Cant move on emotionally after Co-Worker Affair

[AlwaysGrowing]

Almost 4 days since the trip ended and there has been zero contact, TG. I’ve had two late social nights since coming home and had a few drinks and had zero temptation to make contact. I think I needed this trip to be done to truly move forward. DH and I are connected well, minus sex, which is a challenge.

Yes, two of my girlfriends have known about it from the start. The fear of being caught heightens even time I open my eyes in the morning. I have such a strong fear now, I am avoiding sex completely till I get tested and I am on tenterhooks. He will feel this from me and I do feel close to abnormal! I don’t want to get caught, I want healing to move on with my life, with my child and husband.

The friends are not ok with what I am doing. Not at all, they have detached from him a lot to support me and have been hitting brick walls with their advice. Because like any bad habit or addiction, you don’t give up because someone tells you to, you give up when you want to only.

A lot of comments have left the characters of my friends under question, these girls and I have shared a lot, the good bad and the ugly and friends don’t walk away from each other at times of need. They don’t agree with it, but they are advising and helping me through it. We support each other, that’s what a friendship is, their loyalties are to me and helping me to get back on track

 

 

Don't you at all find it odd that you expect loyalty from your friends whilst being disloyal to your husband? Or that friends don't walk away...but a spouse can?

 

Don't you feel the relationship of spouse should have a lot more securities inside it then that of a friend relationship?

 

Have you at all questioned yourself why you have expectation from relationships....expectations that you yourself do not meet for others?

 

Get thyself into IC to figure out how you tick, why you tick that way, where you need shoring up in regard to coping/thought processes.

[itmustbeme]

I think I have put my finger on your problem. And since by nature I am a helper let me see if I can make it more clear for you.

 

You know from your post you have the perfect husband and father. A guy so fantastic that he turns a blind eye to his wife going out partying and stays home with the young one so you can have sex with other dudes. You have great friends who support you in whatever you choose to do.

 

The only problem you really have as your friends pointed out is the OM is not treating you right. The not married Other Man is off having sex with other women instead of staying true to you. It must be very difficult for you knowing the OM is being untrue.

 

It seems to me you have chosen a great and handsome husband. You have chosen awesome friends. But you did not choose very well on selecting the right Other Man. So you may want to find a better OM who will be true to you. One who will be there for you when you need him. Maybe have several OM on the side so if one of them does not treat you well there is another one right there to pick up the slack. And then you can truly find the man of your dreams among one of the OM and live a happy life with one man at some point. Just make sure that husband sticks around to watch the little one and don't let him get in the way of your lifestyle.

[merrmeade]

Almost 4 days since the trip ended and there has been zero contact, TG. I’ve had two late social nights since coming home and had a few drinks and had zero temptation to make contact. I think I needed this trip to be done to truly move forward. DH and I are connected well, minus sex, which is a challenge.

Yes, two of my girlfriends have known about it from the start. The fear of being caught heightens even time I open my eyes in the morning. I have such a strong fear now, I am avoiding sex completely till I get tested and I am on tenterhooks. He will feel this from me and I do feel close to abnormal! I don’t want to get caught, I want healing to move on with my life, with my child and husband.

The friends are not ok with what I am doing. Not at all, they have detached from him a lot to support me and have been hitting brick walls with their advice. Because like any bad habit or addiction, you don’t give up because someone tells you to, you give up when you want to only.

A lot of comments have left the characters of my friends under question, these girls and I have shared a lot, the good bad and the ugly and friends don’t walk away from each other at times of need. They don’t agree with it, but they are advising and helping me through it. We support each other, that’s what a friendship is, their loyalties are to me and helping me to get back on track

I take back everything I said before. I gave OP WAYYYY too much credit. I agree that she has not strung anyone along. She's been totally out there, what she realizes about herself, what she accepts will happen as a result of her actions, and what she doesn't (also highly entertaining). I still think the initial build-up to the trip did more to heighten the sexual tension than chill it. but even after that, while she showed appreciation for the effort and thought expended here on her behalf, I don't think she gets or even pays attention to most of it not. And it's not because she doesn't sincerely want to be faithful or love DH but because, well, the maturity, character or experience needed to understand, much less apply, the wise counsel she's getting just don't seem to be there.

 

I mean, otherwise, how does she come back — after fellini et al laid out her options, carefully laying out all the scenarios, rationales and repurcussions — with this: (1) Hey, guys, still partyin' and boozin' but no AP for 4 days - that's good, right? - (2) Doin' the marriage thing again (well, except for the sex part) - that's good, too, right? - and then an entire paragraph to (3) My girlfriends are really good friends, guys, and know everything I did. They even stopped speaking to AP for me and will make sure my husband doesn't find out. So, everything's going well, right?

