Lack of chemistry? No idea what is going on with my dating

[Weezy1973]

I take it science wasn't your best subject? Lol

 

What? You're making specific claims and I'm asking to see the sources for them. You said chemistry is undefinable but also "energy". Energy is definable so your statement doesn't make any sense.

 

And you didn't answer the questions. I'm extremely open minded and don't really have much of an opinion on chemistry, but if you're making the definite statement that it only happens with (on average) 1 in 100 encounters, I'd like to see what study or studies you're referring to.

[katiegrl]

How did you guys meet?

 

I noticed him at a convention we were both attending. I felt the connection immediately and found myself looking over at him throughout the evening. He wasn't the best looking guy there, but there was just "something* about him that drew me to him!

 

Apparently, he felt it too as he found a mutual work acquaintance and asked her who I was and if she knew me.

 

She was like that is my friend Katie! He told her he wanted her to introduce us.

 

So they both mosied over, and when he was like five feet away from me, our eyes locked, and then Irene introduced us, we shook hands, while our eyes were still locked ...and that was it!!

 

Been together ever since!!!

[katiegrl]

What? You're making specific claims and I'm asking to see the sources for them. You said chemistry is undefinable but also "energy". Energy is definable so your statement doesn't make any sense.

 

And you didn't answer the questions. I'm extremely open minded and don't really have much of an opinion on chemistry, but if you're making the definite statement that it only happens with (on average) 1 in 100 encounters, I'd like to see what study or studies you're referring to.

 

Research it! I'm not gonna do your homework for you.

 

That is how I came across that statistic. Through research and reading!

[Weezy1973]

Research it! I'm not gonna do your homework for you.

 

That is how I came across that statistic. Through research and reading!

 

Yes. I'm sure you were. I'm asking what you were reading. What studies you were reading.

 

The fact that you're not answering is very telling. And when I say telling, I mean it likely means you're making it up.

 

When you're actually citing real, peer reviewed journals, people don't tend to avoid the question like you are.

[katiegrl]

Yes. I'm sure you were. I'm asking what you were reading. What studies you were reading.

 

The fact that you're not answering is very telling. And when I say telling, I mean it likely means you're making it up.

 

When you're actually citing real, peer reviewed journals, people don't tend to avoid the question like you are.

 

Weezy, I am not avoiding it.

 

It's just that I have read so many books and articles, I honestly don't remember. If I did, I would tell you.

 

I could research it again...but then again, so could you, right?

[Weezy1973]

Weezy, I am not avoiding it.

 

It's just that I have read so many books and articles, I honestly don't remember. If I did, I would tell you.

 

I could research it again...but then again, so could you, right?

 

So, just to be clear:

 

You are sure with absolutely certainty that a truth of our universe is that on average one will only feel (undefinable) chemistry with 1 in 100 people.

 

Yet you can't remember what you read to come up with that number? And you're unwilling to actually do anything to back it up?

 

If someone is making a claim, it's their responsibility to back it up. Not say - "go look it up yourself". I've Googled it FYI, can't find anything even close to what you're claiming.

[katiegrl]

That feeling is all in your head, I've never had that feeling for anyone I dated. I didn't even feel anything for my ex when we started dating. I started getting butterflies while we were getting to know each other on an intimate level, we lasted 4 years together. Search for someone you find attractive, who is respectable, and compatible to your personality. All those things go much further in a relationship than what you're describing. **Because even if you do get those feelings they still might not be right for you.**

 

Jonp, sorry I missed this earlier

 

Re your last sentence, I 100% agree with you! Feeling that chemistry does NOT guarantee you will be right for each other long term..

 

You need to be emotionally, mentally and physically compatible for that to happen.

 

But feeling that chemistry or *click* with someone from the getgo goes a long way when attempting to reignite the spark in your relationship after many many years together.

 

When things become dull and mundane after many many years together, it allows a couple to revisit those early intense feelings, and hopefully reminisce and reignite the spark.

 

But you are right, feeling that strong chemistry as I described is certainly NO guarantee that a couple is right for each other, and that things will work out long term.

 

But it's a heck of a good start!

[katiegrl]

So, just to be clear:

 

You are sure with absolutely certainty that a truth of our universe is that on average one will only feel (undefinable) chemistry with 1 in 100 people.

