare for a mess.

Thanks for the clarity. I only hope to have my wife in the end.

 

Your wife will stay.

[Redheaded Mistress]

This is turning comical.

 

Am I the only one here that has messed up? Not looking for sympathy but for christ sake, some of these comments with the under the breath hatred for men are starting to surface. Yes, I fu*ked up real good. Yes, I will be paying for it.

 

Like, have we messed up in general, or are you reminding us how others in your situation have screwed up like you have. If it's the former, I'm no way perfect and was actually a mistress for a bit, if it's the later, even if they are the biggest mess ups in the world, that doesn't dictate your actions, excuse your behaviors, or justify why the whole situation isn't entirely your fault. While it's not entirely your fault, you do have a lot of fault here that you're not exactly as excited as claiming as you are doling out.

 

I will be informing OW it's over and that she deserves better than what I can give her.

 

So you're not handling it and instead giving some passive reason for breaking up where you can feel like you're the good guy sacrificing yourself to save her. Gotcha.

 

I will instruct my HR dept to help relocate her to another facility or if she refuses, give her a healthy severance and positive letter of recommendation.

 

Again, so you're not handling it in a rational, adult manner, you're just finding a carpet suitably big enough to sweep everything under so you don't have to deal with it. And if she's a girl half as smart and manipulative and cunning as you claim she is, I hope she has the good sense that God gave a rock and sues you into utter oblivion... Because this is so totally, completely, unquestionably wrong legally.

 

I will also be informing my wife of everything so the extortion and any power the OW has will be nullified.

 

Nullified? You think that by telling your wife a boulder is coming her way, you've somehow removed the threat of extortion, any power, or any legal ramifications that may occur?

 

My attorney will be drafting a letter to her also further laying out the NC. I will instruct my legal team to prepare for a mess.

 

This is very priceless. What kind of letter can the man draft to make a girlfriend go away? She did nothing illegal, and you plan to do a great many things that are illegal. You have buyer's remorse on both the wife and girlfriend and you don't want to hear anything that you did wrong, besides the romanticized version.

 

Did you really think that people would read this and say "that poor, poor, poor man..." and weep over the troubled situation you find yourself in, through no fault of your own?

 

Thanks for the clarity. I only hope to have my wife in the end.

 

You just announced she was going to dump you and threw that baby with the bathwater already. Now you say you hope she won't. So confusing.

 

If you want to even have the smallest shot in keeping her, you've got to be honest with her. Not James Bond honest, but actually honest. Humility. Not your version of "I'm so bad, terrible, awful, and wretched... Ask me and I tell you, after I remind you about how bad you are too."

[jen1447]

^ Everything Redhead said.

 

If you presume to send her some sort of civil infidelity cease and desist letter, bscly all you'll be doing is providing formal acknowledgment to her and your wife that there was an affair, which they can then use against you in their respective discrimination and divorce proceedings.

[AlwaysGrowing]

THIS.

 

it actually irks me how the OP wants to fire the OW now that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. like, why should she lose a job because the boss couldn't keep it in his pants? c'mon.

 

man... i hope she sues the f&ck outta you if you fire her.

 

 

I am pretty sure the OW extorting money gets her jail time.

 

OP, I suggest you get yourself a VAR, and carry it with you at all times after ending it with the OW. If she threatens you again, go to the police.

 

David Letterman, took his consequences instead of paying blackmail money...for who knows how long.

[ndeep]

 

Nullified? You think that by telling your wife a boulder is coming her way, you've somehow removed the threat of extortion, any power, or any legal ramifications that may occur?

 

 

Worked well for Dave Letterman. The only power the OW has is telling my wife and my corporation. When everyone knows, she becomes powerless. I look forward to getting this crap off my chest. After thinking about it, some here were right, my wife deserves to know even if I am going to possibly hurt her.

 

Listen, you sound like someone who has to have the last word and I am positive it will be the case with in this thread. I am sure your a hoot to be around. You being a redhead mistress might have something to do with that. Lay it all out there and I am sure I could pick you apart.

 

Thanks for your help. I am going to go watch some more MadMen

 

-Don Draper

[Hope Shimmers]

This is turning comical.

 

Oh yeah, it's all just hysterical. Your screwing around on your wife for years on end, getting a STD, and now you think it's just all so funny.

 

Thanks for your help. I am going to go watch some more MadMen

 

-Don Draper

 

You are the type of man who does exactly what you are doing, and who literally screws your wife and family over because you think you are more important than anyone else.

 

You aren't really sorry or remorseful at all. You're just worried that YOU may end up losing from your own decisions. This is not about your wife at all - just you, and what YOU might lose.

[CarrieT]

Telling her because she needs to know is dumb.

No, telling her is not dumb.

 

It is teaching her learning the truth about the man she is married to and giving her the option of deciding if she wants to stay in the marriage.

 

By keeping the truth from her, you are continuing the deceit. How is that fair to her?