[Confused48]

Your so called friends are either very immature and getting off on seeing you self disintegrate or they have some kind of twisted loyalty to you, like you are thier cult leader. True friends would not coach you about how your OM was not doing right by you. True friends don't say steer to the left or you will go sideways off the cliff, they shoot your tires out before you get to the cliff. If they really cared about you they would have told your H about this long ago. Before it got to where it is now. If they were just even normally decent human beings, they would turn away from you in horror and say, I can't talk to you anymore.

 

Your sense of entitlement is off the charts. You say you are physically attractive. It goes with the territory. You think you are entitled to have a good husband and family as well as take a few rides with Jack the lad. Then you feel entitled to keep that fling a secret from your husband. Because anything else would not suit your selfish interests. Who cares what your husband wants or deserves. Certainly not you.

[HereNorThere]

Just promise us that you will still keep us updated after you get busted. I think one day your thread could be used to help other posters that are hurting their family. Watching you destroy your life might save someone else's.

[merrmeade]

Your so called friends are either very immature and getting off on seeing you self disintegrate or they have some kind of twisted loyalty to you, like you are thier cult leader. True friends would not coach you about how your OM was not doing right by you. True friends don't say steer to the left or you will go sideways off the cliff, they shoot your tires out before you get to the cliff. If they really cared about you they would have told your H about this long ago. Before it got to where it is now. If they were just even normally decent human beings, they would turn away from you in horror and say, I can't talk to you anymore.

 

Your sense of entitlement is off the charts. You say you are physically attractive. It goes with the territory. You think you are entitled to have a good husband and family as well as take a few rides with Jack the lad. Then you feel entitled to keep that fling a secret from your husband. Because anything else would not suit your selfish interests. Who cares what your husband wants or deserves. Certainly not you.

Yeah. Sort of a deal breaker, entitlement. And a head scratcher that people keep working with her, like something's going to get through. Things got garbled in my last post, but I was aiming for the flip side of entitlement with what's lacking—maturity, character, or experience.

 

In fact, I haven't understood why everyone acts as if she'll suddenly stop being the way she's been since the beginning (which I also can't describe without breaking community guidelines). I've been scratching my head why everyone tries so hard. Seriously. She's given no reason to hope might do something redemptive.

[merrmeade]

Why does everyone think she's interested in telling her husband or saving her marriage for his sake? A few reminders:

 

Why she started the post:

• "Cant move on emotionally after Co-Worker Affair" refers to the AP.
  
• It's the AP she's worried about, not her husband. She can't move on emotionally because she still wants him.
  

 

Background–

She

calls herself stunningly beautiful

gets drunk a lot, says she needs to stop drinking ("demon drink")

used to out partying morning noon and night for months

feels emotionally attached to AP ("being a woman")

in love with romantic view, the thrill, the fun

"obsessed with someone who played me like a fiddle"

confused why so consuming

can't help but think of the "fun"

felt amazing with AP: desirable, wanted, 16 again, carefree, wild, party animal

got caught up playing with a boy, complete opposite to husband

sneaking round was fun, felt desired

heart sinks when he walks by

physical contact was 3rd week in Jan

something not right in head; need to get professional help

shocked at herself

semi-broke up but stayed in contact

2 months since ended, almost as long as affair itself

felt rejected when he stopped contacting

can't move on, misses how he made her feel, feels hollow inside

is jealous of new girl taking AP's interest

doesn't feel guilt

is pissed the excitement is over

wants to get it back

bruised ego

loves husband

wont be telling husband,

have and had no intention of telling husband.

 

AP

drugs, flirt

oozes confidence and self assurance.

average looking with a fab body

women worthy of the catwalk! It's amazing!

 

Work trip

+

keeping this on the right track and taking no chances

Pulled many strings to get different hotel.

–

will probably want it to happen

the trip they talked about so much

time alone together will play on mind

can have him in my room in a second

would not be a sober meeting(s) lets be honest

 

husband

is the best bet

zero tolerance for cheating; would never forgive

confronted then apologized for questioning

probably is doing some digging; need to be very careful as I am in the proces

questioned me, apologized for questioning

probably is doing some digging

is working or minding child

social outings are rare

goal is to make her happy

[fellini]

That's what I said, her marriage is over because of her insistence on clear headed self destruction. I said this ever so clearly.