 

Yet you can't remember what you read to come up with that number? And you're unwilling to actually do anything to back it up?

 

If someone is making a claim, it's their responsibility to back it up. Not say - "go look it up yourself". I've Googled it FYI, can't find anything even close to what you're claiming.

 

Oh for God's sake, this is a relationship/dating forum, not a GRE test for Ph.D study!

 

You can choose to either believe it or not, I don't really care. Sheesh!

[katiegrl]

Weezy, now that I think about it, I *may* have found that statistic from a book entitled "Blink" written by Malcolm Gladwell.

 

Have you read it? Great book!

 

Can't say for sure though. As I said I have read so many books and articles, it's literally impossible to know for sure.

 

Had I known I was gonna be grilled about it years later on loveshack.com, I would have saved my notes!

[Weezy1973]

Weezy, now that I think about it, I *may* have found that statistic from a book entitled "Blink" written by Malcolm Gladwell.

 

Have you read it? Great book!

 

Can't say for sure though. As I said I have read so many books and articles, it's literally impossible to know for sure.

 

Had I known I was gonna be grilled about it years later on loveshack.com, I would have saved my notes!

 

So my pet peeve is people making bold, confident assertions (like you did), without any research to back them up. It is so often the case that people misrepresent their own personal views and opinions as facts. And that, in my opinion, can cause a lot of harm.

 

On Loveshack in particular people often make the case that their relationship failures are due to "the opposite sex", "society", "feminism", etc. And I often point out that most people (despite all the excuses they have) are actually in relationships. Which makes people really angry (even though it's a fact).

 

Your claims about chemistry are not true. There is no research or evidence to back up what you said. That's why I don't believe it. If you had research or evidence to back it up, I would believe it.

 

Since your claims about chemistry aren't true, yet you're preaching them as gospel, I'm just advising those seeking advice about the subject not to take it from you. That's all.

[katiegrl]

So my pet peeve is people making bold, confident assertions (like you did), without any research to back them up. It is so often the case that people misrepresent their own personal views and opinions as facts. And that, in my opinion, can cause a lot of harm.

 

On Loveshack in particular people often make the case that their relationship failures are due to "the opposite sex", "society", "feminism", etc. And I often point out that most people (despite all the excuses they have) are actually in relationships. Which makes people really angry (even though it's a fact).

 

Your claims about chemistry are not true. There is no research or evidence to back up what you said. That's why I don't believe it. If you had research or evidence to back it up, I would believe it.

 

Since your claims about chemistry aren't true, yet you're preaching them as gospel, I'm just advising those seeking advice about the subject not to take it from you. That's all.

 

Well Mr. Weezy, notwithstanding the fact that I am not *preaching* this as gospel, and never claimed to be, you are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. As is everyone else on this board.

 

I base my *opinion* on books and articles I have read combined with my own experiences, and again if you choose to disagree with my opinion, and/or believe it not to be true, that is certainly your prerogative.

 

I take no issue with that whatsoever!

 

Are we done now? Fabulous! Have a great evening! :bunny:

[Jonp219]

So my pet peeve is people making bold, confident assertions (like you did), without any research to back them up. It is so often the case that people misrepresent their own personal views and opinions as facts. And that, in my opinion, can cause a lot of harm.

 

On Loveshack in particular people often make the case that their relationship failures are due to "the opposite sex", "society", "feminism", etc. And I often point out that most people (despite all the excuses they have) are actually in relationships. Which makes people really angry (even though it's a fact).

 

Your claims about chemistry are not true. There is no research or evidence to back up what you said. That's why I don't believe it. If you had research or evidence to back it up, I would believe it.

 

Since your claims about chemistry aren't true, yet you're preaching them as gospel, I'm just advising those seeking advice about the subject not to take it from you. That's all.

 

 

I've heard of that book and I think I'm familiar with the study she was referring to earlier. I'm not sure if the statistics she laid out were true, but there is some truth to some of it none the less. There was this study done on how people vote during elections and they discovered that people vote for their preferred candidates within a few seconds, regardless of policy positions or political party. They found out that people normally vote for a handsome but hapless president almost every time. It's almost as if we make decisions in our mind despite the amount of times we analyze it over and over again.

