Author norudder Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 There's no waffling going on here. I see your point though regarding it will be for her own good. but yeah, I guess I am cowardly because I'm just not at the stage where I feel I can do that to her. I'd like to hear other OWs weigh in on this point - If your MM dumped you tomorrow for your own good, would you resent him forever for it? Or would you see him as doing something brave...? I think its great you're posing this q. Ultimately it only matters what you decide for your individual situation but hopefully you'll get some insight from the ow here. My mm did end things when I asked him to really think about what we were and how it would go. He said if he truly loved me (in the highest sense of the word) it would mean giving himself to me (not sharing time which is a relationship resource, not being a secret, etc) or letting me go so I could be loved the way I wanted. I was devastated, didn't want to lose him, changed what I said I wanted. A resumed for a while until I couldn't bear the situation anymore. I was avoiding myself really. He was right all along I just didn't see it and wasn't ready to accept it but that's what forced me to get introspective. When I ended it the pain wasnt as intense since it was on my terms but I ended up respecting him less. Link to post Share on other sites
N2053 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 The bad thing is the MM will be demonzied either way. If you dump her and claim it's for her own good, you will been seen as just selfish and done with the affair and wanted to get rid of her as quietly as possible. If you hang onto her until she is finished...you'll just be seen as cake eating and selfish. I'm sorry but I have learned that no matter how the MM ended the affair, the OW should always feel tossed to side like trash and NEVER because he truly cared about our well being... Well, if I broke up with her tomorrow, it would definitely be for her wellbeing... I'm not emotionally ready to stop. But I don't think she is either and she would really hate me for it. So I guess you're right, it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) There's no waffling going on here. I see your point though regarding it will be for her own good. but yeah, I guess I am cowardly because I'm just not at the stage where I feel I can do that to her. I'd like to hear other OWs weigh in on this point - If your MM dumped you tomorrow for your own good, would you resent him forever for it? Or would you see him as doing something brave...? No I would respect him more for being decisive, strong and honest even though it would hurt and feel like the worst rejection. There was a point in time where I felt differently though. I wanted to be the one to end it. Edited April 22, 2015 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Well, if I broke up with her tomorrow, it would definitely be for her wellbeing... I'm not emotionally ready to stop. But I don't think she is either and she would really hate me for it. So I guess you're right, it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. An abusive marriage probably did a lot of damage to her self respect and sense of worth. I think letting her break up with you will be the less of two evils and be an opportunity to reclaim herself when she's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
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