Jemay Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I was 9 weeks no contact and his wife started texting me and I did the worst thing.... I unblocked him for 1 hour to see if he would say something about what his wife was texting me.... Well he did and we texted and I'm mad at myself cause nothing has changed and now I have to start over from scratch! If anyone thinks of breaking no contact, DO NOT DO IT!!!! Worst thing ever! Stay strong! Ugh... I needed that, thanks I wasn't gonna break NC, I'm at 8 weeks nearly, but man that urge to check fb Always sets me way way back though, sucks Don't be too hard on yourself, I would definitely put myself back to day 1 if I was you but after 9 weeks you are really strong, and it won't be so hard getting back to the routine of NC and really it's not about the number of days but how you are doing mentally and emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Wow! Me too! Just walking past him in the hall without even speaking can throw me into a tailspin. Lovely do you plan to leave your job? No, I won't ever leave. We try not to deal with each other... He came in one day and we went for a short walk within the building (work related) we spoke of nothing but work, it was very odd but I was proud that I resisted the urge to ask about him. We can now say hi, how are you? but that's as personal as we get, then its straight to work. It is getting easier we are at almost 7 weeks of very limited contact. I know he's now avoiding even work contact because he's making it difficult for me to finish a project by not replying to my last work email... don't know what's up with that, or what he thinks he's gaining by doing that, he's definitely not making any friends at work! Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's been a few days since anyone has posted to this thread - are all/any of you still in NC? I just started and it's going okay so far, but it's helpful for me to read the stories of those who are further along than I am. I hope all of you are doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yup...NC for almost 3 weeks now. Except he did show up on FB again after 2 years, we have mutual friends that's the only way I know. He even changed his pics to something very dear to me...so actually i think that may be contact initiated on his part. But I haven't had anything other than that Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Good for you, looking. Don't let his activities on FB deter you - you must feel SO powerful after almost 3 weeks and it would be a shame to give up that power! Keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'm not going to lie...it's been HARD AS H*!!. I haven't slept well as of late and the FB pics really made me ANGRY!!! Why do that to someone you have discarded because you love your wife and want your marriage to work. Why not just leave me be Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'm 10 weeks since I went NC, cold turkey on his ass. It feels great. I no longer look at my phone to see if he's contacted me. I went through a few different stages, the worst was anger. That this person knew I was weak in my marriage and totally played me. Told me exactly what I needed to hear. Ugh! I'm angry that I betrayed my H and family and that is something I won't ever get over. He hasn't tried contacting me or my H. He's blocked, but if he really wanted to get in touch, he could always use a different number. I'm so grateful that he hasn't. I've found that redirecting my thoughts have helped tremendously. There's no point in dwelling on the past. It's only uphill from here. I've been having a wonderful summer with my family. Complete NC is the only way to go!! Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I want to join too. NC day 3. Would wish it was day 300 I haven't managed to keep NC for more than 4 months so I'm really excited to see how I will do this time (it was me who broke NC most of the times). He told me to never contact him again, so I don't think I will hear from him again...which is good! But I'm not sure if I can keep NC Right now I'm ok and it's easy to stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 day 12 for me. I have my ups and downs. I remind myself that I am in this state because of me. I write down lists of things I would want in a partner loyal honest dependable kind transparent thoughtful constant ( I could go on. exMM was none of those things) this helps Link to post Share on other sites
LikeAFriend Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Day one for me. I'm sure he will try to contact me some time in the future. I've taken measures to make sure I have no way of getting back in touch with him. I've changed my phone number, blocked him from social media, and deleted the chat app we used to communicate. I'm ready to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TerraIncognita Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 What helped me in my early days of NC was to put his contact in my iPhone in DND mode. That way when a call or text message came in, I knew for sure it wasn't from him. I didn't need to block him as he knew how strong willed and determined I am, and if I said it's over, it's over. He did try to contact me a couple of times and it was definitely a set back. But it's been 5 months and I am doing ok. I will be honest and say that at times I still miss "us" and what I thought could be a happy relationship, but I realize now that it was all my fantasy created by my intense limerence for him. No way do I want to go back to crumbs and feeling like an option and not a priority. I am dating a great guy now. And I am happy I have him. It does get better and better. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 So much has happened to me in a week, I have fallen back into this cycle of being friends and chatting and flirting, but we ONLY talk at work. I missed him so much and him being all nice and non chalant about our past relationship doesn't help. I know this is not good for me, but I don't know how I can ever get over him if we have to work together! We've had to team up lately for work and it's impossible to get things done unless we are comfortable around each other and if we are not friends then it's awkward and even more difficult to work with him. I'm at a loss, I'm happy for now, but I now he's going to break away again. I wish I felt nothing, I let my guard down and now I'm right back where we started Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 It's a tough day today. 4 days NC I have been out with a friends...sitting in a park, drinking beer in the sun...and missing him. But I'm not breaking NC. No reason to, because it wouldn't change anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I am also on day 4! It's a bit rough right now because I'm a bit buzzed so my inhibitions feel a little lower but I'm not giving in! Alcohol is no excuse. Anyway, he's away and any contact I have might mean his wife finds out. So it won't happen. I'll be heading to the airport in a few hours and then I've got a long plane ride ahead of me with no option to contact... yaaay. I have to appreciate the little things! Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 hello i ll be going NC very soon, after an 8 months affair. any advice for "begginers" ? i feel very sad and i m afraid of the emotional roller coaster i ll be in... is there anyoe who s been NC for a long time? how does it feel? do they contact u afte u initiate NC? did someone got a divorce after u broke up? did something change? how are u feeling about yourselves after some time? Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Day 7. I was out with some friends yesterday. Drunk, dancing and having a good time Normally alcohol triggers me to break NC, but this time I was strong. Today I miss him, but I keep thinking (as I've written before) that it won't change anything if I contact him. Do you sometimes think "What if I never have contact with him again?. Like in never ever. And does it make you sad? I don't like the thought Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Day 7. I was out with some friends yesterday. Drunk, dancing and having a good time Normally alcohol triggers me to break NC, but this time I was strong. Today I miss him, but I keep thinking (as I've written before) that it won't change anything if I contact him. Do you sometimes think "What if I never have contact with him again?. Like in never ever. And does it make you sad? I don't like the thought It is the scariest thought! I keep hoping that I'll have an epiphany and find a way to keep him in my life without ruining everyone else's life. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Heart Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Day 1 of NC today - a bit of weird situation. Feeling extremely depressed and anxious the passed few months. He feels like he's hurting me (I know I know....whatever) and thinks it's best we have no contact until he leaves his wife, and at that time I'll be my strong self again and ready. I know this sounds like bullsh*t, and maybe it is, but if he decides to stay with his wife then at least we've been NC for a while and it will be that much easier for me to keep moving forward and move on! There's feeling of relief with having no contact; a big weight lifted off my shoulders and finally will be able to heal! Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Day 1 of NC today - a bit of weird situation. Feeling extremely depressed and anxious the passed few months. He feels like he's hurting me (I know I know....whatever) and thinks it's best we have no contact until he leaves his wife, and at that time I'll be my strong self again and ready. I know this sounds like bullsh*t, and maybe it is, but if he decides to stay with his wife then at least we've been NC for a while and it will be that much easier for me to keep moving forward and move on! There's feeling of relief with having no contact; a big weight lifted off my shoulders and finally will be able to heal! hi Heart. i m sorry u are going thru all this... day 4 here. are u sure he s going to leave her? there s someting interesting that my MM told me the day we broke up: "IF I WANTED TO TAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE MY M, WHY DO IT IN 1 YEAR? I COULD AS WELL DO IT TODAY. SAME THING." so it s really not about the timing sometimes. and these are the words from a MM. if they want to leave, they would do it now. hugs Link to post Share on other sites
E-Heart Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 hi Heart. i m sorry u are going thru all this... day 4 here. are u sure he s going to leave her? there s someting interesting that my MM told me the day we broke up: "IF I WANTED TO TAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE MY M, WHY DO IT IN 1 YEAR? I COULD AS WELL DO IT TODAY. SAME THING." so it s really not about the timing sometimes. and these are the words from a MM. if they want to leave, they would do it now. hugs I'm not sure if he's going to leave her. He said last night that he has a bad feeling that I will move on if we have no contact...and that he's unhappy in his M and will leave her eventually, but won't be able to find someone else if I move on. (He said he's scrambling) It seems like he's making his relationship "bad" at home to show his wife that he's unhappy and it won't be a complete surprise when he leaves her. But you are right...most of time, it's not about time...if he won't do it now, he will never do it. I just have this gut feeling that this will work out...maybe I'm just stupid...but that's my gut feeling! Keeping NC for a while though....need to focus on myself so I can feel better and back to my normal self! Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsNotSusan Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 While it was fresh in my mind, I made a list, which I keep on my phone for quick reference, of all the things about him that weren't nice. Admittedly, there were many. Even the quirkiest thngs, trying to get a sense of reality and hoping to dminish the affair fog. When I'm feeling down, or when I start to romanticize the past (I'm good at this), I refer to this list and boy does it help! It almost neutralizes my emotions. I highly recommend it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NotHarryorSally Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 So thought I'd chip in here as have been lurking for a while and thought a NC group was a good idea although I may be on here a lot of its a distraction from checking his social media :/ for me NC has been a day, although we have only really spoken once or twice in over a month, so I'd like to think it counts. I am currently in hell. I nearly had a panic attack in work today and yesterday got so hysterical I had to pull the car over; it took me half an hour to calm down. I'm not an overly dramatic person but ended up phoning the Samaritans of all people as I quite literally did not know what else to do; never thought I'd do something like that! Anyways my main point for posting was to say thank you for starting this thread, I really need it at the moment and am hoping the support on this site from people in similar positions will help x x x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm considering unblocking xMM. Please stop me! Link to post Share on other sites
NotHarryorSally Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm considering unblocking xMM. Please stop me! Don't do it!!!! Keep telling yourself that it'll only make you feel worse not better. It's ripping the plaster off now and it's nasty and awful and makes you feel broken, but just keep projecting yourself in to the future, a future that's more full of promises and fun and happiness. Go for a walk, watch a film, challenge yourself to go the evening - then tomorrow challenge yourself to go the morning and so forth. It's a good trick when you're giving up smoking and it works. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Don't do it!!!! Keep telling yourself that it'll only make you feel worse not better. It's ripping the plaster off now and it's nasty and awful and makes you feel broken, but just keep projecting yourself in to the future, a future that's more full of promises and fun and happiness. Go for a walk, watch a film, challenge yourself to go the evening - then tomorrow challenge yourself to go the morning and so forth. It's a good trick when you're giving up smoking and it works. Good luck! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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