Author bamawsp Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 OM did not pay the retainer after all. Her parents did. Speaking of her parents, they came down to my child's baseball game and were pleasant to me. Of course, they were glad to see their grandchildren and their daughter as well. They took all three kids with them, and my wife and I went to brunch. En route, she asked me why I am being so nice. I said, because I want peace however that is defined and my children deserve peace. I also said filing divorce was my only option currently but that I ultimately didn't want a divorce if we could work things out. If we can't work things out, I want a peaceful coexistence for the sake of our kids. We had a great brunch, shared some laughs and came home where we both took a nap and slept like babies for the first time in weeks albeit separately. Plus, we watched a movie together. Tiny baby steps that will hopefully lead to a peaceful logical conclusion. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 OM did not pay the retainer after all. Her parents did. Thought so to be honest. For a second you got me to believe that her lover might actually care about her. Speaking of her parents, they came down to my child's baseball game and were pleasant to me. They're playing it nice, be on your guard. If your wife's been talking to them she probably just reassured them that you didn't have anything against her and that she still has the upper hand. Or, since your MIL communicated more often with you than with her, they might expect her to end up badly so do the nice act to ensure you won't hold their grandchildren from them. Other than that; your MIL showed her true colors when she texted you all night long and bothered you with nasty calls. Take whatever they say with a grain of salt. I also said filing divorce was my only option currently but that I ultimately didn't want a divorce if we could work things out. Don't be too nice just because she's acting nicely towards you. Quit hinting at R, she'd approach you if she wanted that - but getting high with OM is all she wants right now. The rest is fine; no need for bickering. That kind of fun should be reserved for court, you'll need your energy. I also doubt that these are tiny baby steps toward R. She's just enjoying a minor part of the comfort she had at home while at the same time enjoying her A. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Based on your last post, you indicate that it may be possible to reconcile. I had thought this was not the case. I very much understand the need to keep peace during this trying time, but to dangle a carrot is counterproductive if you have no intent to reconcile. It is wise to keep your cards very close to your chest, but be careful. The MIL, and WS will try to sneak jokers into their hands, so be mindful. She has been so flagrant, and disrespectful to you so I can't see a reconcile ATM. There is always calm before the storm, and this could be the eye of the hurricane. Remember blood is thicker than water. Regardless of what you see and hear remember that always. Their true colors have come through loud and clear. Don't step off the precipice. Think of your little ones with the AP , and keep the course away from the storms of the future. I am rooting for you and your children. You deserve better, and they do too. Maz 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 It would take divine intervention for us to reconcile. My primary goal is a seamless divorce that transitions into a peace co parenting plan. If and that's a big IF she wants to work things out then she will have to come to the table with some serious remorse and plan to ensure the emotional safety of myself and our children. I filed for divorce to reach a logical conclusion. It's uultimately up to her on how it shakes out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I think the peace will last until you get to material and financial business. She's so dense that she just demands you lay every coin into her hands right now... this is something that won't progress. She'll need money to keep her fantasy with OM alive as long as possible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 It would take divine intervention for us to reconcile. My primary goal is a seamless divorce that transitions into a peace co parenting plan. If and that's a big IF she wants to work things out then she will have to come to the table with some serious remorse and plan to ensure the emotional safety of myself and our children. I filed for divorce to reach a logical conclusion. It's uultimately up to her on how it shakes out. That's not a bad game plan but just remember that she is playing chess and spy-vs-spy as well. Her greatest power will come from you loving her and wanting to be with her and not wanting to cause her anger, hurt or pain. She is banking on if she can get you to lower your guard and be 'nice' that she will have the upper hand and to call all the shots. She will use playing nice as a way to get you to second guess yourself and either stop the proceedings completely, or at least hand everything over to her and continue to serve her in the divorce. These little mind games of having her folks take the kids so you can have a nice lunch and take naps is all a ploy. ...and her folks are in on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 OM did not pay the retainer after all. Her parents did. Tiny baby steps that will hopefully lead to a peaceful logical conclusion. That is still the same question. Does she not have access to your accounts? Yes, a logical conclusion is way better than what you started this thread with. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 She has access to all accounts as do I. There is an injunction in place that prevents both of us from blowing them up. Shirt....you are more than likely correct. I am not letting my guard down in the least. She will have to things for which I don't believe she is capable for me to call off the proceedings. I took the kids to church this morning and that inflicted some anger. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Get a seperate account for yourself prepared before you find yourself penniless. Your STBX is everything but rational right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Limit, if she were to do that it would cost her more. I have a court order in place protecting all accounts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Just remember to look after your kids, they are very young and impressionable. Kelly Clarkson originally wrote "Because of You" when she was 16 years old as a means of coping with the emotional distress caused by the divorce of her parents That was a tear jerker Elaine. Some people have no idea of the damage they do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Get a seperate account for yourself prepared before you find yourself penniless. Your STBX is everything but rational right now... Is OPENING a sole bank account against court orders? Surely not. I diverted all pay and monies I had immediately. No court orders. My pay. My money. Accountant Uncle's advice the morning after D Day. Best wishes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Limit, if she were to do that it would cost her more. I have a court order in place protecting all accounts You still never answered the question. Why didn't she pay for the retainer from her/your shared accounts? Yes, you have a court order, does that order limit you from paying your attorney from those accounts as well? No. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 You aren't telling the whole story here. Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Is OPENING a sole bank account against court orders? Surely not. I diverted all pay and monies I had immediately. No court orders. My pay. My money. Accountant Uncle's advice the morning after D Day. Best wishes Opening a sole bank account is not illegal but the money in it will be considered part of the marital assests regardless. A secret account however is illegal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 You aren't telling the whole story here. No, I don't even think close. Far to many small hints and red flags and missing pieces. Also, a lot of people are talking about him being a good husband and her losing a good marriage. He hasn't actually mentioned a single thing about their marriage except her holding divorce over his head the entire time. Just because he is a BS he has instantly been seen as good husband. Really, none of us have any idea. Usually there is a lot more info to come to that conclusion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Is OPENING a sole bank account against court orders? Surely not. I diverted all pay and monies I had immediately. No court orders. My pay. My money. Accountant Uncle's advice the morning after D Day. Best wishes Do not do this. Whatever you do, do not do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I still want an answer as to why she did not pay for the retainer from your shared funds. She should not have to go outside of her marital property to pay for an attorney. IF she could not afford one you would be paying for said attorney anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 What would you like to know Realist? We can't afford two retainers for counsel in a divorce. My parents paid for 4/5 of mine and her parents paid hers. Nothing sinister. My parents are basically buying me a fresh start and have admitted as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I'm sensing something really troublesome for you. She should be able to walk up at any time and whip out a card or check and pay an attorney from your shared accounts. If you do have separate accounts, you are still screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 She has full access to our accounts. Full access. I'm not following you on the troublesome notes that we didn't have 5k immediately available for both of us at the drop of the dime. Believe it or not, a lot of people with jobs cannot afford thousands of dollars in legal fees and are forced seek help from family. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She has full access to our accounts. Full access. I'm not following you on the troublesome notes that we didn't have 5k immediately available for both of us at the drop of the dime. Believe it or not, a lot of people with jobs cannot afford thousands of dollars in legal fees and are forced seek help from family. I think he means thought I don't fully understand myself that you guys are in for some financial difficulties if you already have to rely on parents. What he may not understand is that while most people turn to the bank in this case you both had the bank of parents. I definitely hope you have reconsidered getting her fired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Ain't no doubt there is going to be some financial difficulty. I know what we are facing but she doesn't have a clue. The only reason she has kept her ****ty job is because of her AP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Ain't no doubt there is going to be some financial difficulty. I know what we are facing but she doesn't have a clue. The only reason she has kept her ****ty job is because of her AP. Are you in an at fault state? If your user name is indicative of where you might live, then you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I do reside in an at fault state. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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