 

If She ever deems to tell her husband it would take a lobotomy to get him to stay with her If he were to read her story here in LS.

 

Her only chance for survival, if this marriage is her priority suddenly, is to CHANGE, authentic change, not this "look at me I be changin'" crap, but genuine heartfelt "I have looked death in the eyes and have been given another chance" change. Only then can she perhaps rebuild her life around this marriage and hope to keep it hidden from him.

 

Of course if her real objective is too feed her emotional and sexual needs, which up to this point has been her game plan, she need do nothing, wait for the sh-t to hit the fan and find herself on the street. She is a survivor she'll live. But it seems to me to tell someone to put "family first" when their mind is still up someone else's butt is wishful thinking. People who do what this woman have done DON'T put family first.

 

She needs desperately to stop talking the talk and walk the walk. And that does not necessarily require her at this present time to thrust her WH into trauma so that she can divert her attention from fixing herself to fixing him.

 

The truth is, and many BH's refuse to get this, is this woman is where (I'm saying PLACE not details) my WW was. 2 years later has shown she has done her game changing. It was not me that needed to know that having an affair is not the solution to ones internal issue, it was her. I wish she had come to the same understanding, ended her affair and did the work that she needed to do, which is in fact the work that she has proved can be done, without thrusting it all on my shoulders. There is more to say about this but it's not my thread.

 

 

 

 

Her marriage is over as a result of her actions, not the telling of those actions.

 

I might unfortunately contract a terminal disease. From there, it's a question of biology independent of any disclosure from my doctor to me. It wouldn't be the diagnosis that eventually kills me...

 

Mr. Lucky

Edited March 31, 2015 by fellini

[fellini]

My experience is yes, the majority are the same people. The same poster can go into a WW thread and scream "tell tell tell" and this is the funny part that isnt funny "you cannot reconcile with him unless you disclose, and when you do you must tell every single detail he asks for... only then is their TRUE reconciliation."

 

And these same, very same posters go into a BH thread and say: "there has to be more, once a cheater always a cheater, reconciliation is useless, leave now or do it in 5 years, this woman disrespected you, it should be a dealbreaker, call your lawyer yesterday. You deserve a woman who doesn't cheat. Man up... "

 

And of course there is the real twisted concept that "your husband has been living a lie" which i dont want to even begin to unravel here. I'll wait til someone puts up a thread and says "WTF is this about BH'S living a lie!" Some things roll off the tongue too sweetly IMO.

 

 

Are these the same posters? I mean there are posters that have consistency as in always divorce. But i think everyone has bias which as in what relates."

Edited March 31, 2015 by fellini

[Giraffe2014]

Merrmeade – Thanks for the synopsis of my car crash post. I read some of those points, all mine with sincere shock. I feel sick to be honest. I feel detached from me, its like I am looking in at my life from the outside. I am looking at everyone differently now, DH family and mine. I feel like I don’t deserve any of them, I have lied to them all, not just husband and child.

I can’t quit my job yet I don’t want to have to see AP again. He’s not working this week and I am doing a bit of travel but at some stage soon our paths will cross and I feel so much emotions around him and husband now. Regret, guilt, sadness.

I booked STD test today, I am going to have to cancel and find an appointment sooner as the soonest they can see me is 10 days time and then its another 2 weeks for results (Never knew this thought some results were given a couple hrs later that day). How and ever, the sooner I get tested the sooner the results are in.

When I read some of my posts, this one even it sounds pretty BS tainted. If I was reading this as another person I would be thinking so many negative things about the poster. I can see that now looking in from the outside, because in my head that’s the only place I am now – Looking in from the outside.

[Diezel]

Just read the majority of this thread.

 

All I can say right now, is that I feel real sorry for the man who married this woman. I can't help but hope that karma exists in some shape or form.

 

Just another reason why I've always tried qualifying over and over until I eventually decide that I might get married. Threads like these prove the point that you could be the best man in the world, and it couldn't possibly matter.

 

But I'm sure if OP found out that their husband was cheating, she'd take him for every penny that he is worth. He's out there working two jobs and she's galavanting during business trips. Amazing.

[fellini]

Just another reason why I've always tried qualifying over and over until I eventually decide that I might get married.

 

I waited until I was 35 to marry. I chose the best woman I had ever met in my entire life. I chose a rock solid head on her shoulders, successful professional completely mature adult woman.

 

She cheated on me. It's not about my choice of women, it's about their choices. Always has, always will be.