 

The *energy*she's talking about is just small little behaviors and features that are naked to the eye and blind to conscious mind. Almost like when you see that girl who is not gorgeous, but not ugly and you say, "Wow, she's kind of perfect". Perfect in terms of your preferred mate, a person you wouldn't mind looking at everyday. Then you learn that they have similar interest, and although you both may not indulge in ALL their interests, you learn to respect them too because it makes that person who they are.

 

In the 1st paragraph the name of the study is called the "Warren Harding Effect". The 2nd paragraph is completely opinionated but it makes sense to me when I look at it that way.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Jonp219

[thecrucible]

I feel like the OP feels sometimes. And I've read the other thread about struggling to feel the spark with online dating because of its contrived nature - so have concluded that this is what it was with me.

 

 

Anyway if you've felt it before, there's no reason you can't feel it again. I live in hope because I know I have felt it. However I know there's a point where you think logically as I have felt sparks with people who weren't right for me. Last guy I dated, I think we liked each other on a superficial sexual chemistry based level but there was nothing beyond that so it never went the distance.

 

 

I think as long as I find a guy attractive enough on some well. we have an interest in common, shared values, and his personality appeals to me, I'd be silly to not give it a go. I won't expect insta-sparks- but there will be some kind of emotional connection. That's what I call chemistry. That's enough for me. (Oh, except I hope he's really into me). There's one thing I really want to feel and that's that I'm not seeking the guy's approval; I want to feel like we both see each other as a catch.

[spiderowl]

I think that kind of mutual chemistry is very rare on a first meet. For me, it is connected with communication as well - if they are good communicators I find that interesting. Sometimes chemistry starts to happen when you get to know someone a bit better than at a first meeting. From what you say, you find this offputting unless you feel the chemistry first, and I must admit if I'm not attracted to someone I don't want to share with them. I don't know what the solution is. If you do find them physically attractive, maybe it's worth giving them a second chance to meet and find out if the attraction grows. It can do I know and if you are only having a first meeting you are not giving it chance. If you are shutting off after a first meeting, that could be why you are having such difficulty.

[Leigh 87]

I think that kind of mutual chemistry is very rare on a first meet. For me, it is connected with communication as well - if they are good communicators I find that interesting. Sometimes chemistry starts to happen when you get to know someone a bit better than at a first meeting. From what you say, you find this offputting unless you feel the chemistry first, and I must admit if I'm not attracted to someone I don't want to share with them. I don't know what the solution is. If you do find them physically attractive, maybe it's worth giving them a second chance to meet and find out if the attraction grows. It can do I know and if you are only having a first meeting you are not giving it chance. If you are shutting off after a first meeting, that could be why you are having such difficulty.

 

 

 

I find genuine chemistry is present early on.

 

The strongest and most intemse chemistry just "happens" early, usually instantly.

 

The other chemistry I have experienced was still THERE, but it was the 5 or 6/10 chemistry. We weren't attracted at first. I grew chemistry for him as I got to know him, but ..... He never grew it for me. We never made out. He never longed for my body or face

 

I find it is rare for the second wind chemistry to grow strong on BOTH fronts...usually ONE person grows chemistry and the other doesn't.....

 

Instant chemistry may have NO link to whether or not the relationship will last, BUT, if you ARE compatible on all fronts, then having that natural, heady and insatnt spark and attraction does make for more intense sex.

 

I have had good sex with men I have grown chemistry for. But it was never great.

 

I had mind blowing sex with ONLY the men I had natural and instant chemistry for.

 

I would rather remain single and have short lived but passionate flings with the best sex ever, as opposed to settling for ONE partner. With just " good" sex.