[jen1447]

Worked well for Dave Letterman. The only power the OW has is telling my wife and my corporation. When everyone knows, she becomes powerless. I look forward to getting this crap off my chest. After thinking about it, some here were right, my wife deserves to know even if I am going to possibly hurt her.

 

Admitting to the affair in no way inhibits your AP's legal remedies for workplace discrimination, nor your W's divorce settlement.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Worked well for Dave Letterman.

 

You are not David Letterman. Most people are not David Letterman.

 

The only power the OW has is telling my wife and my corporation. When everyone knows, she becomes powerless. I look forward to getting this crap off my chest. After thinking about it, some here were right, my wife deserves to know even if I am going to possibly hurt her.

 

She doesn't become powerless... Not in the least. The boards are full of BW's who knew about OW's after D-day and how that gave the OW a new kind of power. With the removal of the boundaries of secrecy, you open yourself to a whole new level of issues. She'll think you're blabbing to knock her down, humiliate her, and shame her... And let's be honest, you are... You may quickly find yourself in a game of "just wait until you see what I do to you."

 

You seem to think you can turn your wife's world upside down, your OW's world upside down, fire her and make her go away, and life just marches on. That's not how it works.

 

And you may find that by telling everybody you slept with her, dumped her, and now you're forcing her out, you're making her a fairly well-off person too, after, of course, inviting her and her lawyers into your life and your family's life to poke around to help her build her case for harassment and wrongful termination and a hostile work environment.

 

Listen, you sound like someone who has to have the last word and I am positive it will be the case with in this thread. I am sure your a hoot to be around. You being a redhead mistress might have something to do with that. Lay it all out there and I am sure I could pick you apart.

 

Don't lash out at me for telling you what you what you don't want to hear. Sure I'm a redhead (which I though we stopped counting against people in the late 1800s) and sure I'm a former mistress, but I'm honest, I don't lie, and I'm not about to present you with a gushing narrative when I think you need a swift kick and a reality check. If you want to root around in my life to help you feel better about your mess, have at it. But remember, asking to poke around in my life so you can pick me apart isn't going to fix your problems, and you're not going to tell me anything about myself that I don't know already.

 

Thanks for your help. I am going to go watch some more MadMen

 

-Don Draper

 

I don't doubt it.

[ndeep]

Admitting to the affair in no way inhibits your AP's legal remedies for workplace discrimination, nor your W's divorce settlement.

 

I am fortunate to have text messages and a voice recording clearly outlining her previous extortion demands. I am playing nice. If she wants to go further I will squash her.

 

Take a severance or get nuked.

[AlwaysGrowing]

If the AP has had any issues at work about performance...she won't have a leg to stand on.

 

having sex with the boss...doesn't guaranteed you a job for life.

 

All they need is cause.

 

The legal system works better for those with deep pockets.

[jen1447]

I am fortunate to have text messages and a voice recording clearly outlining her previous extortion demands. I am playing nice. If she wants to go further I will squash her.

 

Take a severance or get nuked.

 

^ Sounds like the beginnings of a fight, not the nullification of her power.

 

btw you should check into the surreptitious audio recording laws in your state. If you live in a two party consent state and she wasn't advised of the recording, you may have inadvertently committed a felony by recording her. Or do you mean it was a voice mail?

[Redheaded Mistress]

Admitting to the affair in no way inhibits your AP's legal remedies for workplace discrimination, nor your W's divorce settlement.

 

In fact, it make all of the above more easily settled in their favor.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I am fortunate to have text messages and a voice recording clearly outlining her previous extortion demands. I am playing nice. If she wants to go further I will squash her.

 

Take a severance or get nuked.

 

As your lawyer I'm sure will tell you, the fact she tried to extort money out of you in your personal life (though I'd love to hear what you call extortion) does not mean you can retaliate in the workplace after you engaged a consensual affair before and after the extortion demand.

[ndeep]

^ Sounds like the beginnings of a fight, not the nullification of her power.

 

btw you should check into the surreptitious audio recording laws in your state. If you live in a two party consent state and she wasn't advised of the recording, you may have inadvertently committed a felony by recording her. Or do you mean it was a voice mail?

 

our state is 1 party consent. Im all clear. It was voice mail. If I need to VR anything else I can do it without her consent.

[Redheaded Mistress]

our state is 1 party consent. Im all clear. It was voice mail. If I need to VR anything else I can do it without her consent.

 

A woman with nothing to lose is a rough enemy to have indeed. Good luck to you.

 

You said you were telling your wife tonight... I'm guessing you didn't have a chance to since you're here preening for us.

[ndeep]

no fight at all. I want her to move on and not make things worse.

 

However, if she wants to make it a fight my attorney just informed me we have enough to end her quickly.

 

It's funny because everyone is all high on the OW and doesn't care that she is just a wrong as me. Again, her only power is her ability to tell she ****ed the boss and tell my wife.

 

I am in a state where I can also fire her for ANY reason or NO reason. It's a right to work state.