 

Threads like these prove the point that you could be the best man in the world, and it couldn't possibly matter.

 

Cheaters cheat on themselves before they cheat on their spouses. It's not always about us.

[fellini]

I don't think it so much the old boy network as social conditioning:

 

Men from age 12 on "know" that success also means successfully having sex with women. Not a woman, But any and every desirable woman.

 

And yet young men also believe that they should marry "virgins not sluts".

 

Any society which purports to pat a young man on the back who got laid after the football game, or on prom night and which later labels a young woman a slut for sleeping with a guy is a schizophrenic society to say the least.

 

The weird thing is, everything I have said is already a cliche, yet men are still motivated by it. They still pursue it. They still point a finger at women who do it with other men. Hell, even women point fingers at other women to increase their image of cleanliness in the herd. Men have learned to live with an enormous contradiction because it suits them fine to do so.

 

As Leonard Cohen's novel: The favourite game shows - it's all about soldiers and whores.

 

Yes, and it is a good one fellini has. Infidelity and the consequences thereof is not equal based on sex. WH's are cut more slack than WS's. The good ol' boy attitude, sad to say.

Edited March 31, 2015 by fellini

[HereNorThere]

Just read the majority of this thread.

 

All I can say right now, is that I feel real sorry for the man who married this woman. I can't help but hope that karma exists in some shape or form.

 

Just another reason why I've always tried qualifying over and over until I eventually decide that I might get married. Threads like these prove the point that you could be the best man in the world, and it couldn't possibly matter.

 

But I'm sure if OP found out that their husband was cheating, she'd take him for every penny that he is worth. He's out there working two jobs and she's galavanting during business trips. Amazing.

 

 

Threads like these show why we need to put a lot more emphasis on personality type when it comes these type of situations. She's one big walking red flag, but that most men would overlook that for her physical beauty, at least for a while. There's no way you could married to this women and not realize something is wrong. There are plenty of people here that stayed married to women with even more narcissistic traits, and have shown less remorse than Mrs. Giraffe, so it's not just her husband with this problem.

[merrmeade]

Merrmeade – Thanks for the synopsis of my car crash post. I read some of those points, all mine with sincere shock. I feel sick to be honest. I feel detached from me, its like I am looking in at my life from the outside. I am looking at everyone differently now, DH family and mine. I feel like I don’t deserve any of them, I have lied to them all, not just husband and child.

I can’t quit my job yet I don’t want to have to see AP again. He’s not working this week and I am doing a bit of travel but at some stage soon our paths will cross and I feel so much emotions around him and husband now. Regret, guilt, sadness.

I booked STD test today, I am going to have to cancel and find an appointment sooner as the soonest they can see me is 10 days time and then its another 2 weeks for results (Never knew this thought some results were given a couple hrs later that day). How and ever, the sooner I get tested the sooner the results are in.

When I read some of my posts, this one even it sounds pretty BS tainted. If I was reading this as another person I would be thinking so many negative things about the poster. I can see that now looking in from the outside, because in my head that’s the only place I am now – Looking in from the outside.

If you like, I can finish the thread for you, taking out clips of your words and putting them in categories. That was only half of it.

 

I do this here sometimes, parsing out remarks from threads, to get a better sense of somebody's focus. I did it here because MY impression was a kind of superficial, self-absorbed "valley girl," throwing her marriage away, barely sincere about asking for help. So doing this exercise made me see just how vulnerable you are to AP and excited by him, and he, in return. The beginning of the thread you talk about that a lot. Then, as everybody started pointing out your behavior, you started showing more and more regret, saying you wanted to save your marriage, etc. By the way, you've also clearly indicated you're getting all your sexual turn-ons from the AP and your marriage gives you zero satisfaction in this area.

 

Also, sweetheart, there are lots of us "stunningly beautiful" creatures in this world who are able to avoid the Jack-the-lads who com across our paths. My husband and I were both characterized this way. He shares your need for flattery, love of flirting and feeling someone desire you. I remember it as well - from before I was married. For some reason, he, like you, didn't have the mindset to 'turn off' his responses to such advances. He hasn't had therapy (is too narcissistic to even consider it) but he did have a terrible life blow in which everything he believed and cared about came crashing down around him because of his own actions. This, what I've read in literature, is the ONLY way NPDs can make a turn-around (experience a huge life disappointment). In his case, it woke him up to how he'd approached people and situations in general throughout his life, and, since it was about the time I discovered the last affair, pushed him to acknowledge the pattern there as well. Eventually he confessed more As and 'we' put together this 'sense of entitlement' that accompanied his actions. He also had never had an intention of telling me about his As either when they were happening. He agrees they were the flings, 'acting out,' thrills, exciting, flattering indulgence of a serial cheater narcissist.

