Sent girl a apology video....

[Cedar27]

I feel like an idiot now and I now feel like all the things you all said I look like. Now I know NO second chances here.....

All the things I didn't want to do, I did. All the things I don't want to be, I look like I am.

 

Now I know. I need to get a therapist.........

 

Don't be that hard on yourself.

 

Although most of us didn't send videos to our exes, most of us have done something embarrassing that took a chunk away from our dignity. My opinion is that you were only with this girl for a month and although there are exceptions to the rule…usually this is just the stage where people are still getting to know one another. Testing the waters so to speak. Maybe if you were together for years this video might not seem as extreme, but a month? You came on too strong for where you guys were at. I also think it's a bit unorthodox. An in person meeting or even a phone call would have been better, but what's done is done.

 

That being said, if its meant to be it will be. I think that in many cases, whether you beg and make a fool of yourself or go complete no contact, if a person wants you back they will reach out. I've looked at "get your ex back" videos until I was blue in the face, tried a couple of methods too, and at the end of the day I had to just accept i've said my peace and she doesn't want to be with me now. I want her back, she knows I want her back, but she needs space and I need to respect that.

 

In many ways, respecting your ex's space and trying your best to move on is the most loving thing you can do. It shows them you are mature and are handling something painful in a healthy way. Plus you are listening to their needs.

 

You tried a method of getting your ex back. Congrats, welcome to the club. We've all done it in one way or another. Be glad you did this, because when you try something out to get your ex back, you know pretty damn quick whether or not they respond well. If they don't want any part of it, that's your signal to pull away.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Cedar27

[Simon Phoenix]

Few things:

 

1. Sending the video was dumb, no question. But it was a mistake. Live with it, learn from it, move forward. We've all done dumb stuff, trust me. And we'll do dumb stuff again. As long as you don't repeat it, this will be a great learning tool. The lesson: Don't throw a Hail Mary when the playbook calls for a running play. No more cheesy rom-com grand gestures, just chill. Either way, it's not the end of the world. Don't let this mistake beat you more than once.

 

2. Small things are much better than grandiose gestures. I was dating a girl (the one who brought me here) and she asked if I could grab some beer on the way over to her place, not specifying the type of beer. I remembered her telling me that a certain type of beer was her favorite in passing on a previous date, so I bought that beer. You would have thought I bought her a puppy or gave her some lavish gift by her reaction. She was so happy that I thought to bring her her favorite beer. It's things like that that really get women excited early, not bouquets and videos.

 

3. All that being said, I agree with others that she was looking for a way out and used the 2 am blowoff as an excuse. From what I read, you handled yourself fine there. So you didn't scare her from liking you, she just wasnt that into you in the first place. Better to learn a valuable lesson in that situation than in a situation with a woman that had mutual interest. Either way, women have to earn your love. It's valuable and you should treat it as such for now on.

 

You'll be OK.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Deleted the video. Maybe she didn't even see it. Who knows.

 

Still beating myself up over it.....I tried to play it cool with this girl. I didn't give to much too soon. Ya, ya...other then the video.

 

No second chance....wha whaaa...... dud

[Kevin_D]

Few things:

 

1. Sending the video was dumb, no question. But it was a mistake. Live with it, learn from it, move forward. We've all done dumb stuff, trust me. And we'll do dumb stuff again. As long as you don't repeat it, this will be a great learning tool. The lesson: Don't throw a Hail Mary when the playbook calls for a running play. No more cheesy rom-com grand gestures, just chill. Either way, it's not the end of the world. Don't let this mistake beat you more than once.

 

Threatening to poison her pet is dumb. Peeing on her front door is dumb. Posting naked pictures of her on the Internet is dumb.

 

Sending an apologize video is a classy move. If she gets scared and believe he's a crazy stalker, that's really her problem.

 

If the goal is to maximize his chances to get her back, then yes, this was probably not the optimal strategy. But for some of us, it's more important to follow our hearts. And if my ex called me and said she was sorry, I would get furios. Action speaks louder than words. Those words alone don't mean anything.

