Why Don't Women Admit They Have It Easier?

[autumnnight]

They don't have it easier. They just have different kinds of struggles in the dating world. I have never experienced dating from a woman's point of view so I won't dismiss their experiences. I just wish they wouldn't dismiss dating from a man's point of view. If both genders would actually hear each other out then maybe things would improve.

 

Woggle is the smartest men in the room.

 

OP and others like you: why is it so important for you to "win" this stuff? Is it going to magically make you more appealing or improvr your dating life?

 

Why not work on you instead of finding things to blame women for?

[elaine567]

Id even go as far to say that normal and successful guys that take good care of themselves and dont have too many insecurities or hangups probably have the easiest time of all...

 

TFY

 

^^^ Agreed^^^

[carhill]

This is something that has confused me for a long time (both IRL and online). I always see women talking about how hard they have it in dating and life, when it's very clear that men actually have a harder time (especially in dating).

 

Ever had the only job opening in town and been deluged with applicants you have absolutely no interest in interviewing? Tortuous.

 

Also, women complaining about their dating and relationship lives is like men talking about sports stats.

 

For example, there's a single 30 year old girl at my job that has recently decided to start dating. She's cute, but has a very difficult personality. She started dating again (online dating) about 2 weeks ago and pretty much has a boyfriend already.

Since it's normal for men to think about sex every few minutes, versus far less for women, what you see is perfectly normal. She happened to be the current flower he alighted upon. To her, that's normal, so not easier nor harder.

 

 

Basically, she just jumped online, did nothing else, and is in a relationship pretty much.

Yep, open the petals of the flower and expose the stamens and here come the bees. However, since men don't have petals nor stamens, rather pollen-collecting parts, they have no perspective on the process the woman goes through, only the end result.

 

I have a similar job and I'm also called cute by women. I get very little love online and I have to approach a significant amount of women IRL before anything develops.

Think of all the flowers you seek to alight upon. It's pretty easy, flying around from flower to flower, all of them initially seeming like the right one to you. Maybe they won't be but you have complete freedom to make choices as you're flying around. No limitations, no expectations.

 

I go online, have to craft a ton of messages (to no avail), then have to go out and approach a lot of women before I even get the opportunity to go on a date.

Yep, complete freedom and choice. Very empowering. That you desire to craft a ton of messages speaks to your motivation and potency. What's left is choosing those flowers wisely. That comes with experience.

As I said, we are in the same league looks-wise, financially, and educationally.

So, what separates you is attractiveness, a quality unique to each of us and gender independent. What's interesting is that, in the realm of attractiveness, little, in general, seems to have changed over time regarding what the genders find attractive about each other. The social milieu may have evolved and socio-economics may be more equal these days, but attraction dynamics have remained remarkably static.

So how could women possibly say that they have it as hard (or harder) than men do?

Because, if they do, that's how they feel, and that pretty much says it all.

[Phoe]

I suppose I would just phrase it differently, personally.

 

I agree that in most cases, men have it harder.

 

Doesn't mean I have it "easy"! I still sure as heck have a hard time dating. I put in a lot of effort and get no results. I struggle to get dates at all, and struggle to find men who are interested in me at all.

[NJ123]

I have plenty of girl friends in their late 20s/early to mid 30s that have been TRYING to find someone to date and haven't been able to.

 

And these are good looking girls.

 

So... SOME women may have it easier, but personally, I've never found dating to be easy and have been single for most of my adult life. And the same if true of most of my friends.

 

Well honestly, what are their exact standards in finding someone? An attractive woman should have no problem finding someone unless her standards are a bit high. Do they only want a guy who makes good money? Only prefer tall men? Certain type of hair style?

[Phoe]

Well honestly, what are their exact standards in finding someone? An attractive woman should have no problem finding someone unless her standards are a bit high. Do they only want a guy who makes good money? Only prefer tall men? Certain type of hair style?

 

i know you weren't addressing me, but I will mention my own standards.

 

A nice decent person with good hygiene, who I strongly prefer has a job.

 

I don't think that's too high!

[NJ123]

i know you weren't addressing me, but I will mention my own standards.

 

A nice decent person with good hygiene, who I strongly prefer has a job.

 

I don't think that's too high!