[hunk]

After reading all of these thoughts and responses and doing some more introspection, I think I might have come to the conclusion that I'm just fundamentally prone to self sabotage and shouldn't be looking to date anyone exclusively for at least another 3 years. I've had such fantastic connections - I do agree chemistry isn't necessarily something instantly felt - with 2 of my exes and I blew both relationships because I just wanted to sleep with other attractive women. That's essentially it. I think i've tried to justify to myself that i wasn't feeling "something", but the reality is both relationships were everything I really needed. I ruined two successive relationships looking for a woman that is probably 1 in 1000000000 - one that clicks with me completely and blows my mind physically. This is a complete fairytale. How ridiculous it is to throw away relationships that had absolutely nothing wrong with them because I thought I really wanted other women. This is why I want to believe this "unicorn" woman (perfect chemistry - physical and emotional) exists - because I truly believe she will be the only woman who will destroy these urges I have. In relation to the date i went on on Thursday - I knew from the outset that I wasn't physically attracted to her ENOUGH for me to be serious about her - and for some reason this made me feel GUILTY? I don't even know why i felt this. I literally felt guilty, because we got along so well in every other aspect. I am terrified of this pattern of behavior reoccurring and ruining my life.

 

Thanks everyone who's posted in here I'm reading and digesting every post and comment thoroughly

Edited April 19, 2015 by hunk

[Leigh 87]

After reading all of these thoughts and responses and doing some more introspection, I think I might have come to the conclusion that I'm just fundamentally prone to self sabotage and shouldn't be looking to date anyone exclusively for at least another 3 years. I've had such fantastic connections - I do agree chemistry isn't necessarily something instantly felt - with 2 of my exes and I blew both relationships because I just wanted to sleep with other attractive women. That's essentially it. I think i've tried to justify to myself that i wasn't feeling "something", but the reality is both relationships were everything I really needed. I ruined two successive relationships looking for a woman that is probably 1 in 1000000000 - one that clicks with me completely and blows my mind physically. This is a complete fairytale. How ridiculous it is to throw away relationships that had absolutely nothing wrong with them because I thought I really wanted other women. This is why I want to believe this "unicorn" woman (perfect chemistry - physical and emotional) exists - because I truly believe she will be the only woman who will destroy these urges I have. In relation to the date i went on on Thursday - I knew from the outset that I wasn't physically attracted to her ENOUGH for me to be serious about her - and for some reason this made me feel GUILTY? I don't even know why i felt this. I literally felt guilty, because we got along so well in every other aspect. I am terrified of this pattern of behavior reoccurring and ruining my life.

 

Thanks everyone who's posted in here I'm reading and digesting every post and comment thoroughly

 

 

 

You're missing a fundamental point.

 

Many men DO NOT NEED a totally hot girl for them to fall head over heels, to be enamoured and to feel the butterflies!

 

I had had a few men feel it for me! Including my ex that was from last year... he knew I was no Megan Fox or beauty queen.

 

But honest to God, he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world to him! Honestly, he did not yearn for a "more attractive" woman, he felt the chemistry with me big time and as a result, he was very satisfied with me!

 

My friends boyfriend feels the same about her! She is very attractive but not w 1 in 10000 looking type girl. He honestly felt intense chemistry with her - and to HIM, he honestly has such a great love for her that he simply doesnt have ANY urges to hang others. Even if he was PERMITTED to in some alternate universe, he NEVER, never would..... His love for this woman is sky high.

 

Some men DO find a plane Jane and TO THEM, she is beautiful and they share an intense kind of chemistry where the dude just does NOT have a secret desire to bang other women!

 

You DO NOT need a 1 in 1000000 interaction necessarly!

 

I certainly do not! I have dated and slept with HOT men, and the men I felt the butterflies for were the AVERAGE Aussie blokes!

 

SOME men need extremely attractive women to feel the butterflies. I happen to have met men who felt the intense chemistry for me who were the average aussie dudes, and who found my cute 7/10 self to be butterfly worthy....

[TunaInTheBrine]

Is this a problem for anyone else?

 

Basically I am the type of person who can get along with anybody. I can talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable. Last night I went out on a date with this girl, and we instantly hit it off but i don't know whether it was genuine chemistry or me just making her extremely comfortable. She started opening up about her troubled past and depression etc and it kind of started bothering me and turning me off a bit. We got along REALLY well though, conversation just flowed ridiculously well. But as I said, I can really do this with most people, so i just don't know if last night was anything special or anything. I didn't feel "that" attraction to her but everything else was great which really bothers me.

 

This happened with my ex aswell, in fact this date was almost identical in the way we interacted and the things we spoke about. With her I also didn't feel "that" attraction. The girl from last night really wants to see me again and I don't even know what I want (again, exactly like the beginnings of my last relationship).

