Nice guy but no sexual chemistry....try to teach or don't bother?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

This thread made me sad, as I can relate to that guy.

 

Totally no experience whatsoever, haven't even kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend (though the other guy supposedly has), and I've been on a handful of dates in my life but they never got passed the first date.

Some people I guess are just hopeless, if you don't understand people well and haven't discovered "the magic" by a certain age I guess you never will.

 

It's up to you OP can't fault you for being with someone that you don't really like so it will probably be best for you to move on.

 

Necris, there is no "magic" to discover. And, so what if you haven't had any experience with women? What are you, like in your 20s? There's lots of guys who haven't had any sexual experience. They just haven't met the right woman who they have found emotional chemistry with who is attracted to them as they are attracted to her. It's not easy to find that! So don't beat yourself up over it.

 

As long as you're eager to learn and find a woman who truly likes you, is attracted to you and is patient with you, trust me...you'll learn how to be a sensual and sexual lover. It won't take you long to learn if you're with the right person. Please don't think you're 'hopeless', because you're NOT! Even if you don't have confidence about it at first, it's like they say, fake it 'til ya make it! Try to have a positive mindset when you're out dating, okay? And, DON'T EVER tell a woman you don't have any experience! That's NONE of their business. If they're interested in you, want to be with you and want to become sexually intimate with you, then they'll want to roll with things. And, you can say something like, "How do you like to be kissed? Or touched? Gently or a little more firmer? Do you like it when I thrust hard and slow, or faster?" Just ask her what SHE'D like you to do so it feels GOOD to her. If you're with a decent person (who isn't conceited, selfish or has a bad attitude) who really likes you, she'll be GLAD to tell you what she likes and how she likes to be touched and kissed!! She'll respect you for asking her what SHE likes, and, she'll become MORE attracted to you because you care enough about what pleases her to ASK her what she likes. And in turn, she'll probably ask you what YOU like and what pleases YOU, because she'll WANT to please you, y'know? It's a delicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again...!

 

I hope this was at least a little bit helpful to you (and to the other poster who said he can identify with what you're going through).

 

 

 

.

[fitnessfan365]

But how would he(guy in OP)/us suddenly gain this magic "chemistry" and these "skills" to woo women?

 

Can this even be taught?

 

These are some questions I have had.

 

I mean I've talked to some of the guys I know who are successful with women and they make it sound so easy no magic tricks just talk to girls and I follow their advice and fail every time so I've come to the conclusion there is something essential I've missed but I'm not even sure what it is and no one can tell me.

 

When I was high school I couldn't get a date to save my life. I went through puberty starting at age 9, and by the time I was 15, I was like a 35 year old in a teenagers body. Also, all my interests were older. So I couldn't relate to women my own age. I got friend zoned by every chick I went after, and never went to a single dance. Had two LTR's from 18-22. Both were terrible. I didn't have much self confidence, a backbone, or much self respect when it came to dealing with women because I had no experience. That's why neither woman respected me. But based on how I handled myself back then, I wouldn't have respected me either.

 

This made me want to take a hard look at myself and make changes. So while I focused on school, work, and my purpose in life, I avoided women for damn near 7 years man. But I wanted to spend that time trying to understand women better and improve my dating knowledge. Started out going on forums, and just asking women questions via PM. Since they knew I wasn't trying to date them, they'd talk to me openly about all sorts of stuff. I also started reading books on dating, taking communication classes, attending sales seminars, watching YouTube videos,etc.. Plus, I always loved psychology and that helped with body language. Meanwhile, anytime I went into places I frequented, I'd force myself to strike up conversations with women that worked there,etc.. Things started to change when I was able to flirt, be playful, and actively engage them beyond regular customer service.

 

So when I started dating again @ the tail end of 28, I was confident in myself. Based on all the insight I'd gotten from various women online, and all the skills that I had picked up, it was like I was a completely different person. Now six years later, getting numbers, dating, and being sexually "proficient" is like breathing to me. But for a better part of my life I felt absolutely hopeless with women. So it is possible to turn it around. You just have to put in the effort.

Edited April 26, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[jen1447]

The part where I read that she said he rubbed his face on her panties (without removing them) and through her clothing - that is something I'll remember for the rest of my life lol - that visual, of him doing that to her, seems....weird, and, perverted or something, idk.

.

This has nothing to do really with the essence of Kismet's thread here, but ....in the right context, giving some attention down below thru the panties can be awesome. Just sayin.'

 

I'd hate to think that next time a guy goes down to your special place and starts kissing thru the fabric of blowing lightly or nibbling ur inner thighs while rubbing tenderly thru ur undies at just the right spots and speeds that you'll shriek in horror upon recalling the story from this thread!

