The Passion Delusion

[Leigh 87]

You can reach a deep level of love without it starting like a story out of a fairy tale book. You are 28 Leigh, you need to realize that prince charming on white horses don't exist. Put down the Disney books, and I don't say that in a mean way. You really need to have a more adult view of love and relationships.

 

I am not expecting a prince charming.

 

I have felt intense chemistry for bald fat, poor and men who are deemed unattractive by society. I do not need a hot, successful guy to make me feel giddy and excited.

 

And I don't care how we meet! It can be a dud first meeting. So long as we have intense chemistry at some stage.

 

Your friend's story is only that, a story they told you and believe me it's not rose as they tell you, they did-do put up with sh!.t and just didn't tell you.

 

I know her well she's a good friend. She tells me her life like it is. We talk for hours every day....

 

They were instantly attracted. By a few dates they were crazy about one another.

 

They felt that all consuming, intense burst of emotions and got to experience a strong honeymoon stage.

 

I don't see why I can't also meet a man who I share a mutual attraction for and .. well, where we both fall hard and end up compatible.

 

Again - I am not looking for a guy with a good job, who is handsome, I don't mind if they are overweight.

 

My second long term relationship started with a ONS. Then we started seeing each other, I liked him but never felt this crazy in love feeling for him. Then after 6 months there was a switch and my feelings changed. Our relationship lasted 4 years. When I left him I was completely crushed, I mean I had a trip down to hell, it took me 3 years to get over him. I would have died without a second thought for this man.

 

I cant stomach dating a man who I have mild sexual attraction for. I need strong sexual chemistry for me to even be intimate.

 

I have given men a chance for a year or so, only to conclude that when the passion and intensity wasn't there from the outset, it NEVER grew for me.

 

All this to tell you that the dept of love you will reach with a man has nothing to do with how the relationship connected at first.

 

 

In my experience, the couples who fell the hardest ended up with the most sexual chemistry. Couples I know well and have hear, ahem... They all have explosive sex years into their relationships because they started out with REAL chemistry to begin with.

 

Look, most people don't need a sizzling sex life. A great one is enough. I am different.

 

I am only asking for what I already have had with prior lovers. And I haven't been single for long enough to determine that the men I have had chemistry with and not lasted with - will be a pattern long term. One of them will be the right fit.

[Leigh 87]

Intense chemistry and attraction - and lust - can exist almost immediately, but real passion grows, IMO. However, without good compatibility, ALL of these will usually fade or never develop far.

 

 

We had intense chemistry, attraction and lust from the start, but were also extraordinarily compatible in all ways. Passion has grown over the years, and for us the chemistry has never faded. We're even more compatible 15 years later, as we've grown closer with time.

 

 

That is what I want.

 

I have dated hot guys and not so hot men/men with high flying jobs versus men with retail jobs - and I tell ya, the men I feel intense feelings for, lust and chemistry, are never the hottest most successful men.

 

A few were players but not all.

 

I think the fact I don't need a tall wealthy hot guy means I have a high chance of finding what you have.

 

Not sure why Mr Guru and his followers disbelieve passionate chemistry and compatibility wont happen for those who hold out for it and have realistic expectations!

[Leigh 87]

Was he the recent guy? Yeah Leigh what happened? I thought you "saw the light" and got "back together"?

 

Last we heard you had a date scheduled and were talking with each other about how you weren't gonna be able to keep your hands off each other! This was just last week, so what happened?

 

I was talking myself into it. Because he is everything I want besides the fact he doesn't make me laugh.

 

 

But I adore his personality more than any other man I have met.

 

 

 

Don't tell me you broke up with again, did you?

 

 

I did see the light. I am done with players and I wont settle for less than how this last guy treated me.

 

I learnt that I had a lot more fun with the guy who treated me well - I was happier than I was with the players.

 

I did, sadly, lack sexual chemistry. He didn't make me laugh which I think did it - if I can readily laugh a lot with a guy, I tend to feel more heightened sexual sparks.

