I feel so bitter...

[Van Norden]

Although we're too stubborn to understand this wonderful part of NC we must continue to do it. I think in a few months or maybe in a year, if we maintain NC properly, we'll be able to accept anything that our exes are doing during that time in their lives, whether their in a new relationship or not. Our wounds are still fresh despite months passing, but this is our chance to grow into stronger versions of ourselves.

 

I've come to understand something, that if we're still hurt about our break-ups then that means we haven't done much growing since then. The more we grow the further we move away from the pain. It is so easy to say, but we truly have a difficult task at hand here lol. We have a better chance of getting our exes back if we except this challenge as opposed to not doing it. Although that's NOT the goal here, the facts are our exes are NOT in love with this version of us anymore. Which is a clear indicator that we need to grow into better men. We honestly don't know what the future holds.

 

I will heed your advice and steer away from the OLD sites. I just deleted two of my profiles permanently as I type this message. That **** was a waste of time, I guess I needed a confidence boost lol. There's a site where you can look for meet up groups in your area. I should take a look at that, maybe you can too lol.

More than that. Maybe I'm messing things up since we both know theory damn well and NC is NOT for getting 'em back. Still ideally they will get along with new dudes in order to really miss -or not- what they previously had. It kinda sucks, in fact. On one hand, I'd love to know she's kept quiet at home on weekends. Saw a picture of her with two female friends hanging out last Monday and drove me to tears just by thinking of the possibility of "what-could-have-happened". But hey, on the other hand it's something rational and natural. It will happen, sooner or later. Just keep in mind the "out of sight, out of mind" motto and we'll be not fine, but better.

 

Take care man, you'll do well at being a better person of yourself. Just center on yourself. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

[Jonp219]

More than that. Maybe I'm messing things up since we both know theory damn well and NC is NOT for getting 'em back. Still ideally they will get along with new dudes in order to really miss -or not- what they previously had. It kinda sucks, in fact. On one hand, I'd love to know she's kept quiet at home on weekends. Saw a picture of her with two female friends hanging out last Monday and drove me to tears just by thinking of the possibility of "what-could-have-happened". But hey, on the other hand it's something rational and natural. It will happen, sooner or later. Just keep in mind the "out of sight, out of mind" motto and we'll be not fine, but better.

 

Take care man, you'll do well at being a better person of yourself. Just center on yourself. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

 

See man, I think i'm doing better compared to a few weeks ago when I was throwing around all these belligerent threads on this site. How did you see that picture if your NC? Gladly, my ex is NC too I can't see ANY of her pictures, and I think that helped my recovery along the way. Stay away from all that bro, they're just set backs and nothing more. I know NC isn't a tool to get them back, but it is a way to recover and become stronger. If you're ex called you right now and said, "lets meet up", would you be able to do it while keeping your emotions under control? Ofcourse not. Only way you'll ever get to communicate with her effectively is if you're in a better place in life, a place where she isn't much importance.

 

You're going to be just fine too. I believe you will get through this ordeal.

 

Pictures are the absolute worst things to look at right now.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Jonp219

[Van Norden]

See man, I think i'm doing better compared to a few weeks ago when I was throwing around all these belligerent threads on this site. How did you see that picture if your NC? Gladly, my ex is NC too I can't see ANY of her pictures, and I think that helped my recovery along the way. Stay away from all that bro, they're just set backs and nothing more. I know NC isn't a tool to get them back, but it is a way to recover and become stronger. If you're ex called you right now and said, "lets meet up", would you be able to do it while keeping your emotions under control? Ofcourse not. Only way you'll ever get to communicate with her effectively is if you're in a better place in life, a place where she isn't much importance.

 

You're going to be just fine too. I believe you will get through this ordeal.

 

Pictures are the absolute worst things to look at right now.

 

Well, I have an absolutely wrong way of approaching NC. I don't have a FB account to avoid knowing anything of her. Still I manage to use the FB account of the business I'm in, and curiosity killed the cat. I have A LOT of time without doing anything, and sometimes I look at profiles with public posts where she used to like things just to get a glimpse of her activity (terribly wrong, I know, but I cannot control this urge). When I accidentally saw her attendance to an event I couldn't control myself and browsed through the pictures just to see her there.

 

I know it's irrational. I know I'm doing far worse than her and still I laugh with my friends. I know her "liking" funny pictures doesn't mean she is not sad at times. I hang out as well, and I'd made out with girls without even forgetting her. But in some weird way, each time I have a glimpse of her social life I kinda get the feeling that I'm already erased of her memory forevermore.

[siochana]

That's so hard, but I see where you're coming from.

 

I'm just scared that one day i'm going to find out she's with someone else and I just want to beat her to the punch. It's really selfish, but guarding my ego is very important to me, especially now. I'm not only depending on OLD sites, i'm doing alot of other things also to keep myself busy.

 

And it's not shallow to date someone that you're attracted to, it's only shallow if you date them SOLELY on their looks. I can't possibly imagine dating someone I thought was unattractive, hell no.

 

It will get easier.

 

If there was no abuse in the realtionship you will have far less to deal with.

 

Was there?

[Jonp219]

It will get easier.

 

If there was no abuse in the realtionship you will have far less to deal with.

 

Was there?

 

Unfortunately yes (sort of)

 

I would get angry rather easily and I'm insecure. I was a real ******* and ultimately I believe that pushed her away. Basically she out grew me, I was still an insecure little boy while she was growing into a woman. She said a lot of ugly things when we broke up but can't say I blame her.

[Jonp219]

Well, I have an absolutely wrong way of approaching NC. I don't have a FB account to avoid knowing anything of her. Still I manage to use the FB account of the business I'm in, and curiosity killed the cat. I have A LOT of time without doing anything, and sometimes I look at profiles with public posts where she used to like things just to get a glimpse of her activity (terribly wrong, I know, but I cannot control this urge). When I accidentally saw her attendance to an event I couldn't control myself and browsed through the pictures just to see her there.

 

I know it's irrational. I know I'm doing far worse than her and still I laugh with my friends. I know her "liking" funny pictures doesn't mean she is not sad at times. I hang out as well, and I'd made out with girls without even forgetting her. But in some weird way, each time I have a glimpse of her social life I kinda get the feeling that I'm already erased of her memory forevermore.