 

Every date I have been on in the past ~3 years has never left me with that excited anticipation to see them again. I'm starting to believe that feeling doesn't exist anymore and is just some teenage thing, and as we get older we just settle for people that look good on paper. It is exhausting because it leads me to either destroy relationships with people who are very compatible with me, or to not pursue ones who would be very compatible with me just because i'm looking for a feeling that may or may not even exist.

 

Can anyone empathize? People still do get butterflies about other people past the age of 17 right ...?

 

Ah, yes. That special feeling...

 

I do not know you very well, and so I can only project my thoughts about where it is that you might be in your life and where it is you're trying to go.

 

Do you know what it is that you want with a woman? If for example what you want from a woman is to see a smiling beautiful face across the wine table from you, laughing with you, talking with you about what inspires her, and you believing again in the grace of the feminine spirit, then you my friend need to go and find that moment. Create it! Don't wait for it. Stop expecting so much from women. Start loving women again simply for being female and expect nothing in return from any of them. Only then will they give you everything.

 

When you are an old man, you will think back on all the memories in your life that meant something to you. Only then will you realize how many missed opportunities there were to experience something magical in this short life of yours. Do something about it now while you can! There is so much beauty in the world and so many lovely women. My God!

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I would rather remain single and have short lived but passionate flings with the best sex ever, as opposed to settling for ONE partner. With just " good" sex.

 

Then, you may very well possibly end up dying alone. And you'll probably say, "Oh that's okay, I'd rather die alone than end up with a guy who I'd only have "good" sex with who I didn't feel that "instant passionate and intense chemistry" with..."

 

Just so you know, I get it. I get where you're coming from and what you're looking for. Heck, we're all looking for that one person who will blow us away with sexual chemistry, sexy and attractive looks and passionate sex. But, it's VERY RARE to find ALL of those *3* things in ONE person. I mean, it could happen, but not very likely. And before you say, "Well, I've seen many of my friends having found all of these 3 things in their bfs/husbands and if they can find it, so can I..."; just because THEY found that in one person, it doesn't guarantee that YOU will.

 

Have you ever thought about keeping a more open mind and being more receptive to finding a guy who would give you "good" sex, who would be FAITHFUL to you, who would be insanely ATTRACTED to you, who would treat you with LOVE, RESPECT and CONSIDERATION, who would give you all of the love and affection any human being could want or ask for, and who is decent looking but not as attractive as Liam Hemsworth?

 

I'm interested in reading your response to my query.

 

 

.

[Leigh 87]

Then, you may very well possibly end up dying alone. And you'll probably say, "Oh that's okay, I'd rather die alone than end up with a guy who I'd only have "good" sex with who I didn't feel that "instant passionate and intense chemistry" with..."

 

Just so you know, I get it. I get where you're coming from and what you're looking for. Heck, we're all looking for that one person who will blow us away with sexual chemistry, sexy and attractive looks and passionate sex. But, it's VERY RARE to find ALL of those *3* things in ONE person. I mean, it could happen, but not very likely. And before you say, "Well, I've seen many of my friends having found all of these 3 things in their bfs/husbands and if they can find it, so can I..."; just because THEY found that in one person, it doesn't guarantee that YOU will.

 

Have you ever thought about keeping a more open mind and being more receptive to finding a guy who would give you "good" sex, who would be FAITHFUL to you, who would be insanely ATTRACTED to you, who would treat you with LOVE, RESPECT and CONSIDERATION, who would give you all of the love and affection any human being could want or ask for, and who is decent looking but not as attractive as Liam Hemsworth?

 

I'm interested in reading your response to my query.

 

 

.

 

 

I do not need a hottie. I have actually talked a lot about it on here.

 

The men I have felt the instant sparks for and intense chemistry for were ALL the average looking Aussie bloke. The hottest men I have dated and slept with, I actually felt the lowest sparks with.

 

At age 24 I was shallow. I was skinny with large boobs and a bum that stopped traffic. I had a nice smile but wasn't a model look alike quite. After a fling with a hot body builder guy with a movie star smile whereby he told me " wow, you are like the first woman I have ever not dated but merely had fun with":sick:

 

I THEN decided to open my mind and be OPEN and RECEPTIVE to feeling connections and chemistry with ALL types of men, rather than just the hot type.

