Oregon_Dude Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Really happy for you that you decided to go on a date! Don't bring up the breakup. Don't bring up feeling "messed up". Smile, flirt, enjoy and treat this as the first date of your life. This will be fun. Nothing to worry about. Though I do support that glass of wine beforehand to loosen your nerves! Can't wait to hear back about it. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Alright dear friends and followers of this post. I have a date on Saturday. I'm very nervous about the whole thing in general so that could be part of how I feel. My biggest question is: am I ready for this? I know it's just a date and anything could happen. It could turn into nothing or it could turn into something. I don't know if I'm ready to let anybody in or trust someone right now. All signs on this guy are very promising. Do I tell him straight up that I don't know what i want? Do I wait a few dates? How does one navigate the field of dating? Do I tell him that I just left 4 years of dysfunction and I don't know how to have a non dysfunctional relationship? Maybe I'm just gunshy. Ready to check myself into the nunnery. I don't know what to do. Just relax and let it happen. Don't 'do' the date, just go on it. Let it be whatever it is and enjoy the guy's company. There's plenty of time for the other worries later. You'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 So here's an update and the date hasn't even started yet. We met through my best friend. My best friend and this guy are coworkers. They happen to be on a work trip together right now. Anyway, I'm sure fueled my alcohol they had an hour long conversation about me. Apparently he had a lot to say about me, even though we've basically had less than two conversations. Most of which have revolved around his dog and me dogsitting his dog. I have no idea what there is to say about me for an hour (I am not that interesting) but she did show him a picture of my dad. Which I find strange because my dad is NOT something you spring on someone before a first date. This date is bound to be interesting. I'll have to update after the date on Saturday to see if he brings up my dad. I'm going to have to have a glass of wine. This week has already been sh-t at work. Hopefully Saturday will be fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Update. I'm still a little drunk. I think the date went okay. The event was a food and drink tasting event. I was drunk within the first few drink tastings. I basically made friends with everyone at the event. I don't know exactly how he felt about that. My anxiety was pretty high all night, even with the alcohol trying to dull it. Maybe that means I'm not ready to date yet. One of the bartenders ended up giving me a sombrero and a shot glass last night. I woke up this morning and my dog was sleeping next to me wearing the sombrero. I sent him a picture of my dog in the hat with a text that said "this is how my morning is going." Haven't heard anything from him since he dropped me off. Everyone told me to be myself. I think I was a little too much of myself yesterday. Anyway, hope everyone has a great day. I will update on future interactions (if any. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 He wants to go on another date. I'm shocked. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 He wants to go on another date. I'm shocked. Don't be shocked - he saw the awesomeness that is darkbloom. How could he not want another date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Haha Jen. Thanks! I have really bad anxiety about dating. I like him though and I think he's a good person to date. I just don't know how exactly to tell him that I'm not avoiding him because I don't like him, I'm avoiding him because I'm crazy. And a little gunshy about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I know that once I block my ex's number, and let go of the hope that she'll reach out to me, I will feel better. I just can't get there yet. I want to text her so bad, because I feel like if I just state my case on why we should be together, she'll understand and we would be okay again. I feel like my situation is special even though I know that I'm in the same position as everyone else. The person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with turned out to not be who I thought they were. Not hearing from them anymore sucks. That silence is the worst.. I couldn't agree more. You go from talking every day to nothing. Not knowing what they're doing, it's horrible. But they chose to kick us out of their life so what else can we do?! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 The deepest irony I ever felt about that is the idea that before, you knew what they had for lunch every day. After, you're not aware if they're living or dead on any given day. That's quite a departure. Haha Jen. Thanks! I have really bad anxiety about dating. I like him though and I think he's a good person to date. I just don't know how exactly to tell him that I'm not avoiding him because I don't like him, I'm avoiding him because I'm crazy. And a little gunshy about the whole thing. I'd just be up front. Maybe avoid the word "crazy" but there's nothing wrong with telling him you have stress issues. (He'd figure it out soon enough anyway.) Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I never lose hope until I find someone new. It's awful, but that's just how it goes for me. I'm 1 month post BU and am doing all I can to be happy alone. But, I still miss him and hope he will reach out (my fantasy version of him that completely got his shyt together, of course!) Thanks for sharing your story, it's helpful to read about someone's progress, especially when they are a good writer like yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Speirling Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Congrats darkbloom- don't think any of us are surprised at all You don't have to bare your soul right away if you don't want to, but like Jen says, there's no harm letting him know you're more comfortable taking it slowly. The right kind of person will be patient and understanding because the potential to get to know you better is worth the wait. Don't be afraid to take things at your pace. And keep updating us, I like reading about your journey. Sxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Hi Friends! Life has been pretty good over on my end. Not thinking about my ex as much and not really worried about it. I can do anything now. RAWR. So he invited me out this weekend to go bowling with his friends. He also told me to invite the friend that set us up together. I am a terrible bowler. But it sounds fun at least so I'll update afterwards. I have to say though, I am really happy to be single right now. I went to a wedding last weekend and dance and flirted and had a great time. I didn't have anybody to worry about. One of my male friends texted me all night last night and I felt free. This single business is actually pretty wonderful. NC is basically the best thing ever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hi friends! The second date went very well! He seems to really like me which I still find very strange. Trying not to over think the whole thing. We got close to the topic of wanting to take it slow but I didn't want it to turn awkward so I changed the subject. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that he comes to my door when he picks me up. He doesn't text me and he doesn't ask me to meet him somewhere. I did not know that these types of things still existed but I am really digging the consideration. And how nice he is to me. He texted me when he got home and I responded when I woke up this morning. Can i just say how exciting it is to start something new? To not be held back by the past for the past person you used to be with? Feeling very grateful today for the small stuff. For everyone that has followed this thread, it DOES get better after a breakup. I promise. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 So happy for you darkbloom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Hi y'all! I can't believe it's been almost a month with no update from me. I've been lightly lurking the site but haven't felt the compulsive need to post like I once did. Progress? I'll take it! The new boy really likes me. I'm for sure not ready to get into a relationship with him though (or anybody) for that matter. The only reason I would want one is to have someone to drag to all of these endless Holiday gatherings and parties but that's not a good enough reason. Does that mean I don't like him enough? Not sure how I feel about him. Not stressing about it though. I am really enjoying my life. Everything hurts a lot less than it used to. Time really does help heal. And 11 months of NC with no slips. I hope you all are doing well! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Wow. I just passed 11 months NC. His birthday is coming up right after Thanksgiving. This will be the first birthday in five years I haven't spent with him. I used to try and make his birthdays special because no one ever has before. I would make sure that I found the perfect gift that I know he would love. We would go to dinner after we both got off work and then we would spend the rest of the night watching movies and eating dessert. I hope he has a good birthday but I hope he doesn't come back home for it. I don't want to be reminded of my absence by seeing his presence via our mutual friends. I feel guilty about not being able to celebrate his birthday. Even though I have no reason to feel that way. Alright. Time to focus on something else. Thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Sometimes it's pretty silly the stuff we feel guilty for. Good opportunity for a little good-natured self-effacing humor - always good for the soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Sometimes it's pretty silly the stuff we feel guilty for. Good opportunity for a little good-natured self-effacing humor - always good for the soul. Thanks jen! I feel like I should have forgotten all about him by now. It's weird what it takes to trigger us into a memory and then feeling nostalgic and guilty. (For me it was the date! I looked at the calendar and was like something is happening on Saturday I know it is but I can't remember. I looked at my calendar from last year and was like ah! The dreaded ex and his stupid birthday.) My brother is bringing his girlfriend home for Thanksgiving so that also doesn't help how I am feeling going into this weekend. That's what I get for loving so deeply I guess. A longer wait time for the scars to fully heal. I'd rather love too deeply than not enough though. Now we can laugh about my silliness. Onward! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I know right? Call yourself the Official Bearer of the World's Burdens or sth stuffy and presumptuous like that and then ask yourself what good it does anyone for you to feel guilty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I know right? Call yourself the Official Bearer of the World's Burdens or sth stuffy and presumptuous like that and then ask yourself what good it does anyone for you to feel guilty. Theres a comfort in nostalgia and sadness about these things because it gives you a warm feeling, I know, I do it myself but as long as you don't let it stop you meeting the right person in time. you could fall harder for the next person than your ex and wonder why you worried so much. Have a good day Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm better off alone, than with my ex who says he "loves" me but also abuses me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 First thanksgiving without you. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 First thanksgiving without you. First thanksgiving, christmas, birthdays, ect are always weird after a long term relationship. It definitely gets easier/better after the first ones pass though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkbloom Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hi all-- So a small update on this front. In two days I will have been in NC for a year. I can't believe time has gone by this fast. I got invited to a Christmas Party that was being hosted by his old roommate. I became friends with the host through my ex. He used to refer to me as his third roommate because I spent so much time at their house. After the split they were still living together for a brief time so I chose not to contact the roommate or do anything to put him in the middle. The invite I guess was an olive branch of sorts from him. Even though I have my ex blocked on Facebook, I checked the the people that had RSVP'd for the party to see if I could see the names of everyone on the guest list and match it to the number of people Facebook told me were attending. I was fairly certain the ex would not be in attendance nor would he be able to travel back home from work during this time of year. Anyway, I went to the party and it went pretty well. His old roommate asked me what had happened between me and the ex. Apparently ex wouldn't tell him what happened no matter how many times he asked. I just told the roommate that we weren't speaking anymore and that if he wanted to know what happened he should ask my ex but I would prefer to pretend that he doesn't exist for the remainder of our friendship. He agreed but told he that he really wanted to know and he doesn't understand how I could just end up out of their lives. He also said that my ex is homesick and a few other unsolicited tidbits of news. I changed the subject. There were a lot of females in attendance at this party. We started playing games towards the end of the night and the females were pretty rude to me. We were just playing a cards against humanity type of game but every time they would write down an answer that was pretty insulting to me. I laughed it off and played along but I think my presence made the girls either jealous or mad. It was quite bizarre. I feel good about going to the party. I asked the roommate to please not talk about me being there with the ex and that I did not want him tell the ex anything about me. He promised me he wouldn't and invited me to his NYE party. I am happy that I have now gone through everything without him at least once. This will be the second Christmas without him. His last communication to me was on Christmas Day last year and I think that it said everything that needed to be said. P.S. (Aforementioned aggressively bearded ginger man from previous posts has ghosted me. In case you were wondering what happened to him.) Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Milestones. (And ginger man ghosts are a dime a dozen ....dismiss.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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