 

Don't sweat it, I do it too. But I'm able to see a lot less because she doesn't do much on social media. Although we blocked each other on Instagram, I would look through mutual profiles just to see if she liked a picture from that page lol. Sometimes I can't contain the urge either, but I have to remind myself sometimes that if I keep doing it I'm going to see something that's going to set me back for weeks. So I try to put a little scare into myself by telling myself that.

[DannyCA]

Hey jonp219,

 

I've read through your thread and I can't help relate to pretty much everything you posted.

 

I read that some days you just hope that she would contact you? That's not something you want. My ex did this thing for two years where she would hit me up once every 4 to 5 months. I took the bait for a year, then I decided to stop. When I decided to ignore her everytime she contacted me, it made her go crazy, but helped me. I went NC for almost a year, when I broke. I have to say during my almost year NC, I even deactivated my fb and blocked her on ig, no social media looking at all for that almost year.

 

We were almost at our 2 year mark when she contacted me and for some dumb reason I broke. I would rationalize in my head, "she has to be different, she has to want to get back together all this time later". No, when I agreed to meet her she bailed on me.

 

Making even more of an ass out of myself, at our 2 year mark, it was my winter break from school. I was doing a lot of camping and hiking in different states by myself (it's a great method for self reflection), when I found myself ending up in her state. We met up, things went great, really great, I haven't heard from her in 3 months now...

 

As for the dating thing so you can beat her to the punch, that doesn't work. In the 2 years we've been broken up, I've had multiple partners and even had another girlfriend, even though we broke up a few months ago (I feel like an ass because when me and that most recent ex BU, I didn't feel a thing)

 

The reason I say beating her to the punch won't work is because I promise you I have beat my ex to the punch in every aspect of dating among other things. But a couple weeks ago I saw a picture of what looks like her and a new boyfriend.

 

...Two years later, it felt like 20 guys took a turn punching me in the stomach, but that's my fault for looking

Edited April 7, 2015 by DannyCA

[Jonp219]

Hey jonp219,

 

I've read through your thread and I can't help relate to pretty much everything you posted.

 

I read that some days you just hope that she would contact you? That's not something you want. My ex did this thing for two years where she would hit me up once every 4 to 5 months. I took the bait for a year, then I decided to stop. When I decided to ignore her everytime she contacted me, it made her go crazy, but helped me. I went NC for almost a year, when I broke. I have to say during my almost year NC, I even deactivated my fb and blocked her on ig, no social media looking at all for that almost year.

 

We were almost at our 2 year mark when she contacted me and for some dumb reason I broke. I would rationalize in my head, "she has to be different, she has to want to get back together all this time later". No, when I agreed to meet her she bailed on me.

 

Making even more of an ass out of myself, at our 2 year mark, it was my winter break from school. I was doing a lot of camping and hiking in different states by myself (it's a great method for self reflection), when I found myself ending up in her state. We met up, things went great, really great, I haven't heard from her in 3 months now...

 

As for the dating thing so you can beat her to the punch, that doesn't work. In the 2 years we've been broken up, I've had multiple partners and even had another girlfriend, even though we broke up a few months ago (I feel like an ass because when me and that most recent ex BU, I didn't feel a thing)

 

The reason I say beating her to the punch won't work is because I promise you I have beat my ex to the punch in every aspect of dating among other things. But a couple weeks ago I saw a picture of what looks like her and a new boyfriend.

 

...Two years later, it felt like 20 guys took a turn punching me in the stomach, but that's my fault for looking

 

See this is the type of stuff that pisses me off, why do they do that? Like I don't understand what they get out of that, even if it's just an ego boost it's lame as hell. If me and her ever speak I want to be close to indifference because where I'm at right now I couldn't look her straight in the eye without my emotions going crazy.

 

Were you waiting for her to contact you for that one year? After two years it still hurts you to see her with someone else? How long were you guys together?

 

I just hope to everything that is holy I don't take that long to recover. Its a really big fear of mine at 25 I feel like I don't have all the time in the world to find a wife.

[DannyCA]

See this is the type of stuff that pisses me off, why do they do that? Like I don't understand what they get out of that, even if it's just an ego boost it's lame as hell. If me and her ever speak I want to be close to indifference because where I'm at right now I couldn't look her straight in the eye without my emotions going crazy.

 

Were you waiting for her to contact you for that one year? After two years it still hurts you to see her with someone else? How long were you guys together?

 

I just hope to everything that is holy I don't take that long to recover. Its a really big fear of mine at 25 I feel like I don't have all the time in the world to find a wife.

 

The way you reach that point of indifference is by the strict NC, and when you're finally indifferent you will know. After my almost one year NC, I made some really great progress in moving on (I probably only had a few months to go), but I wasn't ready to talk to her, I did it anyway...

 

During that one year part of me liked that she still contacted me, but that was only because I enjoyed ignoring her and feeling like I had the power. Fu**** right?

 

The sh** part about it is we were only together a year (including all the talking we did). Yet, I'm 23 and finishing up school. I can see that I have no business being in a relationship until I'm the man I'd like to be, until I'm happy with myself.

 

It wont take you as long as me to recover if you're smart and resist any dumb urges. As for that whole 25 and worried about finding a wife, don't sweat it. Why do you think you don't have much time? What did you set the number 30 the age you need to be married by? If so that's stupid. That forces you into a box to try and "find" love as opposed to it just "happening". Kinda like you and your ex just "happened" right?

 

But if you're still worried about the age thing, I'll share a little story with you. I have an older brother who's 29. When he was 26, his gf of 5 years broke up with him. He was a mess. But one thing he did right away was cut off all contact with her. A year and a half later, he was moved on and started dating his now current gf. I've never seen him happier with another woman.

 

As for the question "after all this time it still hurts to see her with someone else?" Yeah it does. I guess it has to do with the fact I've never fully moved on. For myself, so far in life I wouldn't even need one hand to count the things I regret. I guess a part of me feels like I would regret it for the rest of my life if I fully let this woman go...

 

Yet, clearly my older brother has always had a better head on his shoulders than myself lol

Edited April 7, 2015 by DannyCA

[Jonp219]

The way you reach that point of indifference is by the strict NC, and when you're finally indifferent you will know. After my almost one year NC, I made some really great progress in moving on (I probably only had a few months to go), but I wasn't ready to talk to her, I did it anyway...

 

During that one year part of me liked that she still contacted me, but that was only because I enjoyed ignoring her and feeling like I had the power. Fu**** right?