 

Lo and behold, years later, I now feel insant sparks and chemistry regularly! Because I am very OPEN to looking around and scanning a room, and NOT overooking the fat bald guy.

 

At a concert last year I saw a fat bald guy with a cute face. We locked eyes and there were fireworks. He has clinical depression and is not capable of feeling " in love" or real emotions beyond loving his children, but we both felt fireworks in the bedroom and we clicked. Shame he was emotionally ill and unavailable.

 

On a train a skinny Irish lad with bad teeth looked my way. The OLD LEIGH would have overlooked him. Alas, I am open to connections with ANY type of man, and my body said yes! We talked and after an hour, the chemistry was so intense!

 

In Berlin in a hostel, I started chatting to a guy the OLD LEIGH would never have considered chatting up. I asked him to join me for dinner, as a causal guesture. He felt comfortable around me and within two hours or so I was feeling some pretty intense chemistry as he also seemed to.

 

RECENTLY. I felt INSTAND clicks with a guy who my mates all deemed a 4/10 at best. We slept together even though he was unofficially seeing someone... The chemistry was absolutely through the roof.

 

Each man I could not wait to make out with, kissing and fooling around with them ALL felt equally intense I simply do not need my tall dark and handsome prince charming to come to rescue me. I am not even worried about having to settle for less than fireworks. I feel it every 4 months or so - I will meet a man who I feel instant sparks with. It is just a matter of time before I feel the sparks fireworks and total compatibility.

 

EACH MAN I felt the sparks with - lead to explosive bedroom antics! I am not your typical 7/10 slim girl with a nice smile. I find men who actually DO think I am gorgeous, who appreciate me and who I share intense chemistry with.

 

I feek confident that I will find mutual sparks and THAT type of chemistry, with a man who adores me and feels he has done well to have me. For I feel chemistry and sparks for the average Aussie bloke. And those type of men aways comment that they feel I am above their league, they ALWAYS feel lucky to have me and NEVER give off the vibe that I am a woman they deem as " settling" material:sick:

 

I feel I am realistic to expect to find intense chemistry since I generate mutual sparks often with aveage Aussie dudes with good jobs and personalties.

I feel I am realistic for wanting the average Aussie bloke who not only feels intense chemistry with me, but who is enamoured by me and genuinely falls madly in love with me. Who I am also compatible with.

 

I am different from ONE friend of mine who seems to not find mutual chemistry ever.

I am ALIKE to my mate who is a very pretty girl and who has found very intense chemistry with ALL her long term partners - her and I share a similar energy.

^^^ her and I happen to garner mutual and intense chemistry often enough for us to both expect to settle down with our fireworks guy who feels the same way towards us.

 

 

 

 

 

People unlike my one friend and I simply don't happen to feel mutual chemistry as often us and should therefore settle for good and not mind blowing sex.

I don't believe I will have to settle for less than one of the many men I have had intense chemistry with and mind blowing sex with as a result.

 

I DO NOT advocate others follow in my foot steps.

I am not normal, my friend isn't normal, we are a little different and introverted and seem to just have something about us whereby we feel sparks and mutual intense chemistry reguarly enough for us to hold out for out butterflies. Most people need a hotter individual from which the fireworks and explosive sex is launched from.......

 

What I seek is rare for some, and less rare for others.

 

I wouldn't go as far as to say it was COMMON for my friend and I, sorry. But it is not so RARE as to expect it to be "unrealistic"

Edited April 19, 2015 by Leigh 87

[neowulf]

Just going to leave this here...

 

The Science Behind Romance

As it turns out, the “chemistry” between two people really matters when it comes to picking a mate.

 

The chemistry behind love

 

"“Chemistry” between two people, it turns out, literally matters when it comes to picking a mate. While many factors influence our choices, “we are drawn to certain people not only for cultural reasons, such as socioeconomics, intelligence, and values, but also for biological reasons,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist from Rutgers University and author of a new book, Why Him? Why Her?"

 

... Recommend reading the article. For those looking for a more "scientific" reasoning behind what some people here are describing.