 

So again, this was a classy move. Just because it doesn't "work" doesn't mean it's dumb.

 

I love to do these things myself, just because it's so unexpected. Last summer I wrote a song about two girls I met on the bus. I made a video about me and my ex after she dumped me. When I was younger I sang a song for the girl I was in love with in front of the entire school. I always knew that most people would find me weird, but I didn't care. It was more important to be different.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Kevin_D

[Simon Phoenix]

Threatening to poison her pet is dumb. Peeing on her front door is dumb. Posting naked pictures of her on the Internet is dumb.

 

Sending an apologize video is a classy move. If she gets scared and believe he's a crazy stalker, that's really her problem.

 

If the goal is to maximize his chances to get her back, then yes, this was probably not the optimal strategy. But for some of us, it's more important to follow our hearts. And if my ex called me and said she was sorry, I would get furios. Action speaks louder than words. Those words alone don't mean anything.

 

So again, this was a classy move. Just because it doesn't "work" doesn't mean it's dumb.

 

I love to do these things myself, just because it's so unexpected. Last summer I wrote a song about two girls I met on the bus. I made a video about me and my ex after she dumped me. When I was younger I sang a song for the girl I was in love with in front of the entire school. I always knew that most people would find me weird, but I didn't care. It was more important to be different.

 

It's dumb. The other examples you gave were beyond dumb, but a video to a woman you've been dating a month is not smart by any stretch of the imagination. Now in several months, it could be seen as cute, but for the most part, women in her situation (or in most situations) are going to find that way too pushy. You can be "different" all you want, and if you truly don't care that it might be off-putting, then more power to you. But the OP doesn't seem to be in that state.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[Kevin_D]

It's dumb. The other examples you gave were beyond dumb, but a video to a woman you've been dating a month is not smart by any stretch of the imagination.

 

It depends. 99.9% of all women would freak out, but there are always exceptions. Perhaps he's willing to wait for those?

 

I have one big philosophy in life and that is that I will never feel ashamed for following my heart as long as I don't hurt anybody.

[Pixel_Hugs]

How ever any of you see it. right, wrong, dumb or just plain too soon.

 

My intentions were good. I haven't behaved irrational and I haven't contacted her otherwise. I'm not persistent with calling or texting. I'm not stalking her, etc...

 

All I can do now is just back way the f up.......off....out......

[Kevin_D]

My intentions were good. I haven't behaved irrational and I haven't contacted her otherwise. I'm not persistent with calling or texting. I'm not stalking her, etc...

 

Exactly. And this is what matters.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Ah man. Moments of weakness here.....

 

6 days after the video. Haven't contacted her at all but feeling very tempted to ask if I can stop by her restaurant (work) for a drink...

 

Is there a support group I can call!?

[NopeNah]

Ah man. Moments of weakness here.....

 

6 days after the video. Haven't contacted her at all but feeling very tempted to ask if I can stop by her restaurant (work) for a drink...

 

Is there a support group I can call!?

 

I'd probably(WOULD!!) go get my drink elsewhere.

[Kevin_D]

Ah man. Moments of weakness here.....

 

6 days after the video. Haven't contacted her at all but feeling very tempted to ask if I can stop by her restaurant (work) for a drink...

 

Is there a support group I can call!?

 

Nope! You're no stalker, remember? You made a classy move with the video. She knows what you want. There's nothing more you can do right now.

 

Time will tell if she comes back. But don't hold your breath.

[SycamoreCircle]

Ah man. Moments of weakness here.....

 

6 days after the video. Haven't contacted her at all but feeling very tempted to ask if I can stop by her restaurant (work) for a drink...

 

Is there a support group I can call!?

Man, time to come down a little harder on you. YOU ARE 40. You sound like a 19 year old.