 

The sh** part about it is we were only together a year (including all the talking we did). Yet, I'm 23 and finishing up school. I can see that I have no business being in a relationship until I'm the man I'd like to be, until I'm happy with myself.

 

It wont take you as long as me to recover if you're smart and resist any dumb urges. As for that whole 25 and worried about finding a wife, don't sweat it. Why do you think you don't have much time? What did you set the number 30 the age you need to be married by? If so that's stupid. That forces you into a box to try and "find" love as opposed to it just "happening". Kinda like you and your ex just "happened" right?

 

But if you're still worried about the age thing, I'll share a little story with you. I have an older brother who's 29. When he was 26, his gf of 5 years broke up with him. He was a mess. But one thing he did right away was cut off all contact with her. A year and a half later, he was moved on and started dating his now current gf. I've never seen him happier with another woman.

 

As for the question "after all this time it still hurts to see her with someone else?" Yeah it does. I guess it has to do with the fact I've never fully moved on. For myself, so far in life I wouldn't even need one hand to count the things I regret. I guess a part of me feels like I would regret it for the rest of my life if I fully let this woman go...

 

Yet, clearly my older brother has always had a better head on his shoulders than myself lol

 

I guess it's because i'm surrounded by friends who have significant others and kids on the way. Alot of my friends have already started their families and are planning marriage. So seeing that makes me feel lonely and gives me this pressure to go out and do the same. I agree, it is a stupid mindset, but i'm just scared that i'm going to end up alone. I thought I had my future wife all along and now I have nothing, she's gone. It leaves me with a ton of pressure and regret for what could of been.

 

I can also emphasize with not being able to let go after a certain amount of time. I still haven't let go, and from time-to-time I still check her twitter to see what she writes. I do it alot less these days, but sometimes I have moments of weakness. It's been 2 months since our break-up, and although I feel MUCH better than I did a month ago, there's still that glimmer of hopefulness in there, and it makes me angry because I don't want it anymore. I don't want to set myself up for pain and failure.

[Diezel]

Its a really big fear of mine at 25 I feel like I don't have all the time in the world to find a wife.

 

What is THIS?

 

At 25? Are your eggs going to dry up? Your fallopian tubes gonna tighten up?

 

You don't realize HOW much time you have in order to grow as a person, as a MAN. It drives me CRAZY whenever I read a boy post about how he is in his mid-twenties or even thirties and talk about finding a relationship with such desperation.

 

You have so much time to find someone, to learn about yourself, to see the world, to be talking like this. I made it all the way past my mid-thirties and not ONCE did I think that I wouldn't find someone to be with.

 

Sure, I was told I might die old and alone, but I don't live by people's expectations of me, I just try to exceed my own.

[Jonp219]

What is THIS?

 

At 25? Are your eggs going to dry up? Your fallopian tubes gonna tighten up?

 

You don't realize HOW much time you have in order to grow as a person, as a MAN. It drives me CRAZY whenever I read a boy post about how he is in his mid-twenties or even thirties and talk about finding a relationship with such desperation.

 

You have so much time to find someone, to learn about yourself, to see the world, to be talking like this. I made it all the way past my mid-thirties and not ONCE did I think that I wouldn't find someone to be with.

 

Sure, I was told I might die old and alone, but I don't live by people's expectations of me, I just try to exceed my own.

 

My older relatives tell me the same exact thing, but it's so much harder to find someone with class these days. I absolutely suck at meeting people let alone women in general. I met all my exes through mutual friends and my circle of friends is much smaller these days. Not to mention, I feel like I was a ****ty boyfriend, like I didn't deserve to be with my ex for as long as I was. It should of ended much sooner, but I gave her a lot of false hope and made her believe I was going to change. As pathetic as it sounds, sometimes I feel like I didn't deserve half the women that ever liked me or gave me a chance. Till this day I don't see what they saw in me, I wish I knew.

[DannyCA]

My older relatives tell me the same exact thing, but it's so much harder to find someone with class these days. I absolutely suck at meeting people let alone women in general. I met all my exes through mutual friends and my circle of friends is much smaller these days. Not to mention, I feel like I was a ****ty boyfriend, like I didn't deserve to be with my ex for as long as I was. It should of ended much sooner, but I gave her a lot of false hope and made her believe I was going to change. As pathetic as it sounds, sometimes I feel like I didn't deserve half the women that ever liked me or gave me a chance. Till this day I don't see what they saw in me, I wish I knew.

 

 

I can also emphasize with not being able to let go after a certain amount of time. I still haven't let go, and from time-to-time I still check her twitter to see what she writes. I do it alot less these days, but sometimes I have moments of weakness. It's been 2 months since our break-up, and although I feel MUCH better than I did a month ago, there's still that glimmer of hopefulness in there, and it makes me angry because I don't want it anymore. I don't want to set myself up for pain and failure

 

I read a lot of regret, excuses, and self-deprecation, but not what you are going to do to make yourself right. I can tell you it's not hard meeting women with class. You're in college right? If so you're surrounded with beautiful and intelligent women! I'll tell you this, I am not all that confident when it comes to women, but I always give it my best shot. After ex from 2 years ago, I met another girl last year. Intelligent, beautiful, classy (most of the time, she had her faults but everyone does).

 

I'll tell you though, I met that girl last year when I was strict NC for 6 months, and was strict NC while we dated. I wish words could do justice to the kind of progress I made when I was strict NC, I didn't say one word to her, I didn't look one time at social media for that almost year.

 

You are probably not as bad as I was during after my breakup. Myself, I like to be active including weight lifting, snowboarding, hiking, camping, kayaking. I stopped 100% my active lifestyle to self-loathe after my breakup. I even dropped out of school for a year.

 

You are only 2 months in, idk how many people have told you, but you have a damn long road ahead of you to recover. But you will get there if you stop the regret, if you stop the social media checking etc.

 

Even though all my posts are pretty much about that ex I can't get over, it's not all bad news. Last year I finally got back into my active lifestyle and am in the best shape of my life. I have refined sense of the man I'd like to be, but still have a long way to go. I'm back in school finishing up my degree. I've taken up a bunch of new hobbies while keeping the old ones I really enjoy. I go on solo camping trips for self-reflection. And I read a lot more for pleasure now instead of just school material.

 

Yeah whatever, I still haven't given up on that ex from 2 years ago, and people on this site would probably slap the sh** out of me if they could. That ex may be on my mind everyday, I might still have hope for her, but that isn't stopping me from my goal of becoming the best possible man I can be. And that is the most important thing to me.