 

1. These types of threads on LS always seem to draw people out projecting their own issues onto the OP. In this case, Nice Guys who feel that they aren't given enough of a chance by the women they meet. Anyway fellas, this isn't about you, it is about the OP. She doesn't owe it to mankind to give this guy a chance.

Thank you. Thank god somebody said it. Jesus, I was starting to feel like we were in the end of life/never leaving the hospital alive ward here.

[sagetalk]

I wouldn't say I was head over heels or didnt even really feel any butterflies, but figured after all the jerks I've dated who I DID have butterflies and an intense attraction with,

 

I bolded the real problem between you two. You are attracted to jerks and are trying to date a guy who moves slow sexually.

 

I would never kiss a girl on the second date and I'm a grown man. I like to get to know a woman before my emotions become involved with her. Jerks usually think the exact opposite. Once they get girls emotionally connected through physical intimacy quickly, they can treat girls however bad they want. These girls just keep coming back for more sex without a loving relationship. It's a fantastic deal from their point of view.

 

It's your life and your decision, but from what you describe, it sounds like you are just looking for jerks.

[Necris]

Necris, there is no "magic" to discover. And, so what if you haven't had any experience with women? What are you, like in your 20s? There's lots of guys who haven't had any sexual experience. They just haven't met the right woman who they have found emotional chemistry with who is attracted to them as they are attracted to her. It's not easy to find that! So don't beat yourself up over it.

 

As long as you're eager to learn and find a woman who truly likes you, is attracted to you and is patient with you, trust me...you'll learn how to be a sensual and sexual lover. It won't take you long to learn if you're with the right person. Please don't think you're 'hopeless', because you're NOT! Even if you don't have confidence about it at first, it's like they say, fake it 'til ya make it! Try to have a positive mindset when you're out dating, okay? And, DON'T EVER tell a woman you don't have any experience! That's NONE of their business. If they're interested in you, want to be with you and want to become sexually intimate with you, then they'll want to roll with things. And, you can say something like, "How do you like to be kissed? Or touched? Gently or a little more firmer? Do you like it when I thrust hard and slow, or faster?" Just ask her what SHE'D like you to do so it feels GOOD to her. If you're with a decent person (who isn't conceited, selfish or has a bad attitude) who really likes you, she'll be GLAD to tell you what she likes and how she likes to be touched and kissed!! She'll respect you for asking her what SHE likes, and, she'll become MORE attracted to you because you care enough about what pleases her to ASK her what she likes. And in turn, she'll probably ask you what YOU like and what pleases YOU, because she'll WANT to please you, y'know? It's a delicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again...!

 

I hope this was at least a little bit helpful to you (and to the other poster who said he can identify with what you're going through).

 

 

 

.

 

I'm not worried about sex, that's so far away its beyond the Earth's orbit, and the whole "chemistry" thing to me might as well be magic since I don't really understand it.

 

I'm more concerned about at least for myself actually getting dates, this is super difficult and I've only been on a small handful of dates in my entire life none of which lead to a second date. Then once I can actually get in the stage where I am capable of actually getting a date with a woman then I can worry about actually getting a relationship starting then I can worry about things like sex and marriage later.

 

As for my lack of experience I never tell anyone they all just know it bleeds off of me apparently, plus I'm totally clueless like the guy in the OP.

 

On top of this I may or may not be actually literally going insane since I have recently developed some of the symptoms of schizophrenia. If this comes to pass I can definitely consider my chances shot to all hell.

[Els]

Some of you guys do realize that making everything about you and your problems is very unattractive, right? Other people have problems of their own, and when they talk about them the appropriate response is to make the conversation about their problems (if you choose to engage). Not about you.

 

OP, have you seen him again? How did it go?

[SawtoothMars]

As other posters have stated, sexual intimacy - oral and intercourse - are things that CAN be taught...but um, sexual chemistry and attraction, are things that CANNOT be taught - it has to be THERE, period.

 

I respectfully disagree with you on this. Chemistry can be taught. I know most women like to think of it as some form of "Magic" or "fate", but in reality its just a set of behavior patterns and physical cues.

 

I think the reason most women don't see this is because they are lazy daters. Too many just sit back and wait. They don't have to actively change to get dates... so instead they focus on learning how to weed out what they don't want. Unfortunately that strategy is often VERY short sighted.

 

Some of you guys do realize that making everything about you and your problems is very unattractive, right? Other people have problems of their own, and when they talk about them the appropriate response is to make the conversation about their problems (if you choose to engage). Not about you.

OP, have you seen him again? How did it go?

 

This forum is designed so that people can share their own experiences and thoughts. What is the point if people are not allowed to talk about the things that have formed their viewpoints?

[William]

Since the last post from the thread starter was a response to our banned hydra over a day and many posts ago, I'll close this up pending any request from them regarding an update or request for further input. This helps maintain some semblance of topical content as well as preserves member posting privileges. Thanks for your contributions!