 

Well, from all the things you state on here, you're a one of a kind type of woman. That's a compliment. Maybe it's because of where I live but I never came across a woman with you're type of view on dating. A bunch of women in NJ are very entitled & have bad attitudes. My friend has a good job & is a good guy & even he doesn't want to date due to it being so hard to find a nice woman. Every woman he dated turned out to be the opposite of who they thought they would be. Whether it was drug problems or awful attitudes.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, from all the things you state on here, you're a one of a kind type of woman. That's a compliment. Maybe it's because of where I live but I never came across a woman with you're type of view on dating. A bunch of women in NJ are very entitled & have bad attitudes. My friend has a good job & is a good guy & even he doesn't want to date due to it being so hard to find a nice woman. Every woman he dated turned out to be the opposite of who they thought they would be. Whether it was drug problems or awful attitudes.

 

I live in the same area of the country as you, and Ill disagree...

 

But I will say this, though....

 

If I take a random look around here, there are a LOT of attractive women, who have good careers, make good $$, and are fit, dress well, and take very good care of themselves...The guys? Not as much...So, what you might be encountering is a dynamic that exists in some places where the desireable women far outnumber the desireable men..So what do you expect them to do? They are going to all compete for the "A" guys...Advantage...women..

 

I dont know what to tell you?

 

(Im probably going to get killed for the next part of this post, but....)

 

You can always go out to places like Pennsy or Ohio...Its a totally different deal out there...The women arent nearly at the same level as the ones around here......Sorry in advance to those that live out there...Its just an observation that I have made over the years...

 

I still dont quite buy the notion that people cant find what they want due to geographics, but you can likely make your search easier, if you relocated...but I dunno...(shrug)

 

TFY

[NJ123]

I live in the same area of the country as you, and Ill disagree...

 

But I will say this, though....

 

If I take a random look around here, there are a LOT of attractive women, who have good careers, make good $$, and are fit, dress well, and take very good care of themselves...The guys? Not as much...So, what you might be encountering is a dynamic that exists in some places where the desireable women far outnumber the desireable men..So what do you expect them to do? They are going to all compete for the "A" guys...Advantage...women..

 

I dont know what to tell you?

 

(Im probably going to get killed for the next part of this post, but....)

 

You can always go out to places like Pennsy or Ohio...Its a totally different deal out there...The women arent nearly at the same level as the ones around here......Sorry in advance to those that live out there...Its just an observation that I have made over the years...

 

I still dont quite buy the notion that people cant find what they want due to geographics, but you can likely make your search easier, if you relocated...but I dunno...(shrug)

 

TFY

 

lol I'll pass on that. And are all these women you're talking about the same as somedudes thread where they all compete for the same guy? What exactly are these women's standards?

[StanMusial]

This is something that has confused me for a long time (both IRL and online). I always see women talking about how hard they have it in dating and life, when it's very clear that men actually have a harder time (especially in dating).

 

For example, there's a single 30 year old girl at my job that has recently decided to start dating. She's cute, but has a very difficult personality. She started dating again (online dating) about 2 weeks ago and pretty much has a boyfriend already.

 

Basically, she just jumped online, did nothing else, and is in a relationship pretty much.

 

I have a similar job and I'm also called cute by women. I get very little love online and I have to approach a significant amount of women IRL before anything develops.

 

I go online, have to craft a ton of messages (to no avail), then have to go out and approach a lot of women before I even get the opportunity to go on a date.

 

As I said, we are in the same league looks-wise, financially, and educationally.

 

So how could women possibly say that they have it as hard (or harder) than men do?

 

If the world was reduced to online-dating, I would agree.

 

For me personally in my life, I never felt like I had it worse or better in general. I wouldn't ever want to be a woman though.

 

Some other threads going about professional women or feminists or strong independent women or whatever. Look around you. The perma-single 50 year old professional in my office? Oozing in desperation to find a man yet always making snide remarks about men or manhood. The 40 something divorced gym rats at the gym that come over and try to rub their (fake) boobies all over you. The divorced VP in the boardroom that people talk about behind her back with pity about how she was keeping up some young buck until he stole her car. Or the numerous women who turn 30 or 28 or 35 or whatever age and get baby on the brain.

 

No thanks.

[Woggle]

The only areas where I think women do have it easier are they get a more sympathetic ear when they are hurting and just want to vent and in custody and divorce cases. There are some other double standards as well but those are the two big ones. Finding a decent person is hard for either gender.

[BikerAccnt]

(Im probably going to get killed for the next part of this post, but....)

 

You can always go out to places like Pennsy or Ohio...Its a totally different deal out there...The women arent nearly at the same level as the ones around here......Sorry in advance to those that live out there...Its just an observation that I have made over the years...