[Van Norden]

What is THIS?

 

At 25? Are your eggs going to dry up? Your fallopian tubes gonna tighten up?

 

You don't realize HOW much time you have in order to grow as a person, as a MAN. It drives me CRAZY whenever I read a boy post about how he is in his mid-twenties or even thirties and talk about finding a relationship with such desperation.

 

You have so much time to find someone, to learn about yourself, to see the world, to be talking like this. I made it all the way past my mid-thirties and not ONCE did I think that I wouldn't find someone to be with.

 

Sure, I was told I might die old and alone, but I don't live by people's expectations of me, I just try to exceed my own.

Hey, two days ago I bit my tongue to repress that you shouldn't be so cruel and harsh in your expressions when harassing someone that clinged to the hope he could recover his ex (don't make me look for the thread now). But truth is that you just made my day.

 

Truth is, at my 24 I also feel in Jon's shoes, given the fact that my BU is so similar in time and feelings (I may sound colder in my expressions, but truth is that I feel really reflected in your words, man). Also, I've also felt older than what I am - done much more than I should for my age (for more info, just take a look at my venting thread quoted below). And definitely I'm drowning in my own tears thinking I won't be able to find anyone as beautiful, as busty, as passionate, as intelligent, as bitter as my ex. Had a huge argument today with my mother because I feel like I was returned to reality after this daydream playing in a league I don't really belong. From the moment she was the dumper I feel my ego really hurt - used to feel HUGE when we walked through the avenues holding hands and now I'm like I wasn't enough MAN for her. Mum told me that I was just developing my own MANLY body and left childhood, and whereas I fail to see any of my older mates (I'm used to hang out with people +10 my age) with a woman as smoking hot as I used to have, that kinda uplifted me. Until I drowned again in my own natural bitterness and the chemical exposure I'm receiving from these dirty meds.

 

Dunno why I'm whining again, but all in all I'm grateful to have found this site and find some sparks of light from time to time. At least less alone and without bothering my friends anymore. So all the best for all of you.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/520413-my-venting-thread?highlight=venting

Edited April 8, 2015 by Van Norden

[Jonp219]

I read a lot of regret, excuses, and self-deprecation, but not what you are going to do to make yourself right. I can tell you it's not hard meeting women with class. You're in college right? If so you're surrounded with beautiful and intelligent women! I'll tell you this, I am not all that confident when it comes to women, but I always give it my best shot. After ex from 2 years ago, I met another girl last year. Intelligent, beautiful, classy (most of the time, she had her faults but everyone does).

 

I'll tell you though, I met that girl last year when I was strict NC for 6 months, and was strict NC while we dated. I wish words could do justice to the kind of progress I made when I was strict NC, I didn't say one word to her, I didn't look one time at social media for that almost year.

 

You are probably not as bad as I was during after my breakup. Myself, I like to be active including weight lifting, snowboarding, hiking, camping, kayaking. I stopped 100% my active lifestyle to self-loathe after my breakup. I even dropped out of school for a year.

 

You are only 2 months in, idk how many people have told you, but you have a damn long road ahead of you to recover. But you will get there if you stop the regret, if you stop the social media checking etc.

 

Even though all my posts are pretty much about that ex I can't get over, it's not all bad news. Last year I finally got back into my active lifestyle and am in the best shape of my life. I have refined sense of the man I'd like to be, but still have a long way to go. I'm back in school finishing up my degree. I've taken up a bunch of new hobbies while keeping the old ones I really enjoy. I go on solo camping trips for self-reflection. And I read a lot more for pleasure now instead of just school material.

 

Yeah whatever, I still haven't given up on that ex from 2 years ago, and people on this site would probably slap the sh** out of me if they could. That ex may be on my mind everyday, I might still have hope for her, but that isn't stopping me from my goal of becoming the best possible man I can be. And that is the most important thing to me.

 

I can truly respect alot of what you said here.

 

However, alot of beautiful and intelligent women are more inclined to take advantage of a guy like me, since there outstanding qualities will intimate me. I guess i'm like this because I centered my world around her; therefore, i'm having a hard time orbiting around ME again. Even though I've been busy with school, writing, and exercising, her not being here anymore still seems surreal to me.

 

I don't like making assumptions about people's feelings, but I feel despite how great the girl after your ex was you still felt like your ex was better, is that accurate? Because if she was truly better you would of forgotten about your ex by now, but then again, feelings vary by individual. The fact that I still might be thinking about my ex for that long seems scary as **** to me.

 

I've been pretty good these past few days, but something triggered in me yesterday, and now i'm feeling down again.

[Van Norden]

I can truly respect alot of what you said here.

 

However, alot of beautiful and intelligent women are more inclined to take advantage of a guy like me, since there outstanding qualities will intimate me. I guess i'm like this because I centered my world around her; therefore, i'm having a hard time orbiting around ME again. Even though I've been busy with school, writing, and exercising, her not being here anymore still seems surreal to me.

 

I don't like making assumptions about people's feelings, but I feel despite how great the girl after your ex was you still felt like your ex was better, is that accurate? Because if she was truly better you would of forgotten about your ex by now, but then again, feelings vary by individual. The fact that I still might be thinking about my ex for that long seems scary as **** to me.

 

I've been pretty good these past few days, but something triggered in me yesterday, and now i'm feeling down again.

Once again, I feel reflected with your case.

 

I really respect all of those who talk about "centering on being a better self". I cannot without being approved by a gorgeous woman. Call me shallow-immature-whatever if you want. It's perfectly fine that everyone purchases his own goals, right? Then, why cannot be getting a damn fine woman among my bed sheets ready to give me good sex when I'm happy and hold me down when I'm sad mine without anybody calling me names? I've been kinda lonesome all my life, I've had ONS, some kinky street sex without condoms (got plenty of blood tests and I'm doing fine, thanks for asking), I've done lots of hobbies, read a lot, listened to lots of music from different kinds which I know like the palm of my hand, some old fashioned classy cinema here and there (some kind of areal myth surrounding me as I'm like an encylopaedia on these cultural assumptions)..., what can I add? I think I'm enough well-rounded. I've felt so different things, I've experienced catharsis enough times revisiting old 50's movies. I've cried at concerts. I've broke noses and I've undergone pain in different ways. And still the only times I've felt something similar to happiness was doing drugs (which I don't anymore) or walking with HER by my side / grabbing her beautiful huge breasts when we woke up and kissed passionately with an endless erection and her wonderful smile so close to mine. Doesn't that mean something? Isn't this proof enough that my happiness doesn't really dwell inside of me but on others' intentions?