 

Look, dating is a numbers game. Get on an OLD site, seriously. Present yourself as best you can. Start going out with women. Any woman. You need to learn how to act around women and that comes with practice. Stop putting all your eggs in one basket.

 

It would do you good to be in the company of women that don't necessarily float your boat. Maybe you'd act more natural and relaxed. Then use that as a template for the women you really do like.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Man, time to come down a little harder on you. YOU ARE 40. You sound like a 19 year old.

 

Look, dating is a numbers game. Get on an OLD site, seriously. Present yourself as best you can. Start going out with women. Any woman. You need to learn how to act around women and that comes with practice. Stop putting all your eggs in one basket.

 

It would do you good to be in the company of women that don't necessarily float your boat. Maybe you'd act more natural and relaxed. Then use that as a template for the women you really do like.

 

Your pretty funny....

 

I never try to make a general assumptions about someone with out spending time with them. You only have this thread to go by so let your imagination run wild.

I'll be the first to admit I am not perfect with women. I don't know a man who is. I also don't think this thread has anything to do with how to act around women.

I know how to act around women. I have no problem meeting them and no one said I don't have any other eggs in my basket.

 

This is my recent experience. I chose to come here to express myself. I don't know any man who hasn't been tempted to contact someone they like they had to break it off with. I don't know any man who hasn't acted a fool for a women. You? What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

 

I am not some young kid who had his heart broken and is chasing a dead end. I liked this girl very much and I broke it off with her. She didn't break it off with me. I don't sound 19. I sound...hmmm..human. I touch, I feel, I bend, I bend I break, I heal then I try to learn.

 

I don't think people should give tough advise (or come down hard) to people they don't know. It can sound condescending and make them sound like they think they are better. What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

Edited February 28, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Mi7522]

Ah man. Moments of weakness here.....

 

6 days after the video. Haven't contacted her at all but feeling very tempted to ask if I can stop by her restaurant (work) for a drink...

 

Is there a support group I can call!?

 

I'm not sure that would be a good idea, isn't it her family's business? If so that would be very awkward for her, if you're going to ask her for a drink do, ask her to meet you somewhere so she won't have to worry about her family or business colleagues

[Pixel_Hugs]

I'm not sure that would be a good idea, isn't it her family's business? If so that would be very awkward for her, if you're going to ask her for a drink do, ask her to meet you somewhere so she won't have to worry about her family or business colleagues

 

It is, yes. It's not a good idea to stop in there. I agree.

 

I wouldn't just show up. Never. That would be awkward for me as well.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your pretty funny....

 

I never try to make a general assumptions about someone with out spending time with them. You only have this thread to go by so let your imagination run wild.

I'll be the first to admit I am not perfect with women. I don't know a man who is. I also don't think this thread has anything to do with how to act around women.

I know how to act around women. I have no problem meeting them and no one said I don't have any other eggs in my basket.

 

This is my recent experience. I chose to come here to express myself. I don't know any man who hasn't been tempted to contact someone they like they had to break it off with. I don't know any man who hasn't acted a fool for a women. You? What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

 

I am not some young kid who had his heart broken and is chasing a dead end. I liked this girl very much and I broke it off with her. She didn't break it off with me. I don't sound 19. I sound...hmmm..human. I touch, I feel, I bend, I bend I break, I heal then I try to learn.

 

I don't think people should give tough advise (or come down hard) to people they don't know. It can sound condescending and make them sound like they think they are better. What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

 

Dude, chill with the defensiveness. If you go to this woman's restaurant when you know she's working, then you are chasing a dead end. The video, while not a good idea, isn't indicative of stalking/obsessiveness if you just leave it as your attempt. But going to her work unannounced when she's there changes what you're doing from well-intentioned but clumsy to something that is quite a bit more troubling.

 

You might not be 19, but your state of mind is more indicative of someone who is inexperienced. You went out with this woman for a month. For whatever reason, she wasn't sold and the more attempts you make to try to convince her of your worthiness, the less worthy you become in her eyes.

 

Do you want people to coddle you, or do you want people to actually give you helpful information? Time to put down your defenses a bit.

[SycamoreCircle]

Your pretty funny....

 

I never try to make a general assumptions about someone with out spending time with them. You only have this thread to go by so let your imagination run wild.

I'll be the first to admit I am not perfect with women. I don't know a man who is. I also don't think this thread has anything to do with how to act around women.

I know how to act around women. I have no problem meeting them and no one said I don't have any other eggs in my basket.

 

This is my recent experience. I chose to come here to express myself. I don't know any man who hasn't been tempted to contact someone they like they had to break it off with. I don't know any man who hasn't acted a fool for a women. You? What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

 

I am not some young kid who had his heart broken and is chasing a dead end. I liked this girl very much and I broke it off with her. She didn't break it off with me. I don't sound 19. I sound...hmmm..human. I touch, I feel, I bend, I bend I break, I heal then I try to learn.

 

I don't think people should give tough advise (or come down hard) to people they don't know. It can sound condescending and make them sound like they think they are better. What about love, romance, and relationships brings you here?

OK, I hear you. Now, what if I were to hear what you're telling me and send you more tough love/condescending advice? What would you think of me? Would you think, "man, this guy just cannot take a f***ing hint?" Would I come off pushy and unpleasant? Would you really want to have more interactions with me?

[Pixel_Hugs]

Dude, chill with the defensiveness. If you go to this woman's restaurant when you know she's working, then you are chasing a dead end. The video, while not a good idea, isn't indicative of stalking/obsessiveness if you just leave it as your attempt. But going to her work unannounced when she's there changes what you're doing from well-intentioned but clumsy to something that is quite a bit more troubling.

 

You might not be 19, but your state of mind is more indicative of someone who is inexperienced. You went out with this woman for a month. For whatever reason, she wasn't sold and the more attempts you make to try to convince her of your worthiness, the less worthy you become in her eyes.

 

Do you want people to coddle you, or do you want people to actually give you helpful information? Time to put down your defenses a bit.

 

 

Yes, I defended myself to that last post. Nothing wrong with that. Not getting worked over it. The guy is wrong. Don't claim to know me because of one action. We all have done dumb things over women. This inncident doesn't mean I don't know how to act and I admit I am not perfect. Who is..

 

As in your post... you said " But going to her work unannounced when she's there changes what you're doing from well-intentioned but clumsy to something that is quite a bit more troubling."

 

I don't understand half of that....but

 

I never ever said I was thinking of going unannounced. It's like telephone here yet the words are spelled right out. This is how things get out of whack...I would never just show up someplace uninvited. My post said I was tempted to to ask if I can stop by for a drink. She has invited in the past. Again, I never said I would show up unannounced.....you clearly misread that.

 

I am not in the state of mind that she doesn't deserve me. That a women should deserve my attention. I am fully aware that she may not have interest. That is why I broke it off with her. I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me or appears to lose interest.

 

The post was about jumping the gun on my decision to break it off, that I regretted not giving it more time and/or completely closing the door.

Edited February 28, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, I defended myself to that last post. Nothing wrong with that. Not getting worked over it. The guy is wrong. Don't claim to know me because of one action. We all have done dumb things over women. This inncident doesn't mean I don't know how to act and I admit I am not perfect. Who is..

 

As in your post... you said " But going to her work unannounced when she's there changes what you're doing from well-intentioned but clumsy to something that is quite a bit more troubling."

 

I never ever said I was thinking of going unannounced. It's like telephone here yet the words are spelled right out. This is how things get out of whack...I would never just show up someplace uninvited. My post said I was tempted to call her and ask if I can stop by for a drink. She has invited in the past. Again, I never said I would show up unannounced.....

 

I am not in the state of mind that she doesn't deserve me. That a women should deserve my attention. I am fully aware that she may not have interest. That is why I broke it off with her. I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me or appears to lose interest.

