SoulStorm Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Ten Characters She's 35....she said that in her first post...so condom use could be reasonable under different circumstances Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 No I know she had sex. I should have worded that. I missed the part where him wearing a condom would have been a surprise or out of the normal? I basically meant she whipped out a condom and "surprised" him. I realize I could have worded that better. I didn't see where she surprised him...just think it would make matters a little more suspicious. Her waiting so long to have sex with him after being gone for nearly a week. If she had been "celibate" on the trip, her actions may have been different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sammy7111 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why can't I get one question answered what makes you think you can stop cheating. Before the trip you wasn't going to do it but you did. So why are you saying your going to stop. Your not going to stop tell everthing is destroyed in your husband's life. Your family has so much pain ahead of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I missed the part where the OP said that she was in her 40s or 50s. I am not sure why the second person argued with me. I was only pointing out that it doesnt have to mean a red flag and can be a common practice. Which I am sure is the case or the OP would never have got one on him. Or he already knows and wanted protection. Second seems less likely. I just missed the part where she surprised him with protected sex? Where was that? Actually the second doesn't seem less likely if you've truly followed the thread. OP has stayed out all night when she was suppose to be home after which her husband confronted her about having an affair, she lied and in her mind she felt that was that, he believed my story. Doesn't make it true. Right now he knows, like many BS's that know, he maybe in denial and convincing himself that she would never........ then she comes home from a week long trip refuses sex for 4 day then makes him wear protection..VERY SLOPPY. It really says a lot about what she thinks of both her husband and marriage. To sum up my point, she has a week long sex-a-ton with AP without protection, comes home goes sexless with her husband before finally giving in and making HIM (the father of her child) wear protection. Spin it how you will, its horrible and not the actions of a woman who neither respects or loves her husband. I think we all see that, well clearly not all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Actually the second doesn't seem less likely if you've truly followed the thread. OP has stayed out all night when she was suppose to be home after which her husband confronted her about having an affair, she lied and in her mind she felt that was that, he believed my story. Doesn't make it true. Right now he knows, like many BS's that know, he maybe in denial and convincing himself that she would never........ then she comes home from a week long trip refuses sex for 4 day then makes him wear protection..VERY SLOPPY. It really says a lot about what she thinks of both her husband and marriage. To sum up my point, she has a week long sex-a-ton with AP without protection, comes home goes sexless with her husband before finally giving in and making HIM (the father of her child) wear protection. Spin it how you will, its horrible and not the actions of a woman who neither respects or loves her husband. I think we all see that, well clearly not all. You seem to have a problem with understanding my posts. I am not trying to spin anything. I imagine the fact he asked her if she was cheating shows he has suspicions. But unless the OP clarifies none of us know she made him wear a condom. My point stands. Wearing a condom unto itself without any other info provided is not a red flag. It may or may not be one. That was what I was saying. I did not say what she was doing was right. Anything else is just people makeing up details they are not privy too. did the OP say missing sex was unusual? Did the OP say she was the one that forced him into a condom? Did the OP say condom wearing was unusual for them? Did the OP give any details on this at all besides the condom usage? I think what is going on is people are hoping the condom use was odd and unusual so that the BH finally has enough red flags to do some serious digging if he isn't already. So they make up and fill in plot wholes to do. More of a hope than a truth. Edited April 2, 2015 by Noirek Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 You seem to have a problem with understanding my posts. I am not trying to spin anything. I imagine the fact he asked her if she was cheating shows he has suspicions. But unless the OP clarifies none of us know she made him wear a condom. My point stands. Wearing a condom unto itself without any other info provided is not a red flag. It may or may not be one. That was what I was saying. I did not say what she was doing was right. Why defend her stance as if we are talking about you. Its clear that its not the norm for him to wear protection thus the four days of refusal as she awaits the STD screening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why defend her stance as if we are talking about you. Its clear that its not the norm for him to wear protection thus the four days of refusal as she awaits the STD screening. How am I doing that? I'm not even defending her in this? Anyways, we could really go around and circles here. It is possible the OP was stupid enough to put off sex for a few days and then surprise her H with condoms. I would say if she did that after he already asked about the cheating she actually wants to get caught and it was deliberate. Or she was worried she could still give him something even with a condom so she held out and then decided it was too suspicious and decided to risk it. I have no idea if true or not but My point stands. The condom may or may not be a red flag. We would need a little more info to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Being good for 30 years is referencing how I've led my life to date, clean, well and not hurtful to others. I am mid thirties, ap 31, husband late 30's. I did have unprotected sex with ap. Used condom with husband which isn't unusual For us nor is it to go days without sex. I will be back later to comment in the other posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Being good for 30 years is referencing how I've led my life to date, clean, well and not hurtful to others. I am mid thirties, ap 31, husband late 30's. I did have unprotected sex with ap. Used condom with husband which isn't unusual For us nor is it to go days without sex. I will be back later to comment in the other posts. So how did you explain the condom use to your H?? Did you tell him you had an infection or that your forgot to take the pill? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Permanently damage because she told him the truth? She permanently damaged her husband as soon as she decided to embark on this affair. No she didn't that's just nonsense morality talk. You are either not reading or deliberately playing double think with words. Doesnt matter to me. Your argument has nothing to do with what I said You also forget the reason why she isn't going to tell him, so that she won't "permanently damage" herself. Don't try to make this about damaging him. That's not the reason she isn't saying anything. Go dig in the thread. Her reasons for not telling him are for HER. It's a selfish reason. Not a righteous one. Again. For some reason you feel you have the right to take my post and say that I am saying THIS about the OP. It's unfair to take a post and project it onto this thread as if this is "all" I have had to say on the subject. It's simply not fair. I have made myself pretty clear about my opinion. You disagree. Fine. But to twist my point into your own making. That seems rather uncalled for. You can call her motives selfish if you like. I have read her posts and I suggested that she is doing it for both. But the most selfish reason, as I have said maybe 3 times and which you seem to ignore, is I believe her objective to be to save this marriage (whether or not that means save herself to you). I stand behind my points about that objective. Whether or not I personally think the marriage is worth saving is not the point. She isn't married to me. And I know zilch about her BH. Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Sorry, I've tried to avoid this thread, but I keep looking, wtf is wrong with me? Giraffe- I have been where your BH is right now in the past. I KNEW something was going on, and it hurt like hell because without proof I had to hide my pain. But as much as I was in denial, in my heart I knew better. I would guess your BH must be doing the same to a certain extent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Can't remember who said that - Infidelity: the gift that keeps on giving So thank you, thread Thank you, Giraffe Thank you, Noirek, for highlighting the STI/condom discussion Quick disclaimer: This is kind of TJ-ing but there's a loose connection. All the talk on STDs. I'll come up with another takeaway later. I always thought of STDs as the big names — syphilis and gonorrhea and some others I didn't know. I thought it was exaggerated on LS. Like, how often do real people get these? Why are they always making such a big deal and telling people to get checked for STDs? I even did a search once to see if there any threads about somebody actually getting an STD and decided it was a kind of drama to scare cheaters or something. For some reason, something in one of these recent posts above reminded me. Sonuvabitch. I just realized I've been diagnosed with two STDs in my life. The first was trichomoniasis and I had it more than once. When one doctor said it was sexually transmitted, I scoffed, saying that's preposterous; I was married (as in monogamous). I heard that some people can be carriers and decided that was it; we were some rare couple that was passing it back and forth to each other. I even went around telling women friends to be careful; they could be 'carriers' for trichomoniasis and not know it. In 2011, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. Preposterous, I said again; I had only been with my husband. Must have been a cold and I touched myself there. I even told my son to be careful about his canker sores when he goes to the bathroom.... So whaddayaknow. I'm an idiot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 But it wasn't the affair or the STI that damaged you, merr....it was your WH telling you....smh..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Can't remember who said that - Infidelity: the gift that keeps on giving So thank you, thread Thank you, Giraffe Thank you, Noirek, for highlighting the STI/condom discussion Quick disclaimer: This is kind of TJ-ing but there's a loose connection. All the talk on STDs. I'll come up with another takeaway later. I always thought of STDs as the big names — syphilis and gonorrhea and some others I didn't know. I thought it was exaggerated on LS. Like, how often do real people get these? Why are they always making such a big deal and telling people to get checked for STDs? I even did a search once to see if there any threads about somebody actually getting an STD and decided it was a kind of drama to scare cheaters or something. For some reason, something in one of these recent posts above reminded me. Sonuvabitch. I just realized I've been diagnosed with two STDs in my life. The first was trichomoniasis and I had it more than once. When one doctor said it was sexually transmitted, I scoffed, saying that's preposterous; I was married (as in monogamous). I heard that some people can be carriers and decided that was it; we were some rare couple that was passing it back and forth to each other. I even went around telling women friends to be careful; they could be 'carriers' for trichomoniasis and not know it. In 2011, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. Preposterous, I said again; I had only been with my husband. Must have been a cold and I touched myself there. I even told my son to be careful about his canker sores when he goes to the bathroom.... So whaddayaknow. I'm an idiot. No you are not, you are a BETRAYED spouse. I am so sorry your $%$#^* did this to you, and your family. Hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 But it wasn't the affair or the STI that damaged you, merr....it was your WH telling you....smh..... I understand the reference autumn, and yes I laughed. So very true. The 'sticks and stones' mentality of some people here, and what you don't know won't hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Being good for 30 years is referencing how I've led my life to date, clean, well and not hurtful to others. I am mid thirties, ap 31, husband late 30's. I did have unprotected sex with ap. Used condom with husband which isn't unusual For us nor is it to go days without sex. I will be back later to comment in the other posts. Prepare for more excuses, and lies. Oh wait she never lies.... Link to post Share on other sites