 

So, I'm not a psychologist but I've been on LS long enough and dealt with the narcissism in my own husband long enough to feel confident about a few things. One is that you play mind games with yourself. You tell yourself when you're out of the situation that you can do this and this AND YOU WILL but then you don't. Change is very, very difficult. You can't do it by yourself. You've already seen that you had zero resistance to AP on the trip.

 

I do think you're taking the LS connection a lot more seriously than I gave you credit for. I've heard of people taking hold of their lives and making changes as a result of their threads on LS, so I'd like to hope it's possible for you.

 

Personally - just going to be frank here, honey - I usually let other people handle the 'hard truth' posts, but i'm pretty pessimistic about you. Sure I've got the BS perspective, but one reason I love my husband is that he fully admits his behavior and his vulnerabilities. It takes a lot to get there. I don't see how your efforts in an online forum and your girlfriends are going to get you there. You won't even consider the advice to confess to your husband. You won't change unless something huge happens to your life. Just being frank.

[Noirek]

Being "stunningly beautiful" sounds exhuasting.

 

Giraffe, i feel for you. I see a lot of me in your posts. I know what it is like to enjoy and hate being bad. I don't have much hope for myself. And I hate to say it but I don't have much hope for you in regards to turning things around and being the good wife. On the other hand you don't seem to be emotionaly capable of being the all bad girl (so you can't just continue you affairs like so many do without a thought) because you are going crazy from it. I think because you are very likely to continue at this point you need to tell your husband. With no promises of fidelity. You can't promise that again at least not right now. Because the only way you could get past this and never cheat again would be if you took some major actions. Remember how you had a million excuses why you couldn't miss the trip? But were so sure you were done the A? Remember how that went. You have a million excuses right now about why you can't quit your job. And new friends and enviroment too. At least new besties. It isn't wrong for them to question the treatment you put up with with OM... However to say thag is worse thab what you did/are doing to your husband?

No you are doing nothing to actually change. You have got a taste of a forbidden fruit and will go back over and over again. The way to stop? Don't be in a monogamous relationship. It is not fair to your husband to remain in the dark and married to such a high risk partner. Pregnancy (if possible) and stis are really only one romp away.

[clam]

Of course it'll help keep you away from CHOM (look, I made new one, coke head other man)...

 

 

That's a good one... CHOM

[clam]

I booked STD test today, I am going to have to cancel and find an appointment sooner as the soonest they can see me is 10 days time and then its another 2 weeks for results...

 

Go to your county health department. They will test you THAT DAY, give you your test results THAT DAY, for all but HIV which takes a little longer. Plus, you can do it all anonymously and it will not hit your insurance.

 

You will likely be in the waiting room with prostitutes and drug addicts, but you will know the results right away.

 

How do I know this? In 1989 I was in a serious car accident and received blood transfusions from two different donors. In 1993, I received letters from the hospital as well as the Red Cross informing me that the blood transfusions I received were given PRIOR to HIV screening. They recommended anonymous testing for obvious reasons. And they referred me to the county health department sex clinic.

[merrmeade]

Being "stunningly beautiful" sounds exhuasting.

 

Giraffe, i feel for you. I see a lot of me in your posts. I know what it is like to enjoy and hate being bad. I don't have much hope for myself. And I hate to say it but I don't have much hope for you in regards to turning things around and being the good wife. On the other hand you don't seem to be emotionaly capable of being the all bad girl (so you can't just continue you affairs like so many do without a thought) because you are going crazy from it. I think because you are very likely to continue at this point you need to tell your husband. With no promises of fidelity. You can't promise that again at least not right now. Because the only way you could get past this and never cheat again would be if you took some major actions. Remember how you had a million excuses why you couldn't miss the trip? But were so sure you were done the A? Remember how that went. You have a million excuses right now about why you can't quit your job. And new friends and enviroment too. At least new besties. It isn't wrong for them to question the treatment you put up with with OM... However to say thag is worse thab what you did/are doing to your husband?

No you are doing nothing to actually change. You have got a taste of a forbidden fruit and will go back over and over again. The way to stop? Don't be in a monogamous relationship. It is not fair to your husband to remain in the dark and married to such a high risk partner. Pregnancy (if possible) and stis are really only one romp away.