 

Hey! Yep, you are in trouble. Won't necessarily kill you but, maybe I can arrange the NJ chapter of the club to stop on over for a chat!

 

 

--From Ohio, with an attractive Ohio Woman,and damned proud of it!

[StanMusial]

I live in the same area of the country as you, and Ill disagree...

 

But I will say this, though....

 

If I take a random look around here, there are a LOT of attractive women, who have good careers, make good $$, and are fit, dress well, and take very good care of themselves...The guys? Not as much...So, what you might be encountering is a dynamic that exists in some places where the desireable women far outnumber the desireable men..So what do you expect them to do? They are going to all compete for the "A" guys...Advantage...women..

 

I dont know what to tell you?

 

(Im probably going to get killed for the next part of this post, but....)

 

You can always go out to places like Pennsy or Ohio...Its a totally different deal out there...The women arent nearly at the same level as the ones around here......Sorry in advance to those that live out there...Its just an observation that I have made over the years...

 

I still dont quite buy the notion that people cant find what they want due to geographics, but you can likely make your search easier, if you relocated...but I dunno...(shrug)

 

TFY

 

I read through the bolded a few times. My reading comprehension is generally good but I can't understand how women are at an advantage in this case.

[BikerAccnt]

I think it's partly an age thing. That, and as someone earlier said, women aren't looking to eff everyone who breathes that they find attractive. I know...hard to believe, but true! Most, even young women, dream of that one relationship that will carry them thru to growing old with someone.

 

As a 20 or 30 something man, that's unfathomable. I know it was for me. How could they give up the variety! It would be like eating (name your favorite food) every night. How could they do that?

 

Back to the age thing, as Gaeta mentioned, the pickings of men are pretty slim out there. We all think we're hot stuff but, from what I hear, most women, don't think we are. AND, it's not just looks. I find it hard to understand how some of the men my age (54 now) managed to live as long as they have. Heh, especially the guys in my MC club.

 

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I have a long term job, and I take care of myself. I eat right, and work out. When I posted my ad on match, was I deluded with emails? No, and I didn't expect any. Usually doesn't work that way.

 

However, I probably got at least 30% responses, and that' pretty damn good. AND, I sent emails to women who don't have profile pictures!. I don't take that to mean anything, and I don't assume you should either. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not want their pic out there.

 

I met my GF on Match .I think she's beautiful, mastectomy and all. Once you get away from going only on looks, and start looking for those who have big hearts, your luck will improve...My experience only of course.

[xxoo]

I think it's partly an age thing. That, and as someone earlier said, women aren't looking to eff everyone who breathes that they find attractive. I know...hard to believe, but true! Most, even young women, dream of that one relationship that will carry them thru to growing old with someone.

 

As a 20 or 30 something man, that's unfathomable. I know it was for me. How could they give up the variety! It would be like eating (name your favorite food) every night. How could they do that?

 

Yes, and on the flip side, I've never seen the appeal of variety. If I want sex with a man, I most likely also want a relationship with him. And to get the sex and not the relationship would feel crushing. Variety = repeatedly crushed.

[GemmaUK]

I think it's partly an age thing. That, and as someone earlier said, women aren't looking to eff everyone who breathes that they find attractive. I know...hard to believe, but true! Most, even young women, dream of that one relationship that will carry them thru to growing old with someone.

 

As a 20 or 30 something man, that's unfathomable. I know it was for me. How could they give up the variety! It would be like eating (name your favorite food) every night. How could they do that?

 

Back to the age thing, as Gaeta mentioned, the pickings of men are pretty slim out there. We all think we're hot stuff but, from what I hear, most women, don't think we are. AND, it's not just looks. I find it hard to understand how some of the men my age (54 now) managed to live as long as they have. Heh, especially the guys in my MC club.

 

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I have a long term job, and I take care of myself. I eat right, and work out. When I posted my ad on match, was I deluded with emails? No, and I didn't expect any. Usually doesn't work that way.

 

However, I probably got at least 30% responses, and that' pretty damn good. AND, I sent emails to women who don't have profile pictures!. I don't take that to mean anything, and I don't assume you should either. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not want their pic out there.

 

I met my GF on Match .I think she's beautiful, mastectomy and all. Once you get away from going only on looks, and start looking for those who have big hearts, your luck will improve...My experience only of course.

 

 

I'm coming up 46.