 

I didn't feel urges to ever make out with him. But I deeply care for him and we definitely have a connection but it just isn't romantic from my part....

 

I don't think wanting to/having urges to make out with a guy is asking for too much lol......

 

But I learnt from this guy that I preferred being treated well to game playing!

[katiegrl]

F. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled) asserts "romantic love" is akin to being temporarily insane... driven by hormones and an altered state of consciousness. While in the throes of it (romantic live)...we seem to be possessed by an alian force taking over our hearts.

 

>>"Our spontaneous [romantic] love reactions pull us together into a whirlpool of uncontrollable, overwhelming passion. Romantic love is blind because we are responding to our own internal fantasies about the person...it's not real."<<

 

Scott Peck (and other psychiatrists and scientists) believes REAL love doesn't even begin UNTIL *romantic* love ends.

 

Problem is, when it ends, many people bail ... as they believe (erroneously) that they have fallen out of love! Like Leigh they NEED that passion, the fireworks, the overwhelming passion. And when it's gone, they feel *let down* and disappointed and end up ending the whole thing!

 

What they don't realize is that when romantic love subsides...is only when you can truly start to LOVE your partner! REAL love...NOT based on false illusions and your fantasy of who the person really is! Romantic love is so blind!

 

I guess some people (like Leigh) need that constant excitement, stimulation, high adrenaline and *butterflies* ...lest they feel bored and uninspired.

 

Leigh, I am glad you are still in therapy. In the meantime, might I suggest you read "The Road Less Traveled"... a must read for sure. Extremely enlightening!

[Leigh 87]

What happened to the guy from Berlin? More importantly, why is the opinion of a stranger on the Internet enough to send you into a tailspin of insecurity and self-doubt?

 

 

 

I get annoyed when people in my life have given me unsolicited advise also......

 

And I am genuinely baffled as to why this "guru" is so averse to passion and going through the infatuation stage. I mean, if some people want to hold out for it, and they have REALISTIC expectations (no shooting way above their league) then I don't see why this "guru" is so pessimistic about those, like myself, that choose to wait for a person we are passionate about.

 

I am not speaking about love at first site drivel.... that is lust... I speak of the falling hard, feeling infatuated and after 2 - 3 months saying I love you. As opposed to spending a lot of time around a person you have a mediocre attraction towards and not falling hard, and waiting 6 months to a year before saying you love them due to lack of intensity in your feelings.

 

I feel like as Guru, he has overlooked many couples who met, had sparks and were just both really attracted and excited about one another, and happened to be compatible.

 

I feel like with him, he wasn't able to find someone he was infatuated with or had a strong honeymoon phase with, and therefore he says no one else is likely to ever find it, either. Much less folks like me who are aware it will take into our 30;s and early 40s and are okay with it, yet don't appreciate people telling us " it'll never happen"

[fitnessfan365]

I am not a psychologist, but I have always enjoyed it. So here is my assessment. Take it for what you will Leigh.

 

You said that you grew up heavy set. One thing that over weight women tend to do is settle for personality only with men. They don't feel they're sexy enough to also get a strong sexual compatibility. So now that you have the physical sex appeal, the last thing you want is to go back to being a "personality only" girl again. There's nothing wrong with wanting both sides of the coin. But you're so focused on chemistry and that sexual passion, that it comes off like an over-compensation because of how unhappy you were back then.

[Leigh 87]

F. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled) asserts "romantic love" is akin to being temporarily insane... driven by hormones and an altered state of consciousness. While in the throes of it (romantic live)...we seem to be possessed by an alian force taking over our hearts.

 

>>"Our spontaneous [romantic] love reactions pull us together into a whirlpool of uncontrollable, overwhelming passion. Romantic love is blind because we are responding to our own internal fantasies about the person...it's not real."<<

 

Scott Peck (and other psychiatrists and scientists) believes REAL love doesn't even begin UNTIL *romantic* love ends.

