Head is Swimming

[turnera]

You most definitely are doing the right thing. When you have kids, you don't get to be selfish any more. She wants to see her own child, she can come down here and stay with family or friends for those 7 weeks to see her.

[Mazerati]

Well I was tired last night so I didnt include this. I spoke with my Lawyers yesterday. A great group of down to earth guys. Had a beer and everything. I read the proposal from my wife and basically I get everything including physical custody of my daughter. Since she doesnt have a job, no child support at this time. As stated earlier, she is moving in with the OM and his two adult children. I dont like the situation and my daughters safety and wellbeing mean the most. I asked my lawyer about putting in a motion to bar my daughter from going to Michigan. He agreed that this situation is not good for her especially with the unknown, so he is going to fight for it.

 

I am open for her to have the house for those weekends or even taking her to her Dad and Grandmas, two hours away and basically inbetween.

 

So last night as she was talking about what she had packed, she told me she was looking to take a small box of my daughters stuff with her for when she visited. The look on her face when I told her that at this time it will not happen. She then asked about the 7 weeks in the summer and I told her to figure it out, but she is not living up there one minute.

 

I have agreed that if another person came into my life that I will not have them over while my daughter is home. I do not believe that she needs to be subjected to that so quickly. I also do not see my wife's situation being stable at all.

 

Am I doing the right thing?

 

You most assuredly in my honest opinion are. You are placing your daughter's welfare as the priority on your list. That is exactly what a loving father does, and it should also be what a loving mother does too.

As mentioned, your stbxw has not thought this through at all. Her head is so wrapped around the OM, that it has blinded her to your daughter's well being, you are correct that her new situation is unstable. The drug use alone demonstrates that.

While the SIL and rest of your stbxw family are on your side, be mindful that they are still her family. If and when the stbxw does wake up, be careful, but most importantly be prepared.

Your lawyers sound very astute, knowledgeable, and they strike me as compassionate too. Continue to follow their lead. I am sure you made them aware of every aspect of your stbxw living arrangements, and it may be advisable to have a PI verify the activity to strengthen your case for the continued well being of your young daughter.

 

You are doing the best job you can for this difficult situation. You have your priorities in order, and have a good team watching your back. I would suggest to limit what you say to your stbxw, it is best to not give her any clues to what your plans are. Do your darndest not to raise any red flags.

 

Yes, keep your head up, and live your life the way it should be lived. Cherish and love your daughter. Continue to be strong for her.

 

All my best wishes

[No Limit]

My SIL is still warning me to be ready for her to try and return once the reality sets in.

 

Never do this, never. I'm sure her family would love it if you took care of her once she's done ruining herself but it's them who are her family and should take care of her, you're not her father and she's not your responsibility, not since the moment she fell for OM. You're not going to be on the back burner ready to open the door for her once she grows bored with OM, you slam the door in her face. You might believe her family is on your side but they're just grooming you to be a good dog and continue to be a provider. Set some boundaries, make it cler you'll stick by them and see how they act then.

 

And great news regarding your daughter; fight for custody if needed. I actually have no doubt you'll get custody. She can come down to visit, but never let your daughter go to OM's place. Perhaps when she's an adult she may decide for herself, but not before then (although chances are it won't last that long).

 

Keep it up, you're on a good path.

[Esraem]

Hi all.

 

It has been a bit since I have posted. I have hit the acceptance stage. My STBXW moved out on the 23rd. In with the 56 yo OM and his 24 and 19 year old sons. I have gotten physical custody of my 7 year old daughter and a court order that makes it so she cannot go to Michigan for visitation. Visitations have to be conducted at my home and I have to stay at my uncles. Anything to protect my daughter from that situation. My daughter has taken it pretty well. I think she would have been more broken if I left then her mom as I handled everything anyways. Even before her mom moved she was already talking about putting me on Match.com and that she wants a stepmom lol.

 

I started talking to someone and we have agreed that slow is good. It has helped me move past the hurt and see that I have a good future ahead of me. Her beliefs have also made it easy as until the divorce is finalized we can only move slowly as friends as she cant have a relationship with someone who is technically still married.

 

The only thing holding it up from being finalized is the 60 day waiting period (June 15th) and I have to take a Trans Parenting class. It is a bit humorous that we need to take a class when getting divorced but not to have a child. I am so ready to put this behind me and move on.

 

This weekend is the first visitation, unfortunately my STBXW decided we should go get my daughters ears pierced together and then have dinner. Talk about a horrible hour of my life. I really didnt want to be there, but only for my daughter. As soon as I was able I left. I really did not want to see my Ex at all and dreaded it all day. I hope it gets easier in the future. I dont even miss talking to her or seeing her.

 

My mother wants this to be over soon as well as she is afraid once the relationship goes south in Michigan, that my Ex will try to stay one visitation weekend. Ugh. Shows how it can change as if you read my first posts it was all about trying to stay together. Well now I know that my happiness is important and being without her will make me much happier.

[Dutchman1]

Today is June 15 ( in the Netherlands) your life with your daughter begins, as you are a free man. I really wish the two of you well.

and for your both sakes, maybe it's hard, but never let her comeback and let the two of you be hurt again.

You are a man with dignity.

Be well,and live well.

 

Dutchman1

[No Limit]

June 15 over here as well (Germany).

 

As for your ex's relationship going bad in Michigan and her tryin gto stay overnight - don't worry, if the relationship goes wrong with the 50+ year old, she'll try his sons. Congratulations to a much-needed divorce. How have you and your GF been doing?

[MJJean]

It's June 14th here. I am, of all places, in Michigan. And tomorrow, June 15, is my 40th birthday. Also the day your divorce will be finalized, eh?

 

I remember when my divorce was finalized I was so happy to be walking out of the courtroom with papers in hand that I actually hugged my ex. We were sharing an elevator and I absolutely loathe the man, but I hugged him because I was just so happy to finally be free. It was the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I was absolutely giddy.

 

I hope your Divorce Day and my birthday will see us as happy as I was on that day.

[Esraem]

Well. Unfortunately it is not done yet. The settlement hearing was moved to July 3rd. A little more irony - Independence Day Weekend Hopefully it will be finished by then. No big deal though. The breadcrumbs are still a falling, but I believe she is shocked that I havent responded.

 

She threw her back out last week and made sure to tell me. All I thought was I am glad I am not paying the copays. More money she is taking from the OM. Do to it the OM had to drive her down for visitation with my daughter. Wasnt happy but he did leave the area or didnt make him self know as I asked my daughter if she met anyone new. 7 year olds cant quite lie that well.

 

Looking back two months ago, I cant believe where I was. It took a bit but I found myself again.

 

I am having fun getting to know the new girl. Again as earlier, I know we need to take it slow and especially wait for this to be final. I am going to see her today so I am looking forward to it.

 

There is only one thing that is weighing on me now. When the relationship ends with the OM, she will unfortunately end up in Oregon with her mom, and I can see that my daughter will lose her mom .

 

Sorry I havent kept as much as an update but boy I have been busy.

[No Limit]

D'aww. Oh well, guess that will be an Independence Weekend to remember - your own personal true independence revived!

 

Keep ignoring the breadcrumbs. And OM likely fears you so he'll keep his distance. As for your ex moving to Oregon in the future - doesn't mean she'll be gone for good. She can rent a hotel room near your place and turn the visitation into a regular holiday.