Sent girl a apology video....

[Pixel_Hugs]

No, no therapist. It's just about becoming more confident in yourself. Knowing who you are and so forth. You'll get it.

 

It's important to show your interest in girls you like. Then, let go. They get to make the choice. It doesn't happen often as we'd like, but sometimes they choose us.

 

I'm a confident guy. I'm in my 40's. I've had good relationships, I've had fun but just haven't met the right one. I know what I like but I am always evolving. Just tired of getting it wrong with women lately.

[SycamoreCircle]

There's a handful of other guys out there who have done really dumb things. If you back off, be normal when you happen to run into her, you'll come off looking like a decent guy. Take the loss like a winner.

[d0nnivain]

Breathe.

 

You seem to be comfortable in your own skin, then this through you for a loop.

 

Since you have to interact with her & her friends going forward, the way to fix this is by being confident. She knows you sent the video. You believe she got the video. Just be normal & friendly but not overly so, be reserved, the next few times you see her. As she sees more of the real you -- the confident guy who is not clingy -- then perhaps after some time things can become OK.

[flightplan]

Hey, back the truck up man. You say you're worried about how you look and feel, clingy, etc and then in the next sentence you tell us you're a confident guy. No you're not. You think an alpha male gives a rats ass what this woman thinks? You think Clint Eastwood would give a ****? Quit dwelling on this bull**** and move it on... geesh. It ain't that big of a deal.

[quattrob]

Look TC, you can't expect other people to view things the same way you do. This is not that big of a deal to begin with, so I don't know why you're blowing this out of proportion. You need to calm down, it's not as bad as you think and you're just being hard on yourself for basically nothing.

 

 

And try not to care about what others think of you, if they are really your friends then they will know how you really are, they may think that whatever you did is a douche move but they won't think you're a douche.

 

 

Take it easy.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Hey, back the truck up man. You say you're worried about how you look and feel, clingy, etc and then in the next sentence you tell us you're a confident guy. No you're not. You think an alpha male gives a rats ass what this woman thinks? You think Clint Eastwood would give a ****? Quit dwelling on this bull**** and move it on... geesh. It ain't that big of a deal.

 

Yes, I am a confident guy but I am not perfect. I do have faults and a little social anxiety is one of them. I do care a little about how I look. Particularly in the eyes of people I like. Being confident isn't going around with a total 100% I don't give a **** attitude towards everything that comes your way.

Confident people are also people who aren't afraid to admit there faults. It's part of being confident.

 

Confident men still have faults. Whether you want to admit that or not is up to you.

 

The hell with Alpha male stuff. I don't like the Alpha male mentality. That's for testosterone junkies.

[rester]

I was disappointed I didn't see her NOT disappointed IN HER. Like...Oh man, that sucks I wanted to see her NOT I am disappointed in her.

 

That's a difference.

 

I do see a difference in my video versus covering someone's car with hearts and flowers....a big difference..If I did that after a month I'd probably get arrested. It's not that big of a gesture in my eyes....maybe in hers. I see that.

 

Anyway, no getting out of this now.

 

I get it. I look like a desperate needy manipulative clingy guy. It the LAST thing I want because I am not that guy AND I will see her again because we have mutual friends and she is on my Facebook.

 

No one needs to repeat that. I already feel like an idiot.

 

I agree with others that you're being overly hard on yourself, but also agree that these grand gestures rarely work. I've witnessed them backfire too many times. Even small gifts, in my experience, are not good early on in a relationship. It makes you look like you are trying to buy their love. It sucks because I enjoy giving gifts, but I've learned to hold way off until much later in the relationship, and still I need to force myself to keep it at bay.

 

I'm curious why you weren't upset with her that she kept you up until 2am without even a phone call telling you where she was.

 

If that was me, after only a month of dating, she'd never hear from me again unless she had a good reason for it. What was her reason?

[Pixel_Hugs]

I agree with others that you're being overly hard on yourself, but also agree that these grand gestures rarely work. I've witnessed them backfire too many times. Even small gifts, in my experience, are not good early on in a relationship. It makes you look like you are trying to buy their love. It sucks because I enjoy giving gifts, but I've learned to hold way off until much later in the relationship, and still I need to force myself to keep it at bay.