 

Problem is, when it ends, many people bail ... as they believe (erroneously) that they have fallen out of love! Like Leigh they NEED that passion, the fireworks, the overwhelming passion. And when it's gone, they feel *let down* and disappointed and end up ending the whole thing!

 

What they don't realize is that when romantic love subsides...is only when you can truly start to LOVE your partner! REAL love...NOT based on false illusions and your fantasy of who the person really is! Romantic love is so blind!

 

I guess some people (like Leigh) need that constant excitement, stimulation, high adrenaline and *butterflies* ...lest they feel bored and uninspired.

 

Leigh, I am glad you are still in therapy. In the meantime, might I suggest you read "The Road Less Traveled"... a must read for sure. Extremely enlightening!

 

 

 

Sigh.

 

For the millionth time in this thread.

 

I know sparks and passion end to some extent.

 

Doesn't mean it is acceptable to me to never have it to begin with.

 

I am happy alone but I do expect to find love within this decade for sure. I know it'll take longer but I also don't think it is that rare to feel a spark and intense chemistry with a compatible partner.

 

I don't want kids so I mean.... I know it'll take time to find:

 

- sparks

- an intense attraction that leads to a strong and long honeymoon stage

-a compatible partner

- don't care how fat he is or how bad his teeth are or if he has no aspirations in life besides maintaining his job. You ONLY get to go through the falling IN love phase once in a long term relationship so I personally want mine to be a strong honeymoon stage that lasts up to three years as published.....

 

Not sure why so many "Guru's" and therapists turn a blind eye to the plenty of happy couples who DID start out with strong chemistry and are still together.

[katiegrl]

I did see the light. I am done with players and I wont settle for less than how this last guy treated me.

 

I learnt that I had a lot more fun with the guy who treated me well - I was happier than I was with the players.

 

I did, sadly, lack sexual chemistry. He didn't make me laugh which I think did it - if I can readily laugh a lot with a guy, I tend to feel more heightened sexual sparks.

 

I didn't feel urges to ever make out with him. But I deeply care for him and we definitely have a connection but it just isn't romantic from my part....

 

I don't think wanting to/having urges to make out with a guy is asking for too much lol......

 

But I learnt from this guy that I preferred being treated well to game playing!

 

^^So the first time you broke up with him (after one week).. was because he stuttered, but then you changed your mind and got back together, couldn't wait to see him, realized you were *very* attracted to him, and posted you doubted you were gonna be able to keep your hands off him ....but THEN..

 

after seeing him you felt no sexual passion because he didn't make you laugh??

 

Oh my. Like I said, I am glad you are still in therapy. Good luck.

[Leigh 87]

I am not a psychologist, but I have always enjoyed it. So here is my assessment. Take it for what you will Leigh.

 

You said that you grew up heavy set. One thing that over weight women tend to do is settle for personality only with men. They don't feel they're sexy enough to also get a strong sexual compatibility. So now that you have the physical sex appeal, the last thing you want is to go back to being a "personality only" girl again. There's nothing wrong with wanting both sides of the coin. But you're so focused on chemistry and that sexual passion, that it comes off like an over-compensation because of how unhappy you were back then.

 

I want both.

 

I want to just meet a guy, feel a spark and interest, then both enjoy intense chemistry and to both feel super excited about dating.

 

Don't care what he looks like or what he does for work. As long as he's a good person, makes me laugh and is kind and generous with his time and money. I don't wanna be pampered necessarily but I like chivalry and to be treated for meals out as opposed to 50/50 crap.

 

Don't care if he's inches shorter than me.

 

I am looking for a man who makes my heart explode AND who is compatible, it isn't a beauty contest.

[katiegrl]

Sigh.

 

For the millionth time in this thread.

 

I know sparks and passion end to some extent.

 

Doesn't mean it is acceptable to me to never have it to begin with.

