purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I felt love for his child........ I honestly with the life of my kids can say this. Her mother was not honest with her and she knew I was honest to her. I felt that deeply and still but it does not take over the love I have for her father but was maybe a part of it. It was weird to me. She is intelligent and could tell maybe for the first time... That someone was telling the truth. I'm not on the stand here.... I'm helping you!!! As painful as that is for Me (((sob))) You're helping whom with what? Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 OK I'm out.. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Children should be protected but dependant on age... Not lied to when they know the marriage is bad. Hurting BS and kids is NOT intentional Ever in a love affair It sounds like you're too close to the situation to see it clearly. No one is saying that damage to children, by any part of the affair triangle, is intentional. What they are saying is that they can hurt children, families can be broken up, and even if they are not, they can have long lasting repercussion on children. children learn about relationships by what they see their parents do. A parent who cheats on mom or dad shows that in a mrriage or any serious relationship, you can not trust your spouse. That pursuing one's own gratification is okay no matter who it hurts, and that cheating can be an acceptable way to solve a problem. It doens't matter how old the kids are. I once heard of an ow who decided that it would be good idea to confront the mm's wife about the affair at a party where there were many others there, including his adult children. The end result can be severe anomie and distrust of others in general. Those kids were hurt, and the mm lashed out at the ow, to the point that he became physical with her. What sort of lesson did that "honesty' teach them? WHo's honesty was it anyway? In any situation, there are two sides, both colored by one's own perceptions and biases. The truth may not be the truth at all., and i don't think that the ow and the bs had the same view of the situation whatsoever. the point being made is that if protecting children, adult or otherwise, is teh most important thing, then the affair should never, ever happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I have noticed how quickly some ( not all, but some) ow/om are quick to berate a bs if they engage in any behavior that could be hurtful to their child post d-day. They are told they need to calm down, put logic first, think of the innocent children who didn't ask for any of that and how they will be hurt. They are warned they shouln't show their anger or sadness, how they need to keep their emotions in check ,be strong, put on a good front, and how they shouldn't ever let their heart rule their head lest it hurt the kids or damage their relationship with the other parent. Funny how the ow/om is given a free pass in that department. Surely, the affair hurts the children, yet the om/ow is given a free pass for participating in this hurtful behavior. Actions have consequences. Yes. Its also funny when OW can't control their emotions for MM, but a BW is supposed to have total control over her feelings about being cheated on. OW will say that she just can't stay away from MM even though she knows it's wrong, OW will say their feelings are too strong to be denied, OW will forgive him a million times because she loves him....but if BW cries in front of her kids because she's just been betrayed, she's crazy, manipulative, a bad mom, etc. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Children should be protected but dependant on age... Not lied to when they know the marriage is bad. Hurting BS and kids is NOT intentional Ever in a love affair intensions don't matter, ever. the BS & the kids end up getting hurt, so it doesn't matter if that was your intention or not. the final result is the only thing that matters. you know the saying: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I think they're not good parents. i'm curious - how can you love and respect a man who, in your opinion, isn't a good parent? how can you love a man who, in your opinion, failed as a father? i'll never understand that. you'd think that would be one of the biggest turn offs ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 For a child I agree. You cannot use children But the OW didn't worry about the BSs children when she had the A did she. It's called consequences. You sleep with a MM your kids should know about it. Believe me, if my kids world was devastated, I'd sure as hell tell the OWs kids (age dependant ). I'd tell her friends and family too. If she doesn't like it tough. Next time she'll think twice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Children should be protected but dependant on age... Not lied to when they know the marriage is bad. Hurting BS and kids is NOT intentional Ever in a love affair What do you expect would happen if the children found out? That they'd be jumping for joy. Too many people don't consider all parties before they start sneaking around and just want to satisfy their needs along with the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
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