I dated a disabled guy for a few weeks a few years ago.

He was someone I had know since I was a teen and we had been friends back then.

He got sick with colitis and part of making him well was having to lose half of one of his legs in order that grafts (vein and internal skin) etc could be done so he could eat and live.

 

 

He contacted me. We went out on a few dates and had a great time.

Then he let slip he was actually married. I had no idea.

I stopped it all right there and then and he got incredibly angry with me.

I see him on occasions to this day and he shouts out abuse to me.

 

I don't want ripped at my age I just want normal in body, normal in face.

But mostly I want a normal chilled out guy who respects himself, me and his friends and family plus anyone else he encounters.

This is something I haven't yet found after 9 years of leaving my LT ex.

 

 

If that guy isn't out there then hey ho I'll stay single. But when I do look I am prepared - like you - to look beyond what is seen.

I have tried that twice so far. I will try again at some point.

[Haydn]

My GF grouted the bathroom today. And a fine job too. Thank god for equality. Got a few doors that need rehanging as well.

 

But seriously, maybe this is connected mostly to online dating? Which i`ve never done. (so i can`t have much of an opinion)

 

A good social situation in a pub, being half cut may be better? Works for me. (Usually)

[BikerAccnt]

Pubs suck if you don't drink and want to find someone similarly inclined

[DukeNukem47]

You're focusing on the women who have it easy. There are men and women who for whatever reason have an easy time in the dating world.

 

That's the thing though. This woman used to whine to me about how difficult she has it in dating.

 

She's boring (has no hobbies) and is generally unfriendly. Yet, all she has to do is open an OLD profile and, wala, she has a boyfriend.

[DukeNukem47]

People with the mindset of "men have it easier" or "women have it easier" are misguided about dating as a whole. They should change their thinking.

 

Dating has gender-neutral challenges, sure. But the people who give off attractive vibes don't give a damn about "so-and-so has it easier" or "dating is hard"...they don't devote any brain cells to that stuff. Instead they have a fun attitude, and if they are empathetic and enjoy being around people, the good attitude is likely to be genuine and natural, not contrived. They also are more likely to just go for it. When you enjoy someone or something, it doesn't feel like "work".

 

These types of responses are really amusing to me.

 

The bottom line is this: the average man have to put FAR more time and effort (whether you consider it work or not) into dating than the average woman.

 

Men have to actually put work into creating social circles (women don't, they're usually provided on the basis that they are a woman). Most men will not be successful online (and if they are, they still need to send out messages, keep the girl interested, etc). Men need to make the approaches in bars/clubs. Men need to plan and pay for the dates.

 

Women just sit there and wait for things to come to them.

 

Sure, you have all of this "But I could get RAPED!" talk. Seriously? That's not something that happens often and won't happen as long as the woman doesn't put herself in an obviously bad situation.

[NJ123]

That's the thing though. This woman used to whine to me about how difficult she has it in dating.

 

She's boring (has no hobbies) and is generally unfriendly. Yet, all she has to do is open an OLD profile and, wala, she has a boyfriend.

 

Because she's a woman & OLD caters to women since their the ones getting all the messages. A lot of the messages will be garbage, but there will likely be some good ones in there. If a woman isn't very picky than she'll be able to get a b/f quite easily.

[DukeNukem47]

Every time a heterosexual woman has success in dating, does a man not also have success in dating?

 

No, not necessarily.

 

As in my example, the woman had an OLD profile for a few weeks and put no effort into it other than creating it.

 

The man, likely, has had an OLD profile for months or years, sent out tons of messages, and got few replies.

 

Now, he's dating the first woman that will have him, while she has many options.

 

I do not consider that "successful dating" for the man.

[DukeNukem47]

Because she's a woman & OLD caters to women since their the ones getting all the messages. A lot of the messages will be garbage, but there will likely be some good ones in there. If a woman isn't very picky than she'll be able to get a b/f quite easily.

 

Yes, that's my point.

 

It's extremely easy for women and very difficult for men. Even if it doesn't "feel" difficult, it still requires significantly more time and effort, while women could just coast from guy to guy with no effort.

[elaine567]

If a woman isn't very picky than she'll be able to get a b/f quite easily.

 

If a man isn't picky he'll be able to get a gf quite easily.

BUT men are very picky too

[Mangina]

If a man isn't picky he'll be able to get a gf quite easily.

BUT men are very picky too

 

Guys are different kind of picky. Guys usually have a good idea of who is on their level.