Do listen to Noirek. She's got uncanny skills. She can read personalities on here (LS) like nobody's business and make predictions. So go with her reality reading and make some out-of-body decisions to harness, bridle and rein IN the wild parts of yourself - ACTION - if you really want to.

[clam]

One more thing...

 

Many clinics today have an instant HIV saliva test. So you will know with almost 100% accuracy while you are waiting for the blood test results.

[Mr. Lucky]

That's what I said, her marriage is over because of her insistence on clear headed self destruction. I said this ever so clearly.

 

If She ever deems to tell her husband it would take a lobotomy to get him to stay with her If he were to read her story here in LS.

 

Her only chance for survival, if this marriage is her priority suddenly, is to CHANGE, authentic change, not this "look at me I be changin'" crap, but genuine heartfelt "I have looked death in the eyes and have been given another chance" change. Only then can she perhaps rebuild her life around this marriage and hope to keep it hidden from him.

 

So if you peel away the layers, your reason for advising her not to tell is that her conduct (within the framework of marriage) is so reprehensible that her relationship wouldn't survive the revelation? And her H benefits from non-disclosure in not being asked to do the work involved in reconciliation? I'll just say human beings have an almost infinite capacity to come up with the right reasons for doing the wrong things...

 

Mr. Lucky

[merrmeade]

Being "stunningly beautiful" sounds exhausting.

 

Also:

Mr. L and F are both right. Problem is she's not going to act because it's "the right thing." I vote for the Noirek open marriage option. (Which of course her BS won't accept)

Edited March 31, 2015 by merrmeade

[Mr. Lucky]

I vote for the Noirek open marriage option. (Which of course her BS won't accept)

 

No decision needed from the BS, he's already in one ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[autumnnight]

No decision needed from the BS, he's already in one ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That is the sad part. I mean, imagine you are co-owner of a company, and you start noticing balances going down, things aren't adding up. Then a vendor or two call to complain about not being paid. Then you notice that you are running short of things. And the petty cash box is a lot lighter.

 

All the while your partner is embezzling.

 

Would anyone ever even think to say "what he knows won't hurt him" in that case. And yet she is regularly embezzling from her marriage, and rest assured hubby senses something is off.

[merrmeade]

That is the sad part. I mean, imagine you are co-owner of a company, and you start noticing balances going down, things aren't adding up. Then a vendor or two call to complain about not being paid. Then you notice that you are running short of things. And the petty cash box is a lot lighter.

 

All the while your partner is embezzling.

 

Would anyone ever even think to say "what he knows won't hurt him" in that case. And yet she is regularly embezzling from her marriage, and rest assured hubby senses something is off.

What an effective analogy! Even with Jack-the-lad and herself on the payroll (time to discuss them as equals after all), surely OP's company expects employees to understand basic accounting principles.

 

But you don't need to assume the BS's sensors are aroused; OP has said as much a number of times. BH even apologized for asking her questions and being suspicious. I'm glad this came up because I realized that OP never told us her part in that conversation with BH. I'd like to know how she handled his apology for being suspicious. I'm going to have a hard time if she says she actually accepted it and "forgave" him for suspecting her of having an affair. I think this would be MOST instructive for OP, too.

Giraffe? How about it? Did you 'forgive' him for asking if you were having an affair? All I remember that you reported was something like, "Whew, almost got caught but foiled him that round!"

Outright lying? Well, of course, she is! But she needs to look at each one of the lies she's given her well-meaning, trusting spouse. She needs to see exactly how that would resonate with him. She's hardly scratched the surface of empathy.

 

After that, I wish someone would check out the few random, oblique references to their child and point out the strange disconnect there. Child is never mentioned as an individual. Don't think we know the age, anything about their relationship or anything else for that matter. OP travels a lot. Has the time and feeling of entitlement - and concomitant lack of obligation toward family. Mostly she talks about her marriage, but where's the parent-child bond? She travels a lot and BH parents. It's as if OP has been deleting any identifying wife/mother markers both outside and in for a while and pretty much sees herself as a full-time hot-catch-party-girl with best friend sidekicks. Even her graphic portrayal of herself lying next to DH in a sterile marriage bed (without sex, of course) reinforces this strange arrangement. But back to the kid? Where's the mother connection besides "Oh, I love my husband/family/child..."?

 

Anyway, she relates to pulling out the phrases in her own words. I think I got to page 3 or 5. I would do it but really have more important things to do than remind OP of what she said. Perhaps OP could go back and read them herself.

 

How's the trip going? How often do you get to check in here?

Edited March 31, 2015 by merrmeade