DKT3 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that No, I don't think she endorses the cheating, but make no mistake she is on her daughters team and wants what's best for HER over what's best for you. MIL can see that you are what's best for her daughter so you pulling the plug has upset her. Your doing what's best for your children and yourself, don't waver and don't be bullied. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that That is really all you can do. You have made them aware of the situation. Now you just need to move forward taking care of you. My xW's Mom blamed me for my xW cheating on me. Her exact words were you drove her to do it. I just could not believe she would ever say that. Her stepfather on the other had would have nothing to do with them. He was really supportive of me but we all had to cut ties. I was done being stepped on. Your doing fine. Just keep moving forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Bama- Screw the MIL and what she thinks! I doubt she ever cared about how much you suffered through this ordeal. Sounds like she was only ever worried about appearances for their own sake. If there was ever a doubt you were in a no win situation, let this "wagon circling" by her remove all remaining doubts. You deserve better than permanent dysfunction. The quicker you move on from this, the quicker you will find happiness again. Just maintain your dignity, and let them rot in misery! Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 It's going to be interesting to see how this plays out from here. If she was in favor of the divorce she would be pleased that you have moved things along. The fact that she's angry and hostile sure doesn't sound like this is where she wanted all of this to end. Keep the pedal to the metal, dude. You are doing the right thing - really the only thing - that is rational in your situation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that First off and gently, stop being such a damn nice guy! You're a man, head of your household, father to your children, why the heck do you have to explain yourself to anybody especially in light of what you've been through? As with your wife, she feeds on this drama. It gives her purpose. You ask isn't this what she wanted? To run away with her AP? Yes and no. In essence you were an obstacle to getting what she wanted but having you there still meant a certain foundation was still there, as well as an ego boost. Two men vying for her attention. Now you've cut the cord, D is a reality, suddenly she really has to think about her future and what she's going to do moving forward. Go dark with regards to communications with her. If you need to speak about the kids then so be it but stop getting drawn into her world of crazy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) I maybe expected the MIL to not just abandon her daughter. Most of the time blood is thicker than water, and the love one has for your own child can be unconditional in the end. My first MIL was very kind to me after her daughter cheated and we divorced. We had a few lunches for months after the divorce, she apologized for her daughter, but ultimately she and I stopped contact (no grandkids for her) and I never saw MIL again. First FIL basically shrugged his shoulders said I was a nice guy and cheating just happens in life and not a bad word about his daughter. However you have MIL grandkids, so you do need to make some effort to maintain a mildly positive connection. Your text was very reasonable. Also understand that kids - especially as they grow up - can flip flop on their feelings about their mom or dad after a divorce. You might get some anger at yourself here and there from them over the next few years. Even though my Stepkid new her biodad was a messed up man, there were times she yelled she was going to live there and treated her mom (and me) like crap. She also heard biodad tell how hurtful and mean we were with all the legal actions we took, and how it was destroying his life. It can get messed up for kids. Its going to get rocky - and even after the divorce is final you expect on going conflict with this troubled ex wife of yours. Get a good detailed custody set up. Lots of rules. Maybe mandated on going therapy for kids (they can help if there are problems ). I hear some couples use some sort of online scheduling and communications system for joint custody, visitations and more. Edited March 20, 2015 by dichotomy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that This is the tough stuff. As though Dday and the following have not been tuff enough. Brace yourself now. This is the time to be unequivocally resolute. She must leave the house. Bam, you have to get her away from you and the kids. She's going to be hell on wheels. She did not see you taking a stand like this. It will get easier with distance. Stay the course. Close MIL out. She has no desire to be of assistance. I know that this is difficult for you; you have been pummeled for a long time. Almost done. The last part is the hardest. Stay calm, be cool, trust yourself. You are doing nothing wrong. Protect your kids and you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Lord have mercy she is angry today. She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I said I would have to consult with my attorney. He of course said don't do a thing. I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no? It's because she never thought you were stong enough to go through with this. Now she wants to make your life a living hell because she's realizing her life as she knew it is coming to an end. She's baffled. Now that the ax has fallen I wouldn't be surprised if OM is looking less attractive. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Can you expound further? DKT3 summed it up nicely: most WS believe they have total control over the direction the marriage goes, if she wants to stay she can, if she wants to go she can. The idea is you will accept whatever she gives you. Once you took the step to have her served you proved to her that you also had a say in the direction of the marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I knew the MIL would react this way. She was all in when she thought she could get her daughter back with a good man who will take care of her. Now that you are divorcing her daughter she's angry. She knows she will now have to help her daughter in some way or another which will probably cost money if not time and space. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 So I asked her why she was so angry and she responded, "because I hate you" I said then divorce should be a day of celebration. No response. The kicker is she said I've caused her Mother to have blood in her urine from constant texts. Actually, it was the other way around because she wasn't speaking to her daughter and harassing me with texts and phone calls. She has obviously circled the wagons. Up until yesterday, she had no clue her parents were even coming into town tomorrow. Now they are having breakfast together after kid's sports and excluding me. : ) I didn't tell her mother any of the damning evidence I have on her daughter either for that very reason. My WS is talking about all the crap she has on me and she actually believes my only card is an affair due to my level of calmness. She is totally mindforked right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) I didn't tell her mother any of the damning evidence I have on her daughter either for that very reason. . Oh thank God, I was thinking you told your MIL everything, including your plans and tools available. So glad you did not. Smart Man ! In fact I would go further, and this may sound bad, but if you have any more communications with MIL, perhaps be passive or perhaps misdirect her on what your emotions and plans and intentions are - as your wife will get this passed on to her now. Art of