 

I'm so depressed when I reflect on that, since I guess I'm forever doomed to remain desperate to women (who seem to be so unstable, at least the ones I've met until now).

 

I feel really close to your case of nullified self-esteem, dude. Except for a tiny fact: I don't really have better days.

[Jonp219]

Once again, I feel reflected with your case.

 

I really respect all of those who talk about "centering on being a better self". I cannot without being approved by a gorgeous woman. Call me shallow-immature-whatever if you want. It's perfectly fine that everyone purchases his own goals, right? Then, why cannot be getting a damn fine woman among my bed sheets ready to give me good sex when I'm happy and hold me down when I'm sad mine without anybody calling me names? I've been kinda lonesome all my life, I've had ONS, some kinky street sex without condoms (got plenty of blood tests and I'm doing fine, thanks for asking), I've done lots of hobbies, read a lot, listened to lots of music from different kinds which I know like the palm of my hand, some old fashioned classy cinema here and there (some kind of areal myth surrounding me as I'm like an encylopaedia on these cultural assumptions)..., what can I add? I think I'm enough well-rounded. I've felt so different things, I've experienced catharsis enough times revisiting old 50's movies. I've cried at concerts. I've broke noses and I've undergone pain in different ways. And still the only times I've felt something similar to happiness was doing drugs (which I don't anymore) or walking with HER by my side / grabbing her beautiful huge breasts when we woke up and kissed passionately with an endless erection and her wonderful smile so close to mine. Doesn't that mean something? Isn't this proof enough that my happiness doesn't really dwell inside of me but on others' intentions?

 

I'm so depressed when I reflect on that, since I guess I'm forever doomed to remain desperate to women (who seem to be so unstable, at least the ones I've met until now).

 

I feel really close to your case of nullified self-esteem, dude. Except for a tiny fact: I don't really have better days.

 

The feeling is mutual...

 

However, mine didn't have big beautiful breast, she did have a fat ass though. She was a strong supportive figure in my life, but most of all, she was mine. At times I also laugh at the, "you must find happiness within yourself" rhetoric. However, i'm finding out day by day how true those statements truly are. My scarce mindset told me that there isn't another woman in this world for me that could possibly measure up to my ex. But now i'm starting to see her flaws, her imperfections, the very nature of her core that I thought was infallible. I'm starting to see her as a--wait for it--a human, before she wasn't a human she was my Michelle. Although I loved her to bits, deep down I knew things weren't right.

 

I still remember waking up next to her, having early morning sex, getting dressed, and going out to eat breakfast. Having conversations over sunny side up eggs and strips of ham, while we planned out our day. Those moments were beautiful, but I can't tell myself that I will never experience that with someone else again. I've had depression all my life, but there's always this glimmer of hope in my eye. I don't think I would of ever had that if it wasn't for the way my mother raised me. My mother went through hell with my father, but her face never expresses that pain. My mother is God sent, that's the only woman I would NEVER get over when her time comes.

 

I understand it's hard my friend, but sometimes I think you put too much emphasis on how different you are compared to everyone else. You and another woman don't have to have the same interest in culture, music, or cinema but you both should admire something about each other. Me and my ex didn't like any of the same things, but we invited each other into our worlds and learned new things about one another. Don't be so hard on yourself for being different, if anything, I think that's a good thing. You seem like a very intimate guy, someone who loves discussing hopes, dreams, and fears with others. Women absolutely adore guys with those qualities.

 

I truly hope you get better.

Edited April 8, 2015 by Jonp219

[Diezel]

My older relatives tell me the same exact thing, but it's so much harder to find someone with class these days. I absolutely suck at meeting people let alone women in general. I met all my exes through mutual friends and my circle of friends is much smaller these days. Not to mention, I feel like I was a ****ty boyfriend, like I didn't deserve to be with my ex for as long as I was. It should of ended much sooner, but I gave her a lot of false hope and made her believe I was going to change. As pathetic as it sounds, sometimes I feel like I didn't deserve half the women that ever liked me or gave me a chance. Till this day I don't see what they saw in me, I wish I knew.

 

Then take this time to get to know yourself and grow as a man.

 

You really are very down on yourself, so why the hell would any woman want to be with someone like that? Out of pity? I doubt it. You're only 25. Take your time to get to know yourself and meet new people.

 

Forget a new relationship.

 

You are nowhere near that level right now.

 

Even when I was 30, I was nowhere near ready. And about that stuff you wrote that there are no classy people? There are TONS of people out there, but how are you supposed to meet them when your social circle is getting smaller?

 

Do you even understand what you are saying? You can't meet people that meet your standards, but you aren't meeting any people.

 

Get out there, develop a social life, grow into yourself and THEN worry about a relationship. You just seem to identify having an identity with being in a relationship and that's the wrong angle.

[DannyCA]

I can truly respect alot of what you said here.

 

However, alot of beautiful and intelligent women are more inclined to take advantage of a guy like me, since there outstanding qualities will intimate me. I guess i'm like this because I centered my world around her; therefore, i'm having a hard time orbiting around ME again. Even though I've been busy with school, writing, and exercising, her not being here anymore still seems surreal to me.

 

I don't like making assumptions about people's feelings, but I feel despite how great the girl after your ex was you still felt like your ex was better, is that accurate? Because if she was truly better you would of forgotten about your ex by now, but then again, feelings vary by individual. The fact that I still might be thinking about my ex for that long seems scary as **** to me.

 

I've been pretty good these past few days, but something triggered in me yesterday, and now i'm feeling down again.

 

You feel like all the intelligent and beautiful women out there will take advantage of you? That is an insecurity complex that is your current mind set only because of your ex. That is one of the things you need to work on right now. And to be honest, worrying about women taking advantage of you shouldn't be a concern of yours because dating shouldn't be a concern of yours right now. But once you're in a healthier mindset, you will be ready to date, and you won't worry about them taking advantage of you.