 

It also follows that if you happen to have an "unusual" chemical makeup, that you might struggle to find "chemistry" with other people.

[joseb]

Then, you may very well possibly end up dying alone.

.

A bit off topic, but I don't get this obsesion/phobia about 'dying alone'.

I hear it all the time - better settle down, get a relationship, or you might die alone.

We are all going to die. If you are female, even if you marry and stay married chances are very high your partner will die before you.

There is no reason that you can't be single and have a group of friends in old age who will be around.

[Leigh 87]

A bit off topic, but I don't get this obsesion/phobia about 'dying alone'.

I hear it all the time - better settle down, get a relationship, or you might die alone.

We are all going to die. If you are female, even if you marry and stay married chances are very high your partner will die before you.

There is no reason that you can't be single and have a group of friends in old age who will be around.

 

Yeah not to mention spouses die in freak accidents, cheat or leave you for someone else!

 

Not all relationships are forever so there really is no reason to be all silly upset over being single...

 

I sure enjoy myself in the meanwhile! I have a blast with my intense chemistry boys, even though no, none of them became a long term partner:lmao:

 

I would rather be single and have a chance at true love, where I actually feel limerent and IN LOVE, as opposed to "growing love slowly and non intensely" for a lower sparks, NON limerent partner.

 

I have tried the mediocre chemistry men. Is it sad that I prefered to sit at home and study than to spend time with them? My heart didn't yearn to be around them. I could take them or leave them.

 

No thanks ^^^ Would rather be out having great holidays around the world with heady passionate fun with the men I actually want to be around intimately.

[Leigh 87]

Just going to leave this here...

 

The Science Behind Romance

As it turns out, the “chemistry” between two people really matters when it comes to picking a mate.

 

The chemistry behind love

 

"“Chemistry” between two people, it turns out, literally matters when it comes to picking a mate. While many factors influence our choices, “we are drawn to certain people not only for cultural reasons, such as socioeconomics, intelligence, and values, but also for biological reasons,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist from Rutgers University and author of a new book, Why Him? Why Her?"

 

... Recommend reading the article. For those looking for a more "scientific" reasoning behind what some people here are describing.

 

It also follows that if you happen to have an "unusual" chemical makeup, that you might struggle to find "chemistry" with other people.

 

 

Yep I am a high chemistry girl for sure. So is my friend. None of our other female friends are quite like it. She has ALWAYS gotten the guy she feels limterent, passionate and chemically drawn to.

 

Likewise, I always meet men I feel usually mutual chemistry with. Often enough for me to have been genuinely perplexed and dismayed when I read on here that ya'll don't feel what I feel easily!

 

It isn't in my head, I do regularly feel mutual chemistry and pulls towards people who also seem to have that " met her a accross the room and I was drawn to her" type pull.

 

My other mate is low chemistry driven. She rarely feels it. She is prettier than me. A model. But SELDOM generates mutual chemistry ............

[Jonp219]

Yeah not to mention spouses die in freak accidents, cheat or leave you for someone else!

 

Not all relationships are forever so there really is no reason to be all silly upset over being single...

 

I sure enjoy myself in the meanwhile! I have a blast with my intense chemistry boys, even though no, none of them became a long term partner:lmao:

 

I would rather be single and have a chance at true love, where I actually feel limerent and IN LOVE, as opposed to "growing love slowly and non intensely" for a lower sparks, NON limerent partner.

 

I have tried the mediocre chemistry men. Is it sad that I prefered to sit at home and study than to spend time with them? My heart didn't yearn to be around them. I could take them or leave them.

 

No thanks ^^^ Would rather be out having great holidays around the world with heady passionate fun with the men I actually want to be around intimately.

 

Sometimes I wish I was like this lol. I'm a hopeless romantic and when I aim for a relationship I normally hope it's my last. It is not normal for a man to think like this, especially at my age (I'm 25), but it's the only way I can function in a loving relationship. I can't even have sex with a girl unless I'm in a relationship with her or if I feel something for her. It makes me feel low a hell knowing I'm having sex with someone just for the sake of having sex with them. I've only had sex with 2 people in my life so maybe that's the reason, but then again, my ideals share part of the blame too.