Akheron Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have tried to stay out of this thread because it is so frustrating to watch someone essentially self destruct. Giraffe has bee given so much good advice by many posters and has continually ignored it. It's as though she enjoys rubbing her infidelity in BS faces and is gloating about how she is getting away with it. Unfortunately, I agree that she needs to come clean. Of all the WS posts I have read, she needs consequences. Otherwise, when she gets bored with her married life again, she'll either seek out the AP again or move on to another bad boy to get her "excitement fix". Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the AP the second man posters here have given you advice about? The first one you didn't have sex with? See what I mean. Just a matter of time before she's back in the clinic getting tested for STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why can't I get one question answered what makes you think you can stop cheating. Before the trip you wasn't going to do it but you did. So why are you saying your going to stop. Your not going to stop tell everthing is destroyed in your husband's life. Your family has so much pain ahead of them. She can't answer, because she WANTED the hot sex with AP on the trip. Her friends now tell her no contact after the trip. The posters here were telling her that before the trip. So all this posturing on LS was bullsh*t. She wanted to have one more fling with AP, and now after she had him in her bed and woke up next to him, she tells us she didn't know what type of person he was, and all her coworkers think she is a joke for hooking up with him. Well I don't think she is, I know she is a joke. The sad thing is the joke is on her BH. Now she has to be tested because she had unprotected sex with AP, and is deathly afraid BH will find out. She will lie to him if she does have a STD. A GOOD person would not act like this. This wasn't a mistake it was a choice. Now the first time she bedded AP it was a poor choice. This last time was a very conscious choice. She had opportunities to walk away, instead she led him right into her bed. Now its boohoohoo. I am sure she didn't contract an STD, it would be fitting. So her BH will be in the dark, and think she is Miss Pure. What is real telling is now she makes her BH wear a condom, but not her AP. Talk about priorities... it's all about HER 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Akheron Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Being good for 30 years is referencing how I've led my life to date, clean, well and not hurtful to others. I am mid thirties, ap 31, husband late 30's. I did have unprotected sex with ap. Used condom with husband which isn't unusual For us nor is it to go days without sex. I will be back later to comment in the other posts. Why post? It's obvious from this entire thread that you are not listening to the posters giving you advice. You'll just deflect and attempt to justify hurting your spouse further. Here's an idea. How about you don't post again until you've come clean to your husband. Once you actually begin understanding what you have done and feeling your husbands pain will you actually begin heeding the advice you've been given. Until you do that, your doing nothing more than rubbing other posters noses in your **** sandwich. Link to post Share on other sites
Akheron Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 One last thing. It just hit me that in your last post you stated that using a condom with your husband is not unusual. So why didn't you make the AP use a condom? This speaks volumes about just how little respect you have for your H. AP gets the Cadillac while hubby gets the Pacer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
itmustbeme Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 One last thing. It just hit me that in your last post you stated that using a condom with your husband is not unusual. So why didn't you make the AP use a condom? This speaks volumes about just how little respect you have for your H. AP gets the Cadillac while hubby gets the Pacer. I think that is why the great husband and father is still in the picture. If she gets pregnant the OM is not going to be around for that. Her husband already watches their other child so she can party and sleep with OM. The Hubby serves his purpose and that would explain Her pathetic treatment of him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I think that is why the great husband and father is still in the picture. If she gets pregnant the OM is not going to be around for that. Her husband already watches their other child so she can party and sleep with OM. The Hubby serves his purpose and that would explain Her pathetic treatment of him. That would be the worst form of emasculation if she did that. But at least her husband could then put 2 plus 2 together if he is wrapped every time and get a DNA test. Sheesh! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I am sure she didn't contract an STD, it would be fitting. I'm not so sure about that. Having unprotected sex with a known drug user who sleeps with multiple other people is a REALLY good way to get HIV. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Autumnight – I wanted to abstain on the trip, I wanted to do it for my own dignity but part of me also crumbled at the thought we were both free to do what we wanted, something we could never do when at home before and I gave in. I knew if we got together on the trip it was the end and I have to stick to my guns or else I would have to walk away from my marriage. It doesn’t excuse me or give me a pass to do what I did. The contact stops now, I wont be engaging him in any form. I am truly done with this. I know I deserve the harshness of the posts here. I know this. I am riddled with guilt. I know I sound pathetic. I have slept with husband since I posted last. Protected. If I have an infection then I have to come clean. Why? did you have the OM use protection? You are still choosing the OM over your H. If you can't, your H does not deserve to be your backup plan. The competition should have ended when you took your vows. Can you put your H first and make him your first and only choice? If not, please let him go and tell him. But write out the timeline of the A, do not trickle truth him. Or please make him your first and only choice. (and your son also) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 She's done some awful things...but let's see if she really means to redeem herself. I have doubts..but I want to see if she will do the right thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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