 

The post was about jumping the gun on my decision to break it off, that I regretted not giving it more time and/or completely closing the door.

 

Fine, you aren't showing up unannounced. My point remains, it's not a good move at all. In fact, it's an awful move. Your video was your statement and the ball is now in her court. Any other attempts by you would undermine you further.

 

You already did your "dumb" thing with this woman. Don't double down in dumb.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Fine, you aren't showing up unannounced. My point remains, it's not a good move at all. In fact, it's an awful move. Your video was your statement and the ball is now in her court. Any other attempts by you would undermine you further.

 

You already did your "dumb" thing with this woman. Don't double down in dumb.

 

 

That's fair to say.

 

Listen, all day has gone by. I expressed my thoughts. My temptations. I haven't done anything. I haven't called anyone or sent a text.

[Simon Phoenix]

That's fair to say.

 

Listen, all day has gone by. I expressed my thoughts. My temptations. I haven't done anything. I haven't called anyone or sent a text.

 

Good. Don't do it.

[Pixel_Hugs]

OK, I hear you. Now, what if I were to hear what you're telling me and send you more tough love/condescending advice? What would you think of me? Would you think, "man, this guy just cannot take a f***ing hint?" Would I come off pushy and unpleasant? Would you really want to have more interactions with me?

 

 

Ha...I see what your doing there. I'm her and your me.. Wow. That's fantastic.

 

Damned if I do respond, damned if I don't. You'll have an answer I'm sure.

 

My response to you, in my defense, was that you don't know me well enough to know how or if I know how to act around women. It wasn't about my temptation to

reach out to her. I fully understand the risk involved if I had done that. My actions, my post doesn't have anything to do with how I act around women.

 

My response was NOT a what if analogy on if I reached out to her.

Edited February 28, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Mi7522]

Although I think it wasn't as bad as everyone else by sending the video, as you did break up with her, but now is the time to sit back and let things happen naturally. She knows how you feel especially if she did see the video, right now there is nothing more you can do, if she has any desire to get in touch with you she will. Sit tight and focus on you now, if she approaches you in any sort of medium then you can decide how to deal with it but until then leave things alone and let it play out

[SycamoreCircle]

Ha...I see what your doing there. I'm her and your me.. Wow. That's fantastic.

 

Damned if I do respond, damned if I don't. You'll have an answer I'm sure.

Before, you pointedly asked what brought me here. Long story short---my live-in gf of a year cheated and left me for another man. I've been about a year NC. Or relative NC. I peek at her social media, now and again.

 

The guy she left me for broke things off with her and pursues other women. She STILL follows him around like a puppy dog. The other day she sent him an Instagram message that said, "Saw an icicle loogie and thought of you." This is a 26-year-old woman to a 46-year-old man.

 

I courted her. I bought her gifts. I took her on dates. I took her on trips. I moved her across the city. I gave her a break on rent. I bought and cooked food for her. I loved her. She left me like I wasn't worth a used tampon. When I discovered what was really going on, she wouldn't even apologize. She said more horrible things about me to her family and friends.

 

This guy bangs other women and she still adores him. She still is reminded of him when she sees frozen mucous. And bothers to tell him.

 

Why tell you this? I'm dealing with stuff, too. But one lesson both you and I can learn---women want what women want. And if they decide that your frozen mucous is no longer of interest to them, there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Although I think it wasn't as bad as everyone else by sending the video, as you did break up with her, but now is the time to sit back and let things happen naturally. She knows how you feel especially if she did see the video, right now there is nothing more you can do, if she has any desire to get in touch with you she will. Sit tight and focus on you now, if she approaches you in any sort of medium then you can decide how to deal with it but until then leave things alone and let it play out

 

 

Good thoughts. Thanks.

 

I know I've done my part. As someone else said. I've made my statement already.

 

Just was a temptation. Like an itch or like reaching for that smoke. We've all been there... Most of us.