 

I'm curious why you weren't upset with her that she kept you up until 2am without even a phone call telling you where she was.

 

If that was me, after only a month of dating, she'd never hear from me again unless she had a good reason for it. What was her reason?

 

She was working. I knew that. She got out late. All she did was tell me she was running late but then two hours later she said she wasn't going to make it. I feel my time is important so any other time I would have been upset she didn't let me know sooner but it is too soon in this case. I was disappointed in the fact I wasn't going to hang out with her.

 

 

Clint Eastwood? Do you know Clint Eastwood? .... Do you REALLY know what Clint Eatwood is like?

Edited February 25, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[rester]

She was working. I knew that. She got out late. All she did was tell me she was running late but then two hours later she said she wasn't going to make it. I feel my time is important so any other time I would have been upset she didn't let me know sooner but it is too soon in this case. I was disappointed in the fact I wasn't going to hang out with her.

 

Okay, I'd probably be fairly forgiving about that since she did give you a heads up she was running late. Disappointed, sure. Did she ever give a reason, though? Maybe she got stuck late at work because of customers or coworkers, maybe she got a flat tire? Or did she give you no reason at all?

 

 

 

 

First timer here.....

 

I was dating a women for about a month. Things were cool, relaxed. We went out about once a week and we hit it off.

 

Things suddenly got a little weird. I got a little disappointed one night she said she was going to come by, didn't and kept me hanging a few hours before she called to say she wasn't coming. I think I was just excited to see her. I wasn't disappointed or mad in her at all. She thought I was mad which I wasn't but I do understand how she thought I was. I was half asleep when she called and I was up till 2am waiting for her. Anyway, that's when things grew a little weird.

 

We spoke about it one night. She freaked out because she thought it's too soon to be getting upset at things but I assured her I wasn't mad. I don't think she believed me. I ended up telling her we shouldn't see each other anymore but I regret it. I'm a creative guy and like to do things to stand out sometimes. I mad her a stop motion video with letter blocks saying I was sorry for how things ended and that I miss her. I posted it on youtube and sent her the link.

 

I thought it was a fun, creative, and thoughtful thing to do to show her I still would like to see her. I put in the effort. It's been a few days and I haven't heard anything.

 

Any thoughts on this from women and what would be my next move?

 

Thank you.

 

How did you react that made her think you were mad? Did you calmly ask her what happened when she finally called, or did you react negatively right away?

 

A lot of this may have been how you handled the 2am phone call.

 

 

Clint Eastwood? Do you know Clint Eastwood? .... Do you REALLY know what Clint Eatwood is like?

 

huh?

[flightplan]

I don't mean to pick a fight with you man, but seriously, you need to chill out over this. There are bigger issues on this board than a 40 year old man getting all butt hurt over a video to a woman he barely knows. Good luck to you.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Okay,

I'd probably be fairly forgiving about that since she did give you a heads up she was running late. Disappointed, sure. Did she ever give a reason, though? Maybe she got stuck late at work because of customers or coworkers, maybe she got a flat tire? Or did she give you no reason at all?

Ya, she was held up at work. Doesn't matter. I understood.

 

How did you react that made her think you were mad? Did you calmly ask her what happened when she finally called, or did you react negatively right away?

 

A lot of this may have been how you handled the 2am phone call.

She sent a text saying she wasn't coming. By that time I had fallen half a sleep. I simply said 'ok'... that was it. Nothing else. She wrote back. 'oh no your mad' Before I got a chance to write again the phone rang. I picked it up half a asleep. She said don't be mad. I said "I'm not mad, I wish you had let me know sooner but I ended up getting some work done anyway."

She said something then I said that I was really tired and couldn't think straight and said good night and that I'd call her in the morning.

 

It was dumb man. I wasn't mad. A few days later she said she's know when a guy is mad at her and that I lied to her about that....everything changed.

[Pixel_Hugs]

I don't mean to pick a fight with you man, but seriously, you need to chill out over this. There are bigger issues on this board than a 40 year old man getting all butt hurt over a video to a woman he barely knows. Good luck to you.

