velvette Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I never understood why a BS would think that OW should consider her. The WS I agree should make that decision. It's often said in here that we have taken what belongs to someone else when in fact, in my case it was given, freely and without my even asking. I did a lot of thinking but I really wanted what he was offering me (in timacy) and finally gave in but I was too busy considering whether to get divorced than whether Mm was. Also he told me they led separate lives. It never crossed my mind to think otherwise he was seeing me ever day including weekends. After several years i now know the pain and believe me I'm suffering dreadfully. But at least he's still home.... I only see him when he's let off the leash. Missing someone who was there for just me every day has got to be a comparable pain hasn't it??? It's hideous. That's sort of like you helping MM stab his BS and when the knife slips and slices your finger you ask people to have sympathy for you instead of the victim. Yeah, your finger would hurt, but most people would see it as self inflicted and not care about your pain. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I never understood why a BS would think that OW should consider her. The WS I agree should make that decision. It's often said in here that we have taken what belongs to someone else when in fact, in my case it was given, freely and without my even asking. I did a lot of thinking but I really wanted what he was offering me (in timacy) and finally gave in but I was too busy considering whether to get divorced than whether Mm was. Also he told me they led separate lives. It never crossed my mind to think otherwise he was seeing me ever day including weekends. After several years i now know the pain and believe me I'm suffering dreadfully. But at least he's still home.... I only see him when he's let off the leash. Missing someone who was there for just me every day has got to be a comparable pain hasn't it??? It's hideous. I'm not trying to deny your pain, but comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges. A bs can not choose whether or not their spouse cheats. they have no control over them in that way. All they can do is place extreme trust in them, usually more trust than they have ever placed in anyone. They can spend a long time wondering what it is they are doing wrong when hubby or wifey spends so much time on the phone, away from home, is always grouchy, etc. they may think he's cheating, yet when they ask, they are gaslighted, which is terribly painful and can make one doubt their own sanity. In the case of the ow, she has all the information she needs to know. he is married. ( if he lies and says he's not, that is very different). She has the information she needs to make up her mind about her life. The bs is not granted that same respect. Sure, he may lie and say he is leaving, but if after several years of this nothing changes, then she has even more information. That ebing he is not being truthful to her. This is not to say they deserve pain, but that the pain is very different. btw, no man stays because his wife has him on a leash. He stays because, for whatever reason, it's where he wants to be. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For those who doubt LifeLongCheater, don't. Guys like him do exist, once I found the path to success with MW, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Married Women are much easier to get in bed than single women. And understand I was just an amateur, I met men like LLC who are highly skilled, they hardly ever miss. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For those who doubt LifeLongCheater, don't. Guys like him do exist, once I found the path to success with MW, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Married Women are much easier to get in bed than single women. And understand I was just an amateur, I met men like LLC who are highly skilled, they hardly ever miss. Some married women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I never understood why a BS would think that OW should consider her. The WS I agree should make that decision. It's often said in here that we have taken what belongs to someone else when in fact, in my case it was given, freely and without my even asking. I did a lot of thinking but I really wanted what he was offering me (in timacy) and finally gave in but I was too busy considering whether to get divorced than whether Mm was. Also he told me they led separate lives. It never crossed my mind to think otherwise he was seeing me ever day including weekends. After several years i now know the pain and believe me I'm suffering dreadfully. But at least he's still home.... I only see him when he's let off the leash. Missing someone who was there for just me every day has got to be a comparable pain hasn't it??? It's hideous. Sounds like my stbx's ow. It was interesting once he was caught. She wanted me to not expose her. She wanted her child protected from all the hurt and drama. Why should I have thought of her? In my state I could have sued her. She wanted me to show her the same compassion and consideration she had decided I didn't deserve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For a child I agree. You cannot use children Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For those who doubt LifeLongCheater, don't. Guys like him do exist, once I found the path to success with MW, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Married Women are much easier to get in bed than single women. And understand I was just an amateur, I met men like LLC who are highly skilled, they hardly ever miss. How many misogynists are there then. I counted three already. Apples and pears my love . I was faithful despite being hit on constantly for years. I just fell in love and so did he. Maybe married men are more easy to catch in dating sites??? Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm not trying to deny your pain, but comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges. A bs can not choose whether or not their spouse cheats. they have no control over them in that way. All they can do is place extreme trust in them, usually more trust than they have ever placed in anyone. They can spend a long time wondering what it is they are doing wrong when hubby or wifey spends so much time on the phone, away from home, is always grouchy, etc. they may think he's cheating, yet when they ask, they are gaslighted, which is terribly painful and can make one doubt their own sanity. In the case of the ow, she has all the information she needs to know. he is married. ( if he lies and says he's not, that is very different). She has the information she needs to make up her mind about her life. The bs is not granted that same respect. Sure, he may lie and say he is leaving, but if after several years of this nothing changes, then she has even more information. That ebing he is not being truthful to her. This is not to say they deserve pain, but that the pain is very different. btw, no man stays because his wife has him on a leash. He stays because, for whatever reason, it's where he wants to be. That'd be why he's do miserable then and depressed?? But yeah I agree we cannot compare pain.. Depends how deep the love is Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For a child I agree. You cannot use children I have a child. She didn't care about what was going to happen to mine. When I said she didn't want her child hurt by the drama, she didn't want him to know what she had done as he was old enough to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Actually shocked me how hurt his adult daughter was. I met her and apologised. So you never know. But maybe she was hurt more by the lies I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 But your question was why does a bs expect an ow to be concerned, why did the ow want that same consideration when shyt hits the fan? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Because it involved hurting a child of which I know was not intentional in your case but you are intentionally wanting to hurt a child in order to get revenge Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 When I saw how upset his daughter was I was absolutely devastated but a lot of that was I am sure because her mother lied to her. And her father. She was grateful for me telling the truth but I told her that it wasn't her fault... That her father loved her.... Well we are lc now And that is why we are in this miserable situation. And the is why he stayed. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I never understood why a BS would think that OW should consider her. The WS I agree should make that decision. It's often said in here that we have taken what belongs to someone else when in fact, in my case it was given, freely and without my even asking. I did a lot of thinking but I really wanted what he was offering me (in timacy) and finally gave in but I was too busy considering whether to get divorced than whether Mm was. Also he told me they led separate lives. It never crossed my mind to think otherwise he was seeing me ever day including weekends. After several years i now know the pain and believe me I'm suffering dreadfully. But at least he's still home.... I only see him when he's let off the leash. Missing someone who was there for just me every day has got to be a comparable pain hasn't it??? It's hideous. Yeah but it doesn't make it right. I'm sorry but a marriage is a marriage and the AP is the interloper. AP's know damn well what they are doing to the WS's M. They hope that MM will leave (not knowing how ****ed up a WS actually is). Also WS's lie. They lie to the BS, the AP, probably their friends. I honestly after having been cheated on and experienced False R wonder why any AP would want a broken person like the WS. If I would've met my WH the way I know him now I would have slammed that door in his face. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 For a child I agree. You cannot use children please tell me you are not saying it's wrong if the bs hurts the ow's children, but if the bs children get hurt, that's just collateral damage of the affair and a fair price to pay for it? Affairs can be very painful to children. Why is it not okay if a bs hurts the children of either party, but it's acceptable if the actions of the mm and ow do so( affair)? Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Because it involved hurting a child of which I know was not intentional in your case but you are intentionally wanting to hurt a child in order to get revenge Please, where did I say I wanted to hurt her child? Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Actually shocked me how hurt his adult daughter was. I met her and apologised. So you never know. But maybe she was hurt more by the lies I don't know. i give you credit for this. Not many people would do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Please, where did I say I wanted to hurt her child? I gave you the list of things she wanted me to show some compassion for her. You asked why a bs would want to be considered, why would an ow? I didn't seek revenge, it's not my style and she wasn't worth my time. I had a child to protect from all the hurt and drama created because we didn't deserve to be considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry PS you were not considered but you are able to see as a mother that her child is a victim too. I know that happened only after I fell deeply in love. I felt love for his child. Strange as that appears to me I cared deeply for her. I think they're not good parents. I don't bull ht my kids. Can i please say honestly that I felt love for her and bad that she was lied to as an adult. I swear this is true. Edited March 27, 2015 by Genieve Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm sorry PS you were not considered but you are able to see as a mother that her child is a victim too. I know that happened only after I fell deeply in love. I felt love for his child. Strange as that appears to me I cared deeply for her. I think they're not good parents. I don't bull ht my kids. Can i please say honestly that I felt love for her and bad that she was lied to as an adult. I swear this is true. No doubt that you did care for his child. That is why it puzzles me that you can't understand why a bs would want to be considered along with their families. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 No doubt that you did care for his child. That is why it puzzles me that you can't understand why a bs would want to be considered along with their families. I DO doubt that she cared for his child. She helped wreck her parents' marriage and hurt her mom. So many OW talk about love...how much they loooove "their" MM and how they can't end these affairs because LOOOOOVE. But is it love? Affairs cause destruction and heartbreak for innocent spouses and children, and almost never work out even as legit relationships. More often the married AP throws the OW right under that bus to get smooshed, and doesn't look back. Can we explore the idea that maybe "love" of an affair is just um....pants feelings and excitement? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Because love.... Seriously..... You are not even considered by OW because OM does not consider you. I'm sorry to be completely truthful but when I (we) started the affair the first thing he said was 'what about my kids'. After the first kiss 8 months in the EA Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 please tell me you are not saying it's wrong if the bs hurts the ow's children, but if the bs children get hurt, that's just collateral damage of the affair and a fair price to pay for it? Affairs can be very painful to children. Why is it not okay if a bs hurts the children of either party, but it's acceptable if the actions of the mm and ow do so( affair)? Children should be protected but dependant on age... Not lied to when they know the marriage is bad. Hurting BS and kids is NOT intentional Ever in a love affair Link to post Share on other sites
Genieve Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I DO doubt that she cared for his child. She helped wreck her parents' marriage and hurt her mom. So many OW talk about love...how much they loooove "their" MM and how they can't end these affairs because LOOOOOVE. But is it love? Affairs cause destruction and heartbreak for innocent spouses and children, and almost never work out even as legit relationships. More often the married AP throws the OW right under that bus to get smooshed, and doesn't look back. Can we explore the idea that maybe "love" of an affair is just um....pants feelings and excitement? I felt love for his child........ I honestly with the life of my kids can say this. Her mother was not honest with her and she knew I was honest to her. I felt that deeply and still but it does not take over the love I have for her father but was maybe a part of it. It was weird to me. She is intelligent and could tell maybe for the first time... That someone was telling the truth. I'm not on the stand here.... I'm helping you!!! As painful as that is for Me (((sob))) Edited March 27, 2015 by Genieve Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Because love.... Seriously..... You are not even considered by OW because OM does not consider you. I'm sorry to be completely truthful but when I (we) started the affair the first thing he said was 'what about my kids'. After the first kiss 8 months in the EA So you loved this man from day one? It is obvious the spouse nor the ow considered the family. That wasn't your question. Who wouldn't want to be considered when there potential for them to be harmed? And for the record his kids nor wife can make him stay married. Where was your motherly instincts for his kids? You know, the ones I should have for her kid? Selfish people only think of themselves. You still don't care that you hurt his wife yet you want sympathy for your pain? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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