War I am afraid. Edited March 20, 2015 by dichotomy 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Lord have mercy she is angry today. She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I said I would have to consult with my attorney. He of course said don't do a thing. I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no? Bama, she is NOT gonna be happy about this! No way. She wants her cake and to eat it too. She WANTS you, the family safe there for her WHEN she wants them. Not thinking of you and the kids is ALL part of a cheaters world. You are acting in the BEST interests of you and the children. She is acting /reacting in the best interests of HERSELF. ONLY HERSELF. This is NOT about her anymore. You tried. She's a crazy cake-eater. Forget what she's doing. Make yourself scarce. Get the kids out as much as possible. Enact a protection order if need be. YOU DO NOT DESERVE HER RAGE. SHE NEEDS TO OWN HER OWN RAGE FOR HER OWN ACTIONS. Bama is not her doormat any more. Ofcourse she's gonna throw tantrums like a child, react like an adult. Serve her consequences. Be strong. Protect yourself and the kids. End this asap. Thinking of you in this volatile time. Ride it. You'll be ok. Lion Heart roaring for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that NO CONTACT WITH HER SIDE. NO CONTACT! They will disturb you. They will make you question yourself for THEIR OWN SELFISH REASONS. If need be send a text saying. "I appreciate your concern for me and the kids (NOT) but all of my attention will now be diverted to our protection. You are welcome to make enquiries about our well being AFTER things are resolved. Until then I will be No Contact with you. We thank you for respecting us." (Vomit, gag). Block all their numbers. Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 If your wife has serious mental health issues nothing will make her happy. She won't understand it anymore than you do. Doesn't mean you have to accept her behaviour or live with it. Just remind yourself when you are asking yourself WTF about something she has done. Maybe this will be what it takes for her to get her life on track. I wouldn't hold my breath but you know for sure you can't save her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 My MIL was very angry upon discovery of service as well. Left me multiple voicemails and texts throughout the night. She has officially flipped which means she endorses the affair which is something she said she would never do. I sent her a final text that basically stated I love her and her husband and I dont want a divorce but her daughter is in a relationship with another man while refusing to discuss our marriage or cut ties with the other man. Thus leaving me with no other choice but to move on with my life. No response and I'm cool with that It seems that as long as you were a doormat, you were a good son in law. Your in-laws have chosen blood over water, it's very common in most divorces. Remain dignified and think before you act. Your wife is pushing any and all buttons to get a rise out of you. She's angry that you've taken away her control over you. She's angry that she cannot continue a double life. She's angry that you don't want her anymore. Please recognize that you do not need her permission to divorce her, that she is free to live her life as you are free to live your own life. Is your father still in town, how is your family supporting you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 It seems that as long as you were a doormat, you were a good son in law. Your in-laws have chosen blood over water, it's very common in most divorces. Remain dignified and think before you act. Your wife is pushing any and all buttons to get a rise out of you. She's angry that you've taken away her control over you. She's angry that she cannot continue a double life. She's angry that you don't want her anymore. Please recognize that you do not need her permission to divorce her, that she is free to live her life as you are free to live your own life. Is your father still in town, how is your family supporting you? I have a very strong support system. My father is traveling with my younger brother and his family so my middle brother has assumed the role of primary family contact. I also have a 24/7 contact at the firm that will talk me down. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I have a very strong support system. My father is traveling with my younger brother and his family so my middle brother has assumed the role of primary family contact. I also have a 24/7 contact at the firm that will talk me down. I know this is excruciating for you and it's good that you have a loving family to lean on. Know that we are all pulling for you too, you are not alone and you're a good man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) She is still firing shots at me while I'm recording away. She doesn't want anything to do with adult dialogue for the sake of the kids. Very good. Use this in court, you'll get custody in no time. She also requested I turn over to her all financials by the weekend. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I laughed when I read this part, I'm sorry. Your situation isn't something to laugh about at all but cheaters like your STBX are just too good when they hit rock bottom mentally and start losing it. "Bah I hate you, you want to take the love of my life away meeeewl!" Just wait until her parents figure out she's been lying all along. I'm sure they'll make great in-laws to OM. Also, blood is thicker than water. Of course she'll stick with her daughter. Cease contact to your MIL until the divorce is finalized, you don't need the extra stress and frankly they have a lot of work to do with their adult child, while you have 3 adolescent children to look after. Well done bama! You'll get out of this, don't you worry. Edited March 21, 2015 by No Limit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Just remember to look after your kids, they are very young and impressionable. Kelly Clarkson originally wrote "Because of You" when she was 16 years old as a means of coping with the emotional distress caused by the divorce of her parents 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I just don't understand the anger and hostility. This is what she wanted, no? No. This is not what she was wanting. She was already getting what she wanted and this has upset the fruitcart. She was wanting to live in your house and have you take care of all the responsible and important stuff while she gets high and gets it on with OM. She had a great system worked out for herself and you are ruining it for her. She may not love you and may not want to be with you romantically/sexually but she wants you to serve her and take care of things for her so she can play with OM and get stoned all the time. You are no forcing her to grow up and take responsibility and are making her pay the price for her fun. This is why she is so angry and why she hates you. She doesn't want the divorce because then she is going to have to take care of her own business. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Why did the OM pay the retainer and not her? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Why did the OM pay the retainer and not her? deleted .... I am so bad. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Good for you bama for taking a stand. Now either she will wake up or you will move forward with your life. The kicker is she said I've caused her Mother to have blood in her urine from constant texts. So texting causes blood in the urine now. That's a new one. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Why did the OM pay the retainer and not her? Paying the retainer for free sex for possibly years to come is a lot cheaper than hiring escorts. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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