 

It's your delivery flightplan

 

Just now...even the way your wrote "bigger issues on this board than a 40 year old man getting all butt hurt over a video to a woman he barely knows." Seems kind of

****ty to say that.

 

No one ever said I was HURT. Don't belittle what someone is experiencing because of your personal opinion on the subject. Your condescending. We all are here for a reason. If you feel there are bigger issue here that you would like to be involved with then just go. You don't have to respond.

Edited February 25, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[rester]

Ya, she was held up at work. Doesn't matter. I understood.

 

She sent a text saying she wasn't coming. By that time I had fallen half a sleep. I simply said 'ok'... that was it. Nothing else. She wrote back. 'oh no your mad' Before I got a chance to write again the phone rang. I picked it up half a asleep. She said don't be mad. I said "I'm not mad, I wish you had let me know sooner but I ended up getting some work done anyway."

She said something then I said that I was really tired and couldn't think straight and said good night and that I'd call her in the morning.

 

It was dumb man. I wasn't mad. A few days later she said she's know when a guy is mad at her and that I lied to her about that....everything changed.

 

I really don't know how you could have handled that better. Unfortunately, it sounds like she was looking for a reason to not see you anymore but she couldn't come up with a reason, so she created a situation where you couldn't win, and also one she could blame on you. If this was truly the way it went down, she was either starting a disagreement/argument on purpose, or she is nutty and this would have just been the beginning of it. You don't need that drama in your life. Nobody does.

[mammasita]

She just wasn't that into you, otherwise she wouldn't have stood you up after THREE dates.

 

Your best just letting this go. Its ok to be romantic, but don't be so mushy gushy so soon.....like three dates.

[Pixel_Hugs]

I really don't know how you could have handled that better. Unfortunately, it sounds like she was looking for a reason to not see you anymore but she couldn't come up with a reason, so she created a situation where you couldn't win, and also one she could blame on you. If this was truly the way it went down, she was either starting a disagreement/argument on purpose, or she is nutty and this would have just been the beginning of it. You don't need that drama in your life. Nobody does.

 

 

The third reason could be that she had some screwed up experience with a past relationship and this little thing sent up a red flag that caused her to bug off a bit.

[rester]

The third reason could be that she had some screwed up experience with a past relationship and this little thing sent up a red flag that caused her to bug off a bit.

 

 

I think you're failing to see that she's the one with the red flag, not you. She is putting it back on you by saying you got mad when you didn't. She's the one that stood you up and then tried to say it's your fault because you are lying to her about being mad. ?? Way too much drama for just a few dates. Consider yourself lucky you won't have to put up with that crap anymore.

 

I've had relationships last years without being stood up like you were, and here she is standing you up after only a few dates. She would not have treated you well if this continued.

[Pixel_Hugs]

I think you're failing to see that she's the one with the red flag, not you. She is putting it back on you by saying you got mad when you didn't. She's the one that stood you up and then tried to say it's your fault because you are lying to her about being mad. ?? Way too much drama for just a few dates. Consider yourself lucky you won't have to put up with that crap anymore.

 

I've had relationships last years without being stood up like you were, and here she is standing you up after only a few dates. She would not have treated you well if this continued.

 

I understand what your saying. I was just using that as an example as what could have went on in her head. Believe me, I am not trying to figure her out or justify anything. I know she was at work that night. I know she works late. I didn't feel stood up at all. I understood.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Came on here to get advise on "second chances". I am not placing blame on anyone but I wasn't seeing as giving me a second chance. I saw it as wanting to try and give her and I another chance at getting to know one another.

 

I thought what I did was harmless, and showed myself as being someone outside of the box doing something creative to say that.

 

I am only coming away with a lot of regret, feeling stupid and looking like a creep.

[NopeNah]

Came on here to get advise on "second chances". I am not placing blame on anyone but I wasn't seeing as giving me a second chance. I saw it as wanting to try and give her and I another chance at getting to know one another.

 

I thought what I did was harmless, and showed myself as being someone outside of the box doing something creative to say that.

 

I am only coming away with a lot of regret, feeling stupid and looking like a creep.