 

And are you kidding me? Of course it feels surreal right now, its only been 2 months dude. The ups and downs are gonna come for months and months. The first year I was a mess, because I took all her breadcrumbs, I looked at her social media all the time, but you don't have to be me. I started smoking (never have before), I started finishing a 6 pack of beer a night, like I said I stopped my active lifestyle, i dropped out of school for a year, and I turned into a person I should have never been. I needed to feel something, so I adopted this "player-ish" mentality. I only ever slept with one woman before my ex from 2 years ago. I was a piece of sh**, I lead girls on for my own personal gain. I was down for much longer than I should have, but that was my fault. I told you I'm 23 now, in the last decade I can only think of 4 times that I have cried. 3 of those times is because of my ex. Something would trigger in me at the most random times and I would break down and cry. That's only because I chose to keep her on my mind (social media, bread crumbs, etc.)

 

(lets call the ex from 2 year ago "C" and the one from 6 months ago "L")

 

Yes your assumption is correct. I felt C was better than L. But the thing is L was the kind of girl that you could settle down, but I wasn't ready. Despite all the feelings I still have for C, I've said time and time again that if she told me tomorrow that she wanted to get back together, I would decline because I'm not happy with myself, I'm not the man I'd like to be yet.

 

I don't regret breaking up with L, she deserved better than me. I could have been what she deserved, but I let myself not be. By the end of my relationship with L, I was just about a year strict NC with C. I think I would be still dating L if I did one thing differently, if I had just blocked C's number. I told you that C did this thing where she would send me a text about every 4 months. Even though I started not reading them and deleting them right away, by seeing she would text me made me think her more. In turn I compared my happiest with C to my happiest with L. That comparison was just the icing on the cake. The main reason I couldn't be with L because despite all my progress, was that I wasn't happy with myself.

 

With my personal goal of being the best man I can possibly be, one of the pieces to that goal is being as honest as possible with myself and with others. People on LS will probably be pissed when they read this, but whatever: I think normalcy is keeping up the act.

 

Let me start by saying everyone is different, but I can't help but feel a lot of people who have "moved on" still have feelings for that one ex. That if they could, they would change the outcome of what happened, even if they are happy in their new relationship and have become a better person. If normalcy is about keeping up the act, then they can never be truthful about their feelings of wishing they ended up with that one ex because that is not normal, that is not acceptable. Yes, don't get me wrong, they probably are very very happy with their new partner, but still part of them still wishes they ended up with that ex instead.

 

So with that being said I've decided to be honest with myself. To me (as foolish as it might sound) I have to believe that somehow C and I will end up together. I have to believe that all the growing we have done apart was not because it would make us better for other people, but so it would make us better people for each other in the end.

 

But despite my feelings, I can't stress enough that my main goal is myself.

 

But again, everyone is different.

Sorry for the rant.

[Van Norden]

The feeling is mutual...

 

However, mine didn't have big beautiful breast, she did have a fat ass though. She was a strong supportive figure in my life, but most of all, she was mine. At times I also laugh at the, "you must find happiness within yourself" rhetoric. However, i'm finding out day by day how true those statements truly are. My scarce mindset told me that there isn't another woman in this world for me that could possibly measure up to my ex. But now i'm starting to see her flaws, her imperfections, the very nature of her core that I thought was infallible. I'm starting to see her as a--wait for it--a human, before she wasn't a human she was my Michelle. Although I loved her to bits, deep down I knew things weren't right.

 

I still remember waking up next to her, having early morning sex, getting dressed, and going out to eat breakfast. Having conversations over sunny side up eggs and strips of ham, while we planned out our day. Those moments were beautiful, but I can't tell myself that I will never experience that with someone else again. I've had depression all my life, but there's always this glimmer of hope in my eye. I don't think I would of ever had that if it wasn't for the way my mother raised me. My mother went through hell with my father, but her face never expresses that pain. My mother is God sent, that's the only woman I would NEVER get over when her time comes.

 

I understand it's hard my friend, but sometimes I think you put too much emphasis on how different you are compared to everyone else. You and another woman don't have to have the same interest in culture, music, or cinema but you both should admire something about each other. Me and my ex didn't like any of the same things, but we invited each other into our worlds and learned new things about one another. Don't be so hard on yourself for being different, if anything, I think that's a good thing. You seem like a very intimate guy, someone who loves discussing hopes, dreams, and fears with others. Women absolutely adore guys with those qualities.

 

I truly hope you get better.

Hey, don't get me wrong! I don't want to give an image of a weird-ass dude just for the sake of it. I mean I'm into different stuff in order to prove I've been looking for happiness in different stances of life. Of course I'd like to date a woman who's different than me in tastes! In fact, as I tell my friends, I loved mine since we shared some mutual tastes (all in all, I'm an ecclectic person) but belong to "different scenes", so to say. I'd NEVER build a relationship upon personal preferences. What's more, I'm tired of talking about the same bands with people from my same hangouts. I enjoy getting to know people into different things.

 

In fact, I now see through her flaws too and did that as well when we were still hanging out. But those were the high points for me: she was so insecure and naïve that I found that adorable. I won't enter into details, but some of the "red flags" she displayed were an absolute love-switch for me. And the fact that she was unable to discuss feelings overly with me (maybe due to past experiences), was something I loved as well. I've been raised with a really affectionate mother, and I kinda despise getting "words not facts", if you know what I mean. She never whispered to me "I love you", nor did I care. She smiled at me instead, and hugged me with so much passion each time we met that I felt more loved than I've ever been. Once we couldn't hang out together for a week (a week! and it's been +3 months since the BU!) and when I told her "whatever, I missed you so"..., dude, I won't forget that heaven sent expression on her face. Obviously, when I found her sad and apologized for showing so to me, I texted her in return "no prob., I love you for who you are", a red flag was shown in return for her. Still I blame myself for showing my insecurity with that sentence, but all in all it was inevitable.

 

Yeah, same goes for you. I really appreciate your supportive words and TRULY hope you get well too, and I'm sure you'll do. Because you show a brave attitude (just stop checking her Twitter!) and aren't afraid of saying that you're feeling better. As for you, some can easily tell how kind you're to other people, which is an absolutely huge point in your favour. If I'm allowed to advice you something, don't ever fall into the "nice guy" prototype either. No need to be a bad guy, but women need some ambiguity in your persona to feel attracted, at least for what I've known. Well, this forum allows us being "anonymous" (not your case anymore, haha), and we're shown with our fully emotional nakedness, but that's not the way we're supposed to act outside. Learn from my experience and show "facts not words". Once a relationship is REALLY solidified, then go for the L-word. Otherwise, don't get too anxious and desperate because "she's the one".

 

Man, I don't have empyrical proof that I'll ever feel the same. Many elements are difficult or impossible to replace. She was the first, I felt like I lost my virginity to her in many aspects. And she was my exact prototype of ideal woman. But if we are to take heed of older ones' experiences, we've just started this journey and would be wrong to give up before reaping the fruits we're already sowing from our own personal bittersweet experiences.

 

Take care and I honestly look forward to see more positive updates on how you're coping.

[DannyCA]

Once again, I feel reflected with your case.

 

I really respect all of those who talk about "centering on being a better self". I cannot without being approved by a gorgeous woman. Call me shallow-immature-whatever if you want. It's perfectly fine that everyone purchases his own goals, right? Then, why cannot be getting a damn fine woman among my bed sheets ready to give me good sex when I'm happy and hold me down when I'm sad mine without anybody calling me names? I've been kinda lonesome all my life, I've had ONS, some kinky street sex without condoms (got plenty of blood tests and I'm doing fine, thanks for asking), I've done lots of hobbies, read a lot, listened to lots of music from different kinds which I know like the palm of my hand, some old fashioned classy cinema here and there (some kind of areal myth surrounding me as I'm like an encylopaedia on these cultural assumptions)..., what can I add? I think I'm enough well-rounded. I've felt so different things, I've experienced catharsis enough times revisiting old 50's movies. I've cried at concerts. I've broke noses and I've undergone pain in different ways. And still the only times I've felt something similar to happiness was doing drugs (which I don't anymore) or walking with HER by my side / grabbing her beautiful huge breasts when we woke up and kissed passionately with an endless erection and her wonderful smile so close to mine. Doesn't that mean something? Isn't this proof enough that my happiness doesn't really dwell inside of me but on others' intentions?

 

I'm so depressed when I reflect on that, since I guess I'm forever doomed to remain desperate to women (who seem to be so unstable, at least the ones I've met until now).

 

I feel really close to your case of nullified self-esteem, dude. Except for a tiny fact: I don't really have better days.

 

I can only give assumptions, but the thing is you feel doomed to remain desperate to women because you haven't fulfilled yourself yet. Wanting to depend on the love of a great woman is not selfish or immature, it's just being too dependent. You said the only times you're really happy is when you used to do drugs and when you had the love of a good woman. I can't help but think you were more in love with the way she made you "feel" rather than "her". It's two different things. The "feeling" of being in love is like a drug, much different than "actually" being in love with someone.

 

All the things you mentioned like concerts, 50's movies, music, etc are all amazing hobbies, but what have those done for you that have made you a better person. If you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else. If you're dependent on someone else to make you happy, you can't really make them happy.

 

When you described your ex, you made a point to focus on all of her aesthetic qualities that made you happy, but didn't really go into the other qualities of her. I can tell you my ex from 6 months ago had a body 10 times better than my ex of 2 years ago. The one from 6 months ago had an amazing set of breasts and the roundest most beautiful butt. My ex from 2 years ago had a nice set of breasts, thats it. I would argue that the ex from 6 months ago I had much more in common with also. But I connected with the one from 2 years ago more.

 

I guess my point is the aesthetic qualities are important, but not the most important part. I would much rather have that deeper connection as opposed to strictly looks. I guess I'd much rather feel like I understand what all the great poets and songwriters mean when they talk about love than just have a sexy woman by my side. And I think when you're happy with yourself and when you've had enough time to reflect, you can tell the difference.

 

But I digress.

 

Everyone is different, but I think working on yourself to be happy is for everyone, including you. You said you can't center on being a better self without the approval of a gorgeous woman. Actually, I think you can. You just have to want to.

[Jonp219]

You feel like all the intelligent and beautiful women out there will take advantage of you? That is an insecurity complex that is your current mind set only because of your ex. That is one of the things you need to work on right now. And to be honest, worrying about women taking advantage of you shouldn't be a concern of yours because dating shouldn't be a concern of yours right now. But once you're in a healthier mindset, you will be ready to date, and you won't worry about them taking advantage of you.

 

And are you kidding me? Of course it feels surreal right now, its only been 2 months dude. The ups and downs are gonna come for months and months. The first year I was a mess, because I took all her breadcrumbs, I looked at her social media all the time, but you don't have to be me. I started smoking (never have before), I started finishing a 6 pack of beer a night, like I said I stopped my active lifestyle, i dropped out of school for a year, and I turned into a person I should have never been. I needed to feel something, so I adopted this "player-ish" mentality. I only ever slept with one woman before my ex from 2 years ago. I was a piece of sh**, I lead girls on for my own personal gain. I was down for much longer than I should have, but that was my fault. I told you I'm 23 now, in the last decade I can only think of 4 times that I have cried. 3 of those times is because of my ex. Something would trigger in me at the most random times and I would break down and cry. That's only because I chose to keep her on my mind (social media, bread crumbs, etc.)

 

(lets call the ex from 2 year ago "C" and the one from 6 months ago "L")

 

Yes your assumption is correct. I felt C was better than L. But the thing is L was the kind of girl that you could settle down, but I wasn't ready. Despite all the feelings I still have for C, I've said time and time again that if she told me tomorrow that she wanted to get back together, I would decline because I'm not happy with myself, I'm not the man I'd like to be yet.

 

I don't regret breaking up with L, she deserved better than me. I could have been what she deserved, but I let myself not be. By the end of my relationship with L, I was just about a year strict NC with C. I think I would be still dating L if I did one thing differently, if I had just blocked C's number. I told you that C did this thing where she would send me a text about every 4 months. Even though I started not reading them and deleting them right away, by seeing she would text me made me think her more. In turn I compared my happiest with C to my happiest with L. That comparison was just the icing on the cake. The main reason I couldn't be with L because despite all my progress, was that I wasn't happy with myself.

 

With my personal goal of being the best man I can possibly be, one of the pieces to that goal is being as honest as possible with myself and with others. People on LS will probably be pissed when they read this, but whatever: I think normalcy is keeping up the act.

 

Let me start by saying everyone is different, but I can't help but feel a lot of people who have "moved on" still have feelings for that one ex. That if they could, they would change the outcome of what happened, even if they are happy in their new relationship and have become a better person. If normalcy is about keeping up the act, then they can never be truthful about their feelings of wishing they ended up with that one ex because that is not normal, that is not acceptable. Yes, don't get me wrong, they probably are very very happy with their new partner, but still part of them still wishes they ended up with that ex instead.

 

So with that being said I've decided to be honest with myself. To me (as foolish as it might sound) I have to believe that somehow C and I will end up together. I have to believe that all the growing we have done apart was not because it would make us better for other people, but so it would make us better people for each other in the end.

 

But despite my feelings, I can't stress enough that my main goal is myself.

 

But again, everyone is different.

Sorry for the rant.

 

I think you're absolutely right about that.

 

After the break-up all I wanted to do make changes as soon as possible so I could get her back. I went to therapy, I started writing, I went clothes shopping etc. A part of me still wants to get my underlying issues under control so that one day me and her can give it another shot. So yes, I definitely believe that it is normal to have this mindset. However, BELIEVING and HOPING are two different things, I don't believe me and my ex will get back together, but all I can do is hope and try to get my head in order. All I can do is make a valid effort in becoming the man I need to become in order to have a healthy relationship, whether it be my ex, or another woman.

 

Furthermore, since we're being honest. Although I want my ex back, I don't believe I would be able to have a normal conversation with her face-to-face without my emotions getting in the way. It's like my heart and my mind playing a game of tug a war, sometimes I don't know what's real and what isn't. Even though I miss the **** out of her, I don't believe i'm at the stage of giving reconciliation a shot, even if the opportunity presented itself. The human brain is one twisted tool.

[DannyCA]

I think you're absolutely right about that.

 

After the break-up all I wanted to do make changes as soon as possible so I could get her back. I went to therapy, I started writing, I went clothes shopping etc. A part of me still wants to get my underlying issues under control so that one day me and her can give it another shot. So yes, I definitely believe that it is normal to have this mindset. However, BELIEVING and HOPING are two different things, I don't believe me and my ex will get back together, but all I can do is hope and try to get my head in order. All I can do is make a valid effort in becoming the man I need to become in order to have a healthy relationship, whether it be my ex, or another woman.

 

Furthermore, since we're being honest. Although I want my ex back, I don't believe I would be able to have a normal conversation with her face-to-face without my emotions getting in the way. It's like my heart and my mind playing a game of tug a war, sometimes I don't know what's real and what isn't. Even though I miss the **** out of her, I don't believe i'm at the stage of giving reconciliation a shot, even if the opportunity presented itself. The human brain is one twisted tool.

 

I hear you on trying to make changes in the beginning to try and get her back. I was just like that. It took me a year to realize that the changes I needed to make had to be for me, not for someone else. But I think you can see that already.

 

My opinion is if reconciliation is possible, it has to be at least more than a year apart (if not years). It's only then would you have enough time to improve yourself, change up your routine, see other people, and assess whether or not what you and your ex had was worth it. But obviously it can't be one sided. In seeing my friends go through it and reading all the stories on here, couples who try to reconcile after a few months always slip back into old habits and break up again. So I wouldn't expect you to be ready to give reconciliation a shot. It's too soon. And don't worry about not feeling like you'd be able to talk to her in person. Emotions are still pretty fresh. If I'm gonna be honest, I was surprised I was able to keep it together when my ex and I met up.

 

You sound like you're well on your way to a good recovery.

[Jonp219]

Hey, don't get me wrong! I don't want to give an image of a weird-ass dude just for the sake of it. I mean I'm into different stuff in order to prove I've been looking for happiness in different stances of life. Of course I'd like to date a woman who's different than me in tastes! In fact, as I tell my friends, I loved mine since we shared some mutual tastes (all in all, I'm an ecclectic person) but belong to "different scenes", so to say. I'd NEVER build a relationship upon personal preferences. What's more, I'm tired of talking about the same bands with people from my same hangouts. I enjoy getting to know people into different things.

 

In fact, I now see through her flaws too and did that as well when we were still hanging out. But those were the high points for me: she was so insecure and naïve that I found that adorable. I won't enter into details, but some of the "red flags" she displayed were an absolute love-switch for me. And the fact that she was unable to discuss feelings overly with me (maybe due to past experiences), was something I loved as well. I've been raised with a really affectionate mother, and I kinda despise getting "words not facts", if you know what I mean. She never whispered to me "I love you", nor did I care. She smiled at me instead, and hugged me with so much passion each time we met that I felt more loved than I've ever been. Once we couldn't hang out together for a week (a week! and it's been +3 months since the BU!) and when I told her "whatever, I missed you so"..., dude, I won't forget that heaven sent expression on her face. Obviously, when I found her sad and apologized for showing so to me, I texted her in return "no prob., I love you for who you are", a red flag was shown in return for her. Still I blame myself for showing my insecurity with that sentence, but all in all it was inevitable.

 

Yeah, same goes for you. I really appreciate your supportive words and TRULY hope you get well too, and I'm sure you'll do. Because you show a brave attitude (just stop checking her Twitter!) and aren't afraid of saying that you're feeling better. As for you, some can easily tell how kind you're to other people, which is an absolutely huge point in your favour. If I'm allowed to advice you something, don't ever fall into the "nice guy" prototype either. No need to be a bad guy, but women need some ambiguity in your persona to feel attracted, at least for what I've known. Well, this forum allows us being "anonymous" (not your case anymore, haha), and we're shown with our fully emotional nakedness, but that's not the way we're supposed to act outside. Learn from my experience and show "facts not words". Once a relationship is REALLY solidified, then go for the L-word. Otherwise, don't get too anxious and desperate because "she's the one".

 

Man, I don't have empyrical proof that I'll ever feel the same. Many elements are difficult or impossible to replace. She was the first, I felt like I lost my virginity to her in many aspects. And she was my exact prototype of ideal woman. But if we are to take heed of older ones' experiences, we've just started this journey and would be wrong to give up before reaping the fruits we're already sowing from our own personal bittersweet experiences.

 

Take care and I honestly look forward to see more positive updates on how you're coping.

 

Haha yeah man I know, being a complete sap can get boring once in a while. But trust me, I don't fall under that category, I can be a real ******* towards people. However, I'm very kind towards others whenever we're having sensitive discussions regarding the toss and turning parts of life. ****, my relationship ended because I was TOO MUCH of an *******. Some guys put females on the pedestal immediately, no matter how sexy a girl was I never did that. Which is why I believe I attracted alot of good looking women in my late teens.

[Jonp219]

I'm not going to lie, this morning i'm feeling it quite a bit for some reason Although it's only been two months this **** feel likes an eternity. I can't wait to see where i'm going to be in the middle of the summer, hopefully better than this lol