 

I am happy alone but I do expect to find love within this decade for sure. I know it'll take longer but I also don't think it is that rare to feel a spark and intense chemistry with a compatible partner.

 

I don't want kids so I mean.... I know it'll take time to find:

 

- sparks

- an intense attraction that leads to a strong and long honeymoon stage

-a compatible partner

- don't care how fat he is or how bad his teeth are or if he has no aspirations in life besides maintaining his job. You ONLY get to go through the falling IN love phase once in a long term relationship so I personally want mine to be a strong honeymoon stage that lasts up to three years as published.....

 

Not sure why so many "Guru's" and therapists turn a blind eye to the plenty of happy couples who DID start out with strong chemistry and are still together.

 

Okay we shall see. You can *talk the talk* until hell freezes over. The true test is whether or not you can *walk the walk* when faced with it.

 

It has yet to happen at 28 years of age.... but we shall see.

[Leigh 87]

^^So the first time you broke up with him (after one week).. was because he stuttered, but then you changed your mind and got back together, couldn't wait to see him, realized you were *very* attracted to him, and posted you doubted you were gonna be able to keep your hands off him ....but THEN..

 

after seeing him you felt no sexual passion because he didn't make you laugh??

 

Oh my. Like I said, I am glad you are still in therapy. Good luck.

 

 

 

I never enjoyed making out with him.

 

I was hoping that because he was such a nice person and.. everything I wanted in a man, that I would suddenly get passion sexually for him. He was passionate about me so was good at pleasing me sexually but I lacked the fire in my heart for him sexually I guess?

 

I tried!

 

My therapist said I was good for giving it a go with a quality guy.

 

I was very attracted to him from the outset. It was after getting to spend time with him that I realised, for whatever reason, that I just lacked the urge to jump him and make out with him. Prior to this weekend I hadn't spend enough time with him to really know for sure.

 

And isn't laughing important? My friend is crazy in love with a guy, they had the chemistry and they are soooo compatible! She says that they are constantly laughing. They make each other laugh a lot. I once had this too with a guy and I remember it was a very powerful thing....

 

Is wanting a guy who makes me laugh, who I have urges to make out with and who is a kind hearted man, really way too much to ask for?

[fitnessfan365]

I want both.

 

I want to just meet a guy, feel a spark and interest, then both enjoy intense chemistry and to both feel super excited about dating.

 

Don't care what he looks like or what he does for work. As long as he's a good person, makes me laugh and is kind and generous with his time and money. I don't wanna be pampered necessarily but I like chivalry and to be treated for meals out as opposed to 50/50 crap.

 

Don't care if he's inches shorter than me.

 

I am looking for a man who makes my heart explode AND who is compatible, it isn't a beauty contest.

 

Not a beauty contest I'm talking about. It's the intense attraction that you want. You never felt you were entitled to that when you were heavy set. So now that you're very attractive, you put so much focus on the attraction to make up for never having it back then.

 

As I said, it's fine to want both. I agree with you. Hell, I'm the one that started a thread on emotional and sexual compatibility. However, you are SO focused on the "sparks", "chemistry" and "insane attraction" that it feels like you want to make up for lost time.

[Leigh 87]

Okay we shall see. You can *talk the talk* until hell freezes over. The true test is whether or not you can *walk the walk* when faced with it.

 

It has yet to happen at 28 years of age.... but we shall see.

 

 

 

I dated at age 24 for the first time.

 

Was in a 2.5 year relationship.

 

Single for few months.

 

Had ten months relationship.

 

Been single since last October.

 

That is hardly grounds for saying that I am too picky and that I will NEVER likely find a guy I have great chemistry and compatibility with.

 

You had it with your bf you have mentioned so... I don't see why I cant......

 

I have gone for a few player but I have been in therapy for a while and I definitely know now that I prefer a nice guy. I preferred my time with him. It made me happier...

 

But yeah I didn't want to settle for a lack of sexual sparks simply because he is such a "nice" guy.

[Leigh 87]

Not a beauty contest I'm talking about. It's the intense attraction that you want. You never felt you were entitled to that when you were heavy set. So now that you're very attractive, you put so much focus on the attraction to make up for never having it back then.

 

As I said, it's fine to want both. I agree with you. Hell, I'm the one that started a thread on emotional and sexual compatibility. However, you are SO focused on the "sparks", "chemistry" and "insane attraction" that it feels like you want to make up for lost time.

 

 

 

I don't think I am very attractive. A few guys see to dig me but I am sure not a whole lot do.

 

I don't think I will find a guy who is into me and who I also feel chemistry with, until I get my nose surgery soonish. Since with my awful nose I definitely don't feel like I have enough options in men to have that luxury of intense MUTUAL attraction, LOL.......

 

I wanted the nose job since age 13 since well before I cared about boys so it isn't just about that.

 

I broke my nose early in life and as a result it is very crooked and unnecessarily long looking...

 

I have never thought I was good enough looking to have options in men, which is why I sort of think that, until after the operation, I simply don't have the options or pool of men to choose from in order for me to expect great chemistry AND emotional compatibility!

[katiegrl]

I never enjoyed making out with him.

 

I was hoping that because he was such a nice person and.. everything I wanted in a man, that I would suddenly get passion sexually for him. He was passionate about me so was good at pleasing me sexually but I lacked the fire in my heart for him sexually I guess?

 

I tried!

 

My therapist said I was good for giving it a go with a quality guy.

 

I was very attracted to him from the outset. It was after getting to spend time with him that I realised, for whatever reason, that I just lacked the urge to jump him and make out with him. Prior to this weekend I hadn't spend enough time with him to really know for sure.

 

And isn't laughing important? My friend is crazy in love with a guy, they had the chemistry and they are soooo compatible! She says that they are constantly laughing. They make each other laugh a lot. I once had this too with a guy and I remember it was a very powerful thing....

 

Is wanting a guy who makes me laugh, who I have urges to make out with and who is a kind hearted man, really way too much to ask for?

 

Of course laughing is important... but for the love of all things beautiful... why the hell did you ever attempt to get back together with him?? Only to break up with him once again!

 

Go back and read your own posts again...after you got back together. You made it sound like he might be *the one*!!! That you had FINALLY found that right combination of niceness and passion!

 

Which in retrospect, considering you ended it again, was completely over the top.

 

THAT is the issue here. Your behavior was akin to "jerking him around" and if you don't think so, your issues go way beyond simply wanting a relationship to start off with passion and fireworks.

 

Make up your mind (and heart) before messing with people's emotions like that...that is just so wrong.

[Leigh 87]

I have a massive problem with the fact this Guru alludes to:

 

" even if you have realistic expectations, seek therapy to ensure you can fall for healthy choices, and continue to enjoy life single rather then NEED a partner, you will still likely never find passion AND compatibility"

 

He doesn't acknowledge that people who want something and work for it, can very easily get it if it is not a lotto win sort of deal.

 

I think if I really want to fall madly in love one day, and be one of those "lucky" couples who fall hard and had strong chemistry and a strong honeymoon period, then I will - IF I put the work in......

 

Work being: therapy to regularly assess whether I am forming healthy connections with available men rather than gravitating towards men my body KNOWS and senses will leave me.

 

And also being realistic with standards.

 

The Guru plain doesn't acknowledge passionate people like me who would really rather enjoy being alone than going about things HIS way...

 

Where as I would wish couples well if they chose the alternative route to myself - would never dare say " well, it seldom happens and there is only a tiiiiiiny chance of you finding, but hey, good luck"

 

He makes out like it is near impossible to find a person who you feel great chemistry with, who you are infatuated with initially and who ends up lasting past he super lovey dovey stage!

[fitnessfan365]

But yeah I didn't want to settle for a lack of sexual sparks simply because he is such a "nice" guy.

 

I DO agree with this though. It's funny because the woman in my life always had to settle for "the nice guy" because she used to be heavy set too. I'm glad she was though because it did make her an amazing person personality wise.

 

But even though she digs my overall personality, it's my fit body and strong dominance/aggression that works her up sexually. That's what cool though. I get to keep making her feel more sexually confident and beautiful with her being my muse in the bedroom. However, having a woman that I'm so attracted to sexually, that I also genuinely like as a person and click with so well is fantastic.

[katiegrl]

I don't think I am very attractive. A few guys see to dig me but I am sure not a whole lot do.

 

I don't think I will find a guy who is into me and who I also feel chemistry with, until I get my nose surgery soonish. Since with my awful nose I definitely don't feel like I have enough options in men to have that luxury of intense MUTUAL attraction, LOL.......

 

I wanted the nose job since age 13 since well before I cared about boys so it isn't just about that.

 

I broke my nose early in life and as a result it is very crooked and unnecessarily long looking...

 

I have never thought I was good enough looking to have options in men, which is why I sort of think that, until after the operation, I simply don't have the options or pool of men to choose from in order for me to expect great chemistry AND emotional compatibility!

 

Okay now I want to hug you...

 

Sweetie you sure know how to drum up the emotions don't ya...I'll give you that.

 

Good luck with your surgery!

[Leigh 87]

Of course laughing is important... but for the love of all things beautiful... why the hell did you ever attempt to get back together with him?? Only to break up with him once again!

 

Go back and read your own posts again...after you got back together. You made it sound like he might be *the one*!!! That you had FINALLY found that right combination of niceness and passion!

 

Which in retrospect, considering you ended it again, was completely over the top.

 

THAT is the issue here. Your behavior was akin to "jerking him around" and if you don't think so, your issues go way beyond simply wanting a relationship to start off with passion and fireworks.

 

Make up your mind (and heart) before messing with people's emotions like that...that is just so wrong.

 

 

oh I agree messing with peoples feelings on purpose is awful.

 

I felt a spark with him initially and he has a heart of gold.

 

The main deciding factor for me in giving things another try was that it is slim pickings out there and I realised I cared so much for him - I loved the way he treated me!

 

The initial spark and the way he treated me AND his heart of gold made me go for it and give it a proper try......

 

When it came down to it, I realised my initial gut instinct was correct. I care for him very much but.. don't believe we have enough passion perhaps from my end......

 

I would never dream of going back to him and I apologised profusely and he was fine - he knew I meant well!

 

I never set out to jerk his feelings about and I felt awful and I even cried because I felt so bad for doing this again, trust me it wasn't easy but I set out with good intentions.

[Leigh 87]

Okay now I want to hug you...

 

Sweetie you sure know how to drum up the emotions don't ya...I'll give you that.

 

Good luck with your surgery!

 

 

Well if I don't think I have any options in men now, can you see WHY I didn't want to just settle for the first nice guy who paid me attention and had a full time job?

 

I want to reach my potential in life before I say " okay, I have no options and no chance"

 

I have yet to graduate and really have an awesome carer yet, I don't work out and I don't take care of my body. So I am looking to better myself, have my career on track and really reach my potential before I settle....

 

With this guy I felt like I was jumping on the first decent man who adored me because, well, I doubt anyone else will until I have my nose job and I better myself.

 

I tried to give a nice guy a chance! I also have to think about myself, my predicament and where I am coming from. As it stands, I believe I have few options in men and am apt to "settling".

 

This will all change when I get my confidence up.

 

I have great potential though based on feedback friends and new comers into my life tell me! Hence why I think it is perfectly reasonable for me to hold out for chemistry, and compatibility

[katiegrl]

oh I agree messing with peoples feelings on purpose is awful.

 

I felt a spark with him initially and he has a heart of gold.

 

The main deciding factor for me in giving things another try was that it is slim pickings out there and I realised I cared so much for him - I loved the way he treated me!

 

The initial spark and the way he treated me AND his heart of gold made me go for it and give it a proper try......

 

When it came down to it, I realised my initial gut instinct was correct. I care for him very much but.. don't believe we have enough passion perhaps from my end......

 

I would never dream of going back to him and I apologised profusely and he was fine - he knew I meant well!

 

I never set out to jerk his feelings about and I felt awful and I even cried because I felt so bad for doing this again, trust me it wasn't easy but I set out with good intentions.

 

Okay fair enough... you're okay. Keep learning, keep growing.

 

((hugs))...and you are beautiful just the way you are.

[fitnessfan365]

When it came down to it, I realised my initial gut instinct was correct.

 

It's funny because I was one of the very few in the "players" thread to say that your initial feelings were dead on and you should avoid the guy. But since you did seem to like him, I wish that I would have been wrong.

[Leigh 87]

Okay fair enough... you're okay. Keep learning, keep growing.

 

((hugs))...and you are beautiful just the way you are.

 

 

That is the upsetting thing for me....

 

With my stupid broken nose, that... wonderful man probably IS the only man who thinks I am beautiful just the way I am...

 

yet hey. I am a tramp I guess for wanting to have a strong desire to make out with my partner.. to have the wow sexual chemistry like my friend has and I also feel like hey, if she has it I can too.....

 

I feel awful for stuffing him about but he swears to me that he doesn't see it that way, he thinks I liked him, wanted to give it another go and as soon as I felt off - I told him rathe than dragging it out.

 

He respects me as a person and wants to remain friends. I guess if I set out with ill intent it would be another story.

[Leigh 87]

It's funny because I was one of the very few in the "players" thread to say that your initial feelings were dead on and you should avoid the guy. But since you did seem to like him, I wish that I would have been wrong.

 

 

He wasn't the push over you thought.....

 

 

He 100% hid his pain over it ending. He never once let on he was feeling it badly, he was stoic. But I knew he was crazy about me and disappointed as hell.

 

He didn't act smothering or overbearing - but I just knew he was reaaalllly into me.

 

It wasn't his behaviour that turned me off believe me! He was... great....

 

I just wasn't feeling enough ... passion surrounding dating him romantically.

 

I felt more of a spiritual and emotional connection rather than sexual one but I DID feel a spark and I instantly liked and cared about this man irrationally.

 

I guess sometimes you have to check things out.. explore them.. unpack your feelings and see what you get...

 

I honestly meant well trying...

 

 

 

 

Evan Marc Katz would say " well you felt attracted and he was a nice guy, the type you always wanted, passion SMASHON... LOL.. Chemistry schemistry...... He would poo pooo true chemistry and lust and actually WANTING to make out with a partner, in favour of " compatibility first, build passion second"

 

 

His way of doing things just doesn't resonate with everyone and I wish he had a more realistic approach to dealing with people who do hold out for chemistry and emotional connections...

[katiegrl]

That is the upsetting thing for me....

 

With my stupid broken nose, that... wonderful man probably IS the only man who thinks I am beautiful just the way I am...

 

yet hey. I am a tramp I guess for wanting to have a strong desire to make out with my partner.. to have the wow sexual chemistry like my friend has and I also feel like hey, if she has it I can too.....

 

I feel awful for stuffing him about but he swears to me that he doesn't see it that way, he thinks I liked him, wanted to give it another go and as soon as I felt off - I told him rathe than dragging it out.

 

He respects me as a person and wants to remain friends. I guess if I set out with ill intent it would be another story.

 

>>"wonderful man probably IS the only man who thinks I am beautiful... "<<

 

That's not true! Remember what fitnessfan posted when he saw your pic? He was like all gaga over you...I remember!

 

Now YOU just have to believe it! Hoping one day *you* will...cause once you do, things will start happening for you.

 

It actually doesn't matter what others think..it's what YOU think...and if the nose job will help you feel more beautiful...go for it!