 

How many times did you see her in the four weeks? Intimate relationship,i'm assuming by your age(no offense. I'm late 30's,but us older folk tend to move faster)?

 

Edit: Just reread "about once a week".

 

So, Let's call it 6 times.

 

Sex 3 times seems like a fair guess.

 

She was just looking for a reason to end it,man. Don't beat yourself up about what you did. It's who you are. Just leave her be from now on and delete all social media crap.

Edited February 25, 2015 by Praying4Daylight

[elaine567]

Came on here to get advise on "second chances". I am not placing blame on anyone but I wasn't seeing as giving me a second chance. I saw it as wanting to try and give her and I another chance at getting to know one another.

 

I thought what I did was harmless, and showed myself as being someone outside of the box doing something creative to say that.

 

I am only coming away with a lot of regret, feeling stupid and looking like a creep.

 

Seems to me this was a misunderstanding, that got ramped up.

If you really like her, then man up and call her up (don't text) and ask her out for a date again.

Wind it back a bit, go for drinks and finger food or coffee somewhere nice, so you can have a good talk and sort it out.

She can only say no. If she says no, then you know where you stand, if she says yes then great, you have your second chance.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Seems to me this was a misunderstanding, that got ramped up.

If you really like her, then man up and call her up (don't text) and ask her out for a date again.

Wind it back a bit, go for drinks and finger food or coffee somewhere nice, so you can have a good talk and sort it out.

She can only say no. If she says no, then you know where you stand, if she says yes then great, you have your second chance.

 

 

Maybe that is what I need to do. Just call her.

 

I haven't heard from her at all in almost two weeks and being she didn't even acknowledge the video it's probably a lost cause. Maybe I should sit on it another week or just wait until I run in to her?

[Satu]

Give her a call.

 

You've got nothing to lose.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Give her a call.

 

You've got nothing to lose.

 

 

Ya, not too soon after making and sending that video though.

[todreaminblue]

Hi pixel if she is a relatively private person , you have made a mistake in such a lavish apology...a heartfelt apology face to face would have been more appropriate...

 

 

 

i am a romantic person i write love poetry listen to love songs all day if i could...but to be honest....i would find it overwhelming that a guy i hardly had gotten to know sent me such a thing......only as other posters have suggested if i were in love would i feel comfortable with such a gesture and again...i would prefer a guy face me and apologise....and keep it between us alone...i am not a fan of bust ups or make ups being public....i dont feel that most women who like a bit of privacy would be a fan of public apology videos......it would be uncomfortable to say the least....whatever you do ....i wish you well.....do what your heart says..but also think clearly as well...think of her with your heart and what you think or feel she would not appreciate.and if you have sent this already which i believe you have......do not contact her let her approach you now ...whats done is done.....deb

[Pixel_Hugs]

Hi pixel if she is a relatively private person , you have made a mistake in such a lavish apology...a heartfelt apology face to face would have been more appropriate...

 

 

 

i am a romantic person i write love poetry listen to love songs all day if i could...but to be honest....i would find it overwhelming that a guy i hardly had gotten to know sent me such a thing......only as other posters have suggested if i were in love would i feel comfortable with such a gesture and again...i would prefer a guy face me and apologise....and keep it between us alone...i am not a fan of bust ups or make ups being public....i dont feel that most women who like a bit of privacy would be a fan of public apology videos......it would be uncomfortable to say the least....whatever you do ....i wish you well.....do what your heart says..but also think clearly as well...think of her with your heart and what you think or feel she would not appreciate.and if you have sent this already which i believe you have......do not contact her let her approach you now ...whats done is done.....deb

 

 

This is NOT a public video. I just need to clear that up because your not the first person to suggest it. Youtube is just a player that's on a public website. Videos can be made private to certain emails or users, public so everyone can see or unpublished and only those you forward a link to can see it. It's just a way of sending a video.

 

Also, please bare in mind that I did not do anything wrong really. If anything I was guilty of not having too much patience. I could have not allowed it all to effect me so much and waited it out a little longer to see how it played out. My apology was just saying hey, for my part, I could have had some patience and I regret ending it.

 

Let's not forget that I was the one who told her we shouldn't see each other. I'm not here chasing a girl who broke it off with me.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs