Mr. Lucky Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Bad example. If someone stole ten bucks from me I'd be mad they didn't just ask but I'd probably forgive them eventually. If someone stole 10,000$ from me I'd call the cops. And probably never have them as a friend. Because the amount does matter. Bad example if the only difference between the $10 theft and the $10,000 theft is that the petty criminal was caught earlier, he didn't have a chance to steal the ten grand. Here's a test - try leaving the person who stole the 10 bucks from you alone with the other $9,990 . Because that's what a BS who over-values length of affair is doing. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone whose main saving grace was a lack of further opportunity? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Bad example if the only difference between the $10 theft and the $10,000 theft is that the petty criminal was caught earlier, he didn't have a chance to steal the ten grand. Here's a test - try leaving the person who stole the 10 bucks from you alone with the other $9,990 . Because that's what a BS who over-values length of affair is doing. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone whose main saving grace was a lack of further opportunity? Mr. Lucky I've made it quite clear a few times that for some people ten bucks is enough to call it quits and move on but for others time does matter. And as statistics agree with me thay length of an affair does matter in succesful reconciliation I don't think there is much more to say. I see people ignore those parts just to keep on with their fear of ONS being shrugged off or anything. I suggest you reread my posts instead of just nit picking little points. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Just chiming it (I always seem late for these). For me there are always variables to consider with the length of the A. Ie. - How long have we been together. - Whom the A was with. - Did I "catch" the A or did my BS confess. For me, 20 years ago when in total my WH and I had been on and off together 2.5 years, the A was with a friend (of mine) AND her friend (still an acquaintance) of hers and my BS confessed. It was a ONS for both. To my WH it was no big deal, it was just sex. I was young, nieve and we had a baby together. It hurt tremendously, there was no outwards remorse and no real R. I've forgiven for my benefit and healing but I have never gotten over it. 20 years later. If it happened now. ONS, 6 months.... 2 years... WHATEVER I would be done! My bff is a Divorce Attorney she would have everything filed and served for me before he had the chance to blink. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Posted by Noirek"Bad example. If someone stole ten bucks from me I'd be mad they didn't just ask but I'd probably forgive them eventually. If someone stole 10,000$ from me I'd call the cops. And probably never have them as a friend. Because the amount does matter." Sorry wrong again....It speaks to CHARACTER.....Again...YOU ARE STILL A THIEF...If you have outside SEX of marriage ...without your BSs knowledge...You have more that likely lied,deceived and you have dam*N sure Betrayed them..and YOU have committed INFIDELITY...PERIOD. Trust is GONE ...the marriage (in my case ,as we KNEW it was gone..)..and as with my WW ..you would gone as well....Badkarma Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Posted my Mal78..."20 years later. If it happened now. ONS, 6 months.... 2 years... WHATEVER I would be done! My bff is a Divorce Attorney she would have everything filed and served for me before he had the chance to blink." "ABSO....DA*N....LUTELY"....Badkarma 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Posted by Noirek"Bad example. If someone stole ten bucks from me I'd be mad they didn't just ask but I'd probably forgive them eventually. If someone stole 10,000$ from me I'd call the cops. And probably never have them as a friend. Because the amount does matter." Sorry wrong again....It speaks to CHARACTER.....Again...YOU ARE STILL A THIEF...If you have outside SEX of marriage ...without your BSs knowledge...You have more that likely lied,deceived and you have dam*N sure Betrayed them..and YOU have committed INFIDELITY...PERIOD. Trust is GONE ...the marriage (in my case ,as we KNEW it was gone..)..and as with my WW ..you would gone as well....Badkarma I'm not wrong. And neither are you. It is true FOR YOU the amount, time, details don't matter. But for many, many other people they do. And I actually have experts backing me up. I don't demand perfect people to surround me. How could I being such a flawed human being? So if someone is a bit of a user or maybe picks up that five dollars I dropped and doesn't say anything I'm not going to shut them out of my life. If they do other things I personally wouldn't do I am not going to think I'm better than them. But for me, my standards say, you swindle me out of my life savings, I probably wouldn't take the time to say good-bye. And that is me. So the honest answer, not the blinded by personal opinion answer, to the OP is yes, the length of affair can matter. But it depends on the mad hatter husband. statistically, the long term affair is lowering her chance at a succesful R. But she is not a statstic. Obviously her husband is not you because he cheated himself. That may also